Overcome Challenges and Live Your Best Life By Being Your Own Healer.

We all have obstacles to overcome that we have overcome. We all hear people talking about living a happy and healthy life, but how the hell do you get there? I am Rebecca Silence, host of the Healing as Possible Experience, and this is what I am here to talk about today. How to overcome challenges and live your best life by becoming your own healer. I mean, it is cliche. We have all heard it, but, you know, we will never get the right answer or guidance from someone or something else that has us finally feeling like that void inside is filled and complete and we get to be done with it. So many people are basically managing their way through their lives instead of fully experiencing and living their lives and loving their lives. I am an emotional healing coach, and I teach the practice of emotional healing. And more and more, I am recognizing that what my work is truly about, in a nutshell, is it is about teaching people how to become the healer they have always needed so that they live the quality of life that they've been dreaming of, that they've been longing for, and that they totally deserve. I think when we focus on the external meaning, the situations, the circumstances, the traumas, the abuse, the injustices, whatever it is, that's real. I'm not denying that it's real. I'm just suggesting that there is a way to not just try to either brush it under the carpet or try to move on in spite of these things, or to try to figure out how to cope and manage even though there is still pain or heartbreak. I think the key, the ticket to freedom is to become so connected to yourself because you've fallen in love with yourself. You've learned how to trust yourself, and you respect yourself in your life so much that you're unwilling to waste a drop of it. It a drop of you and your capability and a drop of you and your life, like, from that place, we can design and create a gorgeous experience of life. You know, and I. I really want us to give ourselves permission to reinvent. And what I mean by that is I want us to give ourselves permission to get really honest about are we even liking our lives? You know, when I talk about how are you really. When I talk about how are you feeling? What I'm really talking about is, how's the quality of your life? And that's an amazing journal question that I absolutely hope that you will take some time today and just journal. Don't think about it literally. Let your soul write and answer this question. How's the quality of my life in there? Don't be afraid to get honest about challenges and obstacles and issues that you're struggling with or that you are emotionally charged about. And I know it's time to heal. If there's an emotional charge, meaning anything from an adrenaline rush experience to a heaviness or a pit in your stomach, if you're not neutral, then there's an emotional charge that needs to get neutralized for you to get clear so that you can lead your life from a clear and certain place about who you are and how you're feeling and what is right for you. Next, this show, the healing is possible experience. It's designed to take you on a journey of hope and healing so that you can get more connected to your truth. You know, I say it all the time. There is not a wrong way or a right way to live your life. There is not a wrong way or a right way to heal. But you know, one of the biggest things that is new about the way I live and the way I teach and the way I coach now versus even six months or a year or a couple of years ago is I am experienced driven. I'm not results driven anymore and I was. But to me, that focus on results, results, results, the thing I like about it and I do still keep for myself is knowing the results that are important to me. It gives me a way to be aware of whether or not the way I'm living and the choices I'm making are supportive of this vision and this result that I'm excited about or not. So if I, for example, I'm now a published author, I have a book, it's called coming back to life, out and available for you. Publishing date is October 11th, but pre sale is available right now at rebeccasilens.com As I was pursuing this book and wanting to share my story in a way where it could help people connect to their own story and connect some dots around some patterns and some possibilities available to them. I've been wanting to write this book for a decade and then I really got to look at is how I'm living, what I would want to share. I play a game with myself all the time, pretending as though cameras are rolling and would I want this version of me? Would I want this choice I'm making caught on candid camera? So I've been playing that game for a long time. But just having the dream of the book, it helps me think about who am I being or Brendon Burchard likes to call it role model mindset. Am I living in such a way where I want my kids to follow me where I'm actually in integrity as a coach and leader and facilitator around what I'm saying and how I'm living. I love the carrot of the result because it kind of puts us in check. Or it can. But what I used to do was I don't get to win until I cross the finish line. The result is the metric of success that is no longer even a little bit a part of my quality of life anymore. That results driven pressure cooker way of determining success. I am done with that now as I am sharing today, I am wanting you to think about what was something that was really true for you that maybe you are holding onto. But it is just not. It is just not feeling great because it is just not true for you. And I think that is really, really important. If it's not feeling great, it's not true for you anymore. And it absolutely maybe was true and served you. And then I just want us, OK with changing and evolving and growing into the next level of life that honors us, that takes care of us and that is fun for us. I think life is supposed to feel good. It's supposed to be a blast. We're supposed to enjoy it. But if we can't enjoy until we've had the result, that's a difficult way to live. If we can't enjoy unless we get validation or approval, I think that's a difficult way to live. Or if we can't enjoy because of depression or anxiety or a diagnosis or the amount of money we have in the bank or because we're not getting the promotion or because we're still single or whatever it is I'm going to suggest that's no way to live. And then if you're here, you on some level, you must want more. You must want more life to experience. And I think, you know, again, that's a huge difference in the version of me now versus a version of me not that long ago. You know, I am 100% experience driven. What is the experience I am having? And I know that I can have the experience, whether it is bliss, fun, love, enjoyment, excitement, being challenged. But when I think about I want the experience of being challenged. I don't mean I want an experience that's challenging. I want stimulation. I want to grow intellectually, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. So I want an experience, experience that challenges me lovingly and gently into becoming more and more and more of who I can be and more and more and more free. Because for me, those are the two things that motivate me. So the first thing I want you to journal about is what is the quality of life that I actually am, if I'm really, really honest, living now and then, what motivates you? Right. I want to grow into being the best version of me I possibly and into experiencing as much freedom as I can. And just me knowing that about myself, it helps me see, you know, where would it be easier to maybe want to throw in the towel or let myself off the hook. But that is an old version of me or that is an old habit. What can I try on now, like a new outfit that I haven't tried before, to be a different version of myself in this next experience. I recently had a very, very delicate, challenging conversation with somebody I really care about that's been in my life a really long time. And it was time to reinvent, you know, And I think not only is it important to give ourselves permission to reinvent within ourselves and for ourselves, but also let our relationships evolve and let that be okay. It doesn't mean something wrong is happening or something bad is happening. So I wanted, as I drove to this conversation, I wanted to be a version of myself that was completely not defensive, completely open and completely loving and completely excited about a next season of relationship with this person. And I wanted to listen and I wanted to understand and I wanted to plot, plan and scheme the next season. And that's exactly what we did. And then, you know, there is grief. I won't lie. Like in this exact example, I was kind of grieving the way it was on the way to the conversation. And I've been still in a grieving of the way it was ever since it was just a few days ago. But what I've learned is that I can grieve and be excited about what's to come all at the same time. And the grieving doesn't have to include stress or worry or suffering. It's just a letting go. And so when I'm talking about being experience driven now in my life, talking about being willing to get so honest about how you genuinely feel and what you genuinely want and what you genuinely are needing that you're unwilling to not have those things, how profound to be in a position and in a commitment to your life that is so powerful that you're not willing to compromise who you are or how you really want your life to feel ever again. And it's never. I say this a lot too, but it really is true. It's never the other person that needs to change or the situation that needs to be different. I had a meeting with a client last night that was thinking about if I could just end my marriage, then I wouldn't be so focused on my spouse and their decisions and how they are impacting me. And then what I know is if that person doesn't deal with whatever heartbreak or codependence or fears about letting go of responsibility for another person, they could end the marriage. But then the next romantic relationship or their relationship with their kids or a relationship with a co worker or a friend or a client or whatever it might be, those same emotional experiences will occur again on repeat, like Groundhog Day. Because the pattern never got healed, the healing never happened. And you know, a few things that I think are important when it comes to the practice of emotional healing is A, it's experience driven, B, it's different than mindset and strategy. I think the mindset at work and the belief work and the strategy work and the action plan work, it's really important. But I think it's got to come last when it comes to creating results if you actually want to have an experience of life in the process of pursuing the result. So what I mean by that is conceptually understanding something, intellectually understanding something like other people's emotions or feelings aren't my fault, aren't my responsibility. I, even if someone blames me for something, can know that I did the best I could with the tools I had. I can love them, but I don't have to take responsibility for them. This is an example of a doozy that conceptually a lot of people get that I work with, but they don't have it integrated yet. Like they get it, but they're still feeling hooked in or responsible. And so the mindset work, the strategy work, it won't change the experience of life that you're having. You know, we can be someone who is not into nature, for example, and then one day you can notice the tree out in front of your house blooming and have an appreciation that usually maybe you would have taken for granted or you didn't even know was missing from your life. We can do that emotionally too, right? I like literally colors that I did not like in my past foods. The same can happen with experiences. You know, I used to love, love, love crime shows and like not horror movies in the sense of horror movies. I've never really been a horror movie fan, but I used to like that traumatic, action packed type of show or movie. And I had a friend once, you know, you're dealing with trauma and emotions all Day, every day, and then you're watching this shit and you know, I'm finding myself more sensitive these days and just aware of there are certain times where I really am so sensitive. I don't want to watch something that before I used to love and it didn't seem to affect me or impact me, but now it does. My point is, pay attention to not just where do I need my mindset to be, what do I need the strategy and the action plan to be, but what do I want to experience? And I think that's advanced level living where you're aware of the experience you're having and then you're aware of the experience you want to have and you commit to that in the face of anything and everything that life is throwing your way. That to me is high level free living. And that's what I want us to have access to. And that's why I've developed the practice of emotional healing, so that I can know the difference between mindset and strategy work and internal alignment work. Right? Which is really what the practice of emotional healing is all about. You know, am I. Am I aligned with how I want to feel, how I want to live in the experience I want to have, even in the face of xyz. And I use my cancer journey as an example a lot because I think it's a good one. You know, there was this day where I remember waking up in so much pain. Basically I went from getting diagnosed with cancer while pregnant to having the baby to three weeks later beginning a series of 12 surgeries to make sure all the cancer or any skin that was suspect was taken care of and cut out. I had a very aggressive of melanoma and it had me in bed for nine months. And there was this one day where I'm in bed, I'm in so much pain. I was having severe, severe side effects from the chemotherapy that I was on to the point where I was beginning to lose the ability to walk on my right leg. And eventually I did completely lose that ability. I got it back because healing is possible. Not promised, but possible. And this one day I will just never forget waking up in so much physical pain. But what was worse was the spiritual crisis that I was feeling like I was in. And I really was. I was in a spiritual crisis. I was very confronted. I wasn't liberated around the idea that I get to evolve and change my mind about what I think and what I want and what I believe is important and what I believe at all. And I was just having this day where Everything hurt. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. And I was just questioning everything. Do I believe in God? Do I believe anything? I've been teaching for all of these years. Do I know who I am? Like, what do I want? Who am I? And I knew enough to know that it's easy to be your best when everything is going well. And that cancer could be a time in my life where I really got to put into motion all of what I had been working so hard to become and who I wanted to be. But again, that was conceptually I got it, but I still couldn't feel and experience the freedom of that. And this day, it was just really hard and I was really hurting. So I just remember crying and crying so hard, like ugly crying. And then screaming, not at anyone or anything. But there was so much rage stuck in my body and I was mad. I didn't want to be sick. I didn't want to not be able to depend on the identity that I thought I was the businesswoman, healthy, sexy, the, you know, mom I wanted to be the friend. I wanted to be the daughter. I wanted to be the sister. I wanted to be. All of it. I couldn't. I couldn't do. So cancer forced me to get beyond doing mode and to sit with being with me in my truth. And from there, getting to see where the misalignments were in me that weren't allowing me to feel free. So I'm crying, I'm screaming and I just let myself have it. Then 8 year old daughter comes in and we cuddle up in bed. This is the same day. And we watch the movie Home. And I don't know, I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Home, but it's adorable. And I am same day. I've let myself be with the fear, the sadness, the grief, the anger. Now I get to be with joy and excitement and in my work. Those are the only five emotions I focus on in the practice of emotional healing. Because those are the only emotions that we're born with, right? Like everything else is learned. Jealousy, rejection, abandonment, neglect, even abuse. Like if I'm identifying as abused, I learned to do that. And I'm not saying, believe me, I've been through a ton of trauma. I'm not saying that the trauma didn't happen or the abuse didn't happen, but our identity doesn't have to become one with the event. I didn't let my identity become one with cancer. Cancer. I, Rebecca, am Rebecca. And then cancer happened and I could have the experience of life that I wanted to have regardless. And this day is, I think, just a perfect example of this where I wanted to experience freedom and fun and I didn't know how I was going to make it happen. And I think mindset and strategy and results driven focus have us very much hyper focused on how, how, how. And I think that's a lot of pressure, you know, to try to figure out. And this day I didn't know how I was going to get there, but I just let myself be with my truth in the moments as they were happening. And I really believe because I was willing to be with all that darkness. I had the most gorgeous two hours or however long the movie home is experience with my oldest daughter Madison. That day. I'll never forget it. And I remember that day being a turning point for me and recognizing none of the emotions are bad or wrong. And when you won't feel the depth of these emotions that can't harm you, can't hurt you, can't harm anybody else, can't hurt anybody else. Man, do you get access. It's like I was a vocal performance major in college. I used to sing in the Denver Opera Company when I first moved to Colorado. And when you're doing vocal training and vocal warmups, the lower you go in your warmups with your range, the higher you can go. I was a mezzo soprano that began that then became a soprano one, which all that means, if you don't know, is I can sing at the top, top, top of the range. And the highest range in choirs is soprano one. But the way you really work with that upper part of your range is to develop the lower part of your range. Right. And I think the same thing is true emotionally. And this day is just a great example of a day where I did that. Some of you may have seen yesterday, my team posted a video of me just crying the other day. I was just having a moment. So I am like, see, this is the emotional healing coach showing you. I cry all the time. Now when I say that, that doesn't mean hours and hours and hours. It was in the beginning because I had so much clogged up, stuck emotion buried, deep emotion that I hadn't fully expressed or released. So in the beginning I cry and I cry for a long time now it's pretty quick, especially if I stay on top of it. And you know, the becoming your own healer is, I think, a commitment to freedom and to having the experience you want to have no matter what. And when we get these emotions, you know, there might be A backlog at first, but then when you are just willing to be with them in the moment, release, release, release, feel. Develop that lower range so you have access to that upper range. To me it is freedom. And then everybody is different again. I'm not saying here's the way. I'm saying let me help you find your way. Right? Because you are the healer here, right? A lot of people talk about you're the hero. Well, I'm going to say you're the healer. But the point of healing isn't to be a wounded healer, to glorify the wounded past that you've had. The point of healing is to get to a point where you're clear and you're certain and you're confident that you get to have the experience of life you want to have now. Not until and unless or as long as certain circumstances unfold the way you need them to, but now, starting now, in the moment you're in. And that day, watching home, it was such a beautiful memory that I'll never forget because I realized, ok, you know, I have had my priorities wrong, like the wrong direction for me. And I talk about that too. You know, freedom too is not about parenting yourself in a way that is A, based on what you think you're supposed to do because of your childhood or what you think is right or wrong because of what you've learned or judged, but instead just is the way you're living the right direction for you? Is the experience you're having the right direction for you? Or is it the wrong direction? Or is it this used to be the right direction doesn't feel good anymore. So that right there is all you need. That's the indicator that it's time to evolve and blaze a new trail of possibility for yourself that you haven't pursued before because you didn't even A, know you could or B, feel prepared. And I just think we're never going to be prepared. But we can put mindset and strategy and results driven, focus on the back burner and instead focus on freedom, whatever that means to us, and know that we get to become the healer that gets ourselves free. Because no coach can do it for you, no guide can do it for you, no medicine can do it for you, no change of scenery or divorce status can do it for you. It is you with you. That is the game and that is the practice of emotional healing. So how do I get neutral and willing to be with the grief, the fear, the anger, the joy, the excitement in the face of anything knowing what's important to me, knowing where I want my life to go, knowing who I am with confidence, certainty. That's the game. And again, we're not healing to stay focused on the woundedness or focused on the past we do have to face, move through and conquer that past, that trauma, whatever it is, whatever it looks like to get free. And that is all right. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being a leader. The world does need you healed so you can make your difference. And if you want more, just go to rebeccasilence.com visit us. Reach out. I love you so much.