Life coach Rebeccah Silence says back-to-school chaos gets easier when you schedule weekly family check-ins, one-on-one dates with each kid, and time for yourself. She uses her own family, including nine-year-old Seneca, to show how treating these appointments as non-negotiable keeps everyone connected.
Questions this video answers
Two older children aged 19 and 23, and a nine-year-old (Seneca).
Name: Seneca. Role: Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter 2 production (previously played Hermione in Harry Potter 1).
Live and local mix photo 2.5 with Big Papa in the morning. It is a mental wellness Wednesday. Life coach Rebecca Silence online. Rebecca silence.com Rebecca, good morning. How are you?
Well, hello. Let's go. Let's make magic happen.
All right, so as we're coming to an end with the summer and school starting to kick in, time with your family, with your loved ones is going to be at a minimum, unfortunately, just because of all the activities and everything that's going on. Let's talk about trying to make the most of that time with the people that you care about, with your family, with your kids, with, you know, someone you're in a relationship with, making the most out of the time that you have together.
Yeah, I love this. And with Back to School, it is such an important conversation because we have to be just more intentional and more strategic about how we're structuring our time. Time. We have so much more time than we realize. That's just the truth. We have so much time. And if we're intentional about it, we can schedule a date with our kids every single week. Even in the back to school. We can schedule a date with our spouse, we can schedule a family date day. And those three things I have just seen over the years are the game changers. And I think it's in the moments where we feel like we don't have enough quality time or availability for quality time that we have to be disciplined and make the time and schedule it in and structure it. And I teach my families in my VIP coaching practice about this idea of even with your kids on Sunday, go over the week ahead with them. This is medicine for your kids and their nervous system regulation to be included in the conversation about what the week ahead is going to look like. And I always invite people to schedule in some time that we're looking forward to. If you can do individual dates with your kids. I have two kids. One's 19, one's 23, you know, struggling to become adults and out of the house. And we have a nine year old here, and I just know how fast it goes. So if you can go over the week ahead with your kids, schedule dates with them as much as possible, even if it's just once a month, it doesn't have to be once a week and it doesn't have to cost anything. You know, it's so precious to them. And then, my God, date your spouse. And if you don't think that impacts your kids, you dating your spouse means you're a united front, which means let's let's, let's hold.
I want to put a pin in the. In the dating your spouse. I just want to go back to the.
Yeah.
To. To laying. Laying out the week. Because a lot of times the parents will do it as far as. Okay, what does this week look like? All right, well, so and so's got this. Practice. So and so's got this. Okay, well, I'll get this one here if you get this one here. And the parents work it out. And the kids a lot of times have no idea. It's just kind of taken care of for them. So the fact that you make the effort to include them in this, you know, number one, shows them the responsibility and how much the, you know, the parents are actually doing. Amen as far. As. Far as far as that goes. So that way when they do have the time together, the children will appreciate it more too. It's not just, oh, whatever. Because it's. Because it's literally everyone's on the same page.
Absolutely. And I love the way you just said that. And the reason I'm emphasizing that date your spouse is because when you're going over the calendar with your kid for the week and they hear not only how much you are up to, but how. How much of a priority it is that you're making time for them and that you're making time for their other parent and prioritizing that, it's just so comforting. So I can't emphasize enough the importance of scheduling your week and going over it with your spouse, but then together as a family with your children and talk to them about coming up for the week. You know, our nine year old just had her big. They call it I ready here in Colorado, it's the big test at the beginning of the year to see where the child stands with all the different areas and developmentally where they're at. And this was incredibly stressful for little Seneca. She was like, what if I fail fourth grade? Because we're at three weeks into school already. Wow. Here, you know, but just because we were going over the weekend, she was able to say, and I have this test and what if I fail fourth grade? And we were able to talk about it. So there's so much good that can come. And then tonight is back to school night and my husband has something after that and I'll have my date time with Seneca tonight. And then she's in Harry Potter and has rehearsals. She's Ron Weasley. She was Hermione last time for Harry Potter 1. This time she's in Harry Potter 2 and she's Ron. And so we're talking about that. You know, these little things that really take like 30 minutes to go over the schedule for the week max can open up so much connection and so much conversation. And for those of you parents that are like, I don't know what's going on with my kid, every time I ask them, they're just fine or they're good, here's how to open up the conversation. And they just deserve to feel secure. And that's why the part about where you and your spouse are at and making that a priority is important for this conversation with your kids. And I'm just telling you, it goes so quick, it's super cliche. But you know, you have two older kids, graduated from school, it is the blink of an eye.
No, absolutely. And when you do set times and set like a date with, you know, with your child, with your spouse, try like everything taught to not to cancel because it's very easy. It's very easy to be like, we're both tired and that those are the things that will add up and that will end up hurting in the, in the long run. Is that fair to say?
Thank you for saying this. The other thing is just beyond don't cancel or be flaky. Don't agree to something that you already know you're going to resent later. You know, it doesn't have to be a date where you're going to, you know, a shopping spree at the mall and spending a bunch of money. It can be you're sitting down and watching a movie. It can be you're cooking dinner together. It can be you're jumping on the trampoline for an hour and a half. I literally done this too. And just letting your kid be the DJ or a dance party. We have the most epic three hour long setting as the DJ on YouTube, picking the music and we're just dancing and the night goes like that. You know, agree to only what actually is a win for you and really make it sacred, like church that you're showing up. And you know, I travel a lot, my husband travels a lot. We're all busy. And so them knowing they're important and that you care enough to proactively explain what's going on for the week and make time for them and make time for the family, it's everything. And by the way, when you're making the calendar for the week, please include personal date time with you. This is so important and we don't do enough of that with yourself.
With yourself.
You're saying yes, date, date you. You know, because. And all that means is schedule out some time for you alone to just reset and to hear your own voice and to recharge your batteries. Because if you don't think that makes you a better parent, please. That is the essence of you being the best parent you can be. All of what we've talked about today.
I'm glad that you, I'm glad that you mentioned that because when it comes to, okay, here's the schedule. And you want to show up for everybody and you don't want to cancel, but you need to recharge yourself as well. So when you're doing that, you're absolutely right. You got to make sure that you keep a little bit of time for yourself just to, you know, quote, unquote, fill up that cup. Otherwise, you know, you're not going to be the best version of you when you have that special one on one time. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. And today's conversation is just really about leadership. And if you're afraid, oh, I don't want to be selfish. They all need me. Be selfish so you don't end up lighting a match and blowing everything up later because you're so sick and tired of your needs are never met.
Right. Absolutely. It's a mental wellness Wednesday. Life coach Rebecca Silence. There's all kinds of content online@rebeccasilence.com There's a bunch of free content that can absolutely help you right now@rebeccasilence.com Love you all.
