What are you COMMITTED to? Powerful discussion w/ Two Cancer Thrivers! What does it take to Heal?

Where every Tuesday we go live and it does get hot and sticky and we address and take on healing and what gets in the way of it. Today, special guest Erin. And Julie is here as a cancer survivor, as a mother, as a woman, and now she is launching a brand new business. And I wanted to bring her in to just talk about what she has learned about healing and commitment, specifically as a medicine that helps us heal. Welcome, Erin, to the. Thank you. Thank you.

I am really excited to be here. Thank you.

So what's healing mean to you?

Healing to me is just a. It is an evolutionary process. Like, I think that healing at different phases might mean different things, but the broad over the broad big picture for me is just staying committed to who I am and who I vision my highest self as being and then figuring out what I need to do, what obstacles are in the way, what patterns I've learned that are keeping me from that. So that's healing for me is just having that, that really solid vision and then constantly recalibrating and coming back to this is what I'm committed to. And, you know, how do I get there? What do I need to work through? What do I need to see?

Yeah. And will you share some of your story and specifically how commitment has impacted your life and your healing?

Sure. I'll start way, way back. When I first sought you out. I think that I was where a lot of people are. I was in a lot of pain. The clinical medical diagnosis was anxiety and clinical depression. And that was even before the cancer. So it just was in a space that I feel like a lot of people can relate to. It's. It's hard and it hurts so much. And I just was waking up every day going, this can't be it. Like, this cannot be it. That this is how I'm supposed to feel all the time. And I really prayed. I have a strong faith in God and I just prayed for an answer or just a path. And you came into my circle and personal development, work and growth work and understanding. The meaning making machine that we all have is malleable. So that's what set me on the path that I'm on right now. And I really feel like it saved my life and it gave me purpose and like let me assign meaning and.

Change.

The meaning that I had associated with some things, if that makes sense.

Yeah. Be even more specific. So I used to make this mean this and now I make it mean this because I think calling our brain a meaning making machine, brilliant. And that's exactly true. My former Coach Carol Reynolds used to say, perception is a choice. Right. Which I think is another way of saying we're responsible for what we're making. Life in front of us now means give us a little bit more of an example.

Okay. So one of the biggest examples that, you know, not that I struggle with, but I definitely see still coming up in my life is, you know, the relationship that I have with my children. So I grew up in an environment, a really good environment, I will say, but I grew up in an environment that was very, very heavy. Heavy is a good word on respect and integrity. And, you know, when my children came along and when they're little and they're not listening, I found myself being very, very militant. Like, that's disrespectful and really creating a wedge between them and myself and even my husband and myself. So a lot of that, the work that I've done and continue to do is if things aren't working out the way I think they should, or if I feel like I'm not being listened to, or if I have that feeling in my body of, hey, that's disrespectful. That's always a cue for me to, like, take a deep breath, create some space, because it is a trigger point for me, and I don't want to operate from old behaviors. I always want to understand that it's an opportunity for me to create more connection, create more dialogue, create more better, stronger relationship. Right. Yeah.

So I.

Used to be very committed to, hey, that's disrespectful, and that's wrong, and you shouldn't do that. And, you know, now I make it mean, hey, there's something here that I'm not understanding. And I really. This is valuable to me, and I'm committed to really understanding the full picture. So it just is. I make it mean. Okay, it's time to step back, get quiet, get centered, and, hey, let's figure this out. Let's talk about this.

Yeah. So what I'm hearing is you're making triggers mean that there's an opportunity for you to grow and connect more. And I think that's so because it is very easy to think the person in front of me or the situation that people are finding themselves in is causing their upset. But your triggers mean, oh, my goodness, I have something inside of me that's ready to heal, release, and grow. And I just want everybody to really hear that level of commitment to not being right about our triggers, to commit to being right about the trigger.

Sure.

It's a Whole different animal. That, in my opinion, gives us a lot of freedom when we commit to using the trigger as an opportunity to release and heal.

Right.

Whatever has us emotionally clogged up and gunky.

Right.

And I.

So a lot of. Yeah, go ahead. I was just going to say, you know, when I feel like, for me, it's a very visual kinesthetic thing, like, when I feel a trigger come up now, I used to envision that shield of ego coming up, and, like, you know, you have to defend yourself against it. And now when I feel it, I'm like, okay, here we go. Like, this is. This is for me. Like, this is for me to, like, grow from. And I get really excited about it. Really excited about it.

I love that. And I think it's. It's rare to see the beauty and the miracles that are waiting on the other side of the trigger. So I love that you are sharing it this way. I want to hear about what it took to stay committed to healing as a young mom, as a young woman with cancer. Will you speak to that? Can we just go right there?

Sure. Absolutely. So coming out of legacy training and my training to be a coach, it was directly after that that I got my cancer diagnosis. And I think that that was the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened to me because I have all of these fresh new tools, and I have all of these strategies to help me mind, body, and spirit. And cancer came at the perfect time. So when I got my diagnosis, I really sat down and I did a lot of journaling. I did just a lot of what I call purging. Just a lot of dumping onto paper how I was feeling, what I was afraid of, and then just sat with it, you know, I think so many times we're so. Or maybe it's not we. I was so quick, like, to use positivity to jam through things and not actually sit and feel it, because I was afraid that if I allowed myself to feel the full range of fear and loss and sadness, that it in some way, shape or form would drag me back to depression and anxiety and having that commitment to, no, this is for me. This is for my highest growth. This is for me to develop into this human being that I want to be. Really helped me just slow down and ratchet back the need to just plow through and really just experience cancer in a way that was not muscling and not rushing. So, you know, when I shaved my head, and that was upsetting as a woman, when you shave your hair, I really felt the loss of it on a different level. And as I was feeling the loss, I was also welcoming the opportunity to redefine what I felt was beautiful for me. Redefine, like, what I was looking at in the mirror, like when I lost my breasts. It was an opportunity for me to really redefine what I thought a woman was, what femininity was. So I always say, if I can make cancer the best thing that ever happened to me, this is work that transformed lives, that brings you closer to all of the things that you want. It brings you closer to God or universe or whatever you want to call it. Like, was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

For me, cancer gave me the ultimate seminar. That's how I look at my experience. It was. It was a seminar. And sure, for me, and I think we're similar in this way. I really got to choose who I was going to be in the face of it, because there was no changing it. There was no stop. Right. And that's what I'm hearing you describe. So speak to your commitment to becoming who you want to be, to living how you want to live as a result of cancer, because that's what I'm watching you model.

Yeah. So the transition is coming from like the. The scared, fearful, locked down person that I was into the really brave person of. No, I get to define everything, Every little piece of my reality. I get to make mean what I want it to mean. And I think that, again, this work is really putting you in the driver's seat. Because for so many years, I personally really wanted something, like very much was looking for a mentor to tell me how it was supposed to be or tell me how to navigate this or tell me what the right decision was. Very much wanted somebody to give me those answers. And cancer was that commitment to. You already have your answers. Right. You can have support around you, but you don't need somebody to tell you you already have the answer. And are you going to be brave enough to some way somehow tap into that higher self? Whether that's through prayer, whether that's through journaling, whether that's through meditation or yoga or whatever modality. Are you going to be brave enough to go in instead of look out?

Yeah. I think about it like, you know, we have the possibility to become our own lifeline.

Yes. Yeah.

You are your lifeline.

Right. 100%. And I think that again, for me, being, transforming from the timid, really wanting that protection of somebody to show you the way. Life coaching. This, this work, this development work for me is like the best version of a parent that you could ever have. It's showing you the tools, and it's working its way out of a job. Right. It's showing you how to believe in yourself enough, how to create a conscious, confident person that isn't afraid to ask for help when you need it, but also charge boldly forward without needing permission and not apologizing for making mistakes. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And I think we all have emotional cancer that we deal with, and we don't need a crisis to start to do that. Purging and reality checking and leading our lives how want to lead so and how we want to live. So those of you tuning in, I want you to really take in the possibility. Erin was talking about positivity, almost like a band aid or a mask. And I really feel that positivity, I don't think ever actually healed anyone. I think connecting to possibility and moving through the hard stuff is access to healing.

Absolutely. I do think that positivity is a strategy, but when you're using it to really just jam your way through, that does become a bandaid, and it does become another layer of a mask that you just hide from the world behind, if that makes sense.

It does. And I have another question for you. And in the hot seat, I ask some hard questions sometimes. My question is this. Did you choose life? Do you believe that you chose life?

Yes. Why I chose.

What had you commit to life? What had you believe in life in the face of what I believe to be some of the deepest, darkest possible pain, anxiety, depression, cancer. What had you commit to life anyway?

Well, obviously the family and the kids, for sure. But beyond that, just a. I don't want to say commitment, but just a thirst. I want to live. I want to experience. I just want to be here. I want to put good things in the world. I want to experience more of the world. I want to talk to more people. I want to talk to people and give them part of my joy. And I want to be able to talk to people that don't necessarily think the way I do. And I am like, walk away like, wow, that was a great conversation. And I learned something from that. Like, My commitment is 100% to keep experiencing life in this reality and then just expanding it and meeting people and doing things and being scared and doing it anyways. Like, I just want. I want. I'm 100% volunteer to life. I just want to be here and experience. And while I'm here and experiencing, you know, I'm just committing to Harming no one and being a source of light and support and whatever. Whatever I'm called to be in any capacity. Like, I'm 100% a volunteer.

Yeah.

And everything that's happening is great and beautiful in magic.

Well. And I think what you're saying is so powerful because you're not a stranger to the dark. You're not a stranger to the pain. So you're saying, and there are people in this healing is possible, family and community that are in physical pain, that are in emotional pain, that are in potentially even a hopelessness. And I'm wanting you to hear Erin and feel Erin's genuine zest for life and love for life, even though she knows the more she lives, the more there will be moments that are hard and painful and dark and difficult.

Yeah. I just had a conversation the other day, and somebody asked me, you know, do you think about cancer coming back? And my answer was, no, I really don't. And then I really started thinking about it, and I was like, you know What? I'm still 100% yes to life. So if it comes back, I'm still alive, I'm still living, I'm still experiencing. So I would be 100% volunteer. Yes. To that, too, as long as it means I'm still here and putting some good into the world.

Yeah. And I love that, too, because your commitment to life is bigger than you getting to experience life. You're literally building a wellness center in Utica, New York, so that you can serve and empower and inspire the community. Talk about that. What are you doing with your life today, Erin?

So today, as of right this minute, we are rehabbing a building, which is very exciting. And the overall goal is to open up this space and have it be a healing space, a community space. We have studio space that we're going to be doing yoga and tai chi and other modalities. I'd love to be offering workshops, and we're already kind of kicking around those items. My partners are going to be opening up a small med spa. I'm going to offer coaching services, support services to anybody who needs it. So really, the fundamental goal is to just be of service. Whoever needs support and is looking for transformation is looking to expand maybe their mindset or where they are operating from. That is really what we want to do here, and we want to create community, because this is a beautiful community, a hugely, beautifully diverse community. And I just want to be. We want to be a space for that and a space for healing. Yeah.

The business is reimagine Wellness Reimagine Wellness.

Is our business name. Our business is going to be launching soon. It's on Genesee street, so it's super conveniently located. It's just. It's phenomenal. It really is. And it's very exciting to just.

Hold.

That hope that I had through cancer. And then, you know, it's been a few years, so, you know, I keep saying it's a marathon, not a sprint. And, you know, the vision could percolate for a while. Just hold the vision and it will come.

You know, I do. And when you were talking about, I get the question, are you afraid of cancer coming back often as well? And for me, what I'm committed to is, if cancer came back, would I change how I'm living? And I'm learning to be in that question so that I'm in alignment with how I want to be living. And that's what I see you modeling as well. You are genuinely living how you want to live.

Absolutely. And then also, I'm living the way that I want to live right this minute. And then I'm also pushing the boundary of that I'm creating better relationships. Like, my husband and I are so committed to having the best version of our relationship. Like, we're doing some really hard, deep work, and the more we stay kind of in the. On the field with each other, you know, I kind of call it, stay in the pool with me. Right. Like, it's hard sometimes. You got to slide through it. But it's creating an even better relationship than I had ever dreamt of. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like, I think sometimes we're like, oh, this is the epitome, but what if it's even better than that? So, you know, if you just stay in it and keep staying in alignment and keep with each other and don't hold things back and find ways to just keep connecting and creating more steps and bridges. It's beyond phenomenal.

So what would you say to people that are afraid to take that shield and sword down and who are afraid. Afraid to address the hard conversations or the conflict or whatever it is that's in the way of being in what you and I would call a breakthrough?

So say it one more time, because I think there was a couple different questions I'm not sure I 100% understand.

I'm wanting to hear what you have to say about the benefit of staying committed to keeping the guard down, heart open, and being willing to face and address the conflicts, whatever they are, versus trying to avoid them.

Okay, so it's kind of twofold for me. So the first part of it for me was doing my heavy lift work first. Right. So my husband and I have been married for almost 12, 13 years, and the last five years of development work have really been about me, what I'm doing, how I'm growing myself, and who I want to be. So that was the first commitment, is defining who it is that I want to be. And then the second step now is our marriage is our marriage is our safety. This is our foundation. This is our family. And nothing is more important to either one of us than our family and our safety as a family and creating that solid unit. So I have done a lot of, you know, that ego pulling down work so that I can be open and for him to commit to this work as well is huge. But I would say to anybody who's in. In a space where you're trying to redefine your relationship, make sure that you know who you are solid and know what you're committed to solid. Because if it's kind of a gray area, that's still your work. Right. So we were talking about something that just happened over the weekend where I got triggered over a situation, and we had the opportunity to talk to our therapist about it. And I've never said. I've never said the words that I said to him, and I was always afraid to say it. But we've created a space where we can say what needs to be said. But it's not. It's not a personal attack. Right. There's a delineation between the emotionality behind it and the ego and the defensiveness where we can actually say, hey, this is what's going on right now. Let's dialogue. Let's move through. And that wouldn't have been present for me before. So the deep work is your own personal deep work. And then the next step to come together as a couple is gravy. But you got to know yourself first.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Well, it does. And what I'm also hearing is the reason that you're stepping into the fire, if you will, is with the intention of getting closer to yourself, to the person in front of you. And. And ultimately, I believe this is me. To meet the part of yourself that can do that.

Right. 100%. It is that evolution. And then, you know, I am always a very big one for, you know, what are you modeling? And it is very important for me, for my children, to see a model of this is normal. It's normal to not agree on Things. It's normal to need a little help now and then to figure out how to navigate. This is normal. None of us come with an instruction manual. So again, like, I use the analogy of stay in the pool, but really it's stay in the game with each other. Like, I mean so much to myself and he means so much to me and my. Our family is so center. Like, there is no other option. Right? There's no other option but to stay in the game and figure out how to healthfully move through and navigate this together.

Everyone hear her. What if you took on having such a deep relationship with yourself and your life that there was no other option but to live through powerfully whatever moment you find yourself in? Erin, you're a gift. What else do you want people to know? Final thoughts about healing, about life, about commitment.

I would. I want everyone to know that healing is an evolutionary process. And I, you know, you and I had talked about this. I don't think that we ever stop healing. Healing is growth. Healing is really looking at what I believe right now and saying, is there a little bit of wiggle room to entertain the idea or the possibility that it could be even better than what I imagine right now? So I would say what I want everyone to know is the possibilities are endless. Where you are right now isn't where you're going to be or where you end up needing to be. Right? Like, where you are right now isn't necessarily where you're going to end up. So. And then create community. There's so many great people out there that want to support, that want to help you, that want to love you and don't want to do it for you. They want to give you that hand up, you know, and search. Just ask for it. It'll be delivered to you. Ask for what you need.

Yeah. Erin, thank you. Healing is possible if you want to join me in the hot seat. But for breakthrough coaching, message me. Let's get you in here. Your life is waiting for you to live it healed. And we want you to face whatever it is that you are facing head on so you can experience you and healing and life in all of its glory. Your life matters. Erin, thanks again.

Love it.

Thank you very much, Erin. Her email is right in the video. You can. You can email erin@reimaginewellnessmail.com Is it?

Yep, that's correct.

Okay. Get in touch with her. She's a great coach. Love you, Erin.

Thank you so much.