Rebecca Silence, an emotional healing coach and former school counselor, walks parents through three shifts for the school year: see your child's behavior as meeting an emotional need rather than misbehavior, prioritize connection over compliance, and regularly ask what matters to them and why.
Hey, it's Rebecca. Silence. Here to talk to parents about what they can do for their kids as they're heading into another school year. I'm the creator of Healing Is Possible and an emotional healing coach, the owner of Inspired Results and also the host of the Tougher Together Breakthrough podcast. And after years and years of coaching families and kids, as a former school counselor and school counseling coordinator, I have a lot to say about what we can do for our kids that we may not even have thought of yet. So the first thing is approach them as innocent. This will change the game for real forever between you and your kids. They can feel when you're judging them, when you're making them wrong. And it will never work to blame them or to put them on the defensive or to try to intimidate or manipulate them into being how you want them to be. Do what you want them to do. They're innocent. No matter how goofy their choices or scary their choices are, their behavior is coming from a place of trying to get an emotional need met. So what I like to say is it's not what the behavior, it's why. And let's see them as innocent and get curious so that tip two, you can actually connect to them. The goal is always more connection. More connection, more success, more healing, disconnection. It's a guaranteed failure waiting to happen. So when you want to disconnect from your kids because of whatever they did or didn't do, I want you to remember what I'm saying. They're innocent. There's an unmet need underneath that behavior. And what they really need is for you to connect to them. All right now next tip is ask them what's important to them. And this might seem like a no brainer, but you would be surprised at how often this question, and it's not a question to ask one time. Our kids brains are changing and growing rapidly. They're going through so much navigating, fitting in with the family, fitting in with peers, and even harder trying to figure out who they are and what they want. Peter Pan syndrome is real. Peter Pan syndrome is real where they don't want to grow up because it's too hard. It's too much responsibility. We don't make being adults very attractive. A lot of the time we're working hard, we have pressure, we have responsibilities. Our kids watch us, they see our stress and they automatically can decide, oh my gosh, that's going to be how it's for me later as an adult. So what we want is to create a space where we're asking them what's important to you often. But beyond that, why? What does that mean? What does that look like? How can I help? Let them be them and you get off how you think they should be. And it's a game changer for your kids. They're awesome. You're doing your best. It's enough. Let your kids be who they are. Stay connected to them. See them as innocent. Ask them what's important to them and why it's important to them and how you can help them get there. And I wish you all the best. Heading into a new school year and a new season of parenting.
