Stop Avoiding Conflict and Learn How to Lean In - Happy Relationships, Happy Life!

Better of healing as possible on a Monday with your healing message, that you can use conflict to your advantage. And it's possible when we want to lean out or run from conflict, to lean in. And that is when the magic happens. This past weekend, I was sitting at home thinking about two gorgeous sets of clients that, when they first came to work with me in my private coaching practice, wanted marriage, wanted relationship more than anything. And both sets separately were married this weekend when there was a time that each of these four individuals definitely thought marriage, relationship too hard, impossible. I want it, but can I really have it? And their nuptials this past weekend just had me inspired to do a live on conflict. Because it's so easy to think that when there's conflict and friction, like that experience of dissonance in music, when the notes just don't quite jive, it's easy to think something's wrong. And I've got three ways for you to step into leaning into conflict that I want to grow over today. Because if you want relationship, conflict is inevitable. And here's a little secret. In your relationship with yourself, conflict's also inevitable. So we can think that conflict is because of our relationships with other people, but what conflict is, is the prerequisite to growth. Conflict is always an inevitable prerequisite to growth. And we don't want to be stale. We've all heard that cliche humans are hardwired for connection. But have you also considered that that humans are hardwired to grow while we're still alive? We don't want to. Nor are we meant to be stagnant, stale, going through the motions, coasting our way through our lives. That's not what we're here to do. I believe life is precious. If you're watching, thank you. If you're in support of the inspired results and healing is possible. Work and messaging that I put out there. Thank you. Not everyone believes that life is precious. Not everyone believes that we're here to live, which means we're here to grow. But if you're here, you must be on board. And I'm so grateful and so appreciative. And again this last weekend, as I had multiple weddings happening and my own family life going on where there was, of course, conflict. Because it's a weekend, everyone's together, lots of things going on. Conflict. Right. And so if I can give you the gift and the secret sauce formula that I use when it comes to conflict, that's three steps, then I'm thrilled to be able to do this. So conflict isn't bad. It's a sign that we're ready to grow. Conflict happens in our relationship with ourselves and our goals and our dreams and our own day to day lives. And conflict also of course happens with other people. So, so let's. Excuse me, break down that. Why? Why does conflict happen with other people? Because I have my own filter. I have my own reality. I have my own hopes, dreams and disappointments and the other person has the same and we hear each other and we see each other through filters of possibility and fear and not at the same time. So, so what do I mean by that? When I am in an insecurity or a fear of an insecurity being validated, I'll be listening to another person through fear. When I'm all inspired and impossibility thinking about where my life is going, my filter is different. Right? But we never know which filter and lens are we listening and seeing and experiencing life through a possibility filter or said another way, a filter of inspiration or a filter of fear. And again, we can't be watching and listening and experiencing life through both filters at once. It's one or the other. So first thing you can know is you know, yes, number one, conflict happens when it's time to grow. But also when it's time to grow, pay attention to which filter you're experiencing life through fear or possibility. And then know that other people, you don't get to predict or control the filter. They are in any given moment listening, hearing, experiencing and seeing life through fear possibility. So I can be in a possibility filter, someone else close to me can be in a fear based filter and that can either throw my game off or have me double down on possibility. Same with other people, right? But we want to be validated and we want everything to go well to the point where it can really, really destroy relationships. How many relationships get all messed up and burned to the ground because of one thing somebody says or one action that somebody takes in the relationship? We run from conflict and then patterns repeat because we think, oh, there's no way to get through this, or said another way, there's no way to win. Well, of course there's always the solution. This is my step. Two, of course there's always a way to win. But we've got to remember A, conflicts, an opportunity to grow, B, I've got to be conscious of the filter. I'm listening and experiencing life through fear, possibility. By the way, other people have their own filter. Fear, possibility. And how often are we not even paying attention when conflict strikes to which filter we're listening and being, experiencing life through. And same thing with the other person or even conscious, right? So I used to say to my husband, I'm not wrong. You're not wrong. Help me understand. When we would hit our shit in the beginning of our relationship, he would literally ask me like, is this a trick, Rebecca? What do you mean? Like, what do you mean? I'm not wrong? You're not wrong. Like something's wrong. There's a conflict. Well, I disagree. I think nothing's wrong. We're just in unchartered waters. There wouldn't be a conflict if we already knew how to navigate the situation separate and together. So we're in conflict because we're in unchartered waters. Nothing is wrong. No one's wrong. And there is a way to win. There is a solution. But if I won't commit to that and believe in that, I'm never going to find it, right? And then I can't make someone else work with me to create a win win solution amidst conflict. But I can be committed to it. I can be. I say it all the time. I'll negotiate until the cows come home. I'll stay up all night with someone wanting to work out a conflict with me. I literally do that, have done that, and will continue to do that, right? Because again, I'm not able to change the filter. Someone else is experiencing me through, but I can be conscious of how they're experiencing me and I can be willing to find a way to navigate with them until we find a solution. So I'm saying a lot. And then it's also very simple. Conflict happens. So what? See it as a space and opportunity to grow. See it as a space and opportunity to create a win win solution that the third step can bring you closer together. Believe it or not, every trigger, every conflict, every breakdown, when you get through it and get to that place of win win solution, it brings you closer, it brings connection deeper, it brings you closer to yourself, to the other person. And now you've figured out how to navigate this new unchartered water that you're swimming in together. So when we run from conflict patterns, repeat. When we decide it's the other person, they did this to me, it's their fault, they're wrong. Or when we do it, we. Where we think we're the problem, we're wrong. There's no opportunity for intimacy, miracles, or connection. But they're not wrong. You're not wrong. And you have an opportunity to create a new win together or within yourself. That brings you into more possibility and that is what I want for you. Let's not be so afraid of conflict in relationship, because if you don't work out the conflict in the relationship you have in front of you, you'll have again in different costumes with different characters. I promise you. And if you need help with conflict in your relationships, this is my expertise. I am a message or a phone call away if your relationship needs help or if you need support in learning how to navigate conflict in the middle of a global pandemic, I'm right here. Healing is possible. Conflict can bring more connection and more miracles. If you'll follow these three steps, use conflict as an opportunity to grow. Find a win win solution and understand that all conflict can bring you closer together. All conflict, not just them. Thank you so much for tuning in. Find me@rebeccasilence.com and I will see you soon.