How to Overcome Self-Hatred and Build a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

Hello everyone. Welcome to the Healing Is Possible live hot seat breakthrough session of the week. I'm Rebecca Silence, creator of Healing is Possible. And what we're doing every single Tuesday, same time, same place, is we are joining you with with a volunteer that is either a healer sharing their story of possibility and opportunity to all of you, or we've got a volunteer coachable coaching on a breakthrough topic that they are wanting to move past and through permanently. And today we've got potentially a little combo of both. We have Katherine Norland, who is an actress, a healer, a gifted leader specializing in worthiness. Work with people with us today. And while we won't get all of our emotional healing done in a 30 minute session, there is so much movement that we create week after week. And it is my honor to offer these hot seats. If you are a volunteer that wants coaching for free in the hot seat with me, get in touch with me, message me, comment in the chat, and let's get you set up. And without further ado, let's welcome Kathryn. Thank you so much for being with us today.

Hi, Rebecca. Hi, everyone. Thank you for having me. This is so exciting.

It is such an honor to have you share why you were willing to join me in the hot seat and what you want to get and give.

Yeah. So the reason I wanted to do this is because for so many years of my life, probably more than two decades, I hated myself and I couldn't stand the person staring back at me in the mirror. I thought I was worthless and ugly and hideous and fat. I thought nobody would want to be my friend. I didn't think there was a purpose or a value for me in life. And I don't want anyone else to ever feel that way again. So I've been working the last two years to put a course together called you'd are Worthy so that people could discover their value, learn to love themselves and become who they were meant to be.

I hear the passion in your voice and the emotion I can just feel. Will you share with us what worthiness means to you and why this is such an important topic for you? Kathryn?

Yeah. Yeah. I never thought I'd be where I am right now. And it wasn't until I learn to value myself. And, you know, growing up in a, in like a Christian faith, you're kind of taught, don't think too good of yourself. Don't, you know, always put others first and you can, you can skew that into thinking that you're nothing, that you're a worm, that you just deserve to be crawling on the ground. You can become a people pleaser and let everybody walk all over you, and you can feel like you have no value at all. And if you misinterpret what the scriptures actually say, and they don't say, think of yourself as nothing, they say, don't think more highly of yourself than you ought to. So when the people came to Jesus and they said, what is the greatest commandment? And he said, to love the Lord God with all your heart and mind and soul and to love others as you love yourself. I never got the as you love yourself part. And it wasn't until I got the as you love yourself. I never could love anybody else because I hated myself. I was angry, I was rude to people. I was just. I would not want to engage because I thought I'm just going to be this prickly person and push people off because I know I'm not worthy. They're going to leave me. If they see. If they really see who I really am on the inside, they're not going to want to have anything to do with me. So I'm going going to be a jerk first. So I don't get my heart broken when this friendship breaks up or this relationship or whatever, because I never loved myself the way that I loved others. So that was the three components I needed. You know, I had to love God first and others and myself. And that was the big breakthrough, is seeing myself the way God sees me. And it's not as a lowly worm who's not worth the dirt she's made out of. It's that I am a queen. I am a princess. I am called to do great things. And I was made on purpose, for a purpose. And that no matter what my background, what my circumstances are, what I look like, how much I weigh, none of that is important.

Katherine. Yeah. And we are not here to everyone watching, preaching religion or telling you what to believe.

But I want to say that again.

Yeah, this is your journey. But I want to just pull out a couple of things that I think are critical for people to hear that you are saying. Because this idea of loving ourselves, I think there are so many myths and misconceptions. And in my coaching practice, in the seminars that I run and facilitate in my work, one of the things that I have learned that I really do teach and believe is that we can't, no matter how much we care about others, love and give to them more than we love and give to ourselves. We just can't. Even if we see it as A possibility, it's just not. The more that you are willing to embrace and honor and love yourself, the more you will be able to give to your relationship. So that's the first thing I want us to all consider.

Right.

Take what you want and leave the rest. But consider that your work on your self worth, your work on your self love is for your ability to give back.

In my experience, because you can't pour out of an empty cup if you're not sealed up. You really have nothing to give others.

Yeah, yeah. And it's about, you know, how are you loving you when push comes to shove. Right. Because when push comes to shove in your relationships, that will be your capacity to love that person in front of you. And the other thing, I think that was so important about what you were saying, Kathryn, you know, I call it failing on your own terms. But you know, this idea of self protection, right? Like I'm going to leave you first, I'm going to be the rude one first. I'm going to be the prickly one first. Right. You know, it keeps us in this illusion of power and control, but it validates low self worth every time. I can't let you that close to me.

Absolutely. Yeah.

This is really good. And what have you learned about risking it? Would you share with us? Just like risking letting the guard down, risking, you know, and I'd love for you to share the opposite of Catherine the prickly pear. Like what, what are you living as now?

Well, the risking it that took a while to break out of that people pleaser mentality of thinking. If I act a certain way, then people will like me. Then they'll get my validation. But it wasn't till, you know, I realized I have to be who I am and say what I feel. Because people are going to find out anyway. The longer someone gets to know you, the more they're going to see who you are. So why not put that out there to begin with and say, this is who I am. Love me or hate me. If you hate me, I'll just shake the dust off my feet and keep walking. And I'll go to places where I'm loved and accept, where I'm not just tolerated, but where I'm celebrated and just being who I am, unashamed and unabashed. Because why not? I can't ever fill somebody else's shoes. I can only fill my own.

Yeah. And I love what you're saying about, you know, finding the right people, the right environments that celebrate you. And that isn't just an Experience of being tolerated. And I think you know what we're saying about you can't love more than you love yourself. We're also not going to accept experience love more than we experience the way we love ourselves. Right. So if you're experiencing being tolerated, if you're experiencing criticism, ridicule in a way where you're suffering, I would just invite you to consider, and I'd love to hear Katherine's thoughts on this as well, that there's some message for you around. Wait a minute. Temp check. How have I been being with me if this is the experience I'm having in the outside world? Yeah.

I noticed a huge difference when I started to love myself and accept myself just as I am. Because I used to beat myself up like, oh, I'm not thin enough, I'm not young enough, I'm not pretty enough. I don't have a college education. I'm not smart. When I threw all that stuff in the trash and said, so what? You know, it doesn't matter. And I just. When I stopped judging myself, I stopped judging others. And it was this big epiphany. And I've been experiencing it a lot this week, just this love for people. And I used to, like, judge people and ridicule them and pick them apart. Not to their face, but in my mind I'd be like, oh, yeah, well, they're just da, da, da, da, da. And I would see things I was jealous of and think in my mind all the things that I would make up stories. And now I just see people I just want to love on them. I just want to, like, hug and squeeze them. And like, I'm so, like, empathetic now. If somebody starts to tell me something, I'm like, weeping for them. It's like I'm this open vessel now. And it's. It's this level of freedom I never had before when I didn't have the worthiness and I didn't have the self love.

Yeah. And I don't know about you, but for me personally, I never pretend like there isn't a judgmental piece of me. Right. But there is a way in my experience to catch the judgments and not run with them and to make a choice. You know, am I going to follow this judgment? Am I going to buy into this judgment? Am I going to use judgment as a wall between me and other people or me with myself? Or am I going to choose love? Which is what I'm hearing is your gateway to freedom.

Yeah, absolutely. And the series I've Been an actress in over 80 episodes. Now it's all about that. I've been in the Dhar Mann series and they've gotten over 12 billion views collectively on their videos. And it's pretty much every episode is about not judging people or things aren't always what they seem or you got to know what, where these people came from or what's behind it and that's, it's just like solidifying, you know. I was an actor for 20 years and I decided I was going to quit acting and then I got right when I decided, God, this isn't fulfilling, I'm not going to do it anymore. This opportunity came up and now that's, I, that's like, pardon my little two year old. Hello. Well, hello, bed head. Goldfish.

Goldfish.

Good morning, big brother. Don't let him come in my office. I'm having an interview.

That's your mom.

See?

And Catherine, I love what you're representing, you know.

Hi.

I'm really grateful you're bringing up your work in Hollywood and as an actress and you know, you're modeling for us. Part of self worth is really prioritizing powerfully. How are you spending your time? How are you spending your energy? And you didn't give up on Hollywood. You reinvented your experience as an actress and you're a mother and now you're becoming an influencer and a coach.

Teaching worthiness. Yeah, that's the most exciting part for me when I, you know, I realized it was not in a light. Me seeking the limelight was not in alignment with where my soul was. Me trying to get the part in a big Brad Pitt movie or me trying to. And it was like, it was like not congruent because I want to like do stuff for others and help others. And me self seeking, it never, I don't know, it never sat right. So I think probably one of the reason I wasn't successful in, in that world I was pursuing because I could never fully go. I couldn't be that tooth and nails competition person. Like I would be at an audition and I, my printer wasn't working. This is just one example. And there was a girl, we're auditioning for the same role and I would be helping people even if we're auditioning for the same role. She had her script sitting next to her and I said to her, oh, my printer wasn't working. Can I take a look at your script for a minute? Because I'm about to go in. And she grabbed her script, shoved it in her purse and said, no, that's like the dog eat dog. Like they don't. They, if they consider you competition, they don't even want to help you. And I'm like the total opposite. Like, let me help you with your role. I think this is what the director means and you should go. You know, I think, you know, the things that are meant for me are meant for me and no one can take it from me. But a lot of people don't have that mentality and they see you as competition and that just, it doesn't sit well with me.

Yeah. And I do love that A Course in Miracles talks about that. How nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists. Therein lies the peace of God, I believe is how that Course in Miracles lesson goes. And you know, when I was sick with cancer, I remember focusing on that lesson on a daily basis. Nothing real can be threatened. So if I'm going to live, I'm going to live and if I'm going to die, I'm going to die and I'm not going to be the cause either way.

Wow.

And then what am I focused on in the interim? So I love that you're committed as part of your self worth work to knowing that what is yours, what is meant for you is coming. And then you get to choose your focus in the interim.

Yeah. And you know, it's such a weird thing that, that I felt called to come to Hollywood and become an actor because I was actually going a different route. I was doing a church service for inmates for five years at a local county jail. And I was in this track in Bible college thinking I was going to become a pastor. And then this acting thing came to me and I was like, what? That can't be right. And I wrote a book a couple years ago on my journey from self hate to self love. And to go along with what you're saying about what's for you, one of the lines in the book says something like, the things that God has for you is for you and you alone. No one can take it from you, not even Barbie's clone. Because I would go to these auditions and there was all these like little skinny perfect Barbies that were size zero. And I moved here. I didn't even know that zero was a thing. I was like, I was like. So I was like, well, I am a perfect 10. And they laughed at me. And they're like, well, when people talk about being a 10, they're not talking about your size. Because if you're like over a six In Hollywood, you're obese.

Yeah.

So, I mean, this journey that God put me in, he could not have put me in a more difficult place. Here's this person who hates themselves and, okay, we're gonna put you in Hollywood, where all the most beautiful actors and models in the world are told to go. And here's this farm girl with yellow teeth and pockets full of chocolate and shows up in my Chevy with, I don't know. So it was a huge learning to be in the midst of beauty and appreciate everybody's beauty and not be down on myself because I wasn't that or I didn't perceive myself as being that.

Yeah. And what you're modeling for all of us, I think is so important. And post in the comments, if you're watching your experience with self worth, your experience with finding your path, your experience with connecting to your ability to give your gifts to the world, you know, we'd love to hear from you. And I think Catherine's modeling all of this beautifully. And, you know, it's about connecting to the highest version of you. However you make that happen for you in this lifetime, it's not about a religion. It's not about some deity. It's about there is a capacity and a capability in you as a spirit in this lifetime to connect to the version of yourself that you want to be once you recognize how you've been living based on what you have learned. And it isn't comfortable, and it isn't easy to trailblaze a new path, but it is possible. And Kathryn's modeling that for us today, and I am so grateful.

Thank you.

What else, Kathryn, do you want to share with this community about healing? Any questions you have about your own healing?

Well, you know, it is interesting, you know, you are talking about your healing work, because I woke up today with this neck pain, and I haven't had neck pain in, like, forever. And then when you said, oh, what. What do you think is attached to that emotionally? It had never even occurred to me that I just thought I slept on my neck funny. I was like, oh. It never occurred to me that it could be a tie to something emotionally. So I know this is, like, your specialty. So what would you. What would you tell me?

Well, let's play with it. Are you willing to close your eyes for a second and breathe into your core? Breathe into your life force in your center, around your solar plexus? And then let's just play with this. I know a couple of things about Katherine.

I think I'm just going to Close my office door so I don't hear the kids focused. Perfect.

Yes. Yeah. And everyone you know that's watching, if you've got physical ailments. I'm not saying it's always emotional, and I'm not saying that I'm even an expert around how to, you know, navigate physical pain. But what I am an expert around is how do you use life to your advantage? And in my experience, that includes physical pain. So, Kathryn, is it fair to say that you are in an up level in your life right now?

Yes.

Ok. And if you are willing, you know, and it is comfortable, just keep your eyes closed as I ask you some questions. So when we are in an up level, someone said this to me a couple of years ago, and I have just taken it and run with it. She said, rebecca, when your body is in distress, sick, in any type of physical pain, it's making room for your expansion. I have never considered that before. I don't have facts to back it up or data to back it up. But I have chosen to take that and run with it to give me access in the midst of physical pain to more possibilities. So, Katherine, as I say that, tell me what's happening.

What is happening in the uptick? So, let's see. I guess I'm about to launch my very first online course that's kind of exciting and a new place I've never been. What else? My son just turned 13 and that's been kind of emotional for me. And what else?

Stay with that.

Tell us, what is it?

What's emotional about your son turning 13?

So it's like he's gonna grow up and I don't know what's gonna happen because he special needs. And it's been kind of weighing on me.

What specifically?

Just not knowing, like, if he'll be capable of ever living on his own or having a job or not knowing if he'll ever leave home.

Yeah.

Not knowing if I'll ever get reprieve. Okay.

That's really honest.

Yeah.

And then is there any correlation between. What would you say the emotion is like fear, grief, anger? What's the emotion?

I think it's grieving the life he'll never have or the, you know, or what I would have wanted for him or. I don't know, something having to do with the things he'll never experience or. I think it's something around that. I think there's a lot of grief, though.

Can I ask you a hard question?

Yeah. You have been already.

Is there any part of you that Is grieving the life you're not going to have?

You know what? I don't think so. Initially. I had that experience when he got diagnosed with his special needs at age 2. But I did a lot of self help healing work in different workshops and when he got to four and a half, that was completely solved. So I don't think that's a factor.

So it's more about an attachment to what you want for him?

Yeah, I think so.

And how is that? Keep feeling this. How is that weighing on you physically?

It's, it's kind of like, I think it's like a block. Like there's some blockage. Like it's. When people ask me about him or how he is, I just want to say, oh, he's fine, everything's good, we're well. Because I don't want to like really talk about it. I feel like if I talk about it, the floodgates will open and I'll just be a sobbing heap on the floor. Yeah.

What's it like for your body to have to keep all that stuck inside?

Well, that could be the tension I'm feeling in my neck right now, my back, which I never considered. Yeah, there could be a correlation. I'm not sure.

And if there was, what do you think it is?

What do you mean?

Well, if there was a correlation, you know, between this, I don't want to feel it and this, could just planting a seed, be another layer of self worth work. Right? Like owning your worth to process and feel your genuine emotions that are natural and normal.

Oh yeah, yeah. No, I definitely take time out to cry and journal, but it has to be scheduled because I've been working like five days a week. So I have to like emotionally process on my days off. That's like a whole nother thing.

Well, let's just play a little game. Is the pain in your neck, is it in your shoulder? Is it in your back? Like where is it exactly? Can you find the pain?

Yeah, it's like in my trap and then also in my middle back. Both on the right side.

So they're two separate pain points or are they connected?

I think they might be two separate ones. I usually get pain only like here in my trap, but now I have a pretty intense one in the mid. Mid. Back on the right that I think that was like spasming and.

So that one's newer.

Yeah, yeah, I don't think I've had that.

So if we just asked your body to talk to us for a second, can we explore and see what it has to say.

Oh, sure.

So let's start with the pain and the trap. If the pain in your trap was a message for you from your body, wanting you to hear something, what is it saying?

I think that one's shouting, I'm overworked.

And what about the point in your mid back? What is that pain point saying and wanting you to hear?

You know the phrase that keeps coming to me is it's going to be all right. Yeah.

What would it be like to just breathe into that?

Yeah, that probably relax me a little. Gonna be all right.

And is that message just for you or is it also in regards to your son?

I think it's both. He's not concerned at all. He does not care if he can't tie his shoes or button his shirts. He just like, he's fine with elastic waistbands. He doesn't ever need a zipper. It's me that wants him to, like, tie his shoes and be able to button his own pants.

I mean, he's a little messenger of love and light and possibility.

Yeah. He doesn't care about any of that stuff that I'm concerned about. What's it like?

I would just invite you to take some time to not schedule your emotions this week and as they come up, to allow yourself to be with them so they don't get trapped and stuck in your body and to really sit with these messages of you're overworked and then it's all going to be all right. I mean, if you weren't. If you weren't overworked, how would you be living differently?

Let's see. I would probably stop working like at 5 or 6 at night instead of 10 at night.

Yeah.

And I don't know, I probably spend more time with the family. Mm.

And do you want that?

I think it's really important. I think that bonding time is crucial. And yeah, I think that would be nice to know. No one on their deathbed is ever gonna look back and say, I wish I would have worked more. So, yes, definitely. Definitely family time, for sure.

So really connecting to that self worth that you've cultivated and developed and mastered. You know, what's a commitment you can.

Make to yourself for just this week?

Mm.

Well, I'm. I'm definitely gonna let my emotions out whenever they need to come out. And my work this week is perfect because I think at least three of four. Three of the four characters I'm playing are gonna be balling in the scenes. I could just channel my own stuff instead of yes. And so I'm normally trying to be from my character's point of view, how they would feel about their, you know, but I'm like, you know, I got enough stuff to cry about without dredging up fake memories. So, yeah, I could use that as my little release valve every time they yell action. Oh, my gosh, I love it.

Will you let us know how it goes?

Yeah, for sure.

I love that you're so open and vulnerable and the leadership you represent to me around authenticity is so refreshing. And to everyone watching, I was blessed to meet Kathryn in A Mastermind. We sat next to each other and did for me a pretty difficult exercise. And this woman just held space, grounded in her own self worth. And I felt it energetically, basically just holding space for me to connect to my own, to get to the truth, to get to the message. And all of this healing is possible. Work was born out of the beginnings of those exercises that I was doing a couple of years ago in A Mastermind. What is it that I have to say? What is it that I have to teach? And Kathryn, I just thank you for that support. I thank you for sharing your story with us today. And then also modeling as you own your worth, challenging pain. That could be a message for you.

Yeah. Very, very, very cool.

Very cool. Thank you so much. And happy birthday to your sweet son. And wow, does he have the most amazing mother.

Oh, thank you so much. And can I give the book I referenced that I wrote, can I give your audience that? I'll give everybody that for free.

Oh, Katherine, that's such a gift. Yes, please. If you would put. Oh, I have chills. If you would put how to access your course and, you know, anything else you want to share with the community about your work and how to get ahold of you, that would be wonderful. And we would love a copy of your book. Thank you so much.

All right. It's@poeticprescriptions.com freebook.

Awesome. I can't wait to check it out. Thank you. Any final thoughts?

Final thought? Yeah. How you look is not as important as how you see yourself. And if you can just be open to living your life unashamed of who you are and how God made you and what your talents and capabilities are, you'll know once and for all how to see yourself the way you are meant to be seen. So you have the courage and the confidence to go for your dreams. And you need to know that you deserve it. No matter what you have done, what you have been through, you deserve it. And keep marching forward. Make your mark in this life.

Make your mark in this life, says Kathryn Norland. And I stepped in. Thank you, Kathryn, and thanks to all who are watching. Post in the comments what you got from Kathryn's work today and we will see you again next week.

Bye, everyone.