Shining Together: How to Select Relationships That Enhance Your Inner Light with Lia Valencia Key

We know some people don't radiate our light or lift our light up. And we know some energies that we're around actually dim our light and kind of suffocate it or shake our light. But we may stay around them because we've known them for a long time or maybe even family. Whatever the case is, you feel like you're attached to it. And I just love to encourage. You can love people from afar, but the people that you keep in your space, in your circle. The first qualification is do you enhance my life? Okay, we're going.

Okay, three, two, one.

We're going to.

Welcome to the healing is possible experience. I'm Rebecca Silence emotional healing and relationship coach, here to take you on a journey back to you, back to life, back to fulfillment, back to joy, back to peace, back to love. We are meant to enjoy our lives and to experience our lives in the most beautiful, miraculous way. That's what this show is about every single week. So today is a super special episode with a sacred, sacred human so precious to me, welcoming Leah Valencia Key back to the show so that we can talk about the importance of who we surround ourselves with. One of the things Leah said to me in a personal conversation recently was, I don't surround myself with anybody that doesn't enhance my light. And I said, leah, we got to do a show about this. So without further ado, welcome Leah Valencia Key to the show.

Yay. Thank you. It is always abundant joy just having time to be with you and every heart that comes in and connects with us. I love this topic today, I must say, because I feel like we settle in the world. I feel like we know some people don't radiate our light or lift our light up. And we know some energies that we're around actually dim our light and kind of suffocate it or shake our light. But we may stay around them because we've known them for a long time or maybe even family. Whatever the case is, you feel like you're attached to it, and I just love to encourage. You can love people from afar, but the people that you keep in your space, in your circle. The first qualification is do you enhance my light? Do you pour light into me and allow me to pour light into you? Period.

So what else would you say? Let's just dive in here about is this? I think conceptually it's cool. It makes sense, right? I shouldn't settle. I shouldn't be obligated. I have the right to be choosy and picky f about Who I am spending my time and energy with and who I let just be close to me. But how, like, what would your metrics be? Like, what would be the top three things that have, you know, this is someone that enhances your life.

First is what conversations do we have? Like, I'm, I'm a conversation girl. I love a good conversation. So my first metric is like, what do we talk about? Do we have things to talk about that's beyond the basic conversation of weather or beyond the basic conversation of what someone else did? Do we expand? Do we talk about our dreams? Do we like, my big thing is dreaming with my people. If we dream together, you enhance my light and I enhance your light. And that means maybe we don't have anything to physically contribute to each other's dream, but we just have the space and comfortability just to talk about random big visions for our lives. That is a metrics of someone that is powerful in your life because they allow you to see beyond where you are. And I always believe when, I mean, just from a divine perspective, when two or more come together and when it's talked, generally it's talking about prayer. But if you just take it out of a biblical sense and you say, when two or more come together and they can speak things together out in the world, oh, how magnified does it happen? It's literally. I remember one of my good friends to be. She's from Liberia. Very rough upbringing. My upbringing super rough. And I lost my apartment. So I was homeless for the second time to be let me stay in her house and I would sit on her couch with her. We would literally in poverty. Her electric was about to come off, get cut off. I just got kicked out because we were coming from this upbringing that didn't give us any guidance, right? But on this couch, in this darkest situations, we would sit together and dream vividly. I remember our dream. She would say, I'm going to be a nurse and I'm gonna get a big house and I'm gonna move out of this state and become a traveling nurse. And I was like, I'm gonna get a hair license and I'm gonna travel around the world doing hair. Like we dreamed these dreams from a couch with electric about to get cut off and me having no place to go. And now Tupi is a nurse. She's moved to Atlanta, huge home. She has her own nursing company, plus she works a as vendors as a nurse for other companies. I've traveled around the world as a stylist that went back to us sitting on the couch, dreaming together. That's lifting light out of each other.

So good. So you're saying the conversations, the dreaming and the holding the vision for each other, like actually believing in it, whether that's the word. Right, right. I got my leave Lindsay, a key Believe bracelet. Leah has gone beyond just styling you. She designs the jewelry that will absolutely connect you to the best of who you are. That's what I think about when I wear these. It's possible earrings, my believe bracelet. These are staple pieces of jewelry for me. And, you know, I just think that's what it's about. The. The believing in each other's vision. So I love all of that. Cher. I certainly think we for each other. And then my three, I think are very congruent, aligned with what you're saying. But I would say, you know, my biggest word over just the last couple of years is reciprocity. Oh, that has been my word, and that is my ultimate metric. Is there reciprocity? Am I being met at the level that I show up at?

Explain that. Going deep with reciprocity just for. Yeah, for us it's like. I get it, but explain it a little deeper because I love this word.

Yeah, well. And I do so much work with couples and families and relationships. Right. And when reciprocities out, there's dissonance, like in music. So here's what I mean by reciprocity. There's this even exchange. There's not. In this moment, I give 80, you give 20, and then later on I have permission to show up less and you over function and show up more. And it doesn't mean we don't have human moments. For example, you and I, Leah, I believe, have held space for each other in moments that we trust everything's unfolding perfectly. But that doesn't necessarily mean it feels like it. So I'm not saying that reciprocity is about, you know, this equal exchange that's based off of some type of bullshit perfection. That's not the point. It's about I care to give all of me and see and be with all of you, and you feel the same and you show up the same. Reciprocity.

I love that. I hear. I hear that. And it's the intention core of the. The energy that you decide to be for and with that person. And. And when you just decide to give all your energy, wherever that is and whatever, because sometimes you're tired and all you give is maybe a tired energy, but you're giving it all. And you know that person is Giving their all at whatever level their all is. That's exactly, exactly our alls change. But, you know, 100% like you and I, I think, is beautiful. Like, we can go weeks, months without talking to each other, but we know that energy from afar is like believing in your all and sending greatness out to you, no matter how the distance is or how far the time is. And that's the beauty of good and life.

And then when we come together, I get your best and you get mine, whatever that looks like in the moment. Right. So it's also, I think, when it comes to reciprocity, about vibrational match, I know for me there was a season of fearing if I'm too much or too bright, I could lose something. And in this stage of my life, the volume is turned all the way up. Like the light isn't getting any dimmer. And at the same time, I don't need to be afraid in a moment. Can this person handle my vibe? Or do I need to lower it so that I can be a vibrational match? Right. So I think about reciprocity in terms of genuine vibrational match. Right. And the only other thing I'll say about reciprocity here is it's not manipulation. Like, I'm not giving my best and showing up as my best to get something. I'm showing up this way because it's just the truth of who I am. And then I attract people that are showing up at their best because it's the truth of who they are and they're not trying to get something from me, but because that manipulative, weird, low vibe energy isn't in the mix. Guess what? We give so much to each other. We get so much from each other, but it's from a different source, a source called reciprocity.

Oh, I love that. That is action that I love to add about the people that I'm around to give light. They allow me to fully be me, and I allow them to fully be them. And we look totally different, like, we act totally different. But I enjoy your difference so much, and they enjoy my difference so much. And if I'm yelling and screaming in excitement, but their tone is very even in monotone, they just get joy in seeing me be that, and I get joy in me seeing them become. And it's just this beautiful acceptance and embracing. Yep.

Right. Right. So my second word would be greatness. And I've got a best friend of almost 20 years. Her name is Holly. And I'll never forget leaving Colorado after my divorce to my first husband and moving to Vegas with a boyfriend. And Holly saw where this train was going. She was like, I don't know about all this. Right. But here's what she said to me. And this is another metric I have around greatness. Are you seeing, honoring and speaking to my greatness, regardless of what it looks like on the surface, like my choices, where I'm at in this season. Are you seeing, honoring and speaking to my greatness? And I will never forget, and this is the moment she became my best friend for the rest of my life. Holly says to me, well, you're Becca. Silence. You always land on your feet, so I'm not going to worry about you.

I love it.

And I fell out of my chair because I knew she had concerns. I knew she had my best interest at heart. But what made all the difference was her just saying, listen, let me just not remind you, because you need reminding. Let me just speak to the greatness I know is you. You're about silence, so why am I going to worry about you? And this is before I'd done anything again. I wasn't doing what I'm doing now.

Who I am now.

I haven't created anything except drama after drama, crisis after crisis. And. And at the same time, I still have someone with me that saw my greatness, honored my greatness, and spoke to my greatness, and I do that for her, too. So I think reciprocity and greatness and that ability to not just believe that this person is who they say they are, going where they say they're going, but you want to support it however you can. And you spoke to this a little bit. And we don't ever have a conversation, Leah and I, I'm talking about where we don't end the conversation. How can I support you?

Yep.

And there's nothing like having someone in your life where, again, it's not to get something. It's not manipulative, it's not tit for tat. It's like, no, I genuinely am honored to know your dream, to know your vision, to know you. And what, if anything, can I do to support your momentum and forward growth.

I love that. I think of my dear, bestest, best friend, Patricia Lewis. She. We've known each other, I guess, over almost. Almost 30 years. And it's that, like, from the beginning, like, how can I support you? How can I lift you up? What are you doing? She always asks, what are you doing? How can I help? Okay. And if I don't know how to help, what I love about Patricia and you do this so well. Also is she may ask me how she can help, but then she starts doing things that she knows will help me. So she's like, I contacted these five people and sent them your jewelry link because they need to be wearing your jewelry. I actually put your name in for this competition because I know you're gonna be amazing for I came over your house and I started to just organize this area because I know you're not even going to get to that. Like that is power and light. Where you're like, I wouldn't even known to ask for that. But that's what that is, Patricia. And that is who we are. We just do things. No one's waiting to help. It's like you're looking for the person. How can you fill up their space and lift them up higher and higher, right? Those are the people you start to look to be around. Or do you have these qualities and they don't? Everyone doesn't have to have all those qualities, but there's some quality that will say, yes, they lift my light up and yes, I lift their light up. Right?

And just having this conversation with yourself, who on my calendar enhances my light?

Yes.

And who on my calendar doesn't? And is there work for me to do around this or is there just a come to Jesus moment where I need to be honest with myself and maybe give yourself one week where you don't put anybody on your calendar that doesn't enhance your light and see how that week goes and see what you create. And then think about what are your metrics? Do you even have them? So Leah shared hers, I've shared mine and man, I'm telling you, just the idea of reciprocity alone, it did change relationships and it did change who was in my inner circle in certain areas. But it made room for next level high vibration. And I don't think we're here to be in our lowest possible vibration. I think we're here to be in our highest, highest possible vibration and who we surround ourselves with. Of course we can be someone that isn't negatively impacted by anyone or anything for any reason. Right? But we also don't have to just be putting ourselves through test after test. How do I stay high vibe in spite of, we can just choose who we're around and what people are.

You know, they say you, you look around you, you are who you hang around and. And then, and then the beauty is take a self evaluation of yourself. Am I high vibration? Am I giving high vibration? Am I, am I Contributing to someone's light. Not in a monetary sense, just because, see monetary, everyone kind of thinks that these tangible things is what's the power. It's not like people can go get tangible things on their own. It's nice. My love. Language is gifts. Truly it is. Don't get it twisted. I love a good gift, but the life changing aspect of it is how are you to a person energetically, the head is transferring so much greatness in that person. So as much as you're making the checklist for the people you're around, are you that to the people that you are around? Because like you said earlier, you actually magnetize and attract what you are. Right? It's just the truth of life. And so if you are being that, I promise you, you will attract that. And then whatever else is standing on the outliers, you probably gotta love them from afar so that you can get to your highest self.

And I love that you've said that a couple of times. Because it isn't about boundaries as walls or making people wrong or pushing them away. It's just you get to have standards for who's around you. And are you being that whatever that is that you're seeking that starting with you. We really can't be better for or to others than we are to ourselves. So if you're also feeling low vibe, apply your metrics to yourself.

Yes.

Am I in a reciprocal relationship with myself the way I would want somebody else to be with me? Am I seeing, honoring, speaking to my own greatness? Am I seeing, supporting my own vision? Not, you know, I'm helpless and I need help and looking for people to rescue me or you know, looking for external validation, but just like support for the sake of support because why not, right? How are you.

Or excuse after excuse or finding all the negative in what's happening versus looking at things as learning we can get us, we can get ourselves into some traps of ways of being right. And you got to check yourself. I actually check myself real quick if I hear myself pointing some external woes, things happen and they're real. So I think it's true to just state the obvious of things that are happening, but then harping on it, no point. Keep it moving like, okay then what's the solution to it? How are we going to shift light into it? If you're not thinking of that mindset.

Say that one more time. How are we going to shift light into it?

Yes. Yeah, darkness happened. It happens all the time. I went to, I just got back from Wonderful speaking Engagements in Arizona. It was wonderful and everything. You know, there were little things, but overall was, like, magical. It was coasting. I felt like I was on a smooth boat just coasting. Get home now. It's time to call the parking shuttle where I park my car at, right? And I'm on a high. Like, I felt like everything I gave was everything God asked me to give, right? And my light is beaming. And I do have, truthfully, like, 19 bags. All these bags, right? Because I'm bringing all my jewelry and stuff for setup. The gentleman who took us to the airport and shuttle loving light. No problem. The shuttle pulls up, the driver gets off, and he's immediate darkness. Like he has. He's mumbling, he's angry, he's speaking to me. Nasty. And that's just facts. He actually almost says he's not going to pick me up. And I almost. I almost went into the darkness with him, like I was at the edge of his energy. And then I pull back and said, let there be light, because light cuts darkness any day. So I'm not going to give you the same energy back. I'm going to smile and I'm going to make the solutions for you. You think there's a problem of all these bags? Let me be the Rubik's Cube Jigsaw person and tell you how we can get these bags in the back of your vehicle. Because I saw it done before, and I just shift into problem solving. So smiling, okay, we could do it like this. Boom, boom, boom. And showed him how to do it and just cut through that darkness, and he stayed dark, but I stayed light. And so there was no energy that could grow from that. That was negative. And so I just encourage, like, through all negative dark things, speak into that. Let there be light, and then find out what the light looks like in.

Action form and bring your light. One of the things I say with healing is possible is the darkness is real, but so is the light. My light. It can't be extinguished. Your light. Everyone who's so beautiful in here with us today can't be extinguished. And it is okay to powerfully choose who's around you. And it's okay when people are no longer a match or at the place they were in your life before. I'll never forget a coaching session with my coach. And I was very much in a breakdown because someone I was super close with at one point and attached to it was changing. The ground was shifting, and that relationship was evolving and needing to reinvent. And he just said to me, so is Everyone in your life supposed to be on the exact same path as you for your entire life?

Yeah.

I guess not. That was groundbreaking for me. Like, of course, I bless them on their path and bless myself on mine. And I only want people near me that bless me on my path as it is now.

Yes. And you bless them on the path that they're meant to go on. And that's that beauty. Like, oh, my gosh, we're not on the same path. It's becoming a little. I encourage you to go on the journey that you're in. And actually, I'm going to pray for you all the way through it. And I think that is so beautiful. I always. I put it to the analogy of looking at nature like we. We kind of expect things to be constant all the time. And it's like. But why would you expect that in life? When nature shows you how we are, the grass gets green, it dies, the leaves fall off the tree, they grow, branches break. The trees literally turn from yellow to red to green to. They literally change. Why do you expect people not to change? Right.

And why can't all of it be beautiful?

Exactly. And why they're changing into a color that's not your season. That's okay. Still bless that color and say, oh, I gotta stay in my red zone. You know what I mean? You're in yellow zone, but I'm blooming in red. And it's okay to be in two different worlds and not make it a negative thing. I think that's so beautiful.

Right. And I think the more aligned we are, the more we're bringing our light in that, like Marianne Williams says, gives other people permission to do the same. And when people's seasons are not aligned, that's not forever. It's just this moment. And no one's wrong or bad. And everyone is precious and sacred. And you and I are a good example of this, too. I mean, it was several months that we went without speaking this last time, and we were in our seasons, and. And our light stayed connected. And our support of each other's light was unmatched and unwavering. And that is what we can all be. First with ourselves and for each other. And, Leah, I just can't thank you enough for the gift. You are. For the light. You are. You make such a difference to me, to so many. If you haven't already gone to. Is it Valencia key.com?

Yes.

Oh, do yourself a favor. Get yourself some leave and see jewelry. If you want to know more about me, my programs, my offerings, my services, rebeccasilence.com or the Rebecca Silence YouTube channel is where you can find all.

Don't forget please go on Amazon. Oh I just got into Coming Back to Life by Rebecca Rebecca Silence. This book is unlocking the understanding and the power of true healing and accepting that in all phases there's healing that can happen and then how do you heal Is in this beautiful book so I'd really encourage everyone.

Thank you so much. It's my heart on a platter for all of you and it means so much to me that you are taking it in and enjoying it. Love you so much. This has been the healing is possible experience. We adore you. Thank you Leah. Come back every single week for more and just know again the darkness is real but stay so is the light and healing is possible not just for me or for Leah but for you and for all of us. We love you. We will see you. Thank you.