Overcoming the Odds, What It Takes to Really Win | Healing IS Possible Hot Seat - Rebeccah Silence

Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Healing Is Possible hot seat. I'm your host, Rebecca. Silence. The Hot seat is brought to you by my team and rebeccasilence.com and the mission is in the hot seat to get hot, to get sticky, and to shake things up so that real healing and more life can just launch out of us. I've got amazing guests every single week. If you want to be a volunteer that gets laser coached in the hot seat, you get in touch with me right away today. I have a dear friend, very special guest, Jodi Costello here with us. And Jodi's amazing. Jody has become a woman that has taken on the construction industry. She has her website, Contractors from Hell, and she had an experience of being pretty screwed over in a construction situation and has decided that that should never happen again, particularly to women. Jody's been feature featured in the New York Times, the LA Times, Success Magazine, People magazine, more than I can even remember where she's been featured because she's got a message and what I want us all to know. Healing Is Possible does start with what's your message? We do live into our purpose of being who we are, but then we also have gifts and a message to give to the world. So with all of that being said, I am honored and thrilled to to introduce all of you to Jody. Welcome, Jody, to the Hot seat.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm ready. I got my seatbelt on.

Awesome. Let's all buckle up. So, Jody, who are you and what do you want people to know about healing?

Oh, my goodness. Well, healing is possible. We know this, right? I mean, I came from a very dark place where I was, for me, in this particular instance in my life, I was renovating a home. And I made a lot of mistakes because I got screwed over by a very unethical contractor. And I found myself facing obstacles and problems that unfortunately tens of thousands of others have faced. But for myself, I just said, enough is enough. And I decided to go public with it. And I made a lot of stink. I made a lot of noise. I just got out there and I went to the people who I believed were accountable, which is the governing agency that oversees contractors. And I made a point to go to all their meetings. I kind of stalked them. I really did stalk them around the Southern California area and they couldn't ignore me. And that's what led to my creating my website, contractorsfromhale.com. it really started out a way for me to document what was going on with my case because I had hired some attorneys. I Ended up in litigation because it was that messy and that difficult. And you know, it took off from there. The media got a hold of it and it was just kind of interesting because the contractors board was getting accused of some not so great stuff that hit the news with me and before you know it, I had, this was not the plan, it's just what unfolded from all of this. So there you have it. There's a lot of stuff in between there, but it was a three year long battle and there were a lot of hard lessons learned. But I ultimately won my cases both with the civilly and with the contractor state licensing board. And that led to the enforcement chief of the contractors board in Sacramento, our state capitol, asking me to work with him to help better educate and protect consumers. And so I worked with him as an advocate for 17 years and that was a good outcome because we helped a lot of people along the way. So I was grateful for that. So that was a good outcome. I mean, think good things did come out of it. But you know, when you go through these trials, when you're in the muck of it all, it's hard to see your way out. And so for me, it was like I had to have a focus, which was, I will win this no matter what they say, because it's very difficult to win construction cases. I don't care what state you're in. It's very difficult, it's very costly. And unfortunately, these contractors can easily file bankruptcy and you'll never see them again or, or get a dime out of them. And we had multiple construction defects. And so I really needed that money to, you know, complete my house. So I just. There was just, no, there wasn't any room in my mind to say, oh, it might not work out. No, I had to just stay laser focused and really just look at the goal. What is the goal? The goal is I'm going to win this case. I'm going to win this case. Like declaring that every single day, even when I was told, you know, you're going to have to kind of expect that it may not work out in your favor. Well, you know, it worked out favorably for me, much more so than anybody else. So I'm grateful for that part.

Yeah. And it was bigger than just remodeling your house. Right. Like your mother's life depended on the renovation so that you could move her in. I mean, give people just a little more of the, the dirt around the cost of not winning.

Yeah. Oh boy. You know, I can remember. Well, first of all, we Were adding an addition to our home to bring my mom home to live with us in her last few years. I had decided, quit my job. I was in medical sales, device sales at the time. And I was going to be home to kind of help oversee this. And my dog, her doctor said she's got a few years and I thought, okay, we're going to do this. But then with all the delays and all the problems and just what happened, I was considered to be the poster child for what can go wrong, will go wrong in a construction related lawsuit. The contractors board said they just were like amazed at all the things that did go wrong. But what was interesting is unfortunately right before trial, my mother passed like three weeks before trial. Of course we settled a week before trial. That's what typically happens. Nobody wants to go to trial. It's very expensive. But I got the money. So that's a highly unusual situation in a residential. Now if it's commercial or public works, it's going to be different. There's attorneys all over the place. But for little old me, you know, fighting this guy, it was kind of an amazing outcome. And that really just strengthened my reserve to really push for what, you know, to be right. I'm somebody who hates injustice. It just drives me nuts. I don't care whether it's in the situation I was in or if it's with, you know, animal abuse or elder abuse or something. It just gets under my skin and I always feel compelled to want to fight back or help or to do something. And for me, it was really shining the light on a situation that a lot of people that have been in my position and I still work with those people to this day, it's devastating. It really, not only financially, but relationally because husbands and wives can get into divorce. I mean, everything happens in the family. This is our sanctuary and it's being torn apart. And I just, I've seen so many different homeowners that come to me where, you know, the husband is really upset, the wife is very upset. Things have just gotten out of control. So, you know, so for me it's, it's always, I'm always really trying to help people who are in my situation. When they come to me, you need to try this, this, this, and this is what you need to do. I, I even say go to your local investigative news reporter if it's that bad of a situation like mine, because we did end up on the news because I pursued that end of it. And you know, if it's bad and like there's a disabled woman. This guy took all kinds of money from her, and she's. Now she's got nothing. You know, I encourage her to go to the news, get your story on the news, because when you do that sort of thing again, it's shining the light on the problem.

And.

And then the community will see that, and so will the contractor or whomever, the builder, whomever they're dealing with. And that usually starts to put a stop on things. So once you're in a situation like I was in, it's all about damage control. And after that, it's about, how am I going to make this right? How can I seek justice? How can I get my money back that I spent? Because now I'm ending up with construction defects, and I've got to have money for that because I've got to rehire another contractor and tear everything down. It can be. People don't realize how devastating a situation like that is. You hear the horror stories, but until you're in it and you've lived it, it's. It's a nightmare. It's just a nightmare.

Yeah. And to me, your story is amazing, but it's so much bigger than construction. It's about how do you find whatever it is in you that you need to pull out to make that stink, to stand for that justice, to risk it all because your outcome didn't have to end up the way it was. And then you would have gone from screwed to maybe devastated financially, but you kept going, and upping the ante and upping the ante and upping the ante. And, you know, for all of us, I love the metaphor here, of your home is your life. You are the contractor of your life. And then how many of us, I mean, we teach it in schools. Back when I was a school counseling coordinator and school counselor, we teach kids not to be bystanders, to have a voice. But how often are we modeling that for our children? How often are we just standing by and hoping someone else will have the voice or take the reins or take the leadership?

Yeah, we. You know what? You can't do that. You just cannot allow yourself to stand by and let yourself get, you know, run over by whatever situation is in your life, my life, because we're the architects of our life in so many different ways. I mean, obviously there's. I'm a person of faith, all that. And believe you me, that had me going because I was like. I was like, praying and meditating and going, I am going to go through this. I'm Going to win this. I'm just the strength. I need the strength. And I just kind of. You know what? You just kind of reach deep down inside of you and realize that you've got the strength. You've got to pull it out. You've got to pull it out, and you've got to push. And it's funny because I know that I tend to be a little bit more. What's the word? I have a strong, persistent type of a personality. When I see something that is wrong or that I need or that I want or that I believe should be part of me, my fabric, I will. I'm persistent. I will find ways to develop something in me that I might be lacking. And because we all. We're not all perfect. We're, you know, we all have our, you know, our flaws, but that doesn't mean that we can't overcome those things and, you know, find another way to do something better for ourselves, because we just can't succumb. If we succumb to it sometimes, like, you're dead. You cannot do that.

Well, and all this sounds great, Jodi, but then we have people watching that are like, well, easy for her. I mean, were you always this assertive and fierce and feisty, like, as a kid or how. How talk to us about how you go from I wasn't that to I am that, and you are not wanting to mess with me?

Yeah. Well, no, as a kid, I was pretty shy. I did not. English was not my first language, so I had to. I went through some, you know, my kindergarten and first grade was a little tough for me because.

What was your first language?

Portuguese.

Okay.

So. And I. It was just difficult, and I was pretty shy. And. And so when you asked me what changed, I would have to say that I went. When I got into high school, I actually went to a girls school, a private school, and I. And I learned a lot of things there that I didn't learn when I was, like, you know, in, you know, elementary school. And I was. I, you know, I was put in situations where I was put in situations where I had to pretty much stand up for myself. And I. And I learned. And I learned it now. I had good mentors. Okay. There was teachers at this school that really helped and was. I mean, for us gals in that school, we were all going through our own stuff, but it was like I started to come out of my shell and to become more me. And then probably I would say from there is. I just had to deal once I got out of High school, I had. There was a couple of family tragedies that happened, and I was it. I became the person that needed to take care of everybody, you know, that I had to step in and it was like I was forced to. So that whole high school experience kind of prepped me to take care of what needed to be taken care of, to do what needed to be done, to make everything, to preserve things, to make everything okay. And so if you ask me, well, what was it that. Well, you know, early on, my mother got very ill and she was diagnosed with bipolar. And that was like a crazy thing to have to deal with because I didn't grow up with that, but so I had to kind of deal with that. And I don't know if you've ever been in a situation when you're around those people, but it can be. It can be very difficult. You're dealing with that. And especially when they go off and scary. Oh, yeah. And. And I. And I was a young kid and, you know, I mean, I was like, you know, 1918, 1920s. And so I had to deal with that. I learned very quickly. I had to grow up really fast and, and take care of the situation. My father was a chief engineer and he traveled around the world, so he wasn't home for much of this. So it was me. So I would have to say, in answer to your question, what was it that made me who I am now, was that experience is because I had to not only grow up really quick, but I had to deal with situations that, you know, kids that age in their teens, you know, that's not something when you're seeing a parent, that you have to go through that. That's very, very difficult. So I would have to say that's the thing. And you know, thank God, because I've been able. I've been up against some situations. And of course this, with this construction thing, I was just. I was out of my mind, I can tell you. I can. I remember being out in the patio and having a scream out fight with the inspector for. Because he would, he never. The inspections. He was always failing and he always had an excuse. And I just lost my mind for. I was like, oh, no. And I don't think she was used to seeing a homeowner taking a stand and being so adamant about it. But there was a lot of mistakes. So, you know, but also I learned from a lot of that because when I get. When you get into litigation, into court, you can't lose your mind. You've got to be so Focused, you.

Know, you've got to be.

So because you don't want it, turn off the judge or anything like that, my attorneys warned me, is where you need to be calm, cool and collected. So. Which was a bit challenging for me. But again, there was another, that was another thing I learned in the midst of my frustration and not knowing what the outcome was going to be, only knowing that I was going to win no matter what anybody said, is again, I had to pull out from that strength. He said, okay, you need to be. This is how you need to be so that, you know, you don't turn the judge off. And so I learned how to just state the facts, man. Bam. And. And I, you know what that was. It's so fun because we all go through these ups and downs and trials in our lives, right? And they make us who we are and we just grow a little bit more in the direction of who we are authentically, because that's for me. And I think if anybody that knows me would always say, oh God, you don't want to mess with Jodi, it's you get. Only because they saw what I went through for all those years and they saw how, you know, how I just stood strong in my beliefs, in my unwillingness to accept defeat because that was what it.

I want to just pause you here because you're saying so much for your life, everybody watching. There is so much at stake if you won't use your voice. It is not easier to stay complacent. And I hear that all the time. I was talking to my daughter's 16 year old friend last week and you know, 16, making some decisions. And she just said, but Rebecca, sometimes it just feels easier. And I said, well, that won't give you an easy life. It's not easier to stay small and shut down with no voice and complacent. And you're modeling that for all of us, Jodi, so beautifully. And you know, the other thing is it isn't natural or easy, but we can, and I teach this in my coaching practice and in my courses, use the pain of our childhood to give us a mission and a purpose that allows us to make a huge splash and a huge impact in the world. And you're modeling that literally. And you would never know that English wasn't your first language. The way you speak so eloquently. You've been featured all over the globe in the media. You literally didn't have a voice that would be understood or heard in school as a little girl. And then now look at you. Like, it gives me massive chills all over my body. But we all can do that using that pain and that trauma and the darkness. You're also just bringing us this tool and this skill. No matter what's happening, if we don't shine our light in the dark around us, nothing happens. Nothing gets better. It's more disease.

Yeah, that's so true. And I think that, you know, one of the things is women especially, and dealing with. And I get this all the time. They get very intimidated by contractors when they're talking the lingo. It can be very intimidating. But one of the things that. Which is why I have such a passion for women, which is why I created the home remodeling bootcamp for women, is because it would be. When these situations happen, it happened time and time again, year after year. It would make me crazy. Every week, there'd be somebody just desperate for help, and it would be the woman in the relationship that would typically reach out to me. And they were desperate. I mean, these were the mama bears and the she Bears that would come out going, I can't take this anymore. What do I do? And, I mean, they would. They were ready to fight. Fight. I mean, and these were women that didn't start out that way. They started out simply trusting that, oh, he's a contractor. He'll. You know, he won't. He'll do. He'll do. Right, Right. He's licensed. He's gonna be. Oh. And it just turns out to be the opposite. So these are the women that I. I really give fuel to, to. To lift them up, to prop them up and to get them. And I educate them about, here's what you need to do so that you can be successful, and you can be the one who manages and controls the outcome of your project and.

AKA our lives. Right. And this other piece of being unwilling to lose. We all have it in us. That's how I beat cancer. I decided I'm going to live. Like, I'm going to live or die trying. And I don't think I healed the cancer, but I was able to emotionally and spiritually and mentally stay in that commitment to my life, knowing it's bigger than me, the outcome. But what I do have control over is that level of commitment. And that is what you are modeling for us as well, this unwillingness to lose. My first mentor, Carol Reynolds, she used to say, put out both your hands. Burn the option of failure. You got one option. You're going to win. And I took that coaching and I ran with it. And I love being around another woman that has that same like minded viewpoint. And you know, there will be haters and other people's opinions and mistakes along the way. Speak to that.

Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. Talk about haters. Oh Lord. When I first launched it, obviously, you know, who hated me the most were the contractors out there from hell that would kind of go after me and. Which I did not respond to because that's not worth it. Little gnat in things. I knew who they were. You know, they're just, they're just the kind of people that I had to fight. And then I think that some of the, obviously the building industry. I know there was an article written specifically for the building industry. They didn't mention my name, but they did mention my website. And the thing that they said about that was we, you know, we're better than that. You know, we need to rise to the occasion and prove this person wrong. Well, that was 20 years ago. And they're still wrong.

What a compliment to you too. Like you lit a fire under their asses.

Yeah, essentially. And I still do to this day. It's, you know, when I go to these board meetings, I don't go to them anymore. I mean, I had to. Like that was 17 years. I was always asked to speak at their strategic meetings in an effort to support consumer education. But they're on the board for the contractors board. There are contractors. And not a lot of them liked me. And I could give a rat's behind if they did or not. I wasn't there to have them like me. I was there to make a point and to keep pushing my message out there. So. And I was fine with that. And I know that even people at the contractors board were a little put off by me because I was so strong in what I believed. And finally, I don't know when this happened about five years ago, I was at the last, I think, strategic meeting I was at. I was asked to come that I was embraced by a lot of these people. So there was a shift because the guy who was at the helm of the enforcement was a good friend and he propped me up and would always thank me in front of the board for the work that I did with him. So that kind of, you know, you think about it, there's the haters over there and then you got this person over here that really knows what I, what the work.

I did find the supporters.

Yeah.

Focusing on the haters.

I don't, I don't deal with the haters. I mean, I don't. Even to this day, I do not. They're not worth my time, and that's their issue, not mine.

And what about mistakes along the way? I mean, people get afraid to make that stink, to use that voice, to put themselves out there. They don't want to look messy. They don't want to fail or screw it up. But mistakes are inevitable.

Oh, well, but that's part of our journey, isn't it? Making those mistakes? Because, you know, for me to reflect back on, for example, did I have to have a screaming shot, shout out with this contractor? Yeah, yeah, that, you know, inspector. And she's trying to break up the fight. I'll never forget that. It was. It was. It was a comedy. It was really a comedy. And the guy was on. He was on drugs because he broke his leg because he's always. He was always on vacation, was never around. But I was just like, oh, I am so over this. But I mean, I. You know, looking back on that, I said, okay, did I have to get, you know, in. In his face? And I was feeling a little frustrated. I think after about 10 failed inspections, you kind of, you know. Yeah. But, you know, looking back and then, of course, then dealing with attorneys who said. Who know, my personality said, okay, here's what you need not to do, because they did talk to the inspector, so they did know what was going on. We need to do this calm thing, and you just need to stay focused, know what we're after, know what you want to do, and don't start getting all crazy, because it's not a good thing. I went, okay, okay, all right, all right, I can do that. We're, you know, we're at the end of this, you know, battle here, so I can be calm. I can be calm. So. But anyways, I honestly, it's. It's. Mistakes are inevitable, as you say, and. But we have to learn from them, you know?

Well, and I also love the coaching of make them a comedy, because they really are. It becomes hysterical, and that's when you know you've healed, when you can look back and go, oh, my God.

Yeah.

Like, this is just ridiculous. We can lighten it up as we shine the light in the dark, for sure. And it's not easy or fun, but it's worth it. And then your life gets easier, not harder.

Yeah, right.

Like, these hard moments, these hard leadership calls, inevitably will give you an easier life if you'll just do it, I promise you.

Oh, absolutely. I totally agree with that 125%, because I know, you know, looking back and there's so many little things that happened to me, you know, my. When you have nothing else as the defendant, him being that, me being the plaintiff, the only thing they could attack was me personally. So they just went after me personally. There's. This wasn't a personal injury case. This was a construction defect case. And they lost. But it was really hard for me to sit there in court at our pre trial and be attacked personally. And it was tough, you know, and they. I remember they wanted to go after my medical records and thank God my attorney said, this isn't a medical malpractice. You're not having access to that. So, I mean, that's the kind of stuff that when you step out and you step up and you put yourself out there, you are going to have your attackers, you're going to have, like you said, your haters. You're going to be up against it. So the strength to get through that. I'll tell you what, that whole experience just taught me so much about the resilience that I had in me. But all of that, as you said earlier, you know, being a little girl and then growing up and being so shy and not knowing the language, and then, you know, going from elementary school to a private school where I was encouraged and coached, you know, and then having that other experience with my family and all that, all of that just set me up. But these are the kinds of things that happen that sets itself for success down the road. So when you're in it, you're like, holy crap, this is like too much. You almost feel like you cannot take it.

Well, I think this is so important because you can take it. You are taking it. You have no choice. And you never know when that trauma is going to set you up and is going to be needed. I went through a lot of childhood abuse and when I got cancer, guess what I knew how to endure. I knew how to stay in the game. I knew how to not be afraid of the pain. And none of it was fun. No, but it is not going to last forever.

No, exactly. And it is same thing with me when I went through my cancer journey. And it is going to be almost five years in a few months. And I. And it was traumatic. And yeah, I mean, you know, I don't have to. I'm speaking to the choir here. It's like, it was like, holy crap, what? How did this happen? Is there anything. But I remember just kind of getting into a. Kind of a Zen zone where I said, okay, it's early stage. We're going to deal with it. I've got some great doctors, mind you, I had a lot of complications and six surgeries in less than a year. But, you know, I remember that last one where I thought, oh, God, here we go again. I just remember surrendering. Yeah, it was an interesting thing. It was like I was. I'm not going to go into the details of it, but it was like, okay, here we go again. Back to the doctor in a few hours, unexpectedly. And I just decided to surrender and know that I had the strength and. And the faith that I'm going to get through this. I'm going to beat this. It's. It's. I'm going to be good again. It's always going, you know, right. What we. What I did 20 years earlier and same thing with you, and you just. It just comes right back. You just get right into that.

Well, and I think this is another amazing point because just because we win one battle doesn't mean life isn't going to throw us another opportunity to get more into being who we really are and can be. And when we become victim to those circumstances instead of leading the circumstances, then we're pretty screwed and powerless and miserable. And, Jodi, I just can't thank you enough for taking the time to share yourself and your heart with all of us. My last question is about your mom. What were her thoughts about you going for it like this?

She really didn't understand because, remember, she passed before trial and I didn't want to stress her.

She had to have known you were taking on the industry.

She did, but she, you know, I had put her. She was living a lovely life. I put her in assisted living in a really nice place, Coronado Island. And. And it's. I can see it from my house, but she was living. I just shielded her. I just kept her. I wanted her to just, you know, because I knew she was going downhill and I didn't want to drag her into this. So she just trusted. Because I was always there and I always took care of her, so she figured I had it handled, and I did. So, you know, again. And I. And one last thing I would say is, like, it's so funny when you said when these trials, comes, these kinds of situations, to look at them as opportunities. Right.

I really see it that way.

Yeah. Because. And it's so important because even, you know, even today when those things happen and things come up, I have to go. Okay. There's a. There's a lesson in here for me. There's a growth opportunity for me. Something's going on here that I'm not aware of.

Yeah.

Not, not me to know. It's not mine to know, but that I'm going to be walking into something that's going to give me an opportunity to grow or get stronger or something. Something is going to come out of that that's good for me. It just doesn't look that way at the time.

Right.

I agree with you.

There's a way to win at being more of who you are in every situation and then we can't control the circumstance, can't make go away. But you can be more of you and you can decide no matter what, you're going to win, not the situation. And Jodi, I just adore you. I really appreciate your time. What homework would you give our audience?

Well, in terms of getting strong, staying, staying solid in who you are in really, you know, for me, you know, taking it away from a construction thing, it's always, even with construction, you have to make sure that you're not vulnerable to things that might come at you. Right. Whether it's in a construction related. But anything like what can you do to prepare yourself for the inevitable? We don't know what that is. Are you going to. Is it going to be. I'm going to stay strong in my faith. I'm going to. Gonna take courses, I'm gonna whatever that looks like. It's so important that we feed our souls and our spirits to strengthen it because that's who. Where we come from, you know, this physical body is something else. But that strength, that spirit and that soul, we really need to. There's so many great courses out there. We need to just really get in there and find out what our identity and destiny is. Right.

Yeah.

Because that's so important and being the.

Advocates for ourselves and for our mission and protecting ourselves, even if it's just making sure you're wearing your seatbelt.

Yeah, exactly.

So, Jodi, how do people get ahold of you?

Okay, so here we go. So they can always reach out to me through my website. Contractors. That's with AN S plural from hell.com or home remodeling bootcamp for women.com or jc@contractors4mail.com and absolutely, if there's anybody out there that is even listening is going to be contemplating a renovation, please download my free report. It's a seven mistakes Homeowners make that lead to remodeling disasters. You get that down, you're on a good footing. So. Yeah.

Thank you, Jodi. Thank you.

Thank you.

Such a gift to get to share this time with you. And if you're ready for more, if you do want access to your purpose. Absolutely. Go to rebeccasilence.com right now and sign up for the Healing as Possible five week course. It's the advanced course, but you will have clarity on who you are, what you want, where you want your life to go, why it's important to you. Absolutely. In five weeks and it's available to you to do on your own, at your own pace, in the comfort of your own home. Right now. Just go to rebecca silence.com and if you're watching on YouTube, subscribe to our channel. Join the free Healing as Possible Facebook community if you're not in it already, let's heal together. It is time to heal and healing is possible. So what are we waiting for? It's not easier to wait to heal. It's important to start now and that's what we want for you. And we will be live again next Tuesday. Every Tuesday, 10am Mountain in the Healing as Possible hot seat. Message me if you would like to be a guest next. Bye everybody. Thank you so much.