Life-Changing Habits and Powerful Lessons Learned in 2022

What if life is just life and we don't have to go into crisis mode or experience crisis. We can instead go into the mode where the highest and best version of who we choose to be. I always say we don't wake up one day and know who the hell we are. It's about, as an adult, powerfully choosing who you're going to be in a moment, who you're going to be as the version of you that you choose. And based on who you choose to be, you get to have and create and experience anything you could ever possibly want. Okay, we're going. Okay. Three, two, one. We're going to have a more spacious and enjoyable year. Today on the Healing Is Possible experience with me, your host, Rebecca Silence. I'm going to share the three big lessons and habits that I learned in 2022 that have me feeling more spacious, more relaxed and more alive than I ever have before. In a lot of ways, 20 was a difficult and challenging year, but I didn't really experience it as difficult or challenging. I had malignant cancer come back. It was stage zero melanoma. We caught it right away. So I am safe, I am healthy, I am held safe, supported. But it was scary to know that I had damaged tissue and to know after getting an email that malignant cancer cells were present in my body and more surgery was needed. I had two back to back surgeries this fall. That's an example of a very difficult, challenging moment situation that I just, I didn't go into crisis over it. And a past version of me abso freaking lutely would have gone into crisis. And I think one of the, one of the biggest, biggest, biggest lessons that I learned and next level, you know, living that I stepped into was no crisis needed, no experience of crisis needed, no crisis mode needed or required to lead powerfully. The moment that I'm in and this is the year, this is the first lesson and habit that I'm going to share with you today where I'm not interested in crisis. And there were so many years where I felt like I was just experiencing one crisis after another. I write about it in Coming Back to Life, my new book that was published in 2022. Thanks to HCI, my publisher, and Lisa, my gorgeous agent, this book is born and you know, you see and experience my journey, my struggle in the book, but you also get to what I created in the face of these crisis moments, what I learned and how I came out the other side in the hopes that you can take what you want and bring that to your life experience. But the bottom line is, what if life is just life and we don't have to go into crisis mode or experience crisis. We can instead go into the mode where the highest and best version of who we ch. I always say we don't wake up one day and know who the hell we are. It's about, as an adult, powerfully choosing who you're going to be in a moment, who you're going to be as the version of you that you choose. And based on who you choose to be, you get to have and create and experience anything you could ever possibly want. Right? So what if no crisis is required? And what if we took on a habit of when we want to go into crisis mode or when we want to go into the habit of experiencing something as a crisis? We remind ourselves there's nothing more powerful outside of us externally than who we are internally. And we step into leading as the highest and best version of who we are. Now, based on where life is is headed. Now, one of the things that can really take people out. I was talking yesterday with a client about having to re experience suicidal ideation and experiencing suicidal ideation of a loved one. And there have actually been multiple conversations already this year. And we're only a few days in where I have clients that have a loved one who's suicidal right now, they're thriving and someone they love is suicidal and how do they navigate that? Right? And this is another example of where crisis isn't required or helpful in these situations. And the best gift we can give the people that we love, even the people we love that are struggling, is to live at our highest and best as our highest and best. Modeling that there is nothing we can't face, move through and conquer. There is nothing more powerful than our ability to create as our best. And from that place, my God, do we love more. So I think it's easy to go into a habit of experiencing life as a crisis. And what if that's no longer useful, effective, or on the table? And instead what's on the table is commitment without conditions. So let's talk about this. I teach a lot about commitment. I teach a lot about how important commitment is if you're going to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be. I teach a lot that people actually don't suffer from commitment issues. There's nobody that actually has a commitment problem. It's just, are their commitments focused and directed in the direction of the life they want? That's so key, right? We're Always choosing. We always have choice available. We're always committed. We always have the ability to consciously commit to not just who we're going to be in a moment, but how we want to feel, how we want to experience a moment. We're in where we want life to go next. And the thing about commitment is when you're really committed, it's unconditional. There are no conditions. And I learned in 2022 how important it is to experience commitment unconditionally, to know that when I'm really committed, there is nothing that can stop me in 2022. I don't know the exact number right now, but I've lost pounds. And I took on a very strict, if I'm honest and structured approach to my health and healing. With a beautiful team of functional medicine doctors. I had gotten to the point where I was afraid I would not ever get to the point where I had energy back fully, that I wouldn't get to the point where physical and chronic pain and inflammation wasn't something I was managing and up against every day. And most of the day I was afraid that the cancer baby, postpartum, post chemo, premenopause, adrenal failure weight wouldn't ever shed. On my Peloton app, I remember looking somewhere around April at my Peloton app and just looking at how often I'm working out and how much I was working out and how committed I was to workouts and to really healthy nutrition. And the needle just wasn't really moving on the scale. And it was so frustrating. And I remember my coach saying to me, rebecca, so your body is the one thing that healing isn't possible for. Like, you're the testimony that healing is possible. You've healed cancer, you've gotten out of a domestic violence marriage as a single mom and made family and your dream of family and what it could be a reality. You've transformed finances, you've had a thriving and successful business for over 15 years. Like, like all these things not to share, to, you know, pat myself on the back, but to be an example again of possibility. There was so much I'd already transformed, and yet I was feeling so defeated and stuck and scared that my body would never fully rebound. And I had been in multiple years of a commitment to honoring my body, loving and appreciating my body and accepting that it's so much farther along than doctors ever predicted it would be. I wasn't even supposed to walk again. I had drop foot on my right side, on my right leg as a result of the chemo and nerve damage and the side effect of the chemo. And I was told even if you do live with about a 5 to 10% chance, you won't walk again. Drop foot doesn't heal. And man am I healed in terms of my physical strength. And I had just wanted to appreciate that and I had wanted to not risk putting myself through the heartbreak of going for it. Wanting my body to physically get where I really wanted it to go felt daunting and scary. And if I went there and I wasn't successful, that just felt like too much heartbreak and devastation to risk putting myself through when I had been through so much already. And anyways, I made the courageous decision to fully commit. And it allowed me to experience commitment in a whole new next level way where commitment now just means nothing can stop me. Commitment now just means it's not a matter of if, it's just a matter of when. And as long as I stay in the right direction for me, I love to say there's not right and wrong wrong, but there is what's right and wrong for you. And it's critical to pay attention to that. So knowing that your commitment in a moment to your yourself, to what you choose to, how you experience life and feel, it's all up to you, it's all available to you. The external, it's never your fault, ever. But wherever you find yourself, you have so much power in you that's untapped. And if you would commit to tapping into that power and to making your next correct, right choice for you based on again, where you know your life is headed next and based on who you know yourself to be now, not who you know yourself to have been, who you know yourself to be now. When you commit from that place, your life is yours. You're in the driver's seat, you're in control. And magic and miracles are present. And let's not mistake that. I used to think the magic and the miracles were outside of me. I used to pray for miracles. When all else failed, I would lie awake at night and I would just pray for a miracle. And this is the year that I learned unconditional commitment is where it's at. And when I'm unconditionally committed to the right, correct direction, for me, I become the miracle. Therefore, I experience whatever it is that's happening as a miracle. And from there I get to see so many possibilities that were potentially hidden in plain sight right here in front of my face that I couldn't see when I wasn't Committed to me and what's right for me and to my ability to powerfully choose and be the miracle in the moment, in the season, in the circumstance that I found myself in. So, first of all, what if no crisis is required? And from there, unconditional commitment. It's everything you'll ever need, starting with commitment to you and what is correct and right and most aligned for you. And let's not be confused, commitment isn't a. As long as it goes my way, I'll stay committed process. If you want to feel free and empowered and experience life as the best of you at your best, and get the most out of the moment you're in and your ability to unconditionally commit, I am promising you it's everything you'll ever need to regulate your nervous system, to experience yourself as powerful and your life as yours. Unconditional commitment. It's everything. And then that doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries. That doesn't mean that you take shit. This was a really hard year for me in terms of seeing the truth about some relationships that just weren't right for me anymore. I had communicated, I had asked for reinvention. I had been fully willing to grow together and to create a new shared vision. And when certain behaviors just weren't changing, that didn't make the other people wrong. But it wasn't of interest to me to keep engaging, right? So, you know, I'm not saying put up with bullshit, but I am saying I can be committed to my business goals, my health goals, my relationship goals, my. My goals around international travel and adventure without anything getting in the way of me staying committed. There can be, you know, hiccups and roadblocks, and there very well may be. But my commitment can remain unwavering to who I'm being, the experience I want to have, and what I know I'm creating. Publishing a book this year was such a beautiful exercise in commitment. I remember sitting in a hotel where I was working on the manuscript, and there were several hotels and there were several weekends at hotels where I would listen to Lil Wayne radio and me and God would get through the next version of the manuscript, the next assignment from the publisher, whatever it was. And I'll never forget there was this one weekend where I was dealing with 5537, I believe, copy edits that I had to approve, correct and address. And I remember thinking, well, this book is shit. I guess I should start over. Like, I don't know if the copy editor is even vibing here. With my manuscript. And I don't know if I am either. Like what in the actual I just remember thinking maybe I should just scratch the whole damn thing and start over. And commitment, unconditional commitment got me through that moment where my brain and my ego and my survival personality were saying, yeah, maybe you should just throw in the towel, start over, screw it. Like this obviously sucks. And I, instead of throwing in the towel, giving up, stayed committed to the best possible content, the best possible work. I was capable of trusting the process, added some pieces, filled in the gaps, learned a lot from the copy editor's feedback and a whole next level version of the book was born. And I was so excited by the time I was finished at what was added and what was removed and how the book transformed and how much I learned versus, you know, letting that moment where I went into full on doubt about what I was creating win. So let commitment win. Don't let crisis mode win. Let commitment to what's correct and right for you win and stay in the game. You know, maybe you have to slow down your speed, maybe you have to press pause and take a break and regroup. But just don't quit on what you know is right and best for you. And then, you know, boundaries keep up. Meaning hold yourself to not caving on what you know is right and best for you. The second big habit and lesson that I want to talk about today, and I'm going to talk about three big ones, is that if it's not of spiritual nutritional I love this term. Stephen Lovegrove, my coach, Shout out to America's life coach. I love this lesson and I'll never forget learning about this concept or this coaching session where we talked about it. But if it has no spiritual nutritional value, it's not good enough for you. You deserve better. So notice as you're up against because again, we're never not committed, we're never not choosing or deciding. But are we factoring in when we're up against an opportunity for a choice or a decision, are we factoring in, does this have spiritual nutritional value for me, is this good enough? So for example, I worked through personally, worry has no spiritual nutritional value. Panic has no spiritual nutritional value. Doubt has no spiritual nutritional value. You know, and I could go on and on, but guilt, shame, like none of this has spiritual nutritional value. So I don't need to put my foot on the gas that takes me into the direction of these things that have no spiritual nutritional value. And instead I can be in a habit of following my soul's Guidance. There has never been a breakdown or a situation or an upset where my soul doesn't know the way out of the dark and back into the light, where my soul doesn't know what's right, correct, and best for me in that moment and what my next right, best decision for me should and could be in that moment. This year, I also created in 2022, I should say, the Emotional Survival Kit course. And you can go to rebeccasilence.com and check it out. It's between the book Coming Back to Life that you can buy anywhere books are sold, you can also Access it@rebeccasilence.com and the emotional survival Kit course. It's everything that has worked for me. To learn how to regulate my own nervous system, to learn how to use trauma to my advantage, and to take my life into a realm of possibility that is beyond my wild dreams come true. And the thing about it is, again, you know, your soul knows. And we literally have a right to get beyond survival. Our survival personality is created to help us survive our childhood. And then we can mistakenly think that our survival personality is actually, in fact, who we are. And then we wonder why we're not satisfied and fulfilled and potentially resentful in all of these things. Right? But in the course, what I think I do a really good job of is helping you not get too far ahead of yourself. Helping you just what's the next decision and the next decision and the next decision based on, again, knowing who you choose to be now and what your vision for where life is headed now is, and knowing how to speak to yourself on a soul level. We get so overwhelmed easily when we're just trying to figure out on a mindset level and on a strategy level what the next play is. So mind and strategy. It's not enough to have your nervous system relax or to have you feeling unshakably whole, powerful, empowered and certain about your direction and trajectory. But when you connect to your soul, my God, it knows every single time and it gives the most beautiful and unconditionally loving guidance, at least in my experience. There's a beautiful process called affirmative prayer. Elizabeth Gilbert uses this. I think she said when I, when I met her this year that for 20 years she's been doing this, like, every day. She writes a question and then lets her soul answer. And this is how the book Conversations with God was written by Neil Donald Walsh. He was an addict and homeless and got a very cheap, cheap composition notebook and just started writing questions and letting God answer through him and his soul guided him home and now he's Neil Donald Walsh. I just watched the Christmas Eve service that he does every year, this year, and was so moved and touched. And it all transformed for him because of his ability to connect to his soul. And that's what's happened for me as well, especially in 2022. My soul is who I talk to, who I listen to, who I value the feedback and the guidance from way more than my mind, that is ego, and easily, you know, hooked into my survival personality, which I don't take guidance and leadership from. And I get to be human, having a human experience, but I also get to experience solutions and answers and possibility that's of high degree spiritual nutritional value and that is sourcing from my soul's certainty and guidance and inner knowing versus just having to manage, grasp at straws, cope, survive my way through the moment that I find myself in. So when you're up against a decision, what offers you the highest spiritual nutritional value? What offers me the highest spiritual nutritional value? It's a great question. It's a great question to be asking yourself and to be following your soul's guidance more than your mind and your ego's guidance is so important. And how do you, how do you close that gap? How do you connect from your mind to your soul? It starts with, and I write a lot about this in Coming Back to Life and I offer a ton of really beautiful teachings about this in the Emotional Survival Kit course. But you go from your mind, connect to your body, your body allows you to connect to your soul. And you know, this is the year that I broke through in terms of next level commitment. And this is the year I broke through in terms of valuing what's of high spiritual nutritional value above all else and my soul's guidance above all else. And again, the answers, they're there. And finally, let's just talk about the truth. This is the final habit from 2022. I had a list of at least 25 habits and lessons that I learned this year. But the most, you know, important three are what I'm sharing with you now. And they've, they've just allowed me to enjoy more, to relax more, to experience more, and to create more and more. And from from there, you know, I've been able to deliver value that I'm really proud of and I've been able to be someone I'm really proud of. And I share all this with you so that you can connect to these possibilities for yourself. But this one was a little brutal, but everything at the same Time, I didn't even realize at the beginning of 2022, if I'm just vulnerably honest here, how afraid of the truth I was. I wanted the truth. I wanted to experience my truth and to be somebody that could handle and be available for other people's truths. But the level and amount of resistance I was in to the truth, I had no idea how much I associated the truth with struggle or conflict or more difficulty or potentially, you know, making things worse in my childhood, the abuse that I went through, it A, wasn't talked about and B, I was convinced that if I spoke the truth, harm would be the result, that I would make things worse, that I would be the problem, that I would create harm. And I created so much evidence along the way. I'm 42 years old. I mean, almost four decades of believing unconsciously and subconsciously that the truth would ultimately end up, you know, bringing me into a better place. But before that, it would make things worse and that in between, the truth is going to make things worse. It never had to be true and it never was true, and it no longer needed to be true for me. It wasn't a requirement anymore to pursue the, the negatives to the truth on the way to the benefits of the truth. But I didn't even know that this was a thing. And the practice of emotional healing, the work that I do as an emotional healing coach in my private practice, in my two day couples intensives or family intensives, in every, you know, product that I've created, the truth is never harmful. The truth is the light in the dark. My truth is the access to my soul that I've been longing for that allows my nervous system to relax. Right? But there were some truths that I had been in denial about or afraid to look at. And there was programming that had the truth. And very daunting, like a Mount Everest versus like a breath of fresh air. The truth kept knocking the wind out of me instead of allowing me to breathe deeper and easier. And 2022 is the year where I stepped into the habit of embracing the truth in a way that allows me to relax, in a way that allows me to thrive in a way that allows me to rest and be easier. And I'm so grateful for this lesson, but, you know, it wasn't easy. And what I recognized was that it was never the truth that was the problem or making things worse. It was my attachment to what I wanted and thought I needed and how I wanted things to look and thought I needed things to look that was the Problem. The truth was never the problem. The truth is what it is and is never good or bad or right or wrong. And my ability to choose how I perceive and the actions I'm going to take next from a place of being unconditionally committed to me, to loving myself, that was the other big piece of this was that I didn't realize how because of my fears around the truth, how conditional my self love was unless I thought the conditions were the way I was attached to the way I needed them to be. And loving myself more, not less in difficult moments, loving myself more, not less in the face of some really hard truths and transitions. My oldest turned 18, went to South America for three months. We had to reinvent that relationship and what it looked like and what was right for each of us as to women and for our relationship. Now, you know, that wasn't fun or easy when I was afraid of the truth. But once I wasn't afraid of the truth, it was easy. I spent a week in Ecuador with my kid. We have the best time. We had adventure. We had heartfelt connection, we had tears. We had truths, truths, truths that we shared with each other. And in my family we have a commitment to talking about what is real, telling the truth about what's working, what's not. With a commitment to everyone feeling honored, respected, valued, and to getting to a place where we have a solution that works for everybody. But when we're afraid of the truth, we can't create that. So these are my biggest habits and lessons from 2022. I hope that you have gotten some inspiration and some clarity and some certainty for yourself about how you want to bring in the New Year. Kick off the New Year. I'll end with this. I don't necessarily suggest or recommend that you seek your next New Year's resolution. What I highly recommend is that you enter this year knowing that you could choose not to be in the pursuit of experiencing anything as a crisis, fully and unconditionally committed to yourself, only pursuing what's of high spiritual value for you and knowing you can handle your truth and other people's truth and choose accordingly what's best and most right and correct for your soul, moment to moment. And let that carry you into the certainty of who you want to be and what you want to pursue. Please do check out Coming Back to Life. Read. It's a perfect book for right now as we kick off a new year. You can listen to it. You can order it anywhere books are sold. Please also consider checking out the Emotional Survival Kit. Whether you in less than three hours. That seven 20 minute videos. You can change your whole life for $599 and there's a money back guarantee. If you finish the whole program and don't feel like you got the value you wanted, my team will refund you. That's how strongly we believe in this content and in these products. And couples are getting so much taking it together. Individuals are getting so much taking it on their own. Families are actually even taking this course together. So whether it's my products or my private coaching or work, find some type of support for yourself and take action that honors your worth and your deservingness and your ability to powerfully create and to powerfully choose. Thank you for joining us for the healing is possible experience. We're here Every Tuesday live 10am AM Mountain. Also you can access on the Rebecca Silence YouTube channel. So many, so many shows from over the years and we just want for you to remember that healing is possible. And not just for me, but for you and for all of us. And the darkness is real, but don't you dare forget, so is the light. Love you. See you soon. Thank you for taking the time to be here with me. So much goodness coming for you in 2023 and I am honored to be your coach and on this journey of life with you. Fore.