Parent Guilt And What To Do About It

Live and local it is. Big pop in the morning mixed with a 2.5 on a mental wellness Wednesday. Life coach Rebecca Silence. RebeccaSilence.com Good morning. How are you?

Hello. So grateful to be here. Let's make some magic happen.

So now that the weather has finally turned the corner, kind of sort of maybe, there is a lot of parents guilt happening all across central New York. I should be out doing more with my kids. I should be doing this. My house isn't clean enough. I should be doing that. We should be doing this. And I should. I feel guilty for not wanting to do something. Parent guilt is a real, real thing and I know a lot of people, a lot of parents are dealing with that right now because of the temperature change in the season.

Change. Yeah. And just in general, all around the world, all days of the year, no matter the season, parent guilt is real and can absolutely be overcome. And I don't think we've ever in all of our years had a conversation specific to parent guilt. But I love that you're bringing this up. It's a big conversation. Yeah. So okay. With parent guilt, you know what is happening underneath that is you thinking you should be better, you should be different and you should be more. And what your kids need is you present. Your kids don't need you better or different or more. They need you present. Just this morning, my 9 year old went off to school to take the state standardized tests in a giant Snuggie. It was my husband's morning to take her to school and it's standardized test day and it's also tech week. She's Hermione in Harry Potter and opening weekend is this weekend. So she has standardized tests, she has tech week late nights every night this week. And Mark let her go to school in a big giant Snuggie with her hair a mess, just like Hermione. And what I thought was so beautiful about that is Mark was just present where he was. My nine year old, Seneca got to be with a present parent while she's stressed, while she's tired, while she's nervous. Nobody needed to be better or different or more so. So I just want every parent listening. Please take the pressure off. Please stop thinking your parenting isn't enough or that you're not enough. And the more real you are and in the moment with your kids, that's the magic. It's not about how much money you spend on them shopping. It's not about taking them on some extravagant vacation. It's not about what you give them and how Many of us as parents. And I've been guilty of this too. I was a single mom for years with my now 19 year old and I would try to buy her things and have all of these experiences with her with financial backing that I didn't even have at the time, thinking somehow that makes me a better parent. And I was trying to make up for the fact that she really didn't have a dad. There's a very absent father that's very real for my oldest. So how do I make up for it? And not only do I want you as parents to stop trying to be better or different or more, I want you to understand you have nothing to make up for.

So, Rebecca, you, you said a couple times to be present.

Yeah.

Some people may not know what that means. So let's, let's, let's break it down to brass tacks. As a parent, you're saying, try to be more present with your kids. Describe what that is and what that could not be like, the differences. Because some people may, oh, I'm present, I'm here. But they're on their phone the whole time.

Well, and if you've ever had the feeling like so many of my clients over the years that you're just going through the motions, that you're just trying to get through the to do list and the day and onto the next thing and what's the next thing after that, that is a sign that you're not present. But I don't want us beating ourselves up because now we're realizing, wait a minute, I'm not present. What I mean by that, and I'm glad you're asking me to break this down because, you know, if you, if you haven't experienced being fully present, you can understand it as a concept, but how do we actually do it? Right? And it's super still mind chatter put on a shelf in the moment, first with you and then with the people that you love or the people on your team or whoever you're with. But this is key. You've got to be still and present with you first if you're ever going to be present with the people in your life that you care about or the people in front of you. And I think it's the hardest thing. I see it all the time with clients. How do I just be alone and be comfortable and confident in my own skin? And if you could even just give yourself five minutes a day. I'm not talking about meditation or, you know, trying to manifest something. I'm just talking about stillness with you. And the more you are in love with your own company, the more you can be with people no matter what they're feeling or no matter what's going on. And present doesn't cost anything. And it is just you in the moment and noticing how you feel and caring about the other person and how they feel. I mean, you know, yesterday I was with my 19 year old watching the eclipse and we were just present like nothing else mattered. We're just together and it doesn't cost anything. And then she wanted to make a TikTok and take pictures and video with my phone and she did total clips of the heart and there was a shot I got of her turning around and she timed the TikTok to turn around. It was hysterical and so much fun and it made my day and it didn't cost anything. So it's about making time to just be. And this is so cliche, but I promise you don't need to do more. You need to be more of who you are. And you know, the number one problem my clients face in their families is they're willing to change who they are to try to have this, you know, experience of family that they can't even measure, that they don't even know what they're striving for. And I am telling you, if you're guilty, it's because you've changed who you are in the name of love. And we don't ever feel successful or joyful changing who we are. And nobody needs you to change who you are. What everybody around you needs is more of you. Present with them, I promise. And sometimes it's hard, but if you just, for example, are in an argument with your teenager, if you just slow down and shut up and just look at them and pause, that alone could change the energy and that alone can be a reset. It's also about you don't need to say more, you don't need to do more, you don't need to say more. Be more and be more still and be more present and just let the moment in and do yourself a favor and get comfortable in your own skin being alone.

Life Coach Rebecca Silence on a mental wellness Wednesday rebeccasilence.com Talk a little bit about the content that's@rebeccasilence.com It's a wealth of knowledge.

Oh, there is so much goodness there for you. But listen Everybody, go to rebeccasilence.com and just immediately on my homepage sign up for my free masterclass the three must know secrets to heal and save your family and My definition of healing is freedom. I am here to help you have more joy, more peace and more fun at home. And my team and I just produced the most beautiful masterclass with you. It's an hour. It is life changing. It is completely free. If anything, start there. You can also check out my book Coming Back to Life. Other free resources, my private coaching services are all available and accessible on my website. But my God, start with the masterclass. It will change everything for you and it will actually walk you through the conversation we're having today about being present, letting go of guilt, letting go of being willing to change who you are in the name of love. It is phenomenal. I've never created anything I'm more proud of than this masterclass.

And again, it's available at rebeccasilence.com Life coach Rebecca Silence on a Mental Wellness Wednesday. We'll talk to you next week.

Bye everyone.