Stop Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places!

We're live and local. It's mixed with a 2.5. It's Big Papa in the morning on a mental wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca silence online. REBECCA Silence.com. rebecca, good morning. How are you?

Hello, everyone. I'm so excited to be here.

So what I think would be fun to talk about today is romance. Ooh, romance. And just how hard it is to meet people as an adult because when once you get into a certain stage of adulthood, it really is. You're in your routine, you get up, you go to this place on this day, you go to this place on that day, you drop your kids off at this place at this time. And there's not a lot of variance out there. So trying to organically meet new people, you know, and try to have some sort of romantic relationship with someone new, it's very, very tough. And I know a lot of people have had, you know, a lot of people have had hang ups and troubles trying to find new people instead of just recycling old ones over and over and over again, which I would know nothing about. Well, did you, did you catch the sarcasm on that?

I know you since I was 8. I did. A long time. So for those of you that don't know, that is how far back Gary and I go. So, yeah, here's the deal. One of the latest things I've been saying, I'm on multiple media appearances every single week and I keep finding myself saying the one thing everyone wants to be when they grow up is loved. It's true. True, Right. So really, I think that's what we're talking about today. How do you stay committed to the dream of love? How do you stay committed to the experience of romance even in your 40s and beyond, wherever you find yourself? It's easy to make this idea of love and romance hard when we think it's too late. And I just want to point out it is not too late. My mother in law got married again in her late 70s and my 9 year old was the flower girl and she had this huge fascinator I think it's called. I didn't even know these hat things go on your head. I didn't even know what it was. She had a wedding at 76 with all the fixins. Right? So I want us to understand that the commitment to love and romance and after a certain age is so important to stick with. And don't let yourself go. It's too late. I miss the boat. I have a client in her late 70s right now that just found me and she's not done growing and living and finding who she really is in this one precious lifetime. So with that being said, let's talk tactics. Let's talk real.

It's not, but it's not necessarily giving up on love. It's, you know, knowing, not giving up on love and wanting to date and want to kind of put yourself out there. But at the same time it's hard because how do you meet new people and not have it be weird?

Yeah. And I think for so many people that I, I hear from all the time, they are experiencing it as harder because there's a part of them that fears it's not going to happen for them and maybe it is too late. So I need people to hear my voice saying it's not too late and it doesn't have to be hard. And if it's hard, it's likely more about what you're telling yourself than anything else because it isn't hard to find love. People find love every single day. Now the next question becomes, you know, do you want a one night stand romance? And it's, it's not anything you have to stick with or are you wanting the long term? Because either way, I want you to get permission to have it.

So no matter how you were going to answer that question, Rebecca's going to go deep dive in this online right now@mix1025.com and also we are streaming on Twitch and also our YouTube. You can check out Rebecca silence.com and all of her socials as well on a mental wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca Silence. All right, go ahead.

All right, so you either want, I want romance when I want it without commitment, or you want commitment. And so the, the next big important question to answer within yourself, because there's no wrong, there's no shame. You know, I have told the story before. When my second husband and I first got together, I had told him, oh, God, I'm embarrassed to tell you I had a one night stand last weekend. And he was like, yeah, me too. You know, it's, it's fine to be casual if you want to be casual, or to create commitment if you want to create commitment. But you have to be honest with yourself about what you're looking for and back yourself in. This is what I want. Unapologetically, no shame. And we've all been through enough heartbreak and we've all been through enough love trauma to know that it's time to just declare, this is really what I want now. So once you know what you want and have really, you know, understood it isn't too late and it doesn't have to be hard from there. Here are the questions I want you asking yourself. And I want you to rise into being the person that's answering these questions in a way you can be proud of. So the first question I have is, do you feel sexy? If not, what would have you feel sexy? The next question I have is, do you believe you're a catch? If not, why not? And who would you need to be and how would you need to feel to actually believe you're a catch? And the third question is, are you ready to be the partner you deserve? You being the partner you deserve creates a partner you deserve. But you've got to be that partner to you first. And you have to be prepared to be the partner that your partner deserves. Love isn't going to happen to you. It's. It's about who you become. And I. I feel like you're itching to say something before I go any further.

No, you have. You have to love yourself first. Before that. But you asked three questions. You asked, are you sexy? Do you feel like you're a catch? And are you ready?

Are you going to be the partner you deserve?

So the. So you asked three questions and what if the answer is no to any of those three? You have to. You have to fix something within yourself before you can move forward beyond that. Is that, is that fair to say?

That's exactly it. Because if you don't feel sexy, if you don't believe you're a catch, and if you're not ready to be the partner that can handle somebody else's emotions, that can handle somebody else's humanity, that can handle your own emotions and your own humanity, then it's just going to be more love trauma. So we're trying to get beyond love trauma. We're trying to have an experience of romance that's bliss. And I am telling you, if I can come from the childhood and the sexual trauma and the love trauma that I grew up in and have what I have now, I can have the, you know, the greatest intimacy and I am not activated. And I never thought that would happen. I never thought that would happen. I got out of a domestic violence marriage with a two year old and I thought every guy out there is going to hurt me and so I better protect myself. And I just want you to know that you get to be sexy and you get to own your sexy. Play some Justin Timberlake and get your sexy on. And no matter what you've been through, no matter what your body's been through, no matter what your heart has been through. And until you feel sexy, you're going to attract people that validate how not sexy you are. Once you feel sexy, that sexy gets validated, but you don't even need it anymore. Now you just get to appreciate it.

What, what I think maybe we should do is next week we'll dive into helping ourselves feel better about ourselves as far as, as far as, as far as, you know, being able to answer yes to those three questions. So let's, let's put a pin in that for a second and tackle the question. How do we find, how do we find fresh people to like, interact with? Because I know that's a, that's a question that people are having a, a problem with because they're, they're in the routine and they see the same people every week at certain days, but they don't seem to see any new people.

Yeah. So the meeting people piece is really important. And then this week, just play with, what if I let myself feel sexy? What if I actually believed I'm a catch? What if I was the partner to myself? I'm craving. Start there. But here's meeting people. Go to a coffee shop two mornings a week. This week, say hello to five people at the coffee shop. Go and start saying hello. Say hello to five people everywhere you are. Make eye contact. If you're waiting for it to happen to you instead of generating interactions and relationship, even if it's with strangers, it just is stale and you're going to be waiting forever. So literally start saying hi to five people everywhere you are. Literally every day. Go someplace where there will be people. It could be a dog. Well, I don't know if you guys have dog parks as much as I do. In Colorado we have dogs. Not as many everywhere, but you can go to.

There are certain sections of central New York where they could be considered dog parks. That's completely different. That's a different, that's a completely different.

Animal, you know, but take your kids to a playground. Go for a hike. You know, I know Root Glen is beautiful and there's people there all the time. Central New York is gorgeous. Gorgeous. But I want you to go and I want you to say hi to five people everywhere you are. The next thing you can do. And I know this is going to sound counterintuitive because you're asking me about meeting people, but take yourself on a date somewhere, literally. What's your ideal date? Take yourself on a date and guess what your ideal date is going to have people there that are a vibrational match for what your ideal date is. So maybe you're taking yourself to dinner. There's the right vibe. Go sit at the bar, have a drink, say hello to a couple of people. Maybe you want to take yourself to Chittenango Falls and, and go for a gorgeous hike with. With a picnic. Say hi to people while you're hiking. We shut down because we don't think we have what we need when it comes to romance. And that closes the door. Instead of keeping the door open for people to be able to feel our energy and your energy and letting people feel it and engaging with people is how you're going to break this cycle and break through. But go out, say hi, take yourself on a date.

I think it's a lot easier for people to go out and go to, okay, I can go to a coffee shop twice a week. I can go and do that. But that second step of actually saying hi to someone, some of that I think falls back into the saying yes to those three questions, which we're gonna, you know, once you can say once you can say yes to those three questions, being able to. To say hi to five complete strangers becomes a lot easier, which is what we're going to cover next week.

And here's my final thought for right now. You don't need to look at romance like you're trying to fit in and you need to fit in and be who somebody would need you to be. Look at romance from the lens of what fits in with me. Do you meet my criteria? Because I'm a hell of a catch and whoever lands me next, they are lucky. And do you fit in with me? Is a way better question than do I fit in with you? You'll not fit in. So it's about romance fitting in with you in this season and I want you to have a blast with it and I want you to let yourself feel sexy and I want you to own what a catch you are and I want you to be the partner to yourself that you deserve. That's waiting for the romance that fits in with you. Certain it's headed your way. I know it is.

It's a mental wellness Wednesday Life coach Rebecca Silence Online. Rebecca Silence dot com. Follow her on all of her social media accounts. There's all kinds of free content all over the place. Rebecca, incredible job as always. We'll talk to you next week.

Love you all.