Love coach Rebeccah Silence argues that positive thinking alone doesn't work. Real manifestation requires emotional regulation and asking two questions: how do you want this to go, and how do you want to feel. She shows how this shift helped clients through terminal illness, infidelity, and decades of business conflict.
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We're live and local. It's Mix 102.5 with Big Papa in the Morning. Mental Wellness Wednesday. The world's leading love and emotional healing coach. She is Rebeccah Silence. She is available online at theunsilentwoman.com and she's available right here, right now. Rebeccah, good morning.
Hello everyone. Let's make some magic happen.
Rebeccah, I have found that a lot of times your mindset going into pretty much any situation kind of helps determine how the situation's going to go. If you have a positive outlook and you're like, I'm— this is gonna happen, I'm gonna do this, you're more likely to do it, as opposed to, well, it's just gonna blow up anyway, and then it blows up, you know. So can we talk about, you know, changing the way people look at certain things from being like pessimistic to optimistic and, and trying to manifest good things?
I love this. This feels like a very Boulder, Colorado, where I live, woo-woo conversation, but we're gonna make it very practical and tangible for you today.
When you look up Gary Spears on the interweb, you, you think woo-woo.
So yeah, hey, and you knew me, the little hippie in high school that now lives in crunchy granola Boulder, Colorado. I'm here for it. So okay, here's the problem with the mindset work, okay? It's very important that you go into a situation intentional. Like, if you're just going in expecting this is gonna suck, you're going to prove yourself right, because your brain supports what you believe and only creates evidence to support what you believe to be true. So that's a huge statement, but what I'm really saying is you will never prove yourself wrong about what you believe and what you expect. So I used to think, for example, only abusive men would want to date me. Like, maybe there were some healed men out there, but they weren't going to want to date me. And in a seminar once, the facilitator— there were 100 people there, half were men— she was like, "Any, you know, non-abusive men that would want to date this little hot little number?" And they all stood up, and I almost passed out. I couldn't even comprehend that. Wait a minute, because my neural pathways, my brain was so convinced I only get abused by men, and that's my destiny. So that's just one example. Now, why am I saying the mindset work doesn't really cut it? Because it doesn't change how you feel. So I'm not that positive. I was just on the news last week and they were asking me how I'm so positive, and I said, I'm not. I am healed. This is what healed looks like. I know I can handle anything. I know I can lead any situation. I know I can be my best and I can make the best of any situation. So I'm free. And that's my definition of healing. So I want you intentional, and that's the mindset part. And then I'm going to take it a step further. So what I mean by intention is I want you to only answer the phone if you know the point behind why you're answering the phone. What do you want to get out of that phone call? I want you to send the email not to please this person or avoid conflict, but because you have a need and you have a direction that you want this relationship to go in. I want you to make sure every choice you make, you're making it on purpose and you know the point behind it. Otherwise, you are just at the effect of everybody else's agenda and everybody else's intention, and then you're blowing in the wind, and then you get resentful, and then ultimately anxious, and then ultimately depressed. If your life isn't yours, it's going to feel terrible. So the mindset work doesn't fix the I feel terrible. And how many of you— I love this term I coined a few years ago— suffer from what I call high-functioning unhappiness? You're doing it right, but it feels unfulfilling, disappointing, empty. Okay, mindset work doesn't fix that. What I've created with the practice of emotional healing— and I've been doing this work since 2002, I'm 45, I know I look much younger, but I've been doing this a long time— and when I tell you The practice of emotional healing is the fountain of youth. I mean it. I mean it. I mean, you are so free and you are so whole and you are so unshakable when you know how to regulate your emotions and your nervous system and trust the good emotions like joy. So I also want you to pay attention to how do I want to feel? So the two questions are, how do I want this to go? And how do I want to feel? Don't skip that part. Most of you would rather stick needles in your eyes than deal with your feelings. I get that, but you're gonna miss your life and you're not going to have as much fun and you're not going to enjoy if you're not intentional about how you want to feel as much as you are intentional about the boxes you're checking.
So as far as want, being intentional. It was those two questions. Answer those two questions and that'll help you point you in the right direction.
In any moment, how do I want this to go? How do I want to feel? And I've been on the other end of talking to a client that just got a terminal diagnosis, talking to a client that just got cheated on, talking to a client— this literally happened once where I had a client who started a business and built a business for 40 years with her husband. He convinced her to take back his equity in the company that was in her name, and then he left her and divorced her. So I'm saying, even in the nightmare scenarios, you can ask yourself, how do I want this to go and how do I want this to feel? I coached that client really well to take her power back and get what was hers, and she did. And I don't care what it is. I've been through an essentially terminal cancer diagnosis and come out the other side. It's easy when life is going our way or when we think we're going to get way to do this, but I have to point out it's in the moments where it feels like everything's falling apart it matters the most. How do I want this to go, like for real? And how do I want to feel, like for real? I just did 3 keynotes last week, my Make Your Triggers Your Bitch keynote, because this is an art, and that's what the practice of emotional healing gives you, is freedom in the face of anything.
And if you want to learn more, you can check out theunsilentwoman.com. Mental Wellness Wednesday, the world's leading love and emotional healing coach, Rebeccah Silence. Amazing stuff as always.
