Rebeccah Silence: The Power of Healing and Embracing Emotions

I will first start off by saying that my definition of healing is freedom. And for so long, I did believe there had to be a better way, that love had to be the solution, as cliché as that sounds, but I felt like a crazy person. Pause. Take a break. Reflect on life. Your moment of greatness starts now.

Mira time. In this episode, we will discover our true power to heal and shape the world around us. Helping us with this is an award-winning author, self-healing and relationship expert, coach, and media personality. Welcome to the show, Rebeccah Silence. How are you doing?

Toby, I'm so excited for this live conversation. I'm thrilled to be here.

Thank you so much. I'm also looking forward to having a so conversation with you, and I'm looking forward to learning so much about your own personal experience of surviving different kinds of abuse and also becoming who you are today and how you're helping other people out there to live their best lives, you know, by healing themselves and healing the world around them also. So I'm super pumped up for this conversation, and I just like us to jump into it already. I like to learn from your survival story of growing up in an alcoholic and abusive home, experiencing domestic violence and damaged self-esteem that came with that and damaged self-worth that came with that. So would you like to take us on this journey?

Yeah, you know, I will first start off by saying that my definition of healing is freedom. And for so long, I did believe there had to be a better way, that love had to be the solution, as cliché as that sounds. But I felt like a crazy person growing up in a house where no one seemed to understand we could do better. We should be able to do better. We had the ability to look at ourselves and be responsible for ourselves and do better. And I did grow up in an alcoholic and very abusive home on every single level. Afraid for my life and afraid that we weren't going to survive, my family, the abuse and trauma that was going on in the household. What I didn't understand is that the generational healer in the family typically feels like something's wrong with them because nobody else seems to see what they can see in terms of possibility and a vision of love and a vision of healing. So You know, fast forward, I was abusing myself and parenting myself really the way I was abused growing up in my teen years. In my 20s, I found myself in a domestic violence marriage myself in my early 20s with a young child. And I somehow summoned the strength to get out of that situation. But it was a big wake-up call because I had a master's degree in counseling already. At that time, and I had gotten a 4.0 grade point average, and I had worked in the state psychiatric center, and I understood mental health and mental illness. But understanding is never going to be enough to heal the patterns or to heal the trauma. And it's a real bitch when you get it, but you're still living. So I found myself getting out of a domestic violence marriage with a 2-year-old with all this understanding, and I was still recreating history. So that took my journey to the next level where I decided I was absolutely going to become an expert in emotional healing, in trauma healing, and in trauma behavior. I got coaching certifications and then developed what I call the practice of emotional healing, which really does free us and liberate us from our past. And thankfully I had not just the understanding, but the ability to embody what I live and teach when I was 34 and pregnant and diagnosed with cancer and given a 5% chance to live. My story is a wild one, but it's all led me to the place where there's no dark I'm not afraid of. There's no trauma I'm afraid to face, move through, and conquer. And there's no peace in my private practice work that I haven't been able to heal because of all of this. So my greatest testimony of healing today is the life I'm living now, the marriage I have, the way I do business, the way I lead my life, and the fact that I beat cancer against all odds just by resting in my unshakable wholeness and practicing emotional healing is such an example of what's possible, not just for me, but for all of us.

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Yeah, wow, thank you so much for sharing that. I mean, you've experienced a lot and you came out stronger than ever before. I mean, it's not everyone that goes through that that, you know, comes out to be as strong as you are. Some people crumble due to the, you know, the stress and the challenges and the pressure that comes along with that. So that— and you mentioned one thing that I would like to point out also. You talked about, you know, patterns. Like, you had all of this degree, you had all of this knowledge, but the patterns were still there, basically. And I think that's one thing that I would like you to maybe, you know, shine some light on also. Like, how can we recognize patterns in our lives and turn every knowledge that we have, everything that we've learned, everything that people are listening to right now, to practical things to be able to heal themselves?

Yeah. Well, and here's the first thing I have to say, Toby, that the strength in me is the strength, and we all have it. There's no one that's like special and strong enough to heal in a way where they're separate from the rest of us. We're all human. We all have innate strength. But what happens with patterns is they repeat until we heal them. And we are a vibrational match for the experience we're having. Until we heal through our pain. So what I mean by that is if I'm experiencing betrayal, that's because I'm used to it. It's normal for me, and I continue to be a vibrational match for it, meaning I expect it on some level, and I have the experience. What I want people to understand is we've all got the strength and the resilience and the courage to not let our past win. But to let the highest version of ourselves win. But the higher version of ourselves isn't going to win if we're not plugging into intentionally our spiritual GPS, the experience we want to be having regardless of circumstances. So I can have whatever experience I wanna have, even amidst chaos, even amidst situations that are not my preference. And that just downright sucked, right? Cancer felt really cruel because I had gotten married again. My business was thriving. I had a 6-month waitlist. I thought I had beat my past. Well, when it occurred to me cancer isn't, I have more inner child healing work to do and trauma healing work to do. Cancer is happening. I don't think anything happens to us or for us. I think life just happens and we get to decide who we're going to be. So when I realized this isn't my trauma all over again, this is an opportunity for the healed me to stay in leadership over my life, for me to practice. What's the experience I want to be having? How do I want to feel? Not once all of this goes away, but now. How do I get resolved without anything externally changing? That's what the practice of emotional healing is all about. So it's about saying, regardless of patterns, regardless of what I'm going through right now, how do I wanna experience this? And for me, I decided I wanted to experience the best of me, especially in the face of cancer where everyone's telling me you're dying, treating me like I'm dying, giving me a 5% chance to live. I'm 34, I'm pregnant again. And I decided the experience I wanted to have was an experience of true freedom and liberation and the best of me. 'Cause what I knew was it's easy to be our best when everything's going well. Not so much when shit has completely hit the fan. So in order to heal our patterns, we must know what the experience we wanna have is instead of whatever upsetting or unfulfilling experience we're having now. And at the very least, you can choose to plug into your spiritual GPS. My mission is with intention to plug into this GPS, my right to experience the best of myself and the best of life, even while life isn't changing externally yet. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm coming to that question later. I mean, that's so wonderful. I love the way you started with, you know, we all have this strength, we all have the power, we all have the courage that it takes to, you know, overcome any challenge that we are facing in life. And what I understood from what you said right now is that it all boils down to our intentions and our perspective to the way we see things. Like, you having experienced, or, you know, having cancer and surviving cancer, or you, you had that intention in you that you're going to survive it, you're going to overcome it. And the 5% chance was their own reality. Your own reality is that you are a survivor, you are strong, you're courageous, and you will pull through the experience, I would say. Yeah, yeah. And you talked about key into our spiritual GPS? I'm so interested in that. I'm so interested in learning how I can, how I can key into my spiritual GPS.

Yeah. Okay. So we're all born with power that it's very, very easy to forget no one can take away from us. We have the power of choice. We have the power to access and to stay in alignment with our spirit, with our essence, with the best of who we are. And when, again, it's not modeled for us that that is appropriate, when it's modeled for us that our emotions cause disruption or upset, that our sensitivity can cause disruption or upset, when we should just be good and not rock the boat, when we learn to fit in instead of focusing on what fits in with us, it's really easy to lose ourselves along the way. So just imagine our power is our strength, but it's soft. I love the quote, the most powerful person in the room is the most relaxed person in the room. And we get to rest in and relax into our unshakeable wholeness all the time, every breath, every moment, every day. But it's not what our societal norm allows for, right? I want us disrupting the codependent norms where we're supposed to give ourselves permission to lose ourselves in the name of love, betray ourselves in the name of love, abandon ourselves in the name of love. And what I want us to do is turn the volume up all the way on our power, to be fully expressed. I teach that so many of us are suffering from what I call high-functioning unplea— we achieve, we serve, and we're exhausted, and we're not getting back what we give out. And so many of you beautiful listeners are afraid to risk threatening the high-functioning part of your life. And I don't wanna threaten the high-functioning part of your life. You've worked really hard to break patterns and chains and to get to here. But if you're not finding peace, if you're not fulfilled, if you're not fully you, that means we're suffering from high-functioning unhappiness. So what we must do is threaten the crap out of how unhappy we really are by reconnecting to our power, to our spirit, to our essence that knows who we are, what we want, how we feel, and what our next correct step is. So just for now, no, all you need is to let your spirit guide your next step. We don't need to get overwhelmed. We don't need to go from A all the way to Z in this moment. We just need to get to the next most aligned step. And if you can survive survival, you can survive alignment with the truth of who you are. That is a promise. All you get from alignment is information that was already there. You see people's true colors. You see what's real and has been hidden in plain sight the whole time. So let's trust alignment and trust that the world can handle how powerful we are. And that's not aggression or force. That's just our alignment radiating power that is unmatched, that can have you not just survive anything, but thrive in the face of anything.

Driving in the face of anything. Yeah, yeah. And you know, if you can survive survival, then you'll be able to align with your true self. Yeah, I love that so much. But you know, I was just thinking about it right now. I wish my parents or my grandparents, why, you know, had this information and, you know, did not go through a lot of stress that turned into— not mine, um, because my parents might be listening to this. I'm saying, oh, what are you talking about? Maybe, you know, some other people basically did not have the opportunity to, to have this kind of information. And that led to a lot of family trauma because of abuse in the home, like your experience also. That led to a lot of stress in the home because the father had to work so hard, the mother had to, you know, put— do her best to make ends meet. And then the children suffer, you know, based on abuse and negligence and everything like that. Now the, the question is, the children have gone through a lot of trauma and now they are at this point right now where they are trying to survive the survival and they're trying to heal from that family trauma.

Yeah.

What's the best thing to do?

Yeah. Well, the first thing I want to say is you do not need a breakdown to break through. A lot of people say you do. Breakdown means breakthrough. Let's break down to break through. And I'm here to say, hell no, you do not need a breakdown to break through. You do not need to wait for things to get worse or for a crisis. Let's just decide to decide today that you've suffered enough, you've survived enough, and it's time to fully live. I wrote a book, Coming Back to Life, and it's a roadmap to heal from pain to create the life you want. And the reason I titled it this is because all of the clients I've had in my private practice now for over 16 years have said to me in one way or another after they work with me, they came back to life. They came fully alive. You do not need a breakdown to decide it's time to fully live, or a crisis, or a cancer diagnosis with a 5% chance to live to go, wait a minute, it's time to create a life that fits in with me and to give up trying to fit in because it never gets you anywhere but more exhausted and drained and suffering more, right? The second thing is Please understand the other person or the circumstance is never the reason for your upset or for your suffering or for your stress or for your exhaustion. It is helping you see where you're not super-proofed yet in alignment fully with your soul. The other person helps you see how healed you are and where there's still healing to do. And again, my definition of healing is freedom. So where you're not free, there's healing work to do. And without relationship or life mirroring to us how in alignment we are and where we're out of alignment, how would we know? So let's not be threatened when we use life and other people helping us see how aligned we are. Let's be grateful and let's go, okay, I always have the ability to choose alignment again and again and again and to get back into alignment again and again. Again, right? And then, you know, the third thing I want us to all understand, and this is the most important gift I can probably share with all of you today, is there's a huge difference between our feelings about what's going on around us and our naturally occurring human emotions that we need to feel. If we are not vibrant and radiating our light fully and connected to our power fully, we are emotionally dysregulated. And there are only 5 emotions I teach, Toby. Everything else is learned and how we're coping. What I mean by that is you're not born knowing you could be betrayed or rejected or abandoned, or that you can be jealous or neglected or abused. We learn that. So these are our feelings about what's going on and how we're coping. Anxiety is coping. Depression is coping. And I'm not saying it isn't real or serious. I've been suicidal multiple times in, in my life. I'm just saying it's safer and more comforting and comfortable to feel how we are coping that we learned than it is to get to our emotions. But our emotions can't threaten us. And here are the 5 that always, always, always we wanna get to at least one of 'em and release it, and then we're gonna feel free. So anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement. Anger, healthy emotion, not caused by anyone, not because of anyone or anything, and we don't need to take it out on anyone or anything. Same with grief, same with fear, same with joy, same with excitement. So not only can you decide you've been through enough today and that it's really time to live, but you can decide your emotions are the gateway to a life where you're fully alive. And you can learn how to be with them in a way that is healthy. And you can learn how to move through these emotions so quickly so that— this is the big goal— joy and excitement can become the rule you live by. And in my book, Coming Back to Life, Chapter 2 is just about this exclusive. We want you emotionally free, emotionally regulated, with joy and excitement as the emotions that are your default, your baseline, your norm. And then when darker emotions come in, that's not a threat. You know how to navigate them so you can get back to joy and excitement.

Oh yeah. I'm going to recommend your book to anyone out there who is interested in reading it. The link to your website will be in the show notes of this episode, and there are more information about how to get the book and how to, you know, even get across to you too. I mean, it's so wonderful you talking about the, the emotions. And when you talked about, you know, life bringing us those lessons, I was just reflecting on something I've learned also, that life keeps on bringing the same scenarios, the same lessons over and over until we truly have mastered them. Like, um, if someone has an issue with anger, if I— if, for example, if I have an issue with anger and I've not been able to master that emotion properly Life will keep on bringing different experiences, different things that would test my anger or my ability to master that emotion in me.

Yeah. Anger isn't bad. It's passion. Anger is always justified, but we don't want to resist it or deny it and turn it into violence against ourselves or other people. And violence, when I'm saying violence, I'm saying lash out energy at all. Anything you're fighting, that's an act of violence. That's an act of war. And anger has nothing to do with it. I can be, you know, my husband used to say when I was sick, he would make a joke that some days he didn't know what hospital to take me to because I would just be in my room screaming, and then I would be crying, and then I would be laughing because I can connect to these emotions so quick. They're neutral. They're precious. They're sacred. They're my humanity. And there's nothing wrong with being with our emotions and letting ourselves— a great anger technique that doesn't hurt anyone or anything is do air screams. Just get it out. Move the energy. Move the energy. My 9-year-old was just in Madagascar: The Musical, and she was Gloria the hippo. And there's the song in Madagascar, we've got to move it, move it. We've got to move it, move it. If we don't move these emotions and let them out, they're stagnant and they become toxic and disease inside of us. That's completely unnecessary.

That's true. It's completely unnecessary. Yeah. You know, one thing I admire about you, I'm just trying to go back to Ilin right now, is that You know, you experienced the family trauma in your family growing up, and that's one way or the other led to the first marriage that you had. And then, you know, you were able to heal. I, I'm sure in between you had the suicidal thoughts and everything that happened in between. And then, you know, you know, got into your second marriage, and now you are enjoying your life right now with your, in your marriage and all of that.

Yeah, it's a dream come true life, and we all have a dream come true life waiting.

Yes, and that's what, that's what I'm trying to, to reach towards right now. And for listeners out there also, would you say the healing journey is a continuous one, something that you're still on right now, or it's something that you can do in a phase of your life and then you're totally healed and you can get into the next relationship totally healed and full and complete and ready with joy and energy and everything that you need for the next piece of your life?

I think I think the healing journey is forever because here's a glass of water, right? We're born clear and pure, and life gives us opportunities every day to be triggered, to be wounded, to be upset, to be disappointed. So every day I have to get back to clarity if I want to stay as healed and free as possible. And the way I teach how to do that is you decide, what is it that I want to feel? What is it that I want to experience? What emotions do I need to move so I can be as clear and fully alive as possible? And this isn't easy, but it is this simple. So I'm not looking at my success metrics around achievement in this season. And I teach my clients it's about alignment, not achievement. And then the more aligned I am, ironically, the more I achieve very, very quickly, because the more emotionally clear I am, the more time I right? But I don't care about achievement first. That's just frosting. I care about, am I feeling how I want to feel? Am I experiencing the best of me and the best of life and having the experience I want to have in this moment? You always get to have control over that.

Yes. It's not about the achievements, about alignment. Alignment brings the achievement for you also.

Yeah. Biggest lesson Cancer taught me. All that matters is alignment because life goes my way and then it doesn't, and none of it's about me. I get to decide who I'm going to be through it all. I'm saying for you.

Yes. Would you say that helped you to persevere through that phase of, you know, having cancer? Or what are the other tools that you were able to use to pull through every dark phase of your life?

Yeah, cancer was wild because there's no medical history in my family of the most aggressive melanoma that exists that I had. Like, there was no reason. I don't tan. I'm the whitest white girl. I don't go out into the sun and I get diagnosed with melanoma, which made no sense. I was 34. It was the this amazing spiritual awakening for me because again, I knew how to be my best and how to manifest and how to achieve when everything was going well. But cancer taught me there's really nothing to fear. The darkness is real, but so is the light. And my spirit and all of our spirits are more powerful than anything outside of us. So cancer taught me how to be able to facilitate any case without fear and how to be able to facilitate my own clarity and emotional regulation in any circumstance without fear. And I'm just so grateful. And all I want now is to serve. Cancer offered me a pathway to be in a permanent co-creation with what I call God. My life isn't me alone on an island ever again. It's me in connection, plugged into God. Guided moment to moment. And that is the most exceptional and extraordinary experience of life I could have imagined for myself. And it exists for all of us. But again, you don't need a breakdown to break through. And I've created the products and the services so you don't have to spend all of the money I've spent for almost 20 years on growth and development. And you don't have to take that long to heal. I say healing can happen. The pain starts in a moment, it ends in a moment, and then you just keep practicing. That's why I call it the practice of emotional healing.

Yes, the practice. Yeah. I mean, thank you so much for all the tools that you provide. You know, I love the fact that you talked about, you know, we'd have to break down in order to break through. You'd have to hit the rock bottom in order to get to the top of the mountain, for example, also. Yeah, that's, that's so wonderful. I would like you to talk about the, the tools and the services that you offer. I know you have the books, I know you have masterclasses and other offers, coaching offers too. I'd like you to enlighten us on those.

Yeah, I would love to serve you, every single heart listening right now, and your family. And in 2024, my big mission is I want kids to have healed parents, and I want generational trauma cycles to end. And I'm helping a million families heal this year, and just you working with me will heal your entire family system. All the lineage that came before you, all the lineage that will come after you. So you can start with visiting me at rebeccahsilence.com. Rebeccah has an H, R-E-B-E-C-C-A-H, silence.com. I have a free masterclass, The 3 Must-Know Secrets to Heal and Save Your Family, that you can access right now, and you can press play immediately. I have the book Coming Back to Life, and I have my Emotional Survival Kit course. It's all the best of what I do with my VIP clients, and I, I bottled it for you. There really is a roadmap. There really is. Here's the healing bottled for you to be able to drink and run with immediately. And then I offer VIP private coaching services where you have direct access to me and all of that information. Is available at rebeccahsilence.com. But I would love for you at the very least to buy the book and to get the free masterclass. And let's go on a journey together where you personally get support from me and we launch your life starting now.

Now, yes, rebeccahsilence.com. One more time, the link will be in the show notes of this episode. So I encourage you to just click on it, try out the masterclass, get your book on Amazon or where you get your books, and also get the VIP package and get to work with you.

I would love to work with you.

Yes. Before I let you go, Rebeccah, we've learned so much about self-healing. And, um, you know, based on your experience, you know, experiencing domestic abuse and the family trauma and all of that, I as a person would love to break that generational, you know, family trauma and have a family that is healthy, that is emotionally connected, you know. Having that stable environment, um, and health, and, you know, a safe space for everyone. What, what is one thing I can do in order to ensure that I build healthy relationship with everyone in my family?

Yeah, it really starts with completely burning the option of being violent towards yourself in any way, shape, or form. It is about taking on self-love in a way that you will feel is so over the top, but it's the medicine. So how are you treating yourself in your mind? Start in your mind. Are your thoughts, thoughts of attack, violent, harsh, cruel towards yourself, self-deprecating, or are they gentle and loving and encouraging and empowering? Then connect to your heart. How do you want to feel? And how can you pour that feeling you're desiring, that love that you've been craving and deserving from other people, into yourself? Then let's connect to the body, which will tell you exactly what you need emotionally. Give it to yourself so that you can connect to your spirit, which will give you all the information you need about what you want and then give it to you.

Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you so much, Rebeccah Silence. I've learned so much from you from this conversation. I've learned about connecting to God, I mean, connecting to our spiritual compass. I learned about, you know, just not fitting in but standing out, you know, and surviving the survival. Also, I've learned so much about self-healing and also self-love, connecting with those calm thoughts and how to master our emotions, the different emotions that you talked about. You talked about 5 of them in this conversation. Thank you so much. I encourage everyone out there one more time to reach out to you, connect with you on every platform, and the link to your website in the show notes of this episode one more time. So I encourage you all to take part in the masterclass, get the book Coming Back to Life, and become a better person from now on. Thank you so much, Rebeccah Silence.

Please everyone, be careful with each other's hearts, and thank you again for having me.

Wow, you made it to the very end of this episode. Thank you so much for listening. I'm grateful for your time, your love, and your contributions. Subscribe, like, review, and share this podcast. God bless you.

Bye.