Tips for Mental Health Awareness Month and Graduation Season.

Mix with a 2.5. The best mix from the 90s to now. Big pop in the afternoon. It is a mental Wellness Wednesday. Life coach Rebecca Silence, host of Tougher Together, a breakthrough podcast, new book coming out Back to Life, coming out in October. And don't forget the emotional survival kits as well. Rebecca, good afternoon. How are you?

Well, hello. And not only is it a mental wellness Wednesday, it's mental health awareness month, so. So thank you for listening. This is so important to just take some time to consider how are we doing mentally, emotionally, and are we as healthy as we could be or want to be?

And I've been having different guests and obviously we do this every Wednesday, but I've been having different guests and all throughout the month looking at mental health from different, from different points of view, whether it be from the family and, you know, trying to buck the stereotypes. And the more we talk about it, the less stigma there is. And all those things factor in. They really do.

They absolutely do. And what's so easy is to get caught up in the external something someone said or did or didn't say or didn't do or life throws you a curveball. And especially now, we really can and need to learn how to emotionally regulate ourselves and be the best of ourselves in any situation, not be someone that is so easily swept up in life storms that are inevitably there and going to happen, but they're never more powerful than we are as individuals.

So now that you brought that up, what are a couple tips to kind of help if someone's listening right now or watching right now and they're, you know, wow, I wish I could. Is there a couple things that someone could do to just kind of like refocus recenter themselves, not. Not fall into the trap? I don't want to say fall into the trap, but you know what I'm saying, right?

It is right. It is a TR that we can fall into a believing like life is hard and painful. That's a trap. That's something to change your mind about. Unless that's what, unless that's what you want your life experience to be is difficult and hard. Right? Instead, what if life's just life and you can be your best and experience life as the best of you no matter what. But a few tips I would have just what I said earlier. You've got to know you are more powerful than anything outside of you. I don't care if it's a diagnosis, I don't care if it's a trauma. I don't care if you are even right now in dire straits. You've got to know you're stronger than any of those situations and make a decision to believe that for you to be able to rise above anything and everything. And then the second thing is, I really hope you'll give yourself the gift of giving yourself permission to, to be happy and enjoy your life, even if people you love and care about aren't having that experience as well. One of the biggest things that people do that I think cheats them out of a great life is they won't let themselves shine too bright or get too happy. If the people they love aren't happy, it's codependence. I can't be happy unless you are. If you're not happy, then it's my job to make you happy. If I'm not happy, it's your job to make me happy. And talk about a trap, talk about just resentment and overwhelm and misery, right? So let yourself get happy, let yourself shine, and at least give yourself permission for that to be a finish line that you are pursuing, crossing in this lifetime. Because if you won't give yourself permission to be happy and to get the most out of your life, you're going to miss your life. And mental health is about basically living in such a way that is aligned with the life you want. And what I mean by that is we can have this fantasy of what we wish life could be and then if we're living in the opposite of that, there's a dissonance. Like in music, it doesn't match up and it feels like crap. So if you can see it as a fantasy, you're equipped to create it. It's just going to mean other people, criticism, skeptics, other people's, you know, wishes for you can't get in the way anymore if you're going to do that for yourself. If you're going to give that to yourself.

It is a Mental wellness Wednesday on Mental Health Awareness Month. Life coach Rebecca Silence. Rebecca Silence.com More with Rebecca coming up here on mixed with a 2.5 Elvis Durant in the morning and the best mix from the 90s to now. It's mixed with a 2.5 big pop in the afternoon. Mental wellness Wednesday. Life coach Rebecca Silence Online rebeccasilence.com It's graduation season.

It is.

And I know that your oldest just graduated this past week and I figure while we're talking about, you know, while you're going through it and so many people are about to go through it in some way, shape or Form. Let's talk about the dynamic of the person that is graduating and trying to find their way. And all of a sudden, like, hey, I'm an adult now, and trying to. You know, I just remember when I graduated, all of a sudden it's like, okay, I graduated. I can do things differently now. But it wasn't necessarily the case. It was. It really was some growing pains that summer between high school and college. Let's talk about that a little bit.

I love that you're bringing this up. And, yes, I am in the thick of it. I have.

This is me helping you, Rebecca.

I'm here for it. You know, like, let's process, let's unpack. Right. I have been crying nonstop for two weeks, but in the most beautiful way. Like, tears of joy and excitement and gratitude and grief and letting go all at the same time. So My daughter is 17. She just graduated as a junior. So there is. There's a part of me that is in a little bit of, like, we could have had one more year. But at the same time, I mean, I really think we need to not be in the paradigm, thinking about how it's supposed to look for us, for our kids. Right. Like, if you've got a graduate a. They have their own experience. And are you asking about that? Right. I'm. I'm not just crying myself. I'm crying with her. I'm laughing with her. I'm wanting to know, what is she feeling? What is she afraid? What is she excited about? What's important to her? Now we're doing a graduation party where I'll let you know next week how it goes. I'm running a hotel room for her and her friends at a hotel because she doesn't want, like, a traditional graduation party that isn't even necessarily for her. So we're doing a party to celebrate and honor her, her way with her particular friends. Now, I had my. Like, here are the rules and boundaries that can't be crossed if we want this party to not just happen.

But this sounds like an American Pie movie waiting to happen, Rebecca. Oh, my gosh.

It'll be an adventure, right? We'll see. But I'm listening to. Who is she? What does she want? What is her experience? What gives her a great honoring experience? I think, you know, graduation is a time that can be very stressful, but it should be a time of celebrating the victory, the accomplishment. Accomplishment. The what it took to get here, especially kids now that had a pandemic going on during their high school experience. Right. Talk about mental Health Awareness Month. You know, important topics to consider. These kids. How is their mental health? Are they feeling like they missed out? Are they feeling like they got rushed? Are they feeling incomplete? If so, how do we handle that so that there's closure as they move on to the next chapter? So the parents need closure and to be looking forward to the next season of their relationship with their child. And the kids need closure and to be looking forward to their next chapter. But I think more than anything, we have to hold our kids capable. We have to listen, and we need to support them in knowing how capable they are. My daughter is doing a gap year where she'll be going abroad in the fall and to three different countries and doing some environmental conservation work and just some adventures. I have to know I did my best as a parent. It's enough and love and honor her and not make it all about me. And I'm going to miss her and have that, you know, muddy the waters of her own experience. We can have our experience without putting it on our kids. We can talk about how we're feeling with our kids, but mostly I think we need to be listening to, who do you want to be? How do you feel about who you are? What are you excited about? What is keeping you up at night and potentially stressing you out right now? Like, let's deal with it, let's unpack it. You and I were talking off air about how sometimes there are certain things like we know we need to face and it is not fun, but if you just face it, then it is done. It doesn't have power over you anymore. And then I think the final thing is just make sure you have a real plan right for the relationship and making sure there's a commitment to nurturing that relationship moving forward, even if it looks different. But also, like, what's the plan for your child? Is there one? Because I think the unknown always makes life so much scarier. So what can we count on? What do we know we're pursuing? What is the plan to stay in touch. My oldest has a boyfriend that she'll be leaving in Colorado, and we've had to talk a lot about that. Like, what's the. What's the plan? Because we're not going to not do this gap year because you have a boyfriend in Colorado. So how can we have it all? How can we set it up well? And I really, really believe we can have it all. And I really, really believe we can set it up well. But celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Let your child know how capable they are. How proud you are, how much you believe in them and then just be a space to hear what they're going through. In child development, the years 16 to 18 are often the years of the lost child. They think they're older than they are, they have more responsibility. But often parents are distancing themselves from their children at that time too and maybe not even realizing it. And our kids need us more than ever, just in a different way, in a way that's built on mutual respect and boundaries. But they're not done yet. So stay available and let them know how available you are to be there for them while you support them in the way that actually feels supportive to them, not the way that you think is the way that it's supposed to be.

So what was that called again? Years of the, of the missing.

What of the lost child. Like they're, they're, they're kind of a fish out of water. They have responsibility, they're able to do more, there's more freedom. But they do still need guidance. It's just not in a kind of dictator like way. They need to be seen, heard, valued, respected, and know you're still there. And you know when they're little, they fall off a bike, they get hurt, they cry for mommy and Daddy. When they're 16 to 18, they have their first heartbreak with a relationship or a friend you know is in trouble or they're in trouble, they still need us and then we can be a space for that in a non threatening way that has them know they're not alone, because they're not. And I think the last thing I'll say about this is so many, so many young kids are afraid to become an adult because they think being an adult sucks because they see a lot of adults unhappy. So this is also a really good time to let them know you get to be excited about your life because you will create a life that works for you and is good for you and that you love. Being an adult doesn't have to suck, but it is modeled, it is a societal norm. So our kids are scared to death. So don't leave them being up all night worried about it. Be there supporting them and honoring them and cheering them on Years of the.

Lost child that was my 30s wellness Wednesday life coach Rebecca Silence. The emotional survival kit is available at rebeccasilence. Com. Always a pleasure and we'll talk to you next week.

Bye everyone.