Rebecca Silence explains why anger, grief, and fear are signals, not problems. She walks through how to actually feel them instead of pushing them down: write, move your body, cry, sit with discomfort a little longer each time. Therapy helps. So does her coaching.
We all have emotions and they so often get confused with feelings and how we feel. I'm Rebecca Silence, Creator of Healing is Possible bright and early on a Monday morning with your healing message that it is possible to relax into and make friends with your emotions so that you can actually move through and beyond them into more possibility. I really see our emotions as our guidance system. As human beings, especially as adults, kids often don't have words for these emotional experiences that can be really deep and intense. But adults do. We have words, we have wisdom, and we have access to healthy coping skills. And I want to talk today about, about what to do with all that, because our emotions can absolutely kick our asses, take us by surprise, overcome us. But there's so much we can do, and especially now, as life is somewhat more and more going back to freedom. I'm not going to say normal and I'm not going to say that life is going back to the way it was, because neither one of those things are true. Life can't go back to the way it was. And what was normal isn't going to be anymore. And anyone out there that's wanting to go back, you're just going to keep yourself in a hamster wheel of tension and frustration because we can't. So what's the difference between emotions and feelings? So emotions you're born with. When we're babies, when we're really little, we're not questioning our emotions. And I alluded to some of them in last week's Healing message. Anger, grief, fear, joy, excitement. That's about it. We're born with anger, grief, fear, joy, excitement. Not questioning those emotions and feeling them when they show up. Feelings are about the experience that we're having. So I can be an experience of disrespect, I can be in an experience of frustration, I can be in an experience of rejection. I can be in an experience of over responsibility. That's not emotion. When you're in an experience that's darker, heavier, upsetting. There's an emotion underneath that experience that you need to feel. And my goal this morning is to kind of break this down and make it simple. That doesn't mean it's easy, but it is this simple. The experience doesn't define you. The experience isn't absolute or even real. When we're suffering, we're in some experience that is an illusion that we can move through, take on and heal through. But in the moment, it's really sometimes difficult to realize that. So the gateway to your freedom is actually getting to the heart of the emotion that's stuck feeling your way through it and coming out the other side. And a couple more myths about emotion is that something is causing it. I deal with this in my coaching practice all the time, especially in my couples intensives where people think their partner is causing how they feel in their emotional experience, when in fact all these emotions, they're stuck in you and they're needing and looking for an opportunity to come out. And if we won't just be with and meditate on and move through these emotions, we're going to need life to show us we're all clogged up and gunky and stuck with our emotions. Nothing outside of you is causing that emotion. It's already in you and it needs to come out if you're going to be free, if you're going to feel lighter. And it can. So we don't need a drama to give us permission to feel these emotions that we won't let ourselves feel. And that is often what I see people doing in my coaching practice and in life, especially now. So how do you feel these emotions in a healthy way with anger? I am just going to give you a few tips for each one in today's healing message is it can absolutely and will absolutely change your life if you let it. And disclaimer, I want you dealing with and facing and moving through these emotions with support. Don't try to do this by yourself. Don't try to open up Pandora's box and expect things to go well when you're dealing with core issues that you've never dealt with. Find a great therapist. Find a coach. I'm available to support you, especially in my coaching intensives. I have new coaching intensives that are designed to, in four hours, give you a complete emotional cleansing. And they are powerful. But back to a couple healthy strategies for each emotion with anger, just write it out. The ruthless words and experience that you are in. We have got to deal with the way you are feeling and the experience you are in and then let that emotion come out. The key key is not to take these emotions out on anyone else and to not be in a story that anything outside of you, a circumstance, a person is causing it. My first coach, Carol Reynolds, used to say, like, take these two fingers, point them at yourself and say. The correction always goes here. That is true with emotions as well. It's up to me to be with what this emotional experience is and to powerfully take it on, feel my way through it and get onto the other side of it. And the same is True for you. So with anger you can write an angry letter, you can be judgmental, harsh, whatever you need to be, just get it out of your body onto the page. The second thing that you can do with anger is actually move that body. Get a punching bag or what I do is boot camp every morning. Walk, just feel the emotion in your body, breathe through it and move through it. I did a couple's attensive recently and one of the participants went for a run to just move through the anger that was coming up because this person was confronted, not used to dealing with that emotion and that was perfect in that scenario. So anger, let her move. Grief, you just have to let yourself cry. I wrote an article earlier, I guess it was actually in 2020, please let yourself cry on Thrive Global about just let yourself cry. When those tears come, what we do so often is we bottle them up, bury them down and we don't have to. It's literally OK to cry and to feel your way through it. And then again, we don't need some drama story to justify our victim tears. We need to just let ourselves cry in a healing way. And I actually have an experience when I'm crying victim tears, my eyes will get all puffy. When I'm grieving and just letting out the tears in a healthy way, it's a much different physical after effect. It's very interesting. I say my body doesn't let me get away with victim tears. Fear. It's again about moving through. And another Carol Reynolds ism, she would say go as far as you think you can and just take one more step. So when you're afraid, go as far as you think you can and then just take one more step. We're so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We're so much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. And then, and only then, when you'll deal with those darker emotions of anger and grief and fear, will you really have access to joy and excitement which are also. You are right. Don't be afraid to be joyful and excited and then you are not going to be happy until and unless you can be with all of these emotions. So take your emotions on with support. Why not? It is the second half of 2021 and we all get to reinvent right now. And then I don't think it is possible to reinvent without feeling our way through the stuck emotions that we have buried. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you so much for your courage. I'm representing Be Life Magic today with my witchy woman shirt. And my message to all of you is feel those stuck emotions and reach out to me if you're ready to heal. If you're ready to take on an intensive but faster track to healing into the next chapter of your life, reach out to me.
