How to Start Over In Life: Tools for Creating the New Life You Want

It happens. Life threw you a curveball. Your financial situation changed. A health diagnosis that you didn't see coming was either given to you or to someone you love and care about. A loved one passed away expectedly or not. Whatever curveball you've been thrown, if you've ever had the thought, I wish I could just start over. This episode of the Healing is Possible experience is specifically meant for and designed for you, from my heart to yours. Okay, we're going. Okay. Three, two, one. Foreign I'm your host, Rebecca. Silence. Here to welcome you to the Healing as Possible Experience, where every single week, we take you on a journey of hope and healing so that you can remember the truth of who you are and live your life fully alive, not half alive, going through the motions and survival, but thriving. Is all of you starting over? It is something that we have the ability to do. But what I want to challenge us to all consider is if we think we need to start over because we are in shame or guilty or feeling beaten down by life and believing that we did something wrong or bad to cause our hurtful circumstances, that's not an energy to start over with that will do anything but reinforce your pain. This is so important when you want to start over because you're feeling so bad about you, about life. It just hurts too much. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, Whatever it is, no matter what action you take, it won't be enough. It will be like a black hole whole, that no matter what, whatever it is that you create success, whatever happens, it would just won't be enough. So today, let's talk about how to start over in a way that would actually leave the past in the past so that we're not carrying the pain of our past with us into the present moment and into our future. That's a blank canvas that could be whatever we want it to be. So many of us want to start over. And we do. And we try. This is what we do every January, right? Millions upon millions, if not billions upon billions of people across the globe every January, they're attempting to create a new resolution and to start over. And then, statistically, it almost never sticks. Why? Because they're usually starting over. Because they're in shame, because they think they're not okay yet until and unless they've accomplished this thing. That's not an energy that creates momentum or expansion or more life. That's an energy that's heavy and dark and really toxic. That creates more of an experience of dis ease and disconnection. And what we want is Today, in this episode of the Healing Is Possible Experience to teach you how to start over in a way that brings you more life and more alive and more fulfilled. Okay, so I have five steps for you to start over from a new energy with a new perspective as the best of you. The first step is, cliche as this might sound, is acceptance. We've got to look at and accept the the reality we're in if we're ever going to transform it or quantum leap into a brand new experience really fast. In my work is about healing in a moment. It can happen so freaking fast. The pain began in a moment, the healing can happen in a moment. And once there's healing, life's never the same again. My definition of healing means it doesn't hurt anymore. So any area of your life where you are hurting, we need to accept that truth. We need to accept that reality without shame, without you beating yourself up or putting yourself down so that we can freaking do something about it. Okay, so acceptance just means we're looking at what is really going on. What are the facts? Maybe you want to lose weight. So what are the facts about where you are now compared to where you want to be? Maybe your bank account is freaking you out. So let's look at the facts. Here's where we are. Accept it, while we also accept where we want to be. This is so important what I'm sharing right now. It isn't just about accepting the truth in the moment you're in. It's about also accepting where you want to be, what you desire on the other side of where you're finding yourself now, and accepting that that's where you're going no matter what. Okay, so this isn't about some type of a resignation into, well, this is how it is. This is what it is. There's no way to change it or transform it. I just need to accept it. We need to look at where we are in relationship to where we want to be. And if you don' know where you want to be, that's fine. What don't you want? And take some guesses about what you'd like instead and just pick something. So step one is about acceptance, but it's about accepting that you have so much power that if you just acknowledge the truth about where you're finding yourself in relationship to where you desire to be, you've already created momentum and you're already starting over. So many people can see what they don't want, can see what's not working, can see what's hurting them. And they just accept it like that's their destiny or their fate. And it's not. Accept where you are with an internal excitement about what you're about to transform for your life and you just started over and set momentum into motion. That is so powerful that there's no way life could ever be the same again. This alone is changing people's lives. And I don't even need to keep going, but I'm going to. Okay, I have four more, but this one is so big. Except. But accept in a new way, please. Okay. Number two. Okay. It's about forgiveness. Another very cliche word, especially in the self help, self improvement, personal growth world. But I want to talk to you about what I mean by forgive me. It is almost never actually that important to forgive other people. Now that is a big controversial statement. Let me unpack it a little bit with you and bear with me because this is absolutely life changing. What I'm about to share forgiveness is about forgiving you for your participation in the scenario that hurt you more than anything else. Maybe you shut your voice down in your 20 year marriage and you don't even know who you are anymore. Maybe you're still in a relationship with an abuser from childhood and every time you think about that it makes your skin crawl. Maybe you had a bunch of money and now it's gone. Maybe you had a rocking body, perfect physical health, and now you, your genes are 10 sizes bigger than your brain can even comprehend because you still see yourself 10 sizes smaller in that body and you can't believe how you got here. Whatever it is, forgiveness is about honoring that you did the best you could with the tools you had. And it's about getting back to a place of loving yourself as much as you did before it ever occurred to you that something was wrong with you. Now there is forgiveness work to do with other people, of course, but that isn't about letting them off the hook. That isn't about making unacceptable behavior suddenly acceptable when it wasn't. It's not about saying anything was okay when it was abhorrent and inappropriate and not good enough for you and you deserved better. But what I'm talking about here in terms of starting over is forgiving yourself in a way where you're loving yourself, where you're seeing your. You're honoring yourself as much as you did when you were four, before you knew that questioning yourself was even a thing. We weren't born knowing how to question or beat ourselves up or put ourselves down. We learned that as a coping skill to survive. Okay. Number three is about looking at. Okay, if I'm wanting to start over, let's take it piece by piece. Let's take one itty bitty baby step at a time, one breath at a time here. And let's look at commitment number three as the gateway without overwhelming ourselves. So pick the area of your life with me and write it down somewhere that you feel like would be the easiest to transform and start over. Now, some of you might be wishing or wanting or without meaning to be picking the thing that feels the hardest, the most out of reach, the most painful, the most shame based. That's not what I want us to do. I want us to pick the. The path of least resistance, which means let's pick the thing that actually feels the most, most within reach and that inspires us, meaning it connects us to that most inspired version of ourselves, who I am on a soul level. So I don't want us getting ourselves all panicked and overwhelmed and anxious and defeated before we even start by going, well, my health, my money, my relationship, my, you know, career, my boss, all these things I need to start over. No, let's pick one thing. Let's pick one thing that we can accomplish so that we can build momentum and then we go on to the next thing. So say the thing that you're the most excited to start over around is your creativity. Maybe you're an artist and you haven't been creating. We had a pandemic. It's more that people are home and not out there in the world we're used to. We have a new set point as a society, being more inward, more at home, more hermit like than ever before. Right? So maybe you're an artist and you stopped creating. Well, let's take that on. Even if your health, your money, your relationship, your home isn't how you want it, but you really miss being creative. So find the thing that excites you. Find the thing that brings you joy historically that you've gotten away from. Let's start over by reconnecting to that. Let's pick that area to commit to, giving time, energy and attention to. What I'm wanting you to understand, and this isn't a criticism, this is not a judgment, is that if, for example, you're a creative that hasn't been creating, you got yourself stuck in a rut of committing to not being creative instead of committing to being creative. So we're going to just flip the script, we're going to just flip the switch. So commitment is about looking at all right? I accept this is where I'm finding myself now. I forgive. I love myself. I have compassion. I'm not judging or criticizing myself for how I got here. I'm loving myself enough to no longer be willing to commit to creativity. Being stopped, stifled and stalled out. Now I'm committing to bringing creativity back into the mix. Okay, step four. It's about deciding to actually get behind your commitment. It's about deciding actions that align with the commitment. I was just talking to my 18 year old that I'm so proud of, that I love with all of my heart about her wanting to move out and be independent and go and experience the world and stand on her own two feet. And we were talking about how that's amazing. I fully support her in that dream and in that desire. And if she's not working full time, if she's not being the person it would take with a line decisions to be able to support herself outside of the house, that's going to make that dream really difficult. So it isn't enough to just say, I'm committed. We've got to, number four, decide to be the person that's taking action that supports the commitment, which makes the commitment now the new reality. So we've got to look at commitment in a couple of ways here. When we're thinking about starting over, it's not about throwing the baby out with the bathwater and it's not about you're wrong if you don't. And it's not about more shame, more pressure that will ever get you to cross a new finish line or have a new experience. It's about recognizing where you've been committed in the opposite direction that you want to be living in, going in and switching that into a commitment that's aligned with who you are now and where you want life to go now. And from there, your decisions need to support the commitment or pick a new commitment that you can actually be in perfect alignment with and create that next victory and celebrate that and then build more momentum from there. If it's something you think you should be committing to, chances are you'll quit along the way. Wanting it isn't the same as commitment. Commitment means there are no conditions. I'm all in. Whatever it takes, as long as it takes. If you're not able to say whatever it takes, as long as it takes, pick something new that you can say that about. Please. This is so good. This is so powerful, and I hope you're taking in the power of these steps. All right, finally, finally. This is so key. And I have done this so many times, My clients have done this so many times. And miracle after miracle after miracle unfolds when you do this. All right, so number five is set. A new habit in place. Now, this could sound terrible, but let's make it really simple, really achievable, and really inspiring, for lack of a better word, really exciting. Something that you look forward to. Okay. Most of the time when we think about habits, we think, ick, this is a trap. We see the walls start closing in around us and we want to crawl out of our own skin. I don't want that to be the energy here. What I'm saying is what's one thing you can do every single day that gives you an automatic win, that supports the new commitment, that is a decision in the direction of the new commitment that allows you to stay relaxed into a place of forgiveness and self love, and that allows you to accept that who you were is not who you are anymore. And you have actually started over. I think so often we want to start over. And no matter how well we're doing with that, we never relax into we did it and celebrate that we did it. It's so rare for people when they're noticing life isn't on the trajectory that they want to be the catalyst that knocks their own life in a brand new direction, that opens everything up and allows them to experience more life and feel more alive. It's so rare. And you're here because you want what most people will never be. Courageous. Courageous or creative enough to create for themselves. So it's just one simple thing that you can do every day. It can be starting with a meditation every single morning, starting your day that way. It could be reading. I do this every single day for more than 10 years. I read Neal Donald Walsh's I believe God wants you to know email every single day, automatic win. I do my workouts. I drink water. I have my cup of coffee. I do what actually feels good and honors my soul. And all I'm asking you to do is pick one thing. If you're a creative that's wanting to get back into creativity, maybe you set a timer for even just five minutes, same time every day, journal and pen ready to go. And you just write for five minutes, it's enough. And if you do it consistently now, it's a habit. So the point of habit is consistency. But if it's not something that feeds your soul, that brings you joy, that brings you inspiration, it's going to fizzle out. So pick something that's Aligned and take that action every single day. All right? And what I'm going to leave us with is a very simple practice that will allow you to reset and restart anytime you need to. So let's have everyone close your eyes. Take a deep breath in honoring that. When you could be anywhere doing anything else, you're here looking at yourself, working on yourself and choosing yourself. Breathe out stress. Breathe in self recognition and breathe out stress. Breathe in self recognition and breathe out stress. And let yourself wander as I ask you some questions in your own mind, connecting to your own soul with no agenda. Just for a moment, what is the best part of your life right now? Let that answer come easily. Know that there's no wrong answer and accept your answer. What is it time to forgive yourself for? Let your answer come easily. No judgment. Honor it. Who are you committed to being now? Let the answer come easily. Honor it. Embrace it. Take it on. What's the one simple next decision that's right and correct and appropriate for you? Let the answer come easily. Embrace it. Give it a hug. Get excited about it. And finally, what's one action you're going to choose to take every single day this week? Consistently? Let the answer come easily. Welcome it. Acknowledge it. Get into agreement with yourself that you will take this action every day for the next seven days. Now, take three deep cleansing breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth, in through your nose, out through your mouth, in through your nose, out through your mouth. And whenever you're ready, open your eyes. You just started over, and now you have five steps and a practice to start over any time you need to, with no shame, no looking in the rear view, thinking what's back there is bad or wrong. Just looking out this windshield into your future, knowing it can be whatever you decide, whatever you desire. Let's not repeat lessons that didn't work that we've already learned. Let's not repeat actions and steps and strategies that are out of alignment with our soul and expect that to do anything but have us feel like shit. Thank you so much for tuning in today. You can start over, but not because you should, because it's your right anytime you want. I'm Rebecca. Silence. This has been an honor. I have loved this show. I have loved this time. I love that you're here with me with the healing as possible. Family. The darkness is real, but so is the light. And that light in you, it's brighter and it is more powerful than anything you've ever faced or experienced or will face. And I just want to remind you that healing isn't promised to, but it's possible. And when you decide that you starting over so that you can experience more of yourself and more life is what's best for you, you're even more alive. I'm so grateful. If you've enjoyed this episode, please share it with at least one friend that you believe would benefit from the message. Don't forget to subscribe to our Rebecca Silence YouTube channel and visit us@rebecca silence.com for the free Trig Trauma Release Method Masterclass if you want to take a next step. And don't forget to check out the book Coming Back to Life recently published anywhere books are sold so that you can be around Healer so that you can love and trust yourself again, but most importantly so you can experience more life. And let's let 2023 be the year where you become fully alive and I'm here to be on that journey with you as your guide and I'm so honored to be on your journey with you as your guide. So much love. See you very soon.