Keeping It Fresh: How to Keep The Spark and Fun Alive in Your Relationship

How you can keep relationships fresh.

When your relationship was fun in the beginning, it's not because your partner brought out the best of you. It's because you were light and free and playful.

Mix photo 2.5. The best mix from the 90s to now. It's a big Poppy in the afternoon. It's a mental Wellness Wednesday with life coach, relationship coach and just a coach and just an amazing person to have in your corner. Rebecca. Silence. Rebecca. Silence.com. rebecca, how are you?

Well, hello and happy Mental Wellness Wednesday, everyone.

We really get, like in the weeds with a lot of things, and sometimes we can get really, really heavy and really, I don't want to say dark, but we can really, like, get into the nooks and crannies of emotions at times. So I figure we could keep it a little light this week and just talk about how you can keep relationships fresh, whether it be, you know, you're married, whether it be your, you know, you're dating, even if it's the relationship with your kids, how can you keep it fresh? Because a lot of times, you know, you just start going through the day to day, you start becoming mundane, you just kind of go through the motions, and next thing you know, you're bored. And when people are bored, that's when things kind of happen. So how can we keep relationships fresh?

I love this conversation. And yes, we go deep. And, you know, I think keeping it fresh is so much easier than we think. And I think we think if it isn't fresh, something's wrong or bad or maybe the grass is greener somewhere else. And I want us taking responsibility for, for bringing enjoyment back into the relationship. I remember, you know, in the first five years of my second marriage, first one dumpster fire taught me a lot. Second one really has been beyond my wildest dreams come true. But in the beginning, first five years, there were a lot of wrinkles that needed to be ironed out. And my husband would say over and over, can we just have fun? We have fun. That's how we came together. That's why we came together. We have fun. It isn't fun. And in the first five years, I.

Mean, that's, that's the, that's the thought process for so many people. Because when you start dating, when you're, when you're there, it's the reason you enjoy each other is because you enjoy each other and you have fun. But as time goes on, all of a sudden there's stress, there is, you know, conflict. There's, you know, real life happens. You Know when you start dating, you're in that dating bubble and it's fun and it's cool and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And then real life happens and then you got to take on real life and it's, it's tough to have fun when you're dealing with adult responsibilities with a partner.

Yeah, well, in the first five years of my second marriage, Mark lost company and went bankrupt. I got cancer and had a 5 to 10% chance to live while I'm pregnant with our second baby. So can we have fun and. Actually, yes, but here's how. And I'll. I'll just never be able to express my gratitude for Mark on repeat. Can we have fun? Can it be fun? Let's have fun again. Because so many of us. I know it wasn't just me. We don't associate long term, committed, relationship, marriage or family with fun. Here's what we associate it with. How we grew up. So let's talk about how to bring the fun back. Regardless of life being life or how you grew up when your relationship was fun. In the beginning, it's not because your partner brought out the best of you. It's because you were light and free and playful. Let me say that again. Your partner doesn't make you fun or stop you from being fun. The more light, free and playful you are, the more fun you have. So those are the three ingredients I want you to bring into your relationship this week. And not just with your spouse. How about with your kids? How much fun are you having with your kids? How light and fresh are you keeping it with your kids? And I am promising you even the most mundane. My 8 year old and I last night went to buy new brushes and twine for an art project that she's doing. We were having the most fun skipping through the store, singing in the car on the way there, on the way back. Light, free, fun, play. This is the energy that will allow you to enjoy again. And we can bring the fresh love every moment, every day. And it's because of how we're showing up. And where so many people miss the Mark in their relationships unnecessarily and innocently is they're waiting for their partner to be fun, for them to be fun. They're waiting for their partner to bring out the fun in them instead of just bringing the fun. It can be light. I'll say to Mark, I love you even when you're cranky, if he's a little prickly pear. I just bring the fun. And I just don't Stop having fun and being light and free and playful with a commitment to enjoying even in the most difficult moments. We can take it seriously without taking ourselves in life so seriously that the light in us stops shining through. Be fun, be playful, enjoy. That's the point.

So here's. Here's a question. A lot of times we end up with our partners because of how much we trust them and their safe space for us. And they're, you know, one of the very few people that we can be really real real with and vent to and all that stuff. And how is. What's a good way to kind of turn that off and almost cart mental car deep. You put it in a. In a compartment. You compartmentalize like the stress and be like, okay, I need to put this away and go the. You know what I'm saying? It's almost like you have to switch gears to. To do that. And a lot of people don't know how to do that.

Well, here's the thing. I hate the word compartmentalization. That's what so many people do. I can only. Oh, I got it. Compartmentalization. No, here's the thing. Only able to be the best of you with 1, 2, 3, 4 people. You're not only able to be real as long as you feel safe and as long as life gives you permission. And if you're waiting for life to give you permission to be real, you're waiting to experience the best of life. So what I want you to understand is you have a choice. Stress peace every single moment. So you're going to have so many opportunities to let your stressful thoughts, stressful circumstances, very real life stress sores. They get to win or the best of you gets to win. And when the best of you gets to win, it doesn't mean we're not taking the stress seriously. It just means we're not letting it win. And when we're letting the best of you win, regardless of stressors, you bring an energy to your relationships that is medicine. That's what I want you to understand. Stop waiting to get to be real. Stop waiting for life to give you opportunities to have fun and to be fun and to enjoy. Commit to enjoying. Let your stressors be there, but not derail you from being the best of you and watch miracles unfold.

It's a mental Wellness Wednesday Life Coach Relationship coach Rebecca Silence. Learn more and get all the information, including her amazing book, online@rebecca silence.com Great stuff as always. We'll talk to you next week.

Bye, everyone.