Rebeccah Silence grew up in an alcoholic home and married an addict, then faced bankruptcy and foreclosure when she left. She says safety comes first, but leaving alone won't break the pattern: you have to heal your own trauma or you'll attract the same dynamics again.
It's really easy to make it about the addict or the alcoholic, but this is you healing your patterns too.
They're trying to get out of the situation, but person that they're in the, uh, situationship with is in a deep depression. They're also starting to become an alcoholic and an addict. Anyway, they're living together and the person trying to get away is also trying to get out from under the same roof.
This topic is very personal to me. I grew up in an alcoholic home. I grew up in domestic violence, and I have spent my life loving people in active addiction that there's nothing I or anybody can do for them if they're not willing to say, I've got a problem and I need to heal and my life depends on it. And, you know, my first husband was an alcoholic because understanding trauma isn't enough to heal the cycle, and we attract what we haven't healed yet. So as you leave, You're taking a stand for your own healing, and that includes you get out of this house or ask them to leave. And if they won't leave, then you have to. And my first marriage ended in divorce, and I had to go bankrupt because he wasn't going to leave, and I just got out. And my lawyer said to me, Rebeccah, you getting an apartment and leaving this house, you're going to lose the house. So not only did I go bankrupt, I foreclosed on the house, but my life was worth me having a mess that I made and moving on and moving forward. And so, you know, you get out of the house if, if that's the situation you're in. Find a safe place to go. Be willing to get yourself safe and in a position where you are getting back on your feet. But know this: just leaving this apartment doesn't mean you left your pattern of attracting the same type of relationship dynamic. And the reason I started off the way I did today is because there's no way you got in this situation, and you don't have a pattern of enabling people and wanting to help people that don't want to help themselves. So I had to say it. It can be so different than how you grew up if you'll say yes to the work of healing. And you can't heal other people, and you can't heal for other people. You heal for you, and then all of the relationships in your life transform or elevate to beyond your wildest dreams. What it can look like— you've imagined it. Now it's time to let yourself out of it, but we have to clear the runway and get you out of your own pattern.
