Rebeccah Silence says parents of college kids home for summer need to shift from parent-child to adult-adult relationships. Make explicit agreements about things like dinner schedules, wake-up times, and personal freedom. Clear boundaries help both sides feel heard and respected.
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So how do you break through and how do you transition from parent-child to adult-adult? With parenting, there is a transition that doesn't get talked about enough, going from a parent-child dynamic to an adult-adult dynamic. So what I want for your family, if you choose to accept my challenge, is for you to make this the summer of learning how to have a long-term, adult relationship with your college grad that is temporarily under your roof. And there's gonna be a time, there's gonna be a season where you wish you had them under your roof again, where you wish you had the amount of opportunity for quality time that you could have this summer. If this is what's going on with you, it really is about more listening, more questions. Have conversations about what do you need to feel really supported and respected while you're home this summer? What a question. To ask your college grad. I want you to feel held. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel supported. How can I be the best support to you while you're home this summer? What does it look like? What are you wanting?
That's awesome. If the parents, you know, kickstart the conversation, but what if the parents don't?
If you are the college grad, you let your parent know, I love you. I appreciate you. I'm so excited to come home this summer. And here's what I need. I don't want to be woken up before 10 AM. I will be working and I want to know that we have dinner once a week, but that it's okay if the rest of the nights I do what I want and do my own thing. I'm going to be safe. I'm going to be responsible and I want dinner with you once a week, but it's really important to me this summer that I have freedom and I don't want that to be a problem. Is it going to be a problem?
Being on the same page as far as expectations go. Exactly. Is huge.
I call it agreements. You've got to have agreements, right? Like, if we're agreeing to dinner once a week and if we're agreeing to this is my schedule, like, for work, and then the rest of it I'm going to come and go, and that's not a surprise, and it's not me abandoning you, it's not me not caring about you, it's me being in my early 20s, alive and free, and preparing myself for my next season. It's agreements. Get on the same page and agree.
