The Real Reasons Behind Seasonal Depression You Didn’t Know About

And how much is the validity of seasonal and the sunshine and how much does that affect people?

While it's very real that seasonal depression and the cold and the dark can have us kind of go inward and emotionally we're dysregulated and it is just the season, these two other factors we don't talk about. Enough, right? Much of you heading into this time of year feeling like, oh, I got to do the same old obligations. I'm just killing myself, spirit and my soul off again. I can't do what I want. I gotta be who I need to be for everybody else. This is a huge part of why people go into seasonal depression as well.

Mix it with 2.5, the best mix from the 90s to now. Big pop any afternoon. Mental Wellness Wednesday. Life Coach Rebecca Silence, RebeccaSilence.com and author of the book Coming Back to Life, which is available now. Rebecca, how are you?

I am so well. Hello, everyone.

So we just went through daylight savings time. You know, we spring ahead, fall back, and unfortunately now we're at that time of the year where it's pitch black at 5 o' clock in the afternoon. And I'm already, I'm already seeing like the seasonal blahs already kick in and it's hasn't even been a week, you know what I'm saying? So I figure, I figure we would, we could talk about how to be like a little proactive as far as that stuff goes and how much is, is the validity of seasonal and, you know, the sunshine and how much does that affect people?

Absolutely. So seasonal depression is so real. But there are a couple of things that I think are important to consider that we often just gloss over, like, oh, it's the time of seasonal depression, it's dark, it's cold. But the other two big things that are going during this time of year are, number one, it's time to start seeing all of our family and it's time for holidays. And that can bring up panic and stress and anxiety and depression that has nothing to do with daylight savings or it getting darker earlier. The other thing is this is the time of year where one of two things are going to happen. You're either proud of yourself for what you've accomplished so far this year, or you're feeling like a really big loser and like, it's another year where I didn't do what the heck I said I was going to do and I'm about to start another year and it's going to be more of the same again. So while it's Very real. That seasonal depression and the cold and the dark can have us kind of go inward and emotionally we're dysregulated and it is just the season. These two other factors we don't talk about enough, right? Much of you heading into this time of year, feeling like I got to do the same old obligations. I'm just killing my spirit and my soul up again. I can't do what I want. I got to be who I need to be for everybody else. This is a huge part of why people go into seasonal depression as well. And if you're one of those people that are thinking, I didn't do anything different this year again, well, we've still got two months left in the year. This can be the year that you start changing the game before January hits, before this theory that you're supposed to have a New Year's resolution comes back to haunt you again. You can just go, all right, all right, all right. So I did the same old thing. Well, how do I want the rest of the year to go? And it could be as simple as making a decision that you aren't going to do one thing out of obligation for the rest of the year. You're going to think about what do I want and I'm only agreeing to what I want. And I'm going to let my family deal and either work with me or not. But I'm not betraying myself in the name of love, seasonal depression and betraying ourselves in the name of love like peanut butter and frickin jelly.

All right, so we're talking about making one little change and where everybody, it's going to be different. Can you give some examples of what that could be? Because, um, I think that people appreciate where you're coming from and want to do what you're suggesting. But it. Because it's so vague and it is that way because everybody's different. But if you give a couple examples, it may help people kind of relate it back to their world. You know what I'm saying?

Absolutely. And don't forget, everybody, you have access to a free masterclass that's only 20 minutes@rebecca silence.com the free trigger trauma release method. Because the emotions, the triggers, they're real. The upsets, if you need support navigating them, I'll coach you for free right now. Just go to rebecca silence.com and download the masterclass. But here's an example. You know, I am going to Ecuador for Thanksgiving this year. My husband and my little daughter are going to be in Colorado and My oldest daughter and I are going to be in Ecuador. This is different. We've not done this before. Right. But this is what's right, what works and what's real. I'm not missing the opportunity to go get my kid after a gap year semester in South America and have a week with her. And it happens to be Thanksgiving and it happens to be her 18th birthday and it looks different than what we expected Thanksgiving to look like this year. I mean in January, even in May. I had no idea she'd be in South America. My family would be separate for Thanksgiving. I'm not seeing family of origin. I'm not even with my husband and my youngest daughter. But I'm looking at life for what it is and I'm making the decisions that are right for me and my relationship with my oldest long term, even if it meant this might be uncomfortable or create some friction. And my husband and I just talked about it created a win win. It wasn't a fight, but it was a conflict that needed to be resolved. And this is the season where people anticipate conflict and go into fight, flight, freeze. Which is a huge part of why seasonal depression happen instead of I'm sorry, Rebecca.

That's also why so many knockdown drag out fights happen on the holidays. Because literally it's one thing and boom, it happens. It's not like, it's not like somebody says something really, really nasty or just builds up. It literally can be someone just says one thing. Oh, here we go again. And it just goes into that, right.

Because of a couple of reasons. Number one, we're expecting history to repeat so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Number two, we are so sick and tired of having betray ourselves for our family members do things out of obligation that we don't even want so they can be happy. And then the straw that breaks the camel's back is all that's needed to unleash and to blame and or to shut down because sometimes it's knocked down drag out fights. But sometimes people just shut down and go really dark in that direction. And I really believe it's all because people are afraid to tell the truth about what they want and because they don't want conflict. And the way through conflict is to be honest about what you need to offer solutions and to work with people until there's a solution that works for both of you. But we don't trust that our family will do that with us. We don't trust that the conflict is resolvable and it can get better. But I want people living life their way and use the seize as an opportunity to go into a cocoon and get honest with yourself about what have you been doing that you don't want to repeat. And then give yourself permission to not do that and to try something different. And it can be baby steps. It can be as simple as if you don't want to show up to Thanksgiving at 3, you let your family know I'm available to be there at 4. It can be so simple. Or I want to do it at my house. Even though we've done Thanksgiving at this family member's house for 30 years, I want to host this year and I will be hosting this year. And you're invited and come if that feels good. And if not, we'll see you a different day. It's okay to tell the truth. It's okay to act in a way that honors you and your family will get over it. Or if they don't, I look at that like good information to have because our families should want us to get our needs met just like we want them to get their needs met. It needs to be reciprocal. My word for 2022, reciprocity. But you have to honor you. To experience, give and take in a way that you're left fulfilled instead of drained. And this is the time of year where so many millions upon millions of Americans are drained, not energized. They're putting all this unnecessary stress and pressure on who they think they're supposed to be. They're spending money they don't have. Don't do that.

Repreciprecatity.

That's reciprocity.

Yeah, what Rebecca said. It's a Mental Wellness Wednesday. If you want more. RebeccaSilence.com that that free Trigger, the Trigger course. What is it called again?

Trigger Trauma Release Masterclass.

Yeah, you can get that for free at Rebecca silence. Com. And of course, the book Coming Back to Life is available wherever you get your books. Rebecca, always amazing. We'll talk to you next week.

Thank you, everyone. Enjoy this time of year. It's your right. You're supposed to.