Who made you? Rebecca Silence

Mind over matter. Overcompensating. Overstatements. Crookedness related. The soul's churn in return. Mental overstimulation. One word: riveting. It terrors my pilot. Streams that are promised to make seeking less.

Just because you breathe. You don't have to earn it. But yes, it wasn't for me yet. I didn't have the self-worth yet to know I get to have this just because I get to have this. It took having a child and knowing generational trauma cycles can heal, and I was the generational healer in the family to have the ability to pave a better path for my own child.

That's very interesting. I think there's a— I suppose I'm looking at in the sense where there's hindsight, isn't there? So there's a dichotomy.

Yeah, a lot of it.

There's a dichotomy at play. I really want to touch on two viewpoints, somewhat at the initiation of, you know, when you decide, okay, where were you mindset-wise and how you see healing then? And then I want you to kind of fast forward to the here and now where you are now. How do you view it? I just want to share the difference.

Yeah, so my mindset at the time was I just have to survive, and my mindset at the time was I had to earn my place in this world. And it was a very pressure cooker life from the time I got out of the domestic violence marriage. I was 27, and I just put myself through the wringer, even starting my company, I was still very achievement-focused. There was still this part of me that never felt enough and felt like I had to earn my right to take up space in the world. And I didn't fully understand the only job I had was alignment with my soul. So I made a huge splash. I got on the radio and I had a private practice with a 6-month waitlist, and I was working 7 days a week, seeing 7 clients to 10 clients a day and just putting myself through the wringer. Got married again. Every part of my life in my late 20s and early 30s was on my terms, but I was exhausted and I was empty and I was running on fumes and I wasn't that fulfilled even though I loved what I did. So I get pregnant again at 34 years old and I'm coaching a plastic surgeon and his wife and they're thanking me for saving their marriage and saying You need to come into the office tomorrow and let us take this mole off of your arm. So essentially what happened was I got diagnosed with cancer while I was pregnant with my second baby. So both of my kids saved my life.

Wow.

And I was given a 5% chance to live. I had malignant melanoma and my whole world came crashing down. So it took cancer. And my big message for all of you listening is you do not need a crisis to wake up and take your life back.

Absolutely.

But for me, cancer gave me access to what was important and to the truth of who I was and to my relationship with God and my own source and spirit and inner guidance in a way I don't know for me if anything else would have been able to do. But I am here today as a cancer survivor that beat cancer with a 5% chance to live, and today my life is about alignment and it's about a co-creation with God and a dance with my spirit so that there's nothing to do, there's nothing figure out. There's just who I want to be moment to moment and what I want to create moment to moment. And I have the most gorgeous marriage. My business is now a business that provides the lifestyle I want. Yeah, I don't have anything to prove. I just do business on my terms. I do life on my terms. And there's not a moment where I'm not Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I say who, I say when, I say what, I say how much. And I just want people to know you can be fully expressed and free and connected to the best of yourself and to your power, and you don't need a breakdown or a crisis to give you permission or to force your hand.

Man, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. It's just to come to, you know, to where you are now and the way you see things, you know, it's just, it's not only the experience or to sort of to live it, but to actually survive it and then to thrive after it, um, it's not a small feat, you know, it's not a small feat. But I also sense from what you're saying, it's almost like there was a sense of, um, in your own way, like hitting rock bottom, where— because there's a commonality I always find, you know, when you go through experiences It's only until you hit a certain plateau or situation where like the only way is up that you sort of figure out, you know what, I need to, I need to, you know, I need to, I need to get myself out, you know, I need to be better, I need to grow. And I suppose, you know, if you hit rock bottom the way you did, it sounds to me like Having given birth to children, that was sort of your fire to light the flame back to actually, you know, wanting to be better.

And it really was. And you know, there's a big difference between the season of my life where I was getting out of domestic violence marriage and the cancer in that. When I was getting out of the domestic violence marriage, something in me almost knew there was nothing to lose and there was everything to gain because my life was such a house of cards. Cards already. There was no foundation. I was playing house in that marriage and going through the motions. When I got diagnosed with cancer, it was very different because it felt like I had everything to lose at that point. And so, you know, I just want to say this for anybody out there, that it's almost easier when your life is in crisis and there's nothing to lose to recognize there's nowhere to go but up. But if anybody out there has a business and a marriage and a family and, and all these things you've built that you don't want to lose. I call it high-functioning unhappiness. That's the problem for anybody that's experiencing— like, they know they're high-functioning, they know they're doing so much, they've built so much, and they don't want to risk that high-functioning part of their life in the pursuit of happiness that may or may not be real. Let me just tell you that it's them that you really get to go up into a whole new realm of possibility and blissful joy and inner peace when you are willing to go, I know on paper I am afraid there are some things I might lose, but the only thing I really have to lose is me, and I'm not gonna let that happen. You know, and for me, that's the gift of cancer in my life, was like, the only thing I have to lose is me. If I'm really honest with myself, and I am not going to let that happen. And I knew it is easy to be your best when everything is going well, and it's more important than ever to be your best in those non-preferential, icky, sticky, difficult, cringy moments, because that's when you really get to meet yourself. And for me, I knew, I was like, all right, God, 5% chance to live, cancer diagnosis, I guess I'm gonna find out who I am now.

Nothing to lose, but to do it, um, it's amazing. Um, talk to me, talk me through, how do you think accountability, um, what, what, what, what, uh, what did it play? Be taking account of where you are and, you know, being, being responsible in making sure you're better for yourself. What did accountability play in your embarrassing yourself?

I love that question. So for me, I like the word ownership better than accountability, and the reason why is because truly I am the only one I'm accountable to, right? I play a game with myself that the cameras are rolling 24/7. I literally imagine that I'm always on camera, that people could be watching, like I'm on The Truman Show with Jim Carrey, you know? And I'm like Am I proud of what the tape is playing right now? And I get to be human, but I want to be the best me I can be, and I want to be the same me everywhere I go, no matter what. And what cancer taught me I have control over is my ability to be emotionally clear and regulated, and my ability to feel how I want to feel, and my ability to be the version of me that I can be proud of no matter what. So I take ownership over, am I feeling how I want to feel and being the me I can be proud of? And nobody gets the power to have me be less me, less alive, or less free. Nobody. I, I want everybody to hear me say there is nothing outside of you more powerful than you. So to me, I'm accountable to me and to God, and I have to take ownership over. I get to be the best of me no matter what, not picking and choosing who deserves it. I'm the best of me no matter what, and my best is enough no matter what. And there's no situation that can take away my right to feel how I want to feel no matter what. So that's all possible for you, and it's not as hard as we might think, or as out of reach as we might think, to go, okay, how do I want to feel? Let me plug that into into my spiritual GPS. Now, who do I have to be to feel that? And now from there, what am I going to create?

Yeah, yeah, that's a lot. Definitely, man, I really like the growth you're showing and just being honest. You know, everything stems from honesty and being honest with yourself to begin with, for sure.

Yeah, honest about here's what I need, here's what I want, here's how I feel, I need, I want, I feel— that level of honesty, you are free. You are free. You are free. And all you get from that when you communicate— here's who I am, here's what I want, here's what I need, here's how I feel— all you get is information. I always say, like, if you can survive survival, the survival self that's going through the motions in the pressure cooker, you can survive alignment. And all you get from alignment is information that was already there the whole time.

Crazy. So how do you, um, the next thing I was curious about is how do you cope with the darkness of the past, you know, coming to terms with things and actually, you know, just being okay with where you were? And knowing that, you know what, you deserve better now. How do you— how did you come to terms with that?

Yeah, well, I love this phrase that I say: the darkness is real, but so is the light. And what I know for sure is that nothing— and I have been through it, I wrote in my book Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal from Pain to Create the Life You Want— this book, I share my story to connect you to your story, and It's wild, all of the darkness that I've experienced and been through. But the thing that has kept me going is knowing nothing has extinguished my light. Nothing has taken out the flame, the fire, the light, the essence of me that I've been through. And my light and my power, that is so much stronger than anybody's darkness or any darkness that I faced or could face. What I mean by that is the light in you is your power, and nothing can threaten it. Nothing on a soul level. Your body can be threatened, your emotions and your feelings can be hurt and wounded and threatened, but the truth of who you are at your core, it can't be threatened and nobody can take it away. And I know that anybody sourcing from dark is just playing out their trauma and trying to take their power back powerlessly. So, so think about this. So let me break this down for us. The anatomy of a trauma cycle is there's somebody that got hurt that's hurting someone because they got hurt, and they're trying to take their power back powerlessly.

Yes. Yeah.

So in an abuse cycle or a trauma cycle, the person doing the harm was harmed, and they decided they were never going to be a victim again. The person who's continuously experiencing being a victim—

you—

they never wanted to be the one to do harm. And it takes a very rare, special person to go, wait a minute, there's a third option called I'm healed and whole and fully expressed, to break that cycle. So I knew I didn't have to participate in the cycle anymore.

Yeah.

And I knew nothing could harm me on a soul level, and that my only job was to be fully me and to have my highest self lead versus my survival self lead as much as possible. And then I know I'm human, so it's not going to always be perfect, but with my awareness that my survival self or my highest self is in charge every moment, I can— the second I catch myself in a survival response course correct, and my healed self, my highest self, can get back in charge of the moment.

That's amazing. That's amazing. Is it fair to say that, um, of course you've always been you, but to be in this space and just know for a fact that, you know, you're pretty much just showing more of who you are Um, it's, it's, uh, it's, it's something that's, um, you've had to sort of grow into, of course, but I suppose it's derived from your experiences and, you know, what you've experienced recently and just, you know, everything as a whole and being better. But I suppose what I'm asking is that the fact that this whole thing that you've been through, it sort of really just gave you pretty much unlock your potential and just be in a space where, man, you know, this is who I've always been. But now you sort of have the go-ahead, you gave yourself the go-ahead to actually be that person.

Yeah, yeah. This me, I call powerfully relaxed Rebeccah Silence. Because I know the most powerful person in the room is always the most relaxed person in the room. And I'm at my best when I'm my softest and when my heart is the most open. And I don't think we can ever open our heart enough. And I think what everybody wants to be when they grow up is loved. And you don't get to have that without the ability to regulate your nervous system and keep your heart open. But at the same time, what I'll say is I have been 100 different women. I have been bulimic. I have been abused and have 6 different rapist in my lifetime. I've been through so much in childhood and in my own first marriage, and then as a single mom going bankrupt, foreclosing on a house, working 3 jobs, not having enough money to feed me and my child and put gas in the car. Then I went through cancer later. I mean, but the ultimate testimony of my life is not everything I've overcome. It's how gorgeous my life is today. I have a beautiful marriage that is my proudest accomplishment. I have the ability to not fear intimacy or my emotions or anybody else's emotions. But the only reason why is because I take every version of me that I've been, all 50 shades of me and more. I have so much love and compassion for every season and every Rebeccah Silence that I've been along the way. I feel like I've had 100 different lifetimes, and I'm only 43 right now, about to turn 44. Um, but all the versions of me I don't reject, you know, the me that was bulimic, the me that was abusing alcohol. I see that I stayed alive. I've been suicidal and I didn't die, and I never gave up. I never tapped out. And, you know, for anybody out there that is feeling like if you really took on the depth of how sensitive you are, the depth of how human you are, the depth of your emotions, it would kill you, I just will say You know, when we let go of survival, it feels like we're dying, but we're not. And the best thing you can do is let your survival self keep shedding layers and then have compassion and love and forgiveness for your best being enough at the time as you reinvent yourself over and over and over again. So I hope that answers your question, but I think we've all been so many versions of ourselves, and we get to be a version of ourselves that we're proud of, and we get to continually reinvent.

Absolutely. I mean, you know, I've always, you know, as the saying goes, to be human is to be folly, you know, is to be, um, vulnerable, is to be mortal, you know. And, um, I suppose some people would argue, well, we're God just having a mortal experience, but either way you put it, I suppose our experiences makes— continue to make us a better version of ourselves. So I commend you for, you know, taking, I suppose, the gauntlet and just persevering, because it's necessary, you know. You have to do it. The only thing after that is giving up. I think it's amazing. And I think also what you've mentioned about living so many lives, um, as you just mentioned your book, and I always find that's, that's one thing that's always perhaps a creator's greatest weapon or greatest sort of fuel, you know, to create. I always find you have an advantage if you've lived— somewhat of a person that's lived so many lives as you have, and you've mentioned. Could you perhaps tap into how just your experience also has influenced that creative bag of yours, or creative— that pen shit, the ability to just, you know, just create things that are just— it touches, touches the soul, you know, people can relate to on a different level.

Mm-hmm. I, you know, when I wrote my book, it took 4 years. So I came out of cancer, and I'll just— I'll say this, and then I'll talk to you about like the access to the energy, because I think it's more energy than even the words. The energy that I'm able to portray that has people hope again and take their lives on again and get available for being as vulnerable as it takes to be authentic, you know. Um, It— when I wrote the book, it became so clear to me that I had so much to share on a level that I almost can't even fathom, you know? And I was like, "God, just give me— give me the courage and give me the words." And I want to give the world what God had given me in terms of what I was able to do to save my own life so many different times. Anyways, I holed up in a hotel and I listened to Lil Wayne for 3 straight days and just wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. And I play a game where I don't have to figure anything out. I'm like, "God, show me, show me, show me." And the first 3 drafts of this book, I was hysterical, just shedding so much stuff. Emotion and so much of my fear of being rejected, putting all of this vulnerable truth out there. And I went back with each Rebeccah Silence and just fell in love with her in a way I had never done before and, and carried her with me. And so I think it's about trusting God, whatever that means to you, trusting Source, trusting the ultimate in what love is, whatever you call it— the universe, love, God, I don't care what you call it, the divine— but giving your life to your source and then partnering with source. So first I gave my life to source, then I felt inferior, then I was like, we are partners in collaboration, and then I was like You just show me, you just give me the words, you just give me the way to connect and let me have you flow through me. Let me be a vessel of love and life force that has you flowing through me. Get Rebeccah Silence out of the way. Let me just be a portal to what's possible for people. And that's my process, if that answers your question.

Yes, indeed. So, uh, tell us some more about your book, please.

Yeah, it's me on a platter. It is, you know, the guts of me to connect you to the guts of you, and it's my roadmap for you to know there's no trauma you can't use to your advantage. I wrote this book because I was sick and tired of the trauma conversation being so disempowering. And we all have love trauma. Generational trauma healing is just love trauma healing. That's what I call it, you know. And this idea of high-functioning unhappiness that I talk about, it's just a trauma response, you know. And so my story connects you to your story, and each chapter gives you tools and processes and exercises to turn the volume up even more on who you are and to connect to what that means, you know. And By the end of this book, you will know who you are, and you will know the difference between how you've been surviving and who you really are, and you will know more, so much clearer, what you want to do next with your life and who you want to be. And it's my honor— the two chapters I get the most feedback on are the forgiveness chapter, where I teach you that forgiveness is just loving as much as you did before you got hurt, and how to heal through all that heartbreak so you can love as as much as you did before you got hurt. And then I also get a ton of feedback on my body chapter because what I know is if we're not able to go beyond what's going on in our mind, mindset and strategy work isn't enough. So we've got to connect to what's going on in our mind so we can connect to our heart so we can connect to our body. And in my body chapter, I talk about befriending your body and using it as a tool to connect to your spirit, to connect to the divine. And I just— I'm so proud of this book. It's won multiple awards. People say it makes them better parents, better spouses, better leaders, better lovers. And I would love for any heart that resonates to get your hands on it.

That's beautiful, man. That's beautiful. Um, uh, yeah, I'll definitely, uh, um, there's a link on your, your profile page that we can—

yeah, yeah, you can get the book anywhere books are sold, but you can go right to rebeccahsilence.com and I have a link there for you too.

Absolutely, absolutely, man. You know, you've been through so much and, um, it's not easy. You know, as much as you're in a situation where somewhat you have the answers, but it's, it's, um, it's, it's not easy because as you know, the only way is through. And you can only speak the way you do once you've it through, you know. So, um, as much as I know that, you know what, it's, it's great to win, but it's not easy. And I just want people to sort of respect your journey and where you are and how you've taken it, um, especially. Yeah, I respect what you've, um, you've been through and what you're trying to share, because I think a lot of people, you know, they resonate with it and they can learn from one another. Because I think, you know, trauma is a thing where people are always— there's always somebody that's going through something and are in need of somebody that's, um, that can relate to their plight and perhaps have experience. They've actually traveled the road that they traveled before, you know. Um, that's why you You know, coaches are so necessary, I think, or people that just share their journey, if nothing else. You know, it's very important. So I commend you for being in this space and being so bold and, um, to share your journey. I respect it. Thanks so much for giving me some of your time.

Oh, it's my honor. And just hear me say this, everybody listening, you do not need to wait for a breakdown to decide to take your life on and to decide to take your life back. You can just decide today, enough with tolerating less than me being free and fulfilled and fully expressed. It is your right to be free and fulfilled and fully expressed, and all you're feeling from me and hearing from me is someone who has claimed her right to be free and fulfilled and fully expressed. And nobody can take that away from me, and nobody can take that away from you. And you have what you need, and you are strong enough to handle the information the world will reflect back to you about whether they're in agreement or not with you being free and fulfilled or fully expressed. And if they're not, bye. With love. We'll bless you and love you from a distance, but I am committed to you being free and fulfilled and fully expressed. And anybody that doesn't want that for you isn't a vibrational match, and there are so many people that are.

Rebeccah Silence, ladies and gentlemen. Um, I think, uh, we run out of time, but again, um, I appreciate you sharing your journey and just coming to the platform. I think people are really going to enjoy listening to, you know, your journey and how you overcome, you know. So I think it's important to speak about these things for sure. Thanks so much.

Thank you so much for having me. Check me out at rebeccahsilence.com, everybody.

Absolutely. All right, take care.