A short interview with life coach Rebeccah Silence about coping with loneliness, framed by pandemic disruption and seasonal depression. Rebecca emphasizes that life has changed permanently but can improve as individuals commit to their goals, decide not to be defeated, and cultivate self-love. Practical advice includes choosing to pursue meaningful goals, becoming your own primary source of love (mirror exercise/truce language), and using Rebecca's Emotional Survival Kit course and upcoming book as tools for emotional recovery.
Is dealing with loneliness.
Okay?
It's very easy if, you know, especially like during the pandemic, it was really, really, really tough and now we're coming out of it and, you know, you see this, you see that, and obviously you try not to compare yourself to what you see on social media. But at the same time, if you're just, if you're feeling like Eeyore and nobody gives a damn and you're just kind of like there's. What's a good way to kind of help yourself deal with loneliness?
Yeah. Well, and this is a season where seasonal depression is a real thing and this is a time in history with the pandemic where life really isn't going to go back to the way it was. So not only could we be comparing ourselves to other people and their view of how their love life looks or their life looks on social media, but we could also be dangerous, dangerously comparing life how it used to be to how it is now.
The best mix from the 90s to now, it's mixed with a 2.5 big pop. In the afternoon on a mental wellness Wednesday. Life Coach Rebecca Silence RebeccaSilence.com the emotional survival kit is available there. And get the new book. It is available for pre order. It's going to drop any day now. Coming back to life wherever you get your books. Life coach Rebecca Silence Rebecca. Hi, how are you?
Well, hello everyone. We're in the thick of fall and back to school and new beginnings.
So with it being fall and there's a lot of fall stuff, some people call this, some people call this cuffing season where they find someone to, you know, to, you know, a boo for, for the wintertime and then, you know, once the weather gets nice, they, they get single. What I'd like to talk about today is dealing with loneliness.
Okay.
It's very easy if, you know, especially like during the pandemic, it was really, really, really tough and now we're coming out of it and you know, you see this, you see that, and obviously you try not to compare yourself to what you see on social media. But at the same time, if you're just, if you're feeling like Eeyore and nobody gives a damn and you're just kind of like there, what's a good way to kind of help yourself deal with loneliness?
Yeah, well, and this is a season where seasonal depression is a real thing and this is a time in history with the pandemic where life really isn't going to go back to the way it was. So not only could we be comparing ourselves to other people and their view of how their love life looks or their life looks on social media. But we could also be dangerous, dangerously, comparing life how it used to be to how it is now. And it's never going to go back, and it won't go back. Doesn't need to be something that guts you or levels you or, you know, depresses you, quite frankly. It's never going to go back. And it can keep getting better because you keep getting better. So the worst thing that any of you listening could do is decide to just be defeated. Like the dream you had for how you wanted life to look, it, it isn't over and it's not impossible. I was just texting with a woman this morning who has been a client and is very much confronted by. She has everything she always thought she wanted and she's still not happy. So she's like, in this position of, it looks picture perfect, but I'm still not happy. Why? Right. So it could also be that, like, you might be lonely thinking life never got to where you wanted it to go, but it could also be you're lonely and life's exactly how you imagined it. And now what do I do about that? Right. So this conversation is really deep and there's so many different angles to look at this from. Right. But number one, the dream you had for how you wanted life to go, you still can have it. So just because things haven't worked out yet, or just because it seems like there's no hope or end in sight or possibility that you're going to get the relationship or the money or the house or the vacation or the relationship with your family of origin or whatever you're wanting, you deciding you're unwilling not to have these things, that's essential. So number one, when you're lonely and you're making it about the way life was supposed to look, you've got to decide what you're going to commit to and what was just something you thought you wanted, but you don't actually care about doing the work to create. Some people want to be something single and in open relationships for their entire life. And there's nothing wrong with that. Some people have a dream of marriage, some people want kids. Some people, you know, I know Elizabeth Gilbert talks about, she's an author, she's phenomenal. She's chosen to be celibate and single for the last three years after her wife died of cancer. And she's powerfully choosing it. So the next thing I really want to Talk about is what is your relationship with you? How much do you love yourself? Because the loneliness won't go away until and unless you become your greatest love story relationship. That might sound crazy. But if your value and lovability and worthiness is all hinging on whether or not another person wants to be with you or on whether or not you met your goals, that is a lonely empty shell of a life.
Okay, so with that being said.
Yeah, this.
This is the weirdest question I may have ever asked you. So Rebecca, how do you love yourself better?
This is a brilliant question and I am so glad you asked because this is the medicine. This is the medicine for loneliness, anxiety, depression, stress, worry, all of it. Ok. The way you start to love yourself. I'm just going to give you an exercise and you can tell me. Rebecca, this sounds crazy. I don't care. I have been suicidal over and over and over again. I have abused alcohol, I have had eating disorders. I was in a domestic violence marriage. I had about this much self worth and I refused to love myself because I didn't think there was any point until I changed my mind. And what I know is you loving yourself means you will experience the world differently. You will not experience being loved more than you love you. So let me just lower the value on the side self deprecation conversation. Here's why I don't love myself. How could I possibly. I don't care who you are. I don't care what you've done. You need to honor and respect and love yourself again if you want to feel free, if you want to feel joy and if you want the loneliness to be a part of your past that doesn't continue to bleed into your future. So the best answer I can give you straight up, buy my emotional survival kit. Course, take it. You will love yourself more. Period. End of story. In the meantime, commit to being someone that at least learns to love who you've become and the person that you are striving to become. You don't have to love all of the choices that you've made. Not yet. You can start with deciding that you are someone who wants more. And that is something you respect and that is something you love about yourself. You can start with knowing you're going to become the person that has everything you ever wanted because that's your right. And I know this might sound crazy and idealistic and too simple, but it really does start with a decision. So I want you to own. You are making a decision every day to not love yourself. And when you don't love yourself. You're disrespecting and dishonoring yourself, which invites the world to disrespect and dishonor you. Because you do, the world won't be better to you than you are to you. The next thing is take five minutes, look into your own eyes in a mirror and just let yourself know, either in your mind or out loud. You can say the war is over. Let's start with a truce. If you don't love yourself, you're at war with yourself. You need a truce so you can reset and you can start fresh from here. And if I can fall in love with myself in my life, I anybody can. Anybody can. I had a coach say to me once, there is no reason based on your childhood and the trauma that you have experienced, that you are not just an addict in the streets or completely depressed or anxious. I made a decision to not let my past or my pain win and to meet the best of me so I could get the best out of life. And you can all do that. It is a decision and you are worth loving and take my emotional survival Kit course, please. It will change your life in less than three hours. It is all the best. I've got to give you the reins and the power to take your life back and in a way where you love your life again because you love you, you are so worth loving. And we won't love ourselves more than we feel like our parents loved us. And if we don't break that chain and become the person that parents ourselves in the way that we always deserved and should have been loved, it's a miserable life and it doesn't have to be that way.
And if you want to find the emotional survival kit, it's available@rebecca silence.com It's a mental wellness Wednesday Life coach Rebecca Silence new book coming out soon. Coming back to life. You can actually preorder it right now, wherever you get your books, Rebecca, great stuff. We'll talk to you next week.
