How to Survive Valentine's Day Hell

Live and local, it's Big Papa in the Morning mixed with a 2.5 on a mental Wellness Wednesday. Welcoming life coach Rebecca. Silence. How are you?

Well, I am excited to be here for the Valentine's Day edition.

So let's listen. Let's get into it. Let's. People either love Valentine's Day or they hate Valentine's Day. So let's. You know why? Number one, let's talk about why people feel so strongly either way about Valentine's Day.

Well, I think the simple answer to that is we have to defend our position. Right? Like, if. If you're someone, and I see this all the time, so there is no judgment here that has decided love hurts. It's not worth it. You're done even trying. Valentine's Day is going to suck, and you. You're going to hate it, and that's your prerogative. You're. You're allowed, and we respect that. But if you're someone who loves love and has a dream of love, and Valentine's Day is a day that represents that you're not crazy for loving love, you're going to have a whole different experience. So it's about the story you're telling yourself about the day, and it's about how invested you are in. In validating your heartbreak or your dream of love, because it can't be both. And I say that with love.

So, you know, we talk about, you know, the people that are happy in relationships. You know, that's butterflies, and they're on one extreme aspect of it. Then there's the people that have been single for a very long time. That's, you know, the opposite end of it. Then there are the people, like, Midway. They're people that are in relationships, but they're. They've been long term. So, like, Valentine's Day is just another Wednesday. And then there are people who are recently single or in a situationship, and they're, you know, just Valentine's Day is kind of stinging right now.

Yeah. Well. And wherever you are, be intentional about how you want to experience this day for yourself, because, you know, it isn't all, I don't care who the couple is, but butterflies, rainbows, and orgasms. All right? Like, nobody has it.

It's just right there.

Well, let's just go for it here. We said we're just gonna go for it. So, you know, nobody's relationship is just easy and smooth sailing 100% of the time, you know, and that includes my marriage. We hit turbulence, but we play a game where if we hit turbulence. We're in first class hitting turbulence. We're gonna figure it out. We're committed to the other side of it, right? So, you know, you get to celebrate and more importantly, experience Valentine's Day and any day however you want. And we give people so much power to make or break us. Especially on Valentine's Day, if you're not telling your partner exactly what you want from them as a gift or an experience, you're going to be disappointed and you're setting your partner up to lose. I had taco night, Valentine's Day, with my husband Monday night. Because we do Mondays on Valentine's Day. Mark is going to be doing Krav Maga and his. His thing, and we won't be together that night. So we celebrated it early and we talked about, what do you want? What's going to make you feel the most loved on Valentine's Day? Here's what I want that's going to make me feel the most loved on Valentine's Day. I want a foot massage and 10 reasons why he loves me and I'm an amazing wife. I want to hear it. And he wants a head massage and we have that thera gun and I'm going to do his posterior chain. And that's what we're doing. And we're not afraid to be like, here's what I want. How many of you listening haven't ever said to your partner, here's what I want. And put it out there. I want.

So many haven't. And. And I'm proof in the pudding that, you know, we made the past relationship. We made the agreement that we weren't going to do anything for each other because the money was tight for Valentine's Day. I followed through on that and they didn't. And I was the worst person ever. So this conversation online@mix25.com on a mental wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca. Silence. So, Rebecca, you know, you're talking about being very specific as far as this is what I could, you know, this is what I really want. Let's talk about how social media can be really toxic on a day like today.

Oh, my gosh.

Because there's so much comparison and people need to realize that they are seeing the quote unquote, the best possible version of what they want you to see.

Right. Because like I said, it isn't all butterflies, rainbows, and orgasms behind closed doors no matter what is posted online. So this day represents an opportunity for you to come to terms with are you in the relationship status that you want and that you deserve. And if you are, honor that. Celebrate it. Tell your partner all the things that they're doing that make you appreciative and grateful and wanting to be their partner. If you're single and loving it, great. Go celebrate. Do your Galentine's. Do whatever. If you're single and miserable. Let's look at that right out. Seriously, this is the best assignment you could. You could do. Write out whether you're single and miserable or in a relationship and miserable because there are plenty of you in both of those positions or in a situation and miserable right in the. In between areas. What is it that you're not happy about? Write it down. Give it words. Because the second you do, you took your power back. But then you've got to take it a step further. What is it?

Before. Before, before you do that, before you do that, can you give a couple examples of what could possibly be on that list? Because people may not even know. They may be unhappy and not necessarily know why. They just know that they are.

Thank you for asking me to go deeper. So maybe sex. Sex. I just had a client saying how bad the sex is and how bored they are. It could be that. It could be we're not spending enough quality time together. It could be when we're together, you're checked out. Or when we're together, I'm checked out because my nervous system can't handle it. It could be that, you know, your partner is not doing the dishes, not doing their laundry, making a mess of the house and you're frustrated. It could be co parenting breakdowns and problems. It could be financial disagreements and confusion, or upset. It could be that there are lies going on in the relationship that nobody is addressing. I'm not going to talk about you, you know, and all the alcohol stashed in the basement if you don't talk about how I'm smoking and, you know, pretending like I'm not. Whatever it is. But what is it that's unsettling, un uncomfortable, frustrating, or just not good enough? Write it down.

And it doesn't matter what it is. Correct me if I'm wrong. It doesn't matter what it is. Because whatever that is to you is unique to you and it means something to you. And at the end of the day, it's about you.

And it's about you deserve your dream of love to exceed your expectations. And so many of you have given up on it. And I am the coach that says you deserve your comeback love story. You are not bad at Love hurt. People hurt you. Love never hurt. You don't give up on it. But if you're not honest about what you require in the game of love, you're not going to get it. And if you think unhealed people and how bad they loved you is the ceiling for you and how it's going to be, because that's how it always happens. I just got to boldly say you're wrong. It's only true that you'll keep getting what you get you're getting if. If you don't ask for more. So the next part, after you wrote down what isn't good enough, and this isn't bashing anybody. This is you just getting honest with you. You also have to stop putting the power in other people's hands to give you the experience of love you want. You give you the experience of love you want because you decide you're not. You're not willing to not get it. So on the other side of what you don't want, what is your real dream? We can't avoid pain and pursue pleasure at the same time. It's one or the other. So. So you, so many of you need to hear this. You can't avoid pain and pursue pleasure at the same time. So Valentine's Day for so many of you is about avoiding the pain of your past or avoiding the pain of what life is now, instead of pursuing the desire and the pleasure that you want and you deserve, and you deserve it just because you breathe. Not because of what you've achieved, not because of what you've done, not because of how much you do. You're alive. You're human. We are love bugs. I've never met anybody that isn't a love bug, but we don't let ourselves have it. So if you don't get honest about what you don't want and get very honest and communicate with what you do want, you're not going to get it. And what I'll leave us with is when I dreamt up my husband. We've been together 14 years. I made a list, front and back of every quality. I required what I wanted in a partner. I told this story before, but I want to share it again. Front and back, 11 pages. What had been missing in the past? What were the patterns and what would be the opposite of the pattern that I wanted instead of. Three weeks later, Mark and I were together. Three months later, he proposed. I'm not saying, you know, that assignment is the be all, end all. I'm saying you getting behind I won't accept anything, but I'm going to have this in this lifetime. Go for it. You deserve love. You deserve love. You deserve love and have whatever type of Valentine's Day you want. But just understand this can be a great day to check in with yourself and get honest with yourself and start asking for what you need, especially when it comes to love.

For more, check out Rebecca silence.com life coach Rebecca silence Always a pleasure. Happy Valentine's Day on a mental Wellness Wednesday.

Happy Valentine's Day and go to rebecca silence.com for free resources and master classes and ways to level up your ability to receive love. Rebec silence dot com.