It's a Life Thing! We Always Have a Choice with Lia Valencia Key & Rebeccah Silence

Foreign. Welcome to the Healing is possible hot seat. I am your host, Rebecca Silence, creator of healing is possible. Here to talk healing with the incredible Leah Valencia Key. Today we're talking about choices, and every week at 10am Mountain, you can tune in live to the Healing is possible hot seat, where we go deep and we shake things up so we can get more healed and come together and lead and make our difference. Leah and I have been doing it's a life thing talks together for about a year now, and today we are tackling choices. Leah, welcome to the hot seat. You are rocking that jewelry line that does bring love and light and healing and inspiration everywhere it goes. I am rocking Leah's it's possible earrings that are like, my favorite piece of jewelry on the planet. Leah, hello.

Hello. I love you, Rebecca. Thank you. Thank you.

I love you so much.

So much.

I know it's been a minute, but one of the best parts about our relationship is we just come together when we come together, and we're always there for each other. And man, do we all need friends like Leah is to me in our lives. That friend that every time you're interacting, it's just. It's a party celebrating life and victory and just being where we are. So thank you for being who you are to me.

Thank you. I am. This is such a beautiful energy to radiate to everyone that's watching. Like, to love each other, to support each other, to go with the flow. Like, what I love about our sisterhood is we know that we are out there grabbing life. And so we're always just a text away and we always come back and like, you ready? I'm not ready right now. You ready? Now? I'm not ready. Then we're like, I'm ready. And then we go right back to it. And I just. I love that love and flexibility. And comes to what our topic is, I feel just choices to have in your life. How do you choose to be in this world?

Well, and I agree with you, it definitely is a great segue into kicking off talking about choice because I feel like the pursuit of our relationship was a choice.

Yes.

Right. Like, you meet someone for a millisecond in an event with thousands and thousands of people. And then I made a choice and you made a choice to nurture the connection that was this big. And then look at where it went. And it's just a choice.

It's just a choice. Our whole life will change your life. I mean, I love it's a life thing because everything is a life Thing. And it's an impact on your life every choice you make. Do I decide to, like I do, sleep a little longer versus get up and go to the gym? Oh Lord, please let me make better choices on that one day. But that's a choice, right? And every decision or choice has a reaction to life and an effect in life. And just being mindful of that, I think we start to do different choices or really be conscious of the choices we make. I think that's one of my favorite words. You probably hear me say it a lot. Choose.

Yeah. And our whole life can change forever just based on one itty bitty choice. One itty bitty choice can change the game. So. All right, let's start with Julia. Dive in to why the word choice is so important to you. To me, we're never not at choice. Like it's a lie anytime someone falls into the fear that they don't have a choice once you're an adult. I don't think that's true for children, but I do think for adults we are never not at choice and we just don't necessarily have access to how at choice we are at times.

Yes, even. Even when you physically don't have a choice, meaning circumstances have box do you win? Right. And you can't make a move for whatever reason, be it financial or be it whatever the cause is, you can make a mind choice. Like that's where all the power lies too. Because we always think choices are this physical thing. But choices really starts right here. To me, choice starts as a mindset. And when you can control your mindset, that's where the power can slowly start to actually change your bound up situation. Because there's these micro thoughts that alter your universe. Where I come from is I scream it to the moon because I'm actually proud that I come from this real, real hard, rough, destitute, dark poverty place. And in those situations, I couldn't physically do anything. But my mind, my mother put in my mind that you have the power to listen to your inner voice. You have the power to choose light. So like I could go to school every day. Like even. Honestly, Rebecca, even children have a choice. That concept of maybe not altering an environment, but they have a choice. Because even as a child, you get to decide, am I going to come in the room with a light personality or am I going to come in the room with an attitude? And just that choice will change the response of your teacher, your parent, the person you're walking down the street, the person that would have or could have hired you. There are these micro choices. It's not the big choices that change your life. That's what I'd like to encourage us. It's not the big choices. There are obvious big choices. It's the microchoices. Do I choose to wallow in my sorrow or do I choose to sit up straight and decide, well, what's another way? Even in my tears, bringing depression along with me? Well, yeah, I'm depressed and I don't feel this good, but what can make me feel a little better? That's a micro choice that could change the trajectory.

Well, it is. And I like what you're saying about even kids can choose which thoughts to follow and which thoughts to turn the volume down on. And then once we turn volume down on the thoughts that aren't going to serve us in the direction we want to go, we can turn up the volume on other thoughts. And you know, I think it is so cool what you're saying about the internal experience we're having. We really do always have a choice about.

Yeah, we do. Even with the second word, internal experience. Yes. Right.

Like that internal experience you're having doesn't change the reality out here, but you can have and be in the reality you want to be in. You can have the experience you want to have inside, no matter what's happening outside of you. And I just think most kids don't have the support to understand that. But you're right. And then we do have the choice. Leah. I just did. You're on my Tougher Together breakthrough podcast. But I just did an episode on generational healing, and one of the things that I think is so, so profound when it comes to choice is we can choose to break cycles and we can choose to break patterns, and we can choose to have generational healing, meaning we start to blaze a new trail that takes our life where it wants to go, even if we didn't see it before.

Yes. You just know you don't want to be that or you don't want to do that in your history of family. And you know, you're not saying it's wrong, but that's not the path you want to do. And maybe you don't know a better way, but you know that's not the way you want to go. So you make a micro choice to say, I reject that.

For me.

For me, not for anyone else. I'm not judging anyone. I'm not going to judge my. I'm not any of that. But for me, I reject that first choice. Microchoice not going to change your environment, but will shift a millimeter of your trajectory just by that decision.

Absolutely. And to not choose, you know, is a choice, right? And we do get to not just be at the effect of the world, but we get to drive the experience we want to have in the world and where we want our life to go. And I do see a lot of people afraid to make a choice because they don't want to make the wrong one or they want someone to make it for them. And I would just empower anybody and everybody watching. Even if the choice flatlines or fails or falls in its face, at least you made the choice. That's powerful. And you get to decide what you're going to do. And with every choice we make, we get to decide are we going to do it again? Did it work or right? It's not good or bad, it's just did it work or not?

That's so good. I love that you gotta make a choice. Because if you make, if you don't make a choice, you're in purgatory, in this limbo, horrible state and making the choice. I love that it doesn't. You're right. We paralyze and don't move because we're in fear. And so we stay there. But it's some beauty in even making the wrong choice because you made a choice, you realize, oh, don't like, not for me. Make another choice. And that's called learning. And that's the beauty. Let's add on to that. When you take the power to choose and choice in your own hands, you become a consistent learner. You become this maven of life. Because learning is experience, trial and error, and information receiving. Right? That's what learning is, trial and error or taking information in and then making that's consistent learning. And that is a beautiful life. If you've decided, I'm just going to be committed to being a consistent life learner. And so I'm going to keep choosing whether I'm right or wrong. But in the choice, I'm going to decide, what can I learn from it? Even if it was horrible, what can I learn from it? Because then I can turn this way. What can I learn? Oh, this one feels good. And that's how you keep moving through life.

Well, and that's how, that's how you break patterns. Because if I'm not going to not just make the choice to powerfully own my choices, but make the choice when life feels hard to learn from it, now I have access to not just Knowing I'm a choice but to also breaking patterns and I don't care what situation you find yourself in. I had been at a place as a single mom where. Where I had stacks of bills that I was so afraid to open after going through a divorce and having a house and two cars and everything in my name. I was the one getting all of the bills. I didn't know how I was going to get food on the table and gas in the car at this time. And I didn't want to open the bills. And I remember making the choice to just start opening them even if I couldn't pay them. Even if I didn't have the ability to really do anything other than then kind of get with what was real and start taking the power back by being willing to look at it. I mean sometimes making the choice to just face what's in front of you can start to change our lives.

That's good acknowledgement.

Yeah. And not arguing with this is what it is.

This is the reality. It's horrible. It's real. I don't even have a solution for it. But let me accept my truth. And that choice to accept your truth will move you to another choice to start finding micro solutions away from the truth. If it's a challenge in truth that is so good. And that reality.

Right. And then once you. You faced that music, whatever it is. If you don't know what to do next, you always can make the choice to find support. Always.

Yes, always. And that's like. And that's why I love what you do. You support people in helping. Because I love the song. You are not alone.

Yeah. I am here for you.

Because it's hard to make consistent choices alone. At some point you will break. I love you bringing that in.

Yeah.

Choose to connect with others that can help you through that's power.

Yeah. And even just connection alone without even the pressure of this person has to help me or do anything. Just not just not being alone in the paralyzation and the fear and the stuck. It is so important and we can all make that choice. Even my 6 year old talks about I use my safety network today. Like she knows who our support system is and she's six. And I love what you're saying about kids do have choices too. Because it's true. And we can choose. Are we going to face our emotions? It doesn't even have to be am I going to face the bills or the circumstance Just are we going to even be willing to make the choice to face what's going on inside of ourselves.

Yeah, that, that's so awesome. Like, because I live by that. Connection is power and it's not what someone can do for you. I don't believe that. I feel that you should connect with people and experiences because it's a like minded connection, meaning there is some energy either where you are in life or where you want to be in life and it pulls you forward just by being in the space. Just by turning on a show like this, just by hearing our voice, just by showing up to watch. This is connection. Yeah. You know, I mean, I love where the world has evolved to because before we needed to be around people and then people felt alone because they're like, I don't really have friends that they're not good. If I'm going around the people that are in my immediate circle, then I'm gonna make bad choices. So I don't have that support system. I love how we're now open to be able to connect. Like you all can connect to us.

Right.

That's a choice. And it is our purpose in life to just connecting with us on these social platforms. It is our purpose to shine light in your life. It is our mission to just be inspiration to say it's possible. Let's find a choice today and let's choose it and then let's learn from it.

Yeah. What's our next choice? And one of my steps to healing, I talk about decide to decide. Like you don't know what to do. You're in a moment feeling some kind of way. You don't know what's next. Decide to decide. Just what's your next decision? Just that alone. And what you're saying is so true with this pandemic. I mean, honestly, no offense, but nobody has an excuse. You can build a circle around you that's a global community, that's in your general vicinity, city, state, whatever. But you have the ability to energetically do what one of my coaches says. She says put out the bat signal calling your people.

Yeah. Like all these groups like this, your group, all the. You could just join in and you can just type in how you're feeling and you can just channel and people will pour into you. Yes. There's a lot of challenges going on, but if we can start finding what are the positives, I think that's one real beautiful positive that we can choose to be connected in a world where you would probably not have access before.

Yeah. And we can all choose to risk letting ourselves be heard and seen, flaws and all, or judge, isolate and you know, you choose to put yourself out there, you will be absolutely slammed and judged and criticized and who does that person think they are? And you go, well, this is who I think I am. And some of what I choose will work and some of what I choose is going to be a mess. And just don't stop powerfully choosing. I think there's a big difference between powerless choice and powerful choice. And we all deserve to pursue powerful choices that we can stand behind. How do you know it's a powerful choice? You stand behind it whether it worked or it didn't.

Yes. Oh, I like a powerful choice. That's really good. And I just encourage you. It's all good. Even when it's not good, there's still good available. It is. It's all good. Because the world is made up of dark and light. Find the light. And that's where your goodness is. Take some breaths. Control your inner being. I've been learning and just doing some studying on that. Your inner self, controlling your inner self. Because sometimes we can't move forward or make. Or we make bad choices, right? There are such things as bad choices. You literally just choose to do what your natural human spirit wants you to do, even if it's a negative thing, because that's the way you felt that day. That's a choice too. So.

Well, and I would hope for you.

To fight the bad choices and push over to the good choices. And the way to do that is really getting one with the power of your energy. And like you were saying, acknowledging what's going on inside of you, the experiences. Because I think we overlook that. Like, this is why we don't choose. This is why we act certain ways because we're not really valuing all of these emotions and energy that starts within. And if we don't acknowledge within, recognize it, say, I see you anxiety, I feel you anxiety, I get anxiety. And I see you. You are riled up. Something is not at peace with you. And I acknowledge that you're here. And then I start breathing to start to calm my pace, calm my heart down. That's a choice to acknowledge these things that are going on within you and then do some actions that can help control. That's just a bunch of energy happening within you. And so I start breathing just to start to calm that inner energy that's bound up. And once you start breathing, you can start acknowledging, why are you feeling this way? What triggered you? Ask yourself these questions. Choose to ask yourself questions, and I bet you you will answer them like we do. Talk to ourselves, because we have the answer. Like, well, why? Why are you anxious, Leah? Well, I just read that email and that brought up fear. Or I just read that text message and that brought up old trauma or old experience. Why does that experience make it traumatic for you, Leah? I would really go through these things within yourself because it makes me feel less than. Are you less than. No, you're a child of God. Okay, well, breathe through it and stand up with your children straight and move forward. Because you aren't less than, even though that trigger says you are. And if you start to make these choices, to walk yourself through these emotions, you can start to exhibit better choices in life. That's why I walked you through that. Because there are two opposites that we can do, right?

Yeah.

And I think controlling that inner energy is power for what you put out.

In the world, taking control over it. And what I just heard you describing is choosing to be with the part of you that's still in survival. And then choosing what's the next step beyond survival. One choice at a time. That's what takes us out of survival mode. That's what has us become the higher, most inspired version of ourselves that we can be if we choose that. And then I think the other piece that we haven't talked about, Leah, is just respecting other people's choices or what's right for them in the moment.

You know, wow. That. Right.

Because. Right. I mean, one of the things that I choose to do. Let's hear your perspective in a second on this. But one of the things that I choose to do is I choose to see people as innocent. And I choose to see people as doing the best they can, even when it's messy. And I choose to talk to the highest version of every person in front of me.

I love that. I love that. This topic of just allowing people to choose. It doesn't matter if they're right or wrong, as long as they're not harming you. If their choice, right, wrong, or indifferent, is not harming you, you have to choose to let people. That's where a lot of tension goes in the world. We're always trying to conform others to our stance or where we think things and people should be in life. The most thing you could do for someone if you feel so strongly is pray for them.

Oh, and that's such a good choice that we can make. But you're right.

And let the higher power control them, not you. Well, because we can't control them. Anybody else's body but yours.

Well, and even you Know even someone that's harmed you. I've experienced quite a bit of abuse in my life. You know, I see it as, now I have a choice to keep myself safe in the situation, but I still have a choice to pray for them, see their soul as innocent and doing the best they can. It doesn't mean you stay in the cycle, but I can choose to keep my heart open for people that are crying out for love and just doing the best they can, because I think we all are and we can all do that. The number one thing I see in my coaching practice with couples is they are, they are going to wait to choose to commit until the other one does what they want them to do. I see it all the time like, well, what if you just chose to be your best instead of waiting for the other person to do what you want and then you'll be your best.

Exactly. And here's a biggest choice. If their choices are so wrong, heinous, dangerous, or out of skew with yours, choose to remove yourself. That's the. To me, I think if you're going to choose anything in regards to other people's choices, if you find it so much tension or discord with you, the choice of you is only to remove yourself from that environment, from that thought, from that way of being, from that situation. And that's the biggest power you can ever do. Because controlling someone else is fighting an uphill battle. Controlling yourself and your environment is again where we keep our power.

Yeah. And powerfully choosing who you're going to be in the scenario instead of being powerlessly at the effect of them and responding to them.

Right.

You get to choose. And I will say this now we're getting complicated, but I think it's important to say when you want to remove yourself from a person because of your upset, just think about, have you communicated? Have you given them an opportunity to work with you first? I always say before, again, I'm not saying if you're an abusive situation. I'm saying in general, if you haven't given people the opportunity to grow with you, work with you to understand your perspective, and you just disappear. You made a choice and you're going to repeat that pattern.

Yes, that's very true too. You weigh the goods and the bads of any situation. Right. And if that thing or person is worth it, then the choice is to try to not change their views, but share their views and then also agree to disagree. That's a choice.

That is a choice.

And then learning I don't agree with their Choices and all their decisions in life. I don't agree with a lot of things, but there are a lot of things that I love about them. And so we've made a choice. And I've made a choice to say I agree to disagree with you. And guess what? This topic let's not talk about because we can't see eye to eye and it's going to heat up. So guess what? In our love world of friendship, here's a topic that you and I, we don't talk about. But all of these topics. Joy moments for us. Let's get it. You know what I mean? So you have your journey in that I have mine. And then when we get together, we're partnering in things that are good and that's a beautiful world. Everyone is not bad because we don't think the same.

And you learn back to your point about choose to learn right from moments, from experiences, from all of it. All of that learning helps us design a new experience or keep what we want. But we're never not at choice. This is such a cool talk to just at least the homework. I think we'll see what Leah says. But I think the homework from today is to just be aware of your choices. Are they taking you closer to where you want to go? Are they keeping you from the life you want? And in every moment, if you can just remind yourself, I do have choice, it might be hard to find. But what's a choice I have right now? Just start with that.

And acknowledging that's so good because. And whether you think it or not, you're making a choice.

Amen.

That's what you're saying. Like the assignment is to acknowledge everything you do is a choice. Breathing is your natural. God woke you up. Not a choice. You're just breathing, but kind of outside of these natural things. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, the choices are happening. So how about we take control.

Yeah.

And relish in what we're doing. And I think that'll guide us to a really more peaceful, more joyful, more confident, more understanding. Because you get to have understanding for yourself and others when you understand choice, place in life. And that's a good place to be.

Yeah. And more consciousness. We're just asking you to get more conscious and awake and less afraid of this word choice. It's not scary, it's empowering. When we'll lean into it. So thank you everyone for tuning in. Leah. It is always a pleasure. It's a life thing. Life is about choices. It's been great having you all. It's the healing as possible hot seat. I am your host Rebecca Silence. If you want more definitely reach out visit rebecca silence.com the hot seat is brought to you by my gorgeous team. The darkness is real, so is the light. And what we say is the mission is healing. The care is always self responsibility. Choice is your next step in self responsibility. Thank you. Leah Valencia Key how do they get in touch with you?

Yes, please follow me on Instagram Instagram Leah Valencia Key or follow my jewelry. You'll find really good inspirational quotes and just just ways to positively live life in a beautiful form. All people, all hair types. Everyone on Valencia key.com and connect with me on my website Valencia key.com put your email in. I'll stay connected with you. I'll send you inspirational quotes just to keep us lifted through the world. We need it. We need the connection.

Absolutely. Amen. Thank you Leah. See you soon. Bye everyone.