A radio/transcript segment where life and relationship coach Rebeccah Silence (with a guest) argues that rebuilding trust with others must begin with self-trust. The speakers emphasize trusting one’s own judgment and authenticity, raising personal standards to attract healthier relationships, and use Rebeccah’s cancer survival anecdote (5–10% chance to live) as an example of trusting oneself over external statistics or advice.
Rebuilding trust.
Instead of going, I will never be the person that betrays myself again. Therefore, I will attract people that don't betray themselves, which means they'll treat me better.
Mix 102.5 the best mix from the 90s to now. Big Papa in the afternoon Mental Wellness Wednesday Life and relationship coach Rebecca. Silence as always. Rebecca, how are you?
I am so well and so grateful to be here. Let's go.
So let's talk about something that probably is one of the hardest things to accomplish. And you're probably going to tell me I'm wrong because. Hi, we've met. Rebuilding trust. Unfortunately, trust gets broken very easily, and it happens every day, whether it be personal, family, work, whatever it is. And trying to rebuild that trust really is a challenge.
I'm not going to disagree with you at all. I think it is one of the hardest journeys, and I'm going to talk about it in a way that might be unexpected. I think this is such an important conversation to have, especially when it comes to mental wellness, because how does it feel when we don't believe we can trust, or when we expect our trust to be broken, or when we keep putting ourselves out there and just keep getting hurt again, on repeat, like Groundhog Day? This is real and it's an important conversation. So here's the angle I want us to look at. We can have the conversation, how do we trust others? But that tends to be a dead end for multiple reasons. What I don't want us focusing on is trying to rebuild trust with others. At the beginning of this very important trust conversation, how much do you trust you? That's the conversation we need to have. And I'll just raise my hand and say, I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't learned the art of trusting myself. My inner guidance told me, rebecca, if you don't quit chemo, you're going to be dead. And let's keep in mind those of you that are meeting me for the first time or don't know this part of my story. I was given a 5 to 10% chance to live. That's it. If I had trusted statistics, if I had trusted what the doctors were telling me, we would have just planned my funeral and I wouldn't be here. Instead, because I knew the art of trusting myself above all else, I'm still here. I don't tell people, if you have a cancer diagnosis, quit chemo. I tell people, regardless of your diagnosis, regardless of your trauma, regardless of your relationship status, heartbreak past, you have it in you to trust yourself and until you do, your life isn't yours. Until you trust yourself, your life isn't yours.
Number one. And I've been with you throughout the entire journey that you just talked about. And that is an extreme example of, of that. Let's, let's, let's dial it back just a little bit as. And like just go at, you know, you lied to somebody and to try to try to get away with X or you know you lied to your boss or you know you tried to get away with this or that. And don't take this as me diminishing what you had just said. I'm just trying.
Not at all.
I'm just trying to make it a little bit more relatable to, to more people. So that's, that's where I'm going. That's where I'm going. That's where I'm coming with this.
Well, and, and where you're going with this is so important. So yes, let's back it up and look at where and why aren't you trusting yourself if you're trying to cut.
I'm glad you trusted your gut.
Thank you. And thank you for being there every step of the way and being one of the people in my life that supported me, trusting me. And this is the, this is the deal. Super important. Because it's not like there are less important and more important moments to trust yourself in your conversations with your boss, in your conversations with your spouse, in your conversations with yourself with your children. In every moment you're making a decision and are the decisions that you're making and is what you're saying making you more someone you value and trust or less we always have control over. Am I being someone I can be proud of? And that is the beginning of self trust and self love being someone you can be proud of. And what we do is again, we have the wrong conversation with ourselves when it comes comes to trust. Here's what we trust. We trust that history is going to repeat itself. We trust that history is going to repeat itself. Instead of trusting we can change our own history. We trust that we're going to get our heart broken the way we always have. Instead of going, I will never be the person that betrays myself again. Therefore I will attract people that don't betray themselves but which means they'll treat me better. That's so important what I just said. When you're someone you can be proud of and someone you can trust, you attract people who are proud of themselves and who are someone that they trust, which means they are way better equipped to have a healthy relationship and to give as a healthier partner in relationship with you, whether it's romantic or otherwise. But what if, just for today, you decided I'm not cutting corners with myself. I'm not cheating myself, trying to get away with being less of who I know I'm capable of being. That's the beginning of your relationship with trust changing every part of your life. No longer being willing to be someone that cuts corners and that betrays your right to be proud of and respecting yourself. And here's the deal. You know. You know deep down what's acceptable for you. And you lowering the bar because you've never had better than what you've had is why you can't trust yourself and why you attract people that don't trust themselves, which means you won't be able to trust them either. I just want us to raise the bar. I just want us to just for today, only give ourselves permission to strive for what's actually acceptable instead of lowering the bar. We meet the bar wherever it is. And your bar has been too low. And you can trust yourself to lead every moment in any circumstance you find yourself in. You have only survived 100% of every single heartbreak that you have ever been through up until this point. That means you can survive anything, including the risk of raising the bar and putting yourself out there more as the best version of you. Yes, there will be feedback. Yes, there will be haters. Yes, there will be people that misunderstand and criticize you. But you won't. You won't hate or criticize yourself when you went for it. And here's the final thought I have for us today on this very important conversation of trust. The more authentic you are, the more you get information about what's real. What's real in terms of how other people behave and show up and treat you. What's real about how your life is set up right now? Authenticity equals information. Inauthenticity equals self distrust. And there's never a reason to give yourself permission to distrust yourself or to be inauthentic in your life. It's the opposite of mental wellness when you refuse to trust yourself. And you are the leader of your life and you are the difference maker in your life. And you can start just for today by going, I'm not cutting any corners. I'm going to be the best of me and I'm going to let the chips fall. And you just keep doing that one day at a time. Not only is your life yours, you're free and you attract people at a much higher vibration.
One of the things that people do when trust has been broken, if the person that has broken the trust will try to quote, unquote, make up for it and you know, to try to fix it and go above and beyond and go outside of what their norm is and who they actually are, to try to quote, unquote, prove that it's different and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So what you're saying is instead of doing that, focus on why, you know, focus on yourself and why that happened. And then as you're, as you're healing and becoming a better version of yourself, the, the other stuff will just kind of handle itself as it goes on. Is that, is that fair to say?
I love that. And let me just bottom line it even further. So if you're breaking trust in your relationships with other people, it's because every single day you're breaking trust with yourself. You're not someone you trust if you aren't some.
You just got really real.
I did. If you're breaking trust with other people, it's because you're breaking trust with you. So I love going, wait a minute. The way I just showed up in this relationship isn't good enough for you? Guess what? It's not good enough for me either. I am going to take this moment as an opportunity to be better, starting with me. Then I'll be able to be better for you. I specialize in two day couples intensives, rebuilding and repairing trust with couples. We all have betrayed ourselves and until we forgive ourselves and decide we're unwilling to not do better, we can't be better for our partners. But the deal is self trust first, then watch your relationships thrive. And yes, care about and use your relationship as a motivator to do better within yourself. But just know, until you do better with you, you can't do better with another human.
If you want to learn more, go to rebeccasilence.com Mental Wellness Wednesday Rebecca, always great, great stuff. We'll talk to you next week.
