What's Emotional Healing and How Can You Find It?

So what is emotional healing and how do you find it? Welcome to the Healing is Possible experience. I am your host, Rebecca Silence Emotional healing coach and great proponent of the practice of emotional healing. And for those of you that have known me over the years, the way I work has evolved into this very simple, not easy, but simple, and so very worth it process of emotional healing. And the practice of emotional healing is a way of life that I live by. So if you haven't worked with me in a while or if you've never worked with me at all, today's show is about the core of the work I'm doing now and what I'm offering you now. Because emotional healing is, I think, the answer in the supplement that closes the gap between how we feel now and how we want to feel. That is the missing that a lot of us are facing and experiencing. And this is just another great way to enhance your life and to take care of yourself and supports all of the other ways that you are taking, taking care of yourself and growing your life and connecting more and more to yourselves. So what is emotional healing? Let's just start there and then we will break it down for you even more. So to me, very simply, what emotional healing is, is the process and the practice of being in a place where you feel how you want to feel regardless of circumstances. Emotional healing is what's required to feel how you want to feel regardless of circumstances. And I think the most important work to do in our lives is to get to that place where we feel how we want to feel. And in my early career I talk about this a lot. I was so results driven. The name of my company is Inspired Results. And the point was Inspired results, inspired meaning in spirit, learning how to connect to the highest version of you regardless of results, until you get to the result. But you know, I'm not results driven anymore. And ironically, I am actually creating more results from this place of a practice that is daily and consistent and unwavering of emotional healing. And I do always have a vision for where I want my life to go and results that are exciting to me to pursue. But the results aren't the focal point anymore. Knowing how emotionally healed or not in a moment I am is my consistent focal point and an option for you as well. And emotional healing just means I don't need anything to be different than it is now, than it was then. I'm afraid it could become because I know who I am and I know where my life is going and I have the tools and the ability to feel how I want to feel, no matter what I'm going through, no matter what I have experienced trauma, divorce, death in the family, whatever it is, I can still feel how I want to feel. And I think ultimately emotional healing is the biggest and best and most beautiful gift that you can give yourself in this lifetime. Because it doesn't require anything external to be different or to validate you or to be something that you have to prove yourself to. It's just life is life. Life's being life. I also say this a lot. I don't think life is happening to us or for us. I just think it's happening. And then through the practice of emotional healing, we get to become a version of ourself that we can be proud of, that we can live with, that we can like, and that we can love in the face of whatever we're facing. And the real work is getting internally aligned as and with the version of you that you want to be. Now, I think when it comes to emotional healing, we get to very easily know when it's time for our next growth spurt, when it's time to emotionally heal more because there's some sort of, in the worst case scenario, suffering. In the whisper level cases, just something feels off, but either way, you know, it's time to emotionally heal when there's some sort of hurt still happening, even if it's subtle. And I also am a huge proponent of can we please stop waiting for crisis. Can we please stop waiting until it hurts so bad that we are forced or seemingly forced to take on our lives and our emotional healing and wellbeing and right action that we've been avoiding because of some sort of fear. It's not worth it to let any more time go by to wait for it to get worse or more painful. And then you'll deal with the skeletons in the closet, the demons you haven't faced yet, the lies going on in your marriage, the self deprecation that you are more committed to than anything else, whatever it is. And I am talking to people of all levels, all, you know, experiences of life and success, all ages, genders. It is very real to me that healing is possible. And then whether or not you experience that is 100% up to you. And I am also very clear that not only is it putting more stress and pressure on you to be uber results driven, but it's also putting a lot of pressure and stress on you to think that if the world was different, then I would feel better, you know, if my partner validated my worth or was more grateful for me, then I feel better. If my kids understood how much I do for them, then I'd feel better. If I could get that time to myself so that I could exercise, then I feel better. It's never going to be real that the external changing ultimately results in you finally feeling how you want to feel, like it's just not going to happen. It's just not. You getting to the place where you feel how you want to feel will have you so much more powerful and so much more in love with you and your life than you can even imagine. And then from that place of you being internally aligned, of you being solid as a rock within yourself, certain about who you are, certain about where your life is going, does the external, at least in my experience, start to change? So my definition of healed is it doesn't hurt anymore and the hurt has been replaced with an experience of freedom. I think the point of emotional healing is to get to a place where you feel free, where there's no trap, there's no secret that could come out that could level you. There's no diagnosis or symptom or embarrassing circumstance that you wouldn't want the world to know that could happen. That has more power over you and your life than you do anymore. That, to me, is freedom. There's no traps. So what are. Here's an assignment. What are the top three traps that you're up against right now? Is it, you know, feeling financially in a state of fear or insecurity? Is it feeling like you're in a war with some relationship in your life? Spouse, a kid, a friend? Where are the traps? What's haunting you? What's trapped? Is it chronic pain? Fatigue? A diagnosis? What is it that is trapping you? That is very, really just a circumstance. And I'm not saying that lightly. I'm a cancer survivor. I've been through so much darkness. Order my new book Coming Back to Life, pre order it from Amazon or Barnes and Noble, or go to rebeccasilence.com and order it from whatever publishing site you want to. It's my story of trauma and darkness and resilience. Not because I want to tell you all about me, but because I want you to connect to your own story so that you can be the difference maker that changes it through the practice of emotional healing. The book is laid out with my story to model patterns that you might not even see as patterns until I share it the way I do. And then there's a healing message and an actual roadmap to emotional healing. Healing to Help you come back to life and take on the rest of your life from this point forward, you know it isn't over yet. Your life. And through the practice of emotional healing, I really believe you get your life back and you get an experience of yourself in this lifetime that is the most, I think, important life lesson to arrive at. The lesson that you can become the you you want to be regardless of circumstances has been one of the most painful and daunting and at times seemingly impossible lessons that I've had to learn. But it is the lesson that has provided me with the experience of life that I wanted to have. And now my whole life's work is about sharing what I've learned with you so that you can have it for yourself. And there's no right way or wrong way to live your life. There's no right way or wrong way to heal. The practice of emotional healing is not me telling you what to do. It's me providing you with a space and with curriculum and with tools so that you create your own answers, so that you find your way. I have found mine. I want you to find yours. I'm not ever going to know what the right answers for you are. But what I do know is that it's possible to wake up every day genuinely in love with your life, proud of yourself, loving yourself, excited about your ability to be someone who makes the difference for you, for your family, for your workplace, for your community, for your friends and in your gifts and talents and skill sets. I wake up every day so excited about what's to come. Everything from the mundane. This past weekend was the first maybe weekend I've had all year. And we're in the second quarter of 2022, by the way, right? It's April, it's three months have already gone by, right. So this is, I think, the first weekend all year. The only thing on my agenda was a birthday party for the seven year old. That was it. And while she was at the party, I got a foot massage. I had nothing to do and I didn't do much. I got a foot massage, I did some decluttering, I watched some movies, I chilled out, I ate some good food and that was it. I watched the Grammys and enjoyed that. My point is I wake up excited about the possibility of getting to design my day every day. And I go to bed at night excited about who I was that day. And then rinse, wash, repeat, and this is really genuine and sincere and it is not always easy. I had a relative pass away this weekend. Expected but still not easy confronting and real. And I spent time with family members on the phone, you know, talking through that and holding space and feeling my own way through that loss. And, you know, it doesn't matter what you think you're supposed to do. What if there's actually nothing to do? The practice of emotional healing is about who are you being? And do you know who you're being? Are you even aware of it? And do you know why you're being that version of yourself in a moment? And do you even recognize that you're choosing who you're being in any and all moments? Because you are. And that's what the practice of emotional healing is about, is. It's really about giving you the power back to be who you want to be, feel how you want to feel, know who you are, know where your life is going, know why that is important to you. And when you're there, how can you ever be threatened again? The only way you can be threatened is when you need the external to be different. And if I can do it in the face of cancer and the traumas that I have survived and grown through and healed through, so can you. And I'm not. I'm not wanting us to compare our stories to other people's stories. I'm wanting us to connect to the possibility that exists not just for me, but for all of us. So emotional healing is the bridge that you cross to get to the place where you feel like you again, where you feel how you want to feel, and there is nothing in terms of feelings that you are afraid of anymore. I have got just as healthy and healed a relationship with grief and anger and fear as I do with joy and excitement. And these are the. When I talk about emotional healing, these are the five emotions that I am focusing on as an emotional healing coach and practitioner. All of the rest of it is learned, can be unlearned. And if it's causing you any type of stress or suffering or upset, it's your right to unlearn it and have a new experience. So the next thing that the practice of emotional healing offers you, beyond getting you to a place where you begin to feel how you want to feel, is the experience changes that you're having. So I was. I mentioned this in a previous episode at the Abundant Magic Creativity Weekend at Kripalu in Massachusetts with Rachel Cargill and Elizabeth Gilbert recently. And I made a new friend there, and she's an artist. And we were talking about how our. Our color palettes had evolved and changed over the course of Our lifetimes, both of us are in our 40s, and we were talking about how there were certain colors that we were just not vibing with earlier in our lives that now we really enjoy this. This, by the way, shout out to Ethel McNeil, jewelry designer and one of my mentors. We were school counselors together, and she was one of my first teachers around just how to be with myself and have boundaries while I was coaching and leading challenging cases. Thank you, Ethel. And recently, she had sent me this gorgeous set. There's also a bracelet. So shout out to Ethel. But this color palette was not a color that I liked. I actually hated this color of teal for a long time, and I don't even know why. I can make up a lot of reasons why. I mean, potentially, right. Obviously my eyes are this color. I can't tell you how many years I couldn't face myself in the mirror or in front of a camera. I don't know the why. And by the way, in the practice of emotional healing, we're not focusing on why the thing is happening. We're focusing on it happened. Who are we going to be now? Because there's not ever going to be an answer. I had a woman ask me one time at the beginning of a cancer scan, how come you got cancer? You're so young and healthy. I just looked at her and I said, that question is so not helpful and is so insensitive. And there's no answer to your question. I have no idea why. There's never going to be an answer there. So why did I not like this color? I have no idea. Why did I get cancer? I have no idea why Was my first marriage a domestic violence marriage? I have some ideas of why I was available for that, but there's no right answer. There's nothing unhealed about my life that would warrant what I've been through. It just happened. And then who am I going to be with that now what? So I just loved this conversation with my new friend about, you know, we all of a sudden have a new experience of foods, of colors, of ourselves. It is possible if we can try new foods and be excited about that, if we can experience color and adventures in new ways. I'll never forget being five months pregnant. This was before I knew I had cancer. This was before my diagnosis. I was five months pregnant. I was at a leadership retreat where I thought we would be in these very, you know, luxurious accommodations, and instead we got dropped off in the woods. I'm five months pregnant. @ that point, I had Been working so much in my office and in my house that I couldn't even remember the last time I had been in nature. And I remember thinking, okay, this isn't my preference. I'd rather be in the cush luxurious accommodations. And then I just started looking around at the trees, at the water. And that weekend I remembered how much I love nature. And I've not gone back ever since. I live in the mountains in Colorado. I love being outside. I could do a better job of being outside even more. But at least once a week, at least once a week, I am outside. And I am taking in just what it is like to be outside in nature, because I actually do enjoy that very much. But my point is, the experience that we are having isn't a given. And feelings like disappointment, rejection, fear of abandonment, jealousy, any type of upset, whatever it is, those are feelings. That's not the same thing as an emotion. And that feeling can create an experience and so can connecting to the emotion that's stuck underneath the feeling. And moving through that is what gives you a new experience. So let me say that one more time. So we very much benefit from knowing the truth about how we feel. And don't reject that truth because you think it's bad or wrong or have shame around it. Just what's your truth? It wasn't anything to be ashamed about when I realized I don't even know the last time I've been outside, five months pregnant, dropped off in the middle of the woods. It was just true. And what if you could be with how you feel and what your truth is that neutrally, right? That's the beginning of emotional healing. Connecting to your truth and then from there getting to a place where you're just neutral. You don't have to like it, you don't have to love it, you don't have to embrace it. You don't have to do anything but be with it. That's the beginning of emotional healing. Knowing that you can get to a place of neutrality versus emotional pain, upset, suffering, stress, pressure, whatever it is underneath that feeling. What's the stuck emotion? Anger, grief, fear, joy, excitement. And you don't get to have joy and excitement without your willingness and ability to have a healthy, healed relationship with grief, anger and fear. I have a very healthy relationship with any of these emotions. I can be excited about my day, I can be excited about my life, I can be in love with me and my life in an exquisite self care and be at a 10 feeling grief all the way, be at a 10 feeling fear all the way, be at a ten, feeling anger, all the way, you know in these emotions when you are willing to connect to them and feel your way through them, believing that there is another side and then letting yourself experience what it's like to get from where you are to the actual other side. To me, that's freedom. And these emotions, they're not here to hurt you and they can't hurt you. And I think what you need to know before pursuing emotional healing is that your emotions aren't scary or bad. You've just been trained that they are a problem and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel and that they're more powerful than you. And none of that's true. None of that's true. So how you feel gives you access to your emotion and then your emotions give you access to how you want to experience life in yourself. And that's the practice of emotional healing. And you know, what you can expect is to get a crash course in self responsibility if you want to pursue emotional healing for yourself and for your life. Because it's never the situation that caused how you feel or your emotion ever. It's never the other person. They are a mirror. Life is a mirror helping you see you. And when you see you, you get to see am I being who I want to be or is this situation gutting me, leveling me and having me behave as a dumbed down or lesser version of myself because I am so triggered that I've lost sight of my capacity to lead my own life even in the face of this, whatever it is that's happening. Your emotions are never because of them or because of life. And your emotions can't hurt you. They are the ticket out of hell. They just are every single time. Your emotions are the ticket out, are the bridge to help you get from how you feel now to how you want to feel, to how you're experiencing life now, to how you want to be experiencing life now. And you can always, always, always get to the place where you're experiencing life the way you want to, even in the face of whatever it is that's happening. It's not easy, right? But I think there's nothing more important than to get to a place of being emotionally free and healed. Because from there you truly are your best and you're clear. You're a clear channel to life and the divine and to. And once you're a clear channel, you can be an example of light and life and love and possibility and healing for every life you touch. And they may or may not want to come with you and they may have a reaction to no longer having this codependent, unhealed version of you that they get to trauma bond with. Oh well, you're done with that shit. You want more life. So I am asking you and actually begging you, I want you to understand that I'm going to give all of the responsibility back to you to get to the place where you feel how you want to feel. It's nothing I can do for you. And it's nothing that when other people change, your life changes, you automatically get for yourself. You've got to create it for yourself. And you know, I think the other thing that is is important to expect when it comes from emotional healing. It's not bad news that I'm saying self responsibility is the answer, right? The mission is healing. The cure is self responsibility when it comes to emotional healing in the face of the darkness and in the light. And until you can get emotionally healed in the dark, you can't be emotionally healed in the light. Like you gotta get willing to be with you and life as it is, as you are, and then internally become the version of you that you can be, that doesn't feel trapped, that's free, fully expressed and emotionally healed. And from there I believe when you know that's possible for you, you can begin to expect miracles. And instead of results, I expect miracles. And what I mean by that is like I shared earlier, I do personally have a focus for where I want my life to go, right. I wanted to be a published author, that's happening. I wanted to reach as many people as possible with the practice of emotional healing being an option for them. I've got a new course we'll be launching pretty soon and I can't wait to share that with you. And then I'm available for one on one work more than ever, just in depth. We do intensive work, coaching work, couples work, family work in my practice and we're on fire. And I'm so grateful to get to meet people where they are, so they can meet themselves where they are, so they can experience life the way they want to, so they can create the miracles that they deserve, right? So I'm saying yes, my life has a focus and what I expect is miracles. And when I'm upset, I know a miracle is just around the corner. And when you're upset, whatever that looks like at a whisper level, at a problem level, at a crisis level, what I know is there's a miracle just around the corner. And I also know not everybody wants to see or experience life that way. That's okay. Can anybody and everybody emotionally heal? I believe so. Is healing possible for anybody and everybody? I believe so. Is everybody going to want that for themselves? No. Is that wrong or bad? Of course not. I'm not saying I have the way, I'm saying I have a way. And this paradigm of emotional healing, I think has been a missing in self development and personal growth and in healing and self care practice. Because we focus so much on mindset and strategy and healing our past, but almost in a way that can still give the power to the past. Instead of us focusing on the possibilities that exist regardless of the past. So many people are living in spite of their past. And you know, emotional healing is right for you. If you don't want that for yourself, if you don't want to be living in spite of your past, in your survival personality that you created to survive that past that isn't actually who you really are, then emotional healing is for you. If you believe that life is precious, emotional healing is for you. If you believe that it could be different and you want to be the difference maker that gets it different. Emotional healing is for you. If you believe life is precious, if you believe your life is precious, emotional healing is for you. Or if you want to get there with any of these things, like maybe you believe life is precious but not yours. Well, emotional healing will help you get to the place where you believe and live into your life is precious. If life is precious, of course yours is right? But we don't want to be selfish and we don't want to be too much and we don't want to rock the boat. And God forbid we open up Pandora's Box. But here's the secret. Pandora's Box is already running your life, closed or open. And then the practice of emotional healing is not something to do on your own. It's a guided process to help you get your answers. Otherwise we can very easily, without even meaning to take our emotions out on other people, we can keep ourselves stuck without even realizing we are because we're so focused on the external instead of the internal. So, you know, I'm just saying that it's okay actually and critical actually to open up Pandora's Box because it's running your life already. Just don't do it alone. You know, find a therapist, a coach, a mentor, me if you feel so called, to guide you through the process of unpacking Pandora's Box so it can release and no longer run the show. I'm just suggesting you deserve better. You deserve more. And the amazing transformation that emotional healing can and will bring you is an experience of freedom and an experience of clarity and certainty around who you are and what you're doing with your life. And it will bring you to a place where not only do you expect miracles, but you experience them in seeing that you can feel how you want to feel and experience life however you want to in the face of absolutely anything. I know it. I've experienced it. I live it every single day. And it took me 20 years of growth work to get to the point where I fully know how to feel, how I want to feel, no matter what, experience life how I want to, no matter what, lead as the best of me, no matter what. And I am here to help shorten that timeline and that timeframe for you. And it took me being told I was dying and being afraid that was true. And feeling the most excruciating emotional, physical, mental, spiritual pain imaginable in the face of cancer. For me to start to understand all this and for what I call God, to talk to me and be like Rebecca, here's the ultimate seminar. Here's the opportunity for you to become who you want to be. It's easy to become who you want to be when life is going well, but who are you going to be now in the face of cancer? I don't want it to be that brutal for you, and I don't need it to have been any less brutal for me. And that is the truth. I am 41. I have so much life left. Was it hell? Yes. Do I want to do it again? No. Could I if I had to? Yes. But I want to help you get there sooner. It is not a quick fix, but you would be shocked at how breakthrough happens in a moment. The pain began in a moment. It can end in a moment. And breakthrough is just the process of breaking through the stuck, the gunk, the dark, and getting back to a place of experiencing the light. Because you're experiencing you as the light. And again, this isn't for everybody. And yes, it will shake up your relationships and it will challenge some of the ways that you're living now as the version of you that you are now and what is keeping you safe and protected and holding the life you have now will have to, in some ways, fall away to make room for the next level of what will hold the next level version of you and the next level version of your life. And this isn't bad news, you know. And I am a relationship expert not because all of my relationships are perfect and everybody's happy with me. I'm a relationship expert because I've learned how to be the best of me in the face of having to have hard conversations, of having to experience and grieve the loss of people that I never thought were going to go away, of having to be a difference maker in being responsible for my own generational healing work and my own work to heal the pain patterns that aren't even just mine that were passed on to me. While family members question or disagree with or are upset about the work that I'm doing in the world. This is my vulnerable share here. I'm not a relationship expert because relationships are always going perfectly. I just know how to navigate me in relationship and that's what I teach other people how to do. In the number one relationship I'm working on with you as your emotional healing coach is your relationship with yourself. Because really all the other relationships are just again, a mirror reflecting back at you, your relationship with you. So I think regardless of what's occurred or where you find yourself now, you have a right to and you deserve to get to a place where you feel emotionally free. And I believe the practice of emotional healing will get you there. And no matter how successful you are, if you're not quite feeling fulfilled and free yet, here's the solution. Here's something new and different. And you know, more than anything, I just wanted today's healing as possible experience to be about what I'm up to now because it's evolved so much since Pandemic. And Pandemic gave me the space and ability to kind of flush all of this out out for you in a way that I think is so much more clear. For so many years, I was an inspired results coach and again, we were very results driven. And that was the focus and it was almost just magic that I and a lot of my clients even didn't have words for. Well, now we have words. It is the practice of emotional healing. It is the practice of self responsibility. It is the commitment to feeling how you want to feel and experiencing life the way you want to experience it no matter what. And it's the demanding of yourself internally, getting aligned as the best of you and designing the version of you that you want to be now no matter what. And all of that is possible. And if you want to experience it, I'm just a message or an email away. There are opportunities for you to coach with me for free on the healing is possible experience. If you want that reach out. Let's get you booked. And then even better there is definitely room for you to have me as your coach one on one in your life. You will be shocked at how quickly the miracles begin to unfold at how quickly you begin to feel possibility and hope again at how possible it is to move through all this dark that feels bigger than you or feels like it's not worth it because it'll make things worse if you go there. It won't. It won't. Your. Your life is on the other side and there's no dark more powerful than you. There's just not. I'm here for you. I love and adore you and the amazing transformation that emotional healing can bring you is available to you. And if you want to see more follow me on Instagram Rebecca silence check out the YouTube channel go to the website rebeccasilence.com order coming back to life and just know that healing is in fact possible for you, for me and for all of us. I love.