In this YouTube interview, host Kelly Cervantes welcomes author and mental‑wellness coach Rebeccah Silence to discuss the impact of seasonal depression and how it can reveal misalignment in one’s life. Rebeccah explains that the winter months often surface hidden struggles, offering an opportunity for healing. She outlines five key signs that indicate a person has "lost themselves": (1) chronic people‑pleasing, (2) abandoning personal goals, (3) conditional joy tied to external perfection, (4) relationship imbalance with a lack of reciprocity, and (5) fantasizing about an exit strategy from work, relationships, or life itself. For immediate improvement, Rebeccah urges listeners to make a decisive commitment to love themselves and to claim ownership of their life, emphasizing that self‑love is the first step toward breakthrough. She shares her personal story of surviving cancer with a 5% survival chance, positioning herself as proof that healing is possible. Rebeccah promotes her book, Coming Back to Life, which frames trauma as a tool for growth and includes exercises for deeper self‑knowledge. The conversation stresses that the relationship with oneself is the foundational relationship that shapes all external interactions. Practical tips for navigating the seasonal light shift (clock change) are offered, and listeners are invited to follow Rebeccah on social media (@rebeccahsilence), attend upcoming retreats, and visit her website.
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As much as we want life to be perfect, it isn't always that way, and it can be easy to get frustrated, but our next guest says, "Hold on a minute, healing is possible." I want you to welcome author and coach Rebeccah Silence. Thank you for being here, Rebeccah.
Thank you so much for having me.
Absolutely, we need you, okay? 'Cause this time of year, we hear a lot about how to stay healthy from things like cold, the flu, right? But I wanna talk on, and you guys know I'm all about this, about mental wellness. Why is this so important too?
Well, this is the season where the truth really comes out. So seasonal depression is very real, but it's also the time of year where you get to see, is how you're living working for you? And where, how you're living isn't working for you. So it's actually good news and there's hope.
Okay, that's really good to hear the hope word.
Okay. Yes.
You say there are 5 signs that you've lost yourself, and I think I might have 4. Yeah. Can you break down these 5? What, what are the 5?
Yes, so I'm working with clients all around the world, and if any of these are real for you, I don't want you worried, we can heal it. So the first thing is you find yourself people pleasing, focused on what everybody else wants and needs way ahead of prioritizing your own needs. The second thing is your goals have gone out the window. All you care about is other people being happy or not upset, and then you've gotten your goals. What do you actually want to create for your life? Maybe you haven't thought about it in decades or more. The third thing is joy has become conditional. You can't be happy unless everything is perfect and everybody else is happy. And then relationship imbalance— Right. —is another one where you're giving more or feeling like you have nothing to give and the other person is giving more or barely anything. That lack of reciprocity is a real, problem. And then finally, you're fantasizing about an exit strategy, whether that's from your job, your marriage, your even relationship with your inner circle. If you're fantasizing about an exit strategy, what you can know for sure is your life isn't yours anymore, and that just means it's time to take it back. Not that anything is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you.
Okay, what is something we can do, Rebeccah, like today to improve our mental wellness? I have a roundtable here because I deal with mental illness. I have anxiety, I have depression. Yeah, how can we start Right now.
Yeah, right now, I want you to decide to decide that your number one job is to love yourself in your life. Oh, wow. That's how you start. You do not need a breakdown to breakthrough.
You just have to start loving yourself.
You have to decide your life is yours and you're worth being the one leading the precious mission called your life. I beat cancer with a 5% chance. Wow. That's all I had. Wow. Okay, I wrote a book about it, we'll talk about that. But I don't want you to need a crisis or problems to force your hand to take your life back. Wow. Just decide.
How do you do that?
I understand it's not easy, but it really is simple to go, you know what, I've already survived so much. From here on out, the rest of my life should be about living and enjoying and getting the most out of my life. And that doesn't mean everything's gonna go your way. Life's gonna go your way and then it won't go your way. And none of that'll be about you. It'll just be about who are you going to be in the moments that are not going your way. [Speaker:REBECCAH SILENCE] Right. [Speaker:KELLY CERVANTES] And if you're finding yourself afraid of another season of seasonal depression, let's not assume this winter is gonna be the same as all the other winters. This could be the winter where you root back into you and you decide joy and the experience of life you're having is more important than anything else, than people pleasing, than any achievement success metrics. I want you focused on alignment and knowing you're worth it.
Alignment. I should get that tattooed on my arm. Okay, I have to mention the clocks are about to change, like you said. Yeah. This means less light, right? What can we do to stay on top of seasonal depression?
Yeah, the first thing I want you to do is buy my book, Coming Back to Life, because this book is a book around how to use trauma to your advantage. It's about what's right with you. And I have exercises to help you meet and get to know yourself like never before. Oh, wow. This could be the winter, you come home to you. Oh, that's beautiful. You return to you. Yeah. And you end this year strong with your life on your terms because you said so.
Wow. I'm trying so hard to do that. I will be purchasing this book. Yes, please. One last question. I'll give it to you. Yeah, okay. Okay, this is all yours. I was like, don't let this go.
No, this is all for you.
Okay, one last question. Why is the relationship with ourselves one of the most important to maintain? Because I'm dealing with that currently. And it's almost like sometimes I'm a stranger to myself. Do you know what I'm saying?
I absolutely do. So returning to yourself is what I want everyone watching today to decide is most important. But your relationship with yourself isn't one of the most important relationships, it's the relationship. Yeah. Because everything else is a reflection back to you of how you treat yourself. Your relationship with yourself is reflected back to you in every interaction, in every moment, every time you look at the bank account, every time you step on the scale, how you really feel about you is being reflected back to you. And I promise, as someone who's been through it and defied the odds, there's nothing you can't heal. Healing is 100% possible. So where you're not happy with you, where you have insecurities, where you have fear, where you have doubt, where you fall into fight, flight, freeze patterns that keep you stuck in suffering, all of that's information that we want. So I'm gonna be the coach that says lean in. Let's find your weak spots. Let's be in a bring it on energy instead of an energy where you're helpless because you need everything outside of you to change for you to be okay.
I'm definitely a people pleaser and I understand that if nothing, if no one's happy or people aren't happy, then I'm not happy within. Yeah. So I need to start again.
Well, here's the deal though. If you're a people pleaser, let's just take that and go, there's only one person to please. Right. And if I ain't happy, none of it matters. None of it matters. Right, 'cause not the money, not the success, not the, you know, promotion, not the, finding that perfect person, right, it won't matter if you're not making sure the more I'm taking care of and honoring and respecting me, the more I can serve and be my best for other people. That's amazing.
Unbelievable. You can continue this conversation and connect with Rebeccah by following her on social media. Take a screenshot of this if you want. Her handle is @rebeccahsilence. She also has some retreats coming out though. That's so lovely. So learn more online at rebeccahsilence.com. While you're there, I want you to check out her book, Coming Back to Life. Thank you So much. I need this. I know our viewers did.
