Monday Healing Message: Boundaries with an Open Heart Give You Access to Possibility

What are boundaries? Have you ever felt like you just don't know what to do in a moment? I'm Rebecca. Silence, creator of healing is possible with your Monday healing message that boundaries with an open heart actually give you access to more life, more possibility in and to miracles, which are. You are right. So what does all that mean? I don't know about you, but my weekend was full of opportunities to set boundaries with a closed heart or to run away and hide, or to fight. And what I remembered was our healing message from last week about keeping your heart open and the freedom and the magic that comes from doing that in the hard moments and the breakdowns. And today we are going to take it a step further and talk about not only keeping your heart open, but keeping your heart open while you set and have and honor clear boundaries. So boundaries are just you knowing what you need to hold the possibility that you want for yourself and for your life. Let me say that again. Boundaries are very simply just you knowing what you need to hold the possibility and the standards that you have set for yourself and for your life and for where you are now. What are the results you want? What are the standards that you have? Where are you going? Once you know those answers to those questions, it is time to set some boundaries to help you get there. And what I see all the time in couples coaching, in the couples intensives that, that I've been doing so much of this year in 2021, and if you didn't know, I spent two days with couples helping them reset, restart, and reinvent their relationship while we keep our hearts open and heal through whatever's in the way of more love and intimacy, whether they're going to stay together or not. That's possible. And then we can't do that in relationship with other people if we haven't learned how to do it with ourselves, right? So first, you got to know where you want your life to go. Second, what do you need to stay solid within yourself and to stay committed to that vision? That's what the boundaries are. They're not you trying to get other people to change. Every time I want a situation or another person to change, I gotta go, well, wait a minute. What do I need to be? What alignment needs to occur in me to be able to do what I'm doing and go where I'm going, regardless of what's happening around me? That's the name of the game. How do I be with an open heart? Because again, it is so freaking easy to shut our hearts down. It is so Freaking easy to push everybody away, to write people off, to push them out of your life, to change jobs, to, you know, even like what I used to do. I would change men in relationships, homes, cities, states. I was just the definition of a runner for so long. And I ran three marathons during this time as well. I was just running away from. And I want us all to think about, like, when you close that heart of yours down, you are running away from possibility, miracles, connection, and the life you want. Nobody ever got closer to the life they want by shutting their heart down. Nobody ever got closer to the life that they want by saying, my boundary is you need to be different. Or else how people get to the life they want is by keeping their heart open, knowing who they are and where their life is headed and who they need to be to make that happen. Regardless of the shit show called life in the world and other people, the shit show is going to be the shit show. Welcome to being alive. And then you can use the shit shows to be more, to live more, to experience more, to open your heart more. But that's not what we're taught to do and that's not even what we're supported in doing. I see people all the time choosing friends, choosing a support system that validates how unfair their situation is or how unfair their life is. And I'm not trying to be mean. I'm saying, yeah, it's not fair. And you're stronger, you're more powerful, you're more capable than whatever it is going on out here. Figure out who you are going to be and lead. Lead. Step up your leadership game with an open heart. And man, you become unstop with the ball, un. Mess with the ball. And that's what I want for you. That's what I want for my kids. That's what I want for all of us. I want you to be a person that can't get messed with because you know what your boundaries are and you know how to set them and you know how to live them no matter what. So again, a boundary is just what it is that you're going to need to hold the vision you have for your life. And where I think a lot of people make mistakes is telling other people they need to be this way, they need to be that way. They need to stop doing this, they need to stop doing that. They need to start, you know, doing xyz. You're never going to get the other person to change. And even if you do, temporarily. And man, how can I say this? Because I'VE only done it a million times to other people. Anybody I've ever bossed around, I'm sorry. Anybody I've ever tried to manipulate, I am deeply, truly and genuinely sorry. Because I have done it. I have been the manipulator. I have been pushy and controlling. And it isn't because I didn't care. It's because I was afraid. And we don't need to be afraid. We need to get into leadership with an open heart and stop trying to get them to be different or in our own agenda of what we think they should do, what we think the right thing is. No, it's about you get an opportunity every second of your life to figure out who you're going to be and when you know who you're being and why you've got healthy boundaries. I'll say that just one more time. When you know who you're being and why you have healthy boundaries and when you don't know who you're being or why you don't. And then I don't know anybody that has boundaries down. I'm not pretending that I do. But I do know I can start by keeping my heart open, not pushing people away and being available for the breakthrough opportunity. The breakthrough is just that movement through the stuck. And it does exist, that this situation that feels so hellish can shift and evolve and change and get better. And it is real that with healthy boundaries, where you have your heart open, you can actually use the breakdowns to get closer to people. I had to happen with family members and with friends and colleagues this weekend in different scenarios. The breakdowns got us closer, but first it got me closer to me. Not in an arrogant way, in a clarity way. Who am I being? That's part of the breakdown. Who would I need to be with an open heart to gain access to miracles and love and more connection here? It's not perfect, it's a mess. And if you don't know me yet, I get raw, I get real, I get messy, and then I grow. That's my process. I don't know what yours is, but that's been mine. That's the way I work with my clients. That's the way I facilitate couples, intensives, retreats. We get raw, we get real, we get messy, we grow. And when you're creating boundaries, I believe that process is one to normalize. You know, it's going to start out feeling scary and vulnerable, most likely, and then from there you start to get clarity and honest about what doesn't work for you. And don't skip the part about figuring out and connecting to what would work for you instead. All right, so many people are like, here's what won't work. Here is what I don't work want. That's not a boundary, that's a wall on the other side of here's what won't work, here's what I don't want. Connect to what you do want, knowing it may work out, it may not. You know, it's a trial and error process. Boundary setting is a shit show just like life. And it's a trial and error process that'll get you closer and closer and closer to knowing quicker and quicker and quicker who you're being and why. From there it's going to get messy. You're going to have to risk it. You're going to have to risk, hear me, you are going to have to risk being willing to sit with the discomfort and the upset in you first in others for there to be any type of breakthrough around possibility and connection which will give you access to miracles. The messy part is the trust fall. The messy part is the surrendering and free falling into how it's been becoming the new baseline, the new how it's going to be now and then from there growth. But shutting your heart down only going to create toxicity and pain. It is a wall keeping your heart open. It is the start, it is the first step in more possibility. But from there it is time for you to lead in your boundaries, in what takes care of you and what's needed and what's next for the results that you are committing to growing into and being the person that it takes to create. And I'm telling you, if you're afraid to set boundaries because you don't want to make a problem worse, the breakdowns are there already. The conflicts, the volcanoes that are ready to erupt, the storms that are on their way, you can't chase them away. You can't run or hide and skip the inevitable eruption of that volcano like it's coming whether you like it or not. So who are you going to be? You can run but you can't hide. So you might as well be willing to face it and lead it sooner rather than later. The breakdowns are there and they're not your fault and they're not any other person's fault. They're a clashing of values or a clashing of perception that if and only if you're willing to let the conflict come to the head that it needs to to heal and grow, then you just stay basically in a position where you're held hostage. Does that make sense? Like the breakdowns, the clashes, the conflicts, they're already here. And if, and only if you'll be willing to lead your life and with your heart open with boundaries through the conflict can you have a new experience. Boundaries give you access to a new experience. The situation is what it is. The conflicts are there because there is growth, opportunity. Nothing is wrong. We are not setting boundaries because anybody is bad or wrong, including you. We are setting boundaries because we want more. How awesome is that? I'm Rebecca Silence, creator of Healing Is Possible and I want you to learn how to play with and flirt with setting boundaries with an open heart so that you can have more possibility and more connection and more healing. If you're interested in joining me in the Healing as Possible hot seat for breakthrough laser coaching, get in touch with me right away. If you want to book a free discovery session with me and begin your Healing Is Possible journey, there's a link in the comments and then you can also visit me anytime at rebeccasilence. Com. Healing is Possible. See you soon.