Seasonal Depression: 5 Steps to Stay High Vibe and Not Lose Yourself

Seasonal depression is real and affects millions upon millions, if not over a billion people every single year. And the good news about seasonal depression is it can heal just like anything can heal. Okay, we're going. Okay. Three, two, one. I'm Rebecca Silence, host of the Healing Is Possible experience. So grateful to be with you here today. So grateful to have you here with me today to have a deep and serious and hopefully uplifting conversation about seasonal depression and fall. And how do we navigate fall moving into winter? This is a season that can feel like an end. It can feel like death even. And I know that might sound dramatic, but it's true, right? The, the fall makes room for new beginnings. Winter is the season that allows the rebirth and the regeneration for the blooming and blossoming of what's to come and what's getting born in the spring. But this is a time of year that so many emotionally suffer more than any other time of the year. So we've dedicated a show for you and we are going to talk about five steps and five ways that you can uplift, that you can recenter and ground and breathe and align so that you can enjoy this time of year versus just crossing your fingers and hoping to get through it and looking forward to, you know, the spring. Let's not miss a quarter to half of the year because it historically is the time of year that has been brutal tough in bringing you down in the past. So let's dive right in. So first and foremost, so what, what does it even mean? What is seasonal depression? I love to be very careful and cautious about labels and diagnoses and anything that can that can become a self inflicted glass ceiling that keeps us limited versus expansive. But I also want to acknowledge what's real and symptoms are real. Seasonal depression is real. And for the purposes of today's show, I just want you to consider that what we're talking about, when we're talking about seasonal depression, first and foremost, it's not something that has to control or limit you or something that means less of a life during this season or at all. Seasonal depression for the purposes of this show is just simply a funk that feels almost like impossible to get out of and draining and depressing and potentially also anxiety provoking. So whatever it looks like for you, just know I'm not suggesting that this is a label that means that it has to define you. It's just something to be aware of so that we can get ahead of it. And again, today's show we're going into five steps around how you can get ahead of seasonal depression and experience more joy even in the seasons of fall and winter, which typically statistically mean more and more people are suffering from seasonal depression. So the first step to take on and face move through and conquer seasonal depression or whatever lingering funk might be going on that you just can't seem to move your way through and get to the other side of the first step is focus. So what I want us to consider, as cliche as it sounds, it's so true, at least in my experience, where energy goes, your focus is determining where your energy goes always. So where your focus goes, energy flows. Where your energy goes. That's in direct correlation to where your focus has been and what you've been focused on. So the most important thing about focus is we get what we expect. And nothing I say today is necessarily rocket science, and it may not even be new. But I want you to try to hear these words and this message through a filter of hope and possibility versus just proving yourself right about how it's been and what you've experienced in the past and what you've known to be true. So this is the perfect time of year to really up your focus game, to get way more intentional and paying way more attention to what you're focused on and what the results that you're getting are based on where your focus has been. Are you expecting this to be an emotionally turbulent season? If so, I guarantee you're going to create evidence, you're going to prove those expectations right, and you'll. You'll get what you'll you expect and you'll experience what you expect. So I get that you may have decades, four, five, six decades even, or more of history, that this is just a tough time of year. You're not wrong. You're not wrong that it's a tough time of year for many. You're not wrong that that in the past it's been a tough time of year for you. But what I'm wanting to empower you to consider is that just because maybe in the past it's been a tough time of year with real symptoms, with real suffering, with real stress and worry and low energy and drained batteries, whatever else you may have experienced, it doesn't have to be like that this year, it doesn't have to be like that for the next three, four, five, or even six months, just because that is what you are used to, and just because that is what you know. So right here, right now, you have the power to make a decision. Is my focus a focus that empowers Me Are my expectations, expectations that bring me more joy, more life, more inspiration, more fulfillment? Or is my focus on. On survival expecting more of the same and just trying to get through whatever that looks like for me. You get to choose. And it's not easy. It's simple, though. Is your focus one that brings you more life, or is it one that has you feeling more restricted and limited in your life? You choose. It is your call. And again, where focus goes, energy flows. So I am wanting you to focus on, even if it is just 5% better in 2022 or whenever you're watching this than it's been in the past, that is massive growth and transformation. So what if we even just start with the baby step of expecting it is going to be better than it's ever been? My experience of seasonal depression, my experience, experience of stress and obligation and feeling like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Whatever it's been for you, let's just expect it to be better than it's ever been. And that can be the beginning of our focus. From there, you can be looking at in any moment that you're starting to feel off or drained or just noticing that you're not as fulfilled as you wish you were, or joyful as you wish you were. Whatever it is that you're noticing, pay attention to it and consider that that's just showing up to remind you that you get to actively and powerfully choose your focus, what you want, what you expect. It's time to focus on that. It is time to focus on relief. And it's time to focus on instead of. This is a season that drains your batteries that you have to recover from later. This could be a season where you come more alive than ever before in your life, where you are planting the seeds and building the foundation for the future that you want. So let's all close our eyes. Take a deep breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, and find one word that is your focus for the fall season of 2022. Find one word. My focus is rebirth. That is my focus. Step two is relax. Okay, I am always saying that the number one thing I do with people is I help them relax into their power. This is the perfect time of year to relax into your power. And the first step is remembering that you always have the power to choose. You can relax knowing there's no obligation that you actually have to fulfill or meet. There's no you losing you this season unless you choose that and let that happen. And I don't have any judgment. I'm not in any way, shape or form making it wrong. If you do choose out of obligation, I just want to remind you that you can relax into knowing always, but especially this season. You're never not a choice. You've got choices 100% of the time. And your choices are either feeding your soul or contributing to the death of your soul. It is that simple. Again, not easy, but it is that simple, right? So you get to raise the bar higher this season than you ever have before. If you will accept my challenge to raise the bar and to have standards that your needs get met, that your holiday season is one that you get to relax into and enjoy, that the seasons of fall and winter are seasons that you get to relax into and enjoy. We so often are hyper focused on not wanting to upset people, wanting to make sure we're loved by the people that we're attached to, wanting to come through and be our best for everybody else and our kids, whether it's within our means or not. It's very common and normal and unnecessary to lose ourselves during this time of year out of an obligation to who we think we're supposed to be, to, you know, fulfill everybody else's expectations instead of our own. And I just want us relaxing into letting this be our season, our fall, our life, our time, even more than we're concerned about who we are being for other people. And I know that might sound a little nuts because this is the season of giving and love and gratitude and I want that. But we're actually in an illusion of giving and serving and loving when we're going through the motions and out of fear and obligation, it's inauthentic. If we're doing it because we think we should or we're supposed to, or because we're afraid of conflict and avoiding conflict, let's just be genuine and let's get our needs met while we show up fully, authentically and relaxed because we were true to ourselves. So many people are seasonally depressed because they back burner them, their needs, their wants, their desires until they've gotten through the fall and winter and holidays. Then we'll get back to me. But the getting back to me, it never comes. If we are wired and willing to choose losing ourselves in the name of love, I don't want that. I want us relaxed into our power. And I say it a lot. I heard Elizabeth Gilbert say this once and I have taken it and I have run with it. The most powerful person in the room is the most relaxed and we can't relax our nervous systems and we can't relax into our power which allows us to relax into our truth. If we're just running around like chickens with our head cut off trying to figure out the next obligation, the next thing we should do versus the next thing that's true to us and honors and takes care of and respects us, relax. It's your season, too. Let's raise the bar. Let's absolutely demand you with you that you get to enjoy this season too, versus expecting it's just going to be emotionally turbulent and terrible and you'll get back to you when that time allows or comes. No, it's not good enough. The third step I have for us is enjoy, right? And you can't, you can't enjoy without first having a focus and being relaxed and enjoy every moment. And sometimes our metrics of what we allow ourselves to enjoy are a little bit goofy, for lack of a better way to say it. If you can only enjoy once everybody's happy with you, once there's no conflict, once you've gotten through the, the party, the dinner, the, you know, the week, the month, the season of seasonal depression. If you can't enjoy until, you're never actually going to enjoy, right? And you can, I promise you, enjoy you in the face of whatever is showing up and in the face of how whatever people you're with are showing up, right? They're not good, bad, right, wrong. They're being who they're being. They're doing what they're doing. If how they're being or what they're doing is negatively impacting you, it's on you to figure out what your boundaries are and enforce those boundaries and to enjoy you and to be proud of you and who you're being and how you're showing up no matter what's going on around you. So many people, just because it's the way it's always been, have their traditions and sometimes those traditions don't honor them or feel good or bring joy, right? And you can't enjoy if you're not bringing, as Brendon Burchard says, the joy or expecting to experience joy or putting all of your eggs in the basket of other people to show up how you need them to for you to be okay. I want you to know that you can enjoy and that you're okay no matter what. And some of your loved ones might be in their own funk. That doesn't mean you have to lower your vibe to match them. Keep your vibe high, keep your light shining Vibrate powerfully and purely and authentically because that models that possibility for every life you're around, for every life you touch. But so often we're not enjoying because we dim it down, we dumb it down. We don't want to rock the boat. We don't want to be seen as too much. It's all so defeating and dehumanizing, and we do it to ourselves. And if other people are threatened by your success, your light, your victories, who you've become, I just want to remind you, you've earned it. You've earned the right to deliberately and intentionally choose one moment at a time, one next right step for you at a time. A life you enjoy and an experience of yourself that you enjoy. And that's really the only two metrics I want us worried about when it comes to enjoyment. Are you enjoying you? Are you enjoying who you are being and how you are choosing in the moment you are in? That's it. That is all we have control over and can measure. And then you don't have to agree to anything that doesn't feel good and let other people's emotions and experience be theirs while you purely vibrate at the highest levels. And this might sound idealistic, too good to be true. These steps are powerful and liberating and will allow you to experience more life, not less. And if the years 2020 and 2021 and 2022 haven't taught us anything, it's that life is short and it can change on a dime. And as cliche as it is, my God, we're meant to enjoy. That's what we're here to do, is to get the most out of this one precious life that we have been blessed with. In the moments they're there. And it's easy to take advantage of them, but they're only there for so long. And we don't know. We don't know how many moments we have. We don't know how much time we have. So it is time to enjoy, even if the people around you aren't, and to model that as a possibility. Not easy, but simple. The fourth step is communicate. And this can be sticky, slippery, messy, but it can, again, be really, really simple. So when it comes to communication, this is the time of year to communicate. Now, my key tips. Okay, when it comes to communicate, no blame, no threat, no intimidation, no manipulation, and no withholding, meaning punishing other people by not talking to them, shunning them basically, until they show up how you want them to. These are very important. Five no nos. When it comes to communication if you want profound connection, if you want healthy relationship dynamics. And there are so many episodes on The Rebecca Sounds YouTube channel about communication to take this deeper. But for now, what I want you to do is I want you to be willing to communicate honestly and in a way where you're just 100% owning your experience and not needing other people to be different. Right? No blame, no threat, no intimidation, no manipulation, no withholding, no needing people to show up how you need them to show up. Say what you need them to say and then you'll be okay. That's all very codependent. I am a recovering codependent myself. This isn't easy, but again, it's simple. Here are some ideas for communicating in a new way. Number one, don't be afraid to be honest with yourself. Communication starts with you. So I don't care if for 20 years you've done the same thing every Thanksgiving, if it doesn't feed your soul, if it's not what you want. This year here, it's time to communicate honestly with yourself about what is true for me now, right? Pandemic life. We've all grown and evolved. And just because something at one time was true doesn't mean it still is. What's true for you now? What takes care of you, what honors you, what respects you? What do you want and desire now start with that conversation with yourself. Communicate you with you. Get honest from there with other people. As simple as this is. Imessages. Imessages. Imessages. Imessages. I need, I want, I feel, and please be solution focused. When I say no to something or someone, I always, and I know always is a big term, but I always do my best to look for what would work instead. If this is a no, what is the yes? I do my best to find the yes, to follow the yes, to offer the yes in my relationships. I don't leave people with my no or a problem and that's it. And now it's in their hands to do something about it or do something with it. No. I find within myself what would the yes be? What is the offer? What is the solution that I propose that might work instead of the thing that doesn't feel good to me? I just had a lovely weekend with my mother and we talked about moving forward next year. When are we seeing each other again? Here's what doesn't work, here's what would work but offer in your communication once you found and accessed your truth solutions. When you're saying no to something, well, what Would the yes be? And from there you can do a lot of negotiating until we get to a solution that works for both people and that is very different than compromise. A lot of conversations during the season of seasonal depression, if we look at it and get honest, have a lot to do with obligation and compromise. My 7 year old just asked me the other day, mommy, why don't you compromise? I don't know where she heard that I don't compromise, but she's not wrong because I don't. I believe that compromise means agreeing to the lesser of the loses for so many of us. Not always. Sometimes people compromise and they really thought through what is a win for them and they're not agreeing to a lose. But for most people, compromise is agreeing to something that doesn't actually work for them because they don't want to deal with a conflict. It's like, I'll agree to this for you so that later you'll agree to what I want. But if one person in the interaction is in a lose, the whole relationship is in a lose, even if the one person is getting their way and we skip over this and we don't talk about it enough. So I want us communicating in a way that is honest and authentic and the other person is relating to the real you, not the fear based you that want to rock the boat or be too much or create a rift or a conflict. So start by communicating with yourself what's true now, what takes care of me now, what do I want now? From there, what would work that I can talk to this person about and I'm willing to go back and forth until we get to a solution that works for both of us, new ways to communicate. And don't be afraid if they're going to be upset because you've gone to their house for 20 years for Thanksgiving and this year that doesn't feel good. That is their work to process and you can let them know. I am willing to see you the day before, the day after, the week before, the week after. I would love to host it in my home this year, whatever it is, but offer the solution with an open heart, with no fear. Let them have their experience and at least the relationship is getting more honest. Finally celebrate. As cheesy as this might sound, you have come so far. You aren't giving yourself nearly enough credit. I promise you, for how much you have grown, how much you have evolved, how much you have transformed, who you have become and who you have become is gorgeous. Your best is enough. And you get to absolutely shift Your focus, relax, enjoy, communicate differently and have a better season of fall and winter. The season of seasonal depression can become the season of rebirth, regeneration and your soul being reignited. But let's celebrate now. Not once things have gone the way you hope they go now. Who you are, how much you care. If you are in my community, if you are with me, even if you are just meeting me today for the first time, there is so much to celebrate. You care about healing. You care about being your best. You care about life feeling good for you and everyone you care about and love. Throw yourself a little mini party this week celebrating who you are, who you've become and how much you care about life being as good as it can possibly get for you, for those you love, but especially for you. Celebrate and let this be a season of celebration. And the celebration, it doesn't need to be, you know, over the top. It can just be you taking the time after the show to light a candle, to set your intention of what your focus is going to be between now and the rest of the year and let that be enough. I just want you to acknowledge and celebrate who you are, the power in you, the life force in you, the ability to live a life you love, that you possess. It's time to celebrate. And it's time to let this season become a season to celebrate and enjoy versus a season that drains the life out of you. I am Rebecca Silence, emotional healing and relationship coach for over 15 years, author of the brand new book newly published by hci. Coming Back to Life. If you are wanting a roadmap to healing. If you are wanting next steps to give yourself a new focus so that you don't have to think about it. You just have a roadmap to follow. Either order the book on audible or order the book to read. Get yourself a journal for the questions at the end of every chapter and take on coming back to life. The healing is possible. Experience is brought to you by my beautiful team and rebeccasilence.com where you can go for free resources including the trigger trauma release method that you can sign up for and take right away. If you've got emotional triggers that you want support working through, sign up for that class immediately. But no, my team and I are here for you. Healing is possible for you, for me, for all of us. Seasonal depression doesn't have to define you or any of us anymore. And we know and acknowledge that the darkness is real, but so is the light. It is time to live. It is time to enjoy. I love you so much. I will see you next week. Thanks for being here, Sam.