We Need to Have this Conversation about Mass Shootings Now

About violence. And I want to talk about the mass shootings going on in the United States. I don't know if you're aware, but we have had at least 248 shootings in 2022 in the United States alone this last weekend. There was a lot of media publicity about a shooting in Philadelphia. But did you know there were eight shootings total that went on just this last weekend, the first weekend in June 2022? We have a problem and there's absolutely something that each and every single one of us can do to be a part of the solution to that problem. And that's what we are talking about today on the Healing Is Possible Experience. Thank you for being here. I am your host, Rebecca Silence, and this show, it's brought to you live every single week, every Tuesday, 10am Mountain. And in each episode, I am putting my heart in your hands as we go on a journey together of hope and healing at a time in history where hope and healing, I believe, is what is needed more than ever before. There are so many conversations about gun control that are happening, and I'm so grateful for that. These conversations need to happen. Gun control issues are real. The lack of restrictions on guns is horrifying and terrifying, and there's so much that needs to be done about that. And then we have so many conversations going on about mindset and strategy. Also very, very, very important con because when our mindset is all funky and wonky and chaotic, we're not clear. So the choices that we make, the actions we take, they have a spin out or going against our desire to get the results we seek or to be the version of ourselves that we seek. Mindset and strategy conversations are important. Just like gun control conversations are important. And mental health conversations are very important and happening and need to be happening, but they're not enough to actually change what's happening around the epidemic of violence that's going on in the United States, across the world, but particularly as an American, as a former school counselor and school counseling coordinator, as a woman with a master's in counseling and certifications in integrative holistic life coaching and facilitation. I want to talk about what's underneath all the violence and what each of us can actually do to begin the process of healing through the trauma that's the catalyst for violence. All violence is a symptom of unhealed emotional trauma that just hasn't been dealt with, got stuck in the person and became toxic. Don't hear me making excuses for the people that have done so much and such significant harm and damage and destruction. That's real too. But I believe that there is no person immune to unhealed trauma. Not one. And I believe every single one of us can do something about our own trauma so that we're not part of the societal norm that takes our pain out on other people. So let's make this simple. It's not an easy conversation. This isn't a conversation that anybody wants to have. But I just with all of my heart believe it's important that we have it. There is a way to get healing happening before it gets so out of control that someone would get violent. There is a way to at least stop the madness, stop the violence going on within ourselves that has us taking our pain out on ourself. That happens so often. How many of you watching are silently suffering with any type of emotional pain? I'm here talking to you because you care enough to be taking the time to watch a show called the Healing is Possible experience for yourself, for your growth, for your healing, for your most inspired and most fulfilled life that is awaiting you. And I'm here to say we don't need to be silently suffering and we don't need to wait until it gets even more out of control to start dealing with our own trauma. I think we have an opportunity for a huge wake up call and reset here, for each of us to be taking on us, with us in a deeper and more profound way. That's the one thing that we can all be doing. I've never worked with someone who was violent. And yes, I have done a lot of work with the most intense cases really. And I've even begun to work with the people that are the violent ones in situations. The reason I'm willing to work with those people is because there are certain people that got violent that actually didn't want that, that actually didn't want to cause that harm, that actually don't want to be a part of the problem. They just got to a place where their powerlessness was so severe that they didn't know what else to do. Now, I'm not saying that they don't have free will and that they didn't make their bed or their choice and that there shouldn't be consequences. But people come to me in shock and horror at their own behavior, wanting to heal, wanting to know what happened, what is the root of the pain that would have this happen. And I help them figure it out and connect the dots in heal through it and start their lives again. I work with couples I work with families, I work with people and teams and businesses that want better and want to understand what is in the way. And what I do as an emotional healing and relationship coach is we find together the moment the trauma happened, the pain got stuck and the beliefs about who we think we are because of the trauma that got stuck and toxic where it all started. And it's always that when people are upset, when people are in pain, when people are anxious, when people are depressed, when we are suffering in any way, shape or form. What we must understand is that there's some part of our past that is bleeding into the now and it's having a negative impact on our lives and it's killing our spirit and it's killing our hope. And that has us become complacent or angry in a way where we try to take our power back powerlessly. Again, let's make this simple. When trauma happens, it shows up in so many different ways. I hear this a lot. Well, Rebecca, I didn't have trauma. How am I a candidate to work for you or with you? Here's the thing again. I don't believe that any one of us are immune to trauma. It's just there's a certain type of person that's unwilling to let their trauma win, get the best of them and give them permission to not be the best of them because this thing happened. Those of you that have followed me know some of my story. Anyway, if you're new, what you can know is this. I'm no stranger to trauma. The level of abuse in my childhood quite honestly should have had me removed from the home. Then later I became suicidal, self harming, eating disorders, drinking too much alcohol, not caring one bit about respecting myself because I didn't feel like I had ever been respected and I didn't think I deserved it. Then I ended up in a violent marriage. Later stage three melanoma while I was pregnant. Initially, my point is life happens and it's easy to get stuck in trauma. Me being someone who expected trauma and the experience of being traumatized, it started really young. My version of trauma isn't going to look like yours. But whatever it is, wherever you got heartbroken, wherever you got blindsided, wherever you got so hurt that you decided you don't ever want to feel that again, that's where we need to go in and begin the process of emotional healing. Or you stay in reaction to that trauma for the rest of your life. And we can be high functioning and experiencing unhealed trauma and emotional hell and unwellness. In a way where no one would even know it's happening. How often are you smiling your way through your pain or trying to make sure nobody knows how bad it really feels? How much of your week is spent trying to manage and cope with the emotional pain that is there, that is real, that's not going anywhere, that you're wishing away and praying would go away? We have to do better. Each of us taking on a commitment to dealing with where trauma in the past and where emotional wounds really have been infected, that need to heal are happening, life happened. It doesn't need to keep being the catalyst. That's the gas in the tank of your life. The reason I say no one's immune to trauma is because no one's immune to a moment in time where they're either frozen in fear, wanting to fight the fear that's coming up, or wanting to run from it. We don't know how to relax. We don't know how to regulate our nervous systems. We don't know how to live beyond the trauma. What we know how to do is live in spite of it. And then sometimes it feels so painful and so unmanageable and we feel so hopeless and so powerless that a Hail Mary pass to try to take our power back at the 11th hour, a kamikaze mission becomes the only option. I really believe that's what's happening with every shooting that's going on in America right now. It got to the point where the pain was so severe that the person resorted to a kamikaze mission in one final attempt to take their power back. Now, I know what I'm saying is bold, but I really believe it. And my point isn't to be right, it's to get us thinking. Every shooter had unhealed trauma. Every shooter had parents with unhealed trauma and nowhere to take it and no tools to deal with it. And again, the gun control laws, the mental health conversations, the mindset and strategy conversations, they're not enough to help us actually heal through the trauma that's holding us hostage on some level. If you notice that you're tired and drained. Unhealed trauma, opportunities to heal. If you're noticing that your fuse is super, super short. Opportunity to deal with unhealed trauma. If you're noticing anxiousness, depression, suicidal ideation, powerlessness of any kind, Opportunity to deal with unhealed trauma. This can't keep happening. Where we resign as a society to just knowing this is our culture, this happens. And I think we're doing ourselves and the people in so much pain that they would get a gun and go and harm on such, such an extreme level. And injustice. If we just blame it on a mental health diagnosis, it's real. I'm not saying those diagnoses aren't real or appropriate to the situation. But what I'm saying is what about the unhealed trauma? And I've just seen it too many times where a trauma was healed and it gave a person their life back. And we don't need our parents to have been different and we don't need our childhood to be different and we don't need the situation to never have happened. We need to become the master of our emotions and the leader in healing ourselves through our own trauma by becoming our own healer. It's possible, but we're not taught how to do that until now. My Emotional Survival Kit course is a roadmap to help people become their own healer through the face of anything and everything that is lingering and in the way of their ultimate freedom and fulfillment and happiness. And we can get happy in the face of global war, global pandemic and our own beginnings of a revolutionary war in our country. People are at odds politically. People are at odds about so much in the United States. But what if we could come together in agreement that violence isn't a solution that heals, it's a solution that perpetuates trauma and toxicity. And it's not worth it for us to be a space for emotional unwellness. And if we think they need to do the healing and we don't, I believe we have missed that boat. I think all of us, me included. I work with my coach every single week. I am in coaching containers and coaching communities and taking classes 100% of the time so that I can continue to get more free and happy and fulfilled. The purpose of healing isn't to stay in the dark. The purpose of healing, let me just say that again, is not to stay in the dark or in the depths of the pain. The purpose of healing is to get to a place where you are creating your life from a healed best of you place, enjoying your life, experiencing all the good that life has to offer. And so many people aren't experiencing that because of a, possibly a belief that that doesn't get to happen. I'm here to say it does. Or from a place where they think there is no trauma, their trauma, it's so deep, it's so dark it can't heal. Or we think if we start this process of opening up Pandora's box, we start Crying, we're going to stop. We start looking at the issues, the real realities that we have gone through. It's going to re traumatize us. The thing is, we're still in trauma. Anytime, any moment, we feel powerless. Anytime, any moment we're suffering. Anytime, any moment where it feels like the pain is so severe that there's no way out. There's that lyric in Hamilton. It feels easier to just swim down. Have you been there? I certainly have. And I will admit it would have been easier to swim down. One of the hardest challenges of my life has been facing the realities that were so painful, I thought it would kill me to face them. But one at a time didn't kill me, gave me my life. And one at a time, I want to empower you to consider that facing your trauma, it's not going to kill you. It's going to allow you to be reborn. And again, very simply, I just want you to consider that the person of you that still has stuck trauma inside of you, you didn't cause what happened. You didn't deserve it. It's not your fault. And what you do deserve is freedom from whatever that pain is and whatever that event was. And what you do deserve is to take responsibility for your healing in your life so that you can be an example of healing and possibility and freedom from trauma for every life you touch. We all have so much more power than we give ourselves credit for. And if you can't do it for you, do it for your kids. And your kids have already experienced trauma, too. Not because it's your fault, but because they've had heartbreak, and most likely they haven't known how to unpack or process that. So it's still in their cells, it's still in their bodies, it's still in their identity. That's the scariest place for trauma to live, is in our identity where we think it's who we are, or we think it's our fault, or we think that we deserved it or are being punished or have to just live with it. I want you to consider that trauma can heal even the most intense trauma. Marriages have trauma, families have trauma, people have trauma. It can heal. And it doesn't matter how big or small you think your trauma is, any of that stuck pain living inside of you, it has to go. If we want to become a leader in the possibility that we don't have to lead from and source from our fear and our past pain or let it win. My first coach, Carol Reynolds, used to say, it doesn't matter if you're pinned under a Toyota or a Mack truck, you're screwed. I want you to consider, it doesn't matter the trauma that you think you have compared to someone else's. And I want us to be careful not to consider the inner child's experience from the adult perspective. Think about your inner child's experience. Experience as the inner child. Not getting invited to a party, getting dumped, being abused by a family member that you didn't see it coming, or even a stranger. Whatever it is, it hurt you. It doesn't have to continue to hurt you or run. Your life, your whole life doesn't need to revolve around your pain. And it is if it hasn't healed yet. And I hear often, oh, I've dealt with this, Rebecca. I've dealt with it well, maybe from a diagnosis perspective, from a mindset and strategy perspective. But have you blown it out? So it doesn't hurt anymore? The way you know an emotional wound has healed, the way, you know a trauma has healed is it doesn't hurt anymore. Healing means it doesn't hurt anymore. There's freedom in the face of what happened. I say it all the time. We don't need what happened to be different than it was or is. We need to be better. We need to be healed in the face of it. Or it wins. And there's nothing that we can't rise above that we're not more powerful than. There's nothing more powerful than you in your lifetime. And I get real shit goes down and I get it can be horrific, and I get that it can be so painful that you'd rather drink or run or do anything but face it. But from that place, it's winning. It's winning. You're not. You get to win. It doesn't. And I want us to get honest about how violent we are with ourselves and with each other. And it doesn't have to be as extreme as physical violence or gun violence. But how violent are you in the way you talk to yourself, in the way you treat yourself, in the actions that you are taking, in the behaviors that you are choosing for and with yourself? Get honest. What are the top five ways that you're violent with yourself? And you have room for it, and you are a stand for it, and you keep that cycle going. Because here's the deal. No one that's violent towards others isn't violent with them first. And anyone violent with them had someone violent towards them. And every time we're violent with ourselves, that violence that occurred in childhood in Our past, it wins. How often are you violent with yourself instead of facing and healing through your trauma? And how often are you violent with other people? With your thoughts, with your words, with your actions? I don't care how severe it is. It's unacceptable that we as a society continue to walk around with unhealed trauma, all fucked up and gunky, taking it out on ourselves and each other. It's unacceptable. And it can change and it can heal and it can heal so much faster then we understand with the right support. And I want you to be brave and I want you to understand that facing it won't make it worse. It's already worse. It's already running and maybe even ruining lives, maybe even yours. And again, the point isn't to re traumatize you or to have you stuck in the depth of the darkness that you think will kill you if you face it. The point is to prove it won't kill you. The point is to prove to yourself that you doing the work to face and heal through your trauma is what will give you your life back. Is the beginning of each and every one of us that are willing to do that challenging work that I think is the most important work any of us can do. Clearing out our past emotionally so that we can be adults living and leading from a healed and whole place. You're already whole. But when our trauma hasn't healed, we forget that. We don't know that we don't know how to stand in it. And I don't want us to wait for another crisis. I don't want us to wait until the violence gets so out of control that we literally are in another revolutionary war. I don't want us to wait until, you know, God or life forces our hand. I want us to start from where we are right now, knowing that we deserve better, knowing that we deserve freedom, knowing that we deserve healing and knowing that we are an important leader in emotional healing because we care. We care about being our best. And I don't care what you have done or who you are. If you want to heal, there are so many ways that I would love to help you. Starting with the emotional survival kit. Course it is less than three hours. It is all the best I have got. How have I healed through the hell that I thought was my life? I created seven parts to healing. Part one is a commitment to life. And when we are dealing with and living with and resigned to our unhealed emotional trauma, we are committed to surviving our way through our lives, which isn't living. I Want us to commit to life. I also still do private practice work. I do coaching intensives, I do couples intensives and I do one on one coaching. I've got availability for those of you that want to be brave and and are willing to do whatever it takes to have the most gorgeous and delicious and glorious experience of your life in the face of anything that you have faced and in the face of the state of the world. Right now we need more people healed and free. That's the answer. We need a new societal norm where people are emotionally healed. And I promise, if you want it, there's no trauma, there's no diagnosis, there's no circumstance that's bigger than your ability to emotionally heal through your pain. I've worked with thousands, one on one, hundreds of thousands at a time through shows and media appearances. I have not seen one case that was a lost cause. I worked with a woman after caseworker heard me on the radio starting in 2013 that had gotten violent in the residential treatment facility that she was living at. Violent with staff, multiple suicide attempts. She'd had 12 therapists in the two years before beginning to work with me. The mother was distraught and terrified and just waiting by a phone every single day to see who her daughter had hurt that day or if her daughter had hurt herself. We worked out where the trauma started. She was so brave. Severe trauma and abuse and neglect that just hadn't been dealt with yet. I trained the staff at the residential treatment. We put a safety plan together, we put boundaries in place. Today that woman has been living in her own apartment for five years and she's on the board for the residential treatment facility that she was living at when she first started working with me. Last year I worked with a man who had gotten so drunk that he beat his fiance. The 10 year old daughter had to call 911. Through courage and bravery and by doing the deep work, eventually we were able to get that family back together. They're working on buying a new house right now. They're intact. Every case I work with isn't as severe as these examples that I'm giving you. But what I'm wanting you to understand is if those cases can heal your scam and if you're one of those cases, please reach out. Every morning I wake up so grateful for a life that's free and well for me. And all I want to do is help as many as people want that too, get it for themselves. So you can take the emotional survival kit course starting now on your own. It's Me and you, you can reach out for coaching. We have a few spots left. If you want to live with me for three days in Santa Fe, New Mexico, in September, 16th, 17th, 18th, join me. Get the most out of me so you can be the best of you. I work with the people that are highly sensitive. I work with the people that care so much. I work with the people that give everything every single day to other people. But what's often missing is that they have unhealed trauma that they still haven't addressed yet. And that's why they're zapped, and that's why they're unfulfilled. And your life, it is so precious. You are so precious. You deserve healing. And whatever you've done, whatever choices you've made, it was your best at the time, and you can do better. And for us to solve the problem of mass shootings in America, each and every one of us can begin to deal with our own addiction to violence, with ourselves and other people in whatever ways that shows up. And our own commitment to believing that our trauma wasn't that significant or is so severe that it doesn't get to heal. This is bullshit. These are myths. Please, I am begging you. Reach out. Whether it's to me or what is the right fit for you. All of the great ways that you take care of yourself, keep them. But I think it's time for us to up our game. Not because we should be guilty or in shame, but because it's our right to be free. In real freedom is a freedom where our past no longer runs the show, where our triggers and issues no longer have us less of who we could be. Because we've decided to become someone who's unwilling to let the past or pain or trauma win, who's unwilling, in the face of anything, not to be the best that we could possibly be. We need more leaders like that. Centered, grounded, relaxed in our power, committed to our greatness, committed to emotional healing. And emotional healing isn't a finish line that you cross and then you're done. It's ongoing. Or we just get all clogged up again. And it doesn't get harder than the beginning steps where you're brave enough to admit, I've got trauma, it's still running me. Find your right support. Find your right path. But no, that trauma doesn't need to or get to win. And there's so much life on the other side of it. And in the moments where it feels the darkest, when you really want to give up and you're desperate I want you to consider that those are the moments where you're closest to the miracle, where you're closest to the breakthrough. And I talk a lot about breakthrough. All I mean is you've broken through any fear that's in the way of the possibility you seek. Some people, when they experience trauma, they stay in a victim consciousness after that. And in a. In a way, it's a way to try to have power over the trauma. I'm going to stay in a victim consciousness, usually unconsciously. We don't even know we're doing it because I don't want to feel like that anymore. And I don't want to ever be the one to hurt people. But how much is that experience of victimization and expectation of more trauma? How much is that hurting you? Or it goes another way. I won't ever be a victim. So I'm going to be the one that uses power play after power play after power play to try to make sure other people don't get the best of me. And that can look so many different ways. But it's still powerless. That's the thing. It's not stronger to be the aggressor. It's just as powerless as the victim. But we don't know that and we don't know what to do with it. What I'm suggesting you do is begin the practice of emotional healing. Face the music that you've got, trauma that hasn't healed yet. If you're drained, upset, suffering, stuck, worrying, anxious, depressed, get help and commit to a life where you are emotionally well and free no matter what you faced. These are the three steps that you can begin taking now to practice emotional healing for you. And it is great to be generalizing and having these big conversations. But what's even better is you being the example of healing and possibility. Starting now. You making a commitment to your life now. You getting the support that you deserve, that you have earned now. And you recognizing that you get to create a life that's free, where you are your best for you and for others. Starting now. Nothing's wrong with you. You're not crazy and you're not confused. You see that life can be better. You see that life can be different. You're the answer. Start with you. Start with your healing. Let other people and their free will choose what they're going to do for them. But you can start with you. Don't let anybody's opinion or perception or judgment or criticism stop you from getting the most out of your life or becoming the best leader of your own life that you can be. Their journey is theirs. We need to be living in a way that honors and respects us so that we can be more honoring and respectful of others no matter how they show up. Doesn't mean take shit. Don't have boundaries. But don't let the past or your pain or the world and their opinions dictate how you show up. What are you going to choose? I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear your takeaways from this show. I understand that we have gun control issues. I understand that we have massive mental health problems and issues that need to be dealt with and not enough support for it. But I also understand that emotional healing is something that any of us and all of us can focus on in the face of anything. And we always have control over that. And when we're brave enough to do our emotional healing work, we automatically make the world a better place. And we need more of that. Thank you for tuning in to the healing as possible experience again. I'm Rebecca. Silence So grateful that you're here with me. So grateful that you care so much. I'm asking you to prioritize you and your healing. Starting now. What's more important than that? Healing is possible for me, for you, for all of us. I refuse. I refuse to believe that there are certain people that can heal and certain people that can't. Certain pain that can heal, certain pain that can't. Healing is possible. Full. But then you've got to be the one to get your life there, to take your soul there. You're your own healer. And I love you so much. See you soon.