Reinventing Yourself: 3 Steps to Unlock Your Full Potential and Live Your Best Life

So is it possible to create a version of you that is actually capable of more? The answer is absolutely yes. Okay, we're going. Okay. Three, two, one. Today on the Healing is possible experience with me, your host, Rebecca Silence. We are talking about reinvention. And this is a big word. This is a word I use every single day with my private coaching clients. This is a word I use in every single two day couples intensive that I do with a couple looking for transformation, healing, some way to get through the stale or the suffering that they're going through. Same with family intensives. But most importantly, this is a word I use with myself daily, if not moment to moment to moment every single day of my life. Why is this word so significant and what does it mean? So reinvention requires you to do three things that allow you to no longer be relying on the external to change for you to be okay, for you to be confident, for you to be certain about how capable, resourceful and resilient you are. You will never actually need the external to change. You will need the three things I'm about to teach you to reinvent the moment that you're in. This is a show where we take you on a journey of hope and healing week after week after week with the understanding that healing is not promised. But it's certainly, it's absolutely possible with commitment and especially when you know how to have a healthy relationship with, with what it would mean to reinvent, most importantly yourself. So let's dive right in. Absolutely. Stick around till the end. And don't forget to subscribe to The Rebecca Silence YouTube channel if you want notifications that allow you to see our newest content right away. Okay, let's dive in. So the number one key to reinvention is self awareness. Now, before I get into self awareness, one more big important piece of reinvention. I'm not asking you to be somebody else and I am certainly not suggesting that the answer here is to throw the baby out with the bathwater to start over or to be in any way thinking something is wrong with you in the version of you that you are today. That's not required, that's not healthy, helpful, and that's only going to make life more stressful. So let's talk about self awareness with that understanding. So self awareness from a neutral place, that's what I'm talking about. But what does that mean? So when I'm self aware from a neutral place, it's more of a curiosity and an observation and less of a personal attack against myself. Self awareness is about gathering information. For those of you that haven't met me before, I'm a cancer survivor, I'm a domestic violence marriage survivor. I'm a survivor of pretty extreme abuse in my childhood and more. There was a moment where I became so aware, but again, it was neutral. There was no charge, it wasn't hurtful or painful, and it didn't leave me feeling wounded. This awareness that my identity was wrapped up in a victim consciousness that was holding me like a blanket and keeping me from experiencing how capable I actually was. Self awareness gave me information that my story wasn't ending in. The moment I was finding myself in. My story no longer had to be that I was a damsel in distress, that life was just going to be crisis after crisis after crisis, that I would continue to need another rescuer, another hero, another someone that wasn't me to come in and be the catalyst for me feeling better or feeling more secure or feeling safe. Self awareness gave me access to. To the information that I was actually dumbing it down. I was seeing myself and treating myself as incapable Instead of reinventing my identity to accept finally, once and for all, the truth of who I am, which is there's never been a crisis more powerful than I am, than my ability to. To lead myself through that circumstance into something different. My ability to reinvent. And what we're talking about in today's episode is specific to your relationship with yourself and to your identity that will keep you confused about the truth of who you are and will prevent you from experiencing more. And again, yes, we want to experience more from life and we should, and we deserve that. But there's not any possible way to experience more from life when you haven't reinvented how you see and experience you, especially with life not having changed yet on the outside of you. Right? So self awareness is you having the courage to gather the information that will give you the opportunity to make a new choice. And this is because of how worthy you are. And this is because of how much you deserve. I love to say to my clients, you've been through enough already. No more contrast required. You have experienced the dark already. You have experienced heartbreak already. You have experienced feeling down and out and inferior and incapable and unworthy long enough. Regardless of how successful you are, regardless of how successful you've been, you've been through enough. And if you're not feeling fully fulfilled, if you're not experiencing life in awe of how magnificent you are and how magnificent life is and how beautiful life is, it's time to get more self aware so that you can be honest with yourself about what your choices are, how you're thinking, how you are being with you. If it's not feeling good, it's misaligned and self awareness will allow you to see what's misaligned in how you're interacting with yourself so that you can get back into alignment and then make your next choice from an empowered place. And the bottom line is, wherever you're disempowered, when you think about yourself, when you think about your capabilities, we want to turn that into not toxic positivity, not you, absolutely. Not trying to fake it till you make it, but you making a powerful and empowered choice to see the truth of who you are so that you can be an even higher version of yourself in this moment. Understanding you don't have the power to change the external, but you certainly the power to be self aware from a gentle, compassionate and loving place of neutrality so you can just make your next empowered choice. The second piece when it comes to reinvention is understanding that under no circumstances is there ever going to be a time where you find yourself and you don't have the ability to tap into your free will and your agency and your ability to make a choice and to make a decision. What we choose is always in our control. And it is so common to not even realize that we have a choice, to not even remember that we have free will and agency, and to be completely oblivious to the fact that you are under no obligation to please or to prove or to need other people to understand you, your vision, your path, what's best for you. Your job is to make intentional, deliberate choices from a place of reinvention that allow you to experience freedom. Decision is always available to you and that is freedom. When you recognize that, when you reinvent the part of you that has been convinced that you don't have a choice, that you have to do what will keep everybody happy, or prevent conflict, or prevent you from feeling more heartbreak or shame or more disempowered. No, it does not have to be this way. You can let people get mad and get over it. You can let people make their choices without betraying yourself ever again for any reason. In the name of love, in the name of keeping the peace, in the name of whatever you've been telling yourself would require you to stop choosing what's best for you for any reason. Choice, choice is never far away. Choice is always right here at your fingertips, available to you. And again, it's just about is your choice going to disempower your soul and your spirit and the truth of who you are? Or is your choice going to have you feeling more fully alive, more whole, more certain about you and your worth and your deservingness to have your life be yours? If we could reinvent in such a way where we use self awareness to our advantage and where we use choice to our advantage, we would truly never, ever, ever, ever have to suffer again. And that's a big, bold claim and statement, but man, do I stand behind it. I stand behind it so much. When I first opened my business 16 years ago, no one told me it was a good idea. I had to find coaches to support my vision because the people around me, it wasn't that they didn't believe in me, they couldn't see it. And if I wasn't careful, it would have been very easy to let this feedback from the outside world have me think this dream of mine wasn't a choice, but the feedback from the outside world. It was actually a reflection of my own fears and insecurity, but it was also a reflection of the people's filters and belief systems and past programming that they were sourcing from. That has nothing to do with me. They weren't seeing where I was going because it wasn't where they were going and they weren't seeing where I was going because it wasn't important to them for their own path. And this is how it works. Let's use the outside feedback to have us get even more committed and even more convicted to the right next choice in front of us. I teach in the Emotional Survival Kit course about how to not get too far ahead of yourself. And that's by just looking at what's my next choice going to be and then the next one, and then the next one, and then the next one. Without getting too far ahead of yourself, you can stay in control over you in this moment and that's all you will ever need. And it's always available to you to be self aware and to reinvent the part of you that would want to choose in the same old way. We're choosing new if we're going to experience new and we're choosing new for ourselves, not to get more approval from the outside. Again if we want to be free. Finally, our third step, our third way to check in with reinvention, to have an ability to reinvent no matter what, no matter, you know, how dark it seems right now. We always have a way to reinvent ourselves in a moment. And this one, this is so powerful. So before I share it, I'm going to share an experience of a meditation I had just a couple of days ago, a visual that came through in a meditation. So I was doing my regular morning meditation. And for those of you that are meditation, I don't know how, I don't know why, how could this possibly be valuable to you? I just want to say that used to be me. Meditation felt like such a waste of time. It felt so silly and contrived. And what I didn't understand is that all meditation is, is getting still with you. Great way to meditate. It's called candle gazing. If you don't want to just close your eyes and sit still and say, oh, candle gazing is a great meditation practice. It's where you just light a candle. I have one right here. And you just connect the flame and you just breathe and connect to the flame and focus on the flame and let your thoughts quiet and let yourself ground and be still and centered into you. So now that I've gone off on that tangent, back to the visual. But I have been meditating now for years. And I really started meditating while I was going through cancer because I really had nothing to do. Everything hurt. I couldn't move. I had lost the use of my right leg. I was being told I had a 5 to 10% chance to live. So I had a lot of time, me with me in a bed, in a lot of pain. And I would just quiet and get still and ask for guidance and clarity to come through if needed. And I would breathe. And again, we can always, always connect to the truth of who we are and be committed to being a person who does that. So now I have a regular morning meditation practice. And in a lot of ways, my life is an ongoing practice of meditating in such a way where I'm connected to the truth of who I am, moment to moment. So in this meditation again, just a couple of days ago, all of a sudden, I see a unicorn. A unicorn in this little beautiful clearing surrounded by trees. The sun is out. The sky is the brightest, most gorgeous blue. And this unicorn is just laying down, comfortable, certain, confident and majestic. Suddenly, the unicorn stands up, walks out of the clearing, around the bend, and now the unicorn is standing on a cliff. And it almost was like in the movie the Lion King, when Baby Simba is being presented to the world and the whole jungle, the whole community is there receiving and cheering and loving and honoring Baby Simba and the family. This unicorn was standing on this cliff, just being who he was, who she was. Who it was unapologetically not even concerned about who was watching, how he was being received. He was just there. And it was so fascinating to me during this meditation to think about how powerful it would be if we all just knew ourselves so well that we could be the same in a clearing on our own as we would be in a situation where the whole world is watching. And I want you to imagine that with self awareness, with a remembering that you always get to choose and make your next most inspired and empowered choice that honors and respects and takes care of you, regardless of other people's opinions. We can be who we choose to be. We can feel how we want to feel. We can absolutely experience the best of who we are so that we can trust and love ourselves regardless of what's going on around us. So this final step, it's about understanding that reinvention doesn't require you to change who you are. That was one of my biggest, biggest lessons in 2022, personally, was that as I grow, as I scale, as I'm more recognized, I'm not changing who I am. I'm relaxing more and more and more into the essence of what makes Rebecca silence. Rebecca silence. I've been working with human behavior now for 20 years, two years, almost 23 years. I've learned so much, but it took until last year, it took 22 years of personal growth, work, of multiple degrees and certifications, a master's in counseling, to recognize I don't need to change who I am. That's not what reinvention is. I need to be who I am, who I choose to be, who I want to be, who I could be. That has me proud of me no matter what. That's what reinvention is. So you staying true to who you are, you remembering the best of you and connecting to that part of you. And I don't care how much heartbreak you've been through, you've still had victories. This is so important. And I don't know who needs this message today, but take it. Plant it in your own personal growth garden and let it take root and let it blossom and water it and nurture it and pay attention to this all year long if this resonates. But connect to the part of you that was being the person that created victory. Even if all you can remember is getting an A on a math test in third grade, that was a victory. Who were you being? Even if it feels like your last victory was so far away, it doesn't even matter now, find a victory. Ideally, find your top Five and journal about them. What are your top five victories in your one precious life? And it doesn't matter how the world would measure how successful that victory was, how significant, how important. You know when you felt proud of you, you know when you experienced you in a way where you came through and you won. Maybe it was learning how to read, maybe it was finishing your first chapter book. Maybe it was you writing your first book or landing that dream job or saving your first $1,000. I don't care what it was. Find it, journal about it. Remember that you are capable of victory, that you are absolutely a walking testimony of victory and that you deserve to be celebrated. But you will never be celebrated more than you celebrate you. And when you think something is inherently wrong with you, when you think you are okay as you are, exactly as you are right here, right now, in this time, in this space, in this season, that's a lie. The truth is you don't need to change who you are. You need to be more of who you are. All that that unicorn did in my meditation was stay true to the essence of who he was. That's it. And then just let himself be seen as who he is. I don't know why I'm associating this unicorn with the male, but I am. Your inner unicorn is desperate to come through. You're an anomaly. You're not the norm. This is such good news. You are the exception. You are the outlier. You are a unicorn. So what would it be like to own that and to stop trying to fit yourself into family system dynamics and norms, societal norms, your own judgmental norms of what you think should be happening, shouldn't be happening. What if you just let that go just for today and connect to the part of you that has experienced victory and decide that you are ready for this to be your year of victory and that self awareness and choice and staying true to who you are, that's how you do that. I hope today's show gave you so much soul food to chew on. I hope that you have a stronger relationship with what it would mean to reinvent. That isn't shame based. That isn't about you changing you. It's just about how powerful you are, how capable you are and how equipped you are to be self aware, to choose and to stay true to the essence of you no matter what. Thank you so much for tuning in today to the healing is possible experience. I'm Rebecca Silence, emotional healing and relationship coach. So honored to share this time and space with you. And I'm so excited for your year, for you, for for what you are about to create with a new commitment to reinvention that is non threatening and instead is fully empowering. The darkness is real and so is the light. And if you have liked this episode again, subscribe to our YouTube channel so that you can get notifications. Visit us@rebecca silence.com Sign up for the free trigger Trauma Release method@rebeccasilence.com and if you're called, buy my new book Coming Back to Life so that you can get even more tried and true practices that have changed the lives of every single client I've ever had my own life and hopefully yours. Love you. Thank you. See you so very soon. Sam.