Women Entrepreneurs Week Rebeccah Silence Interview

Thank you so much for coming today. Um, so on behalf of MSU Denver and the Center for Entrepreneurship, welcome. We're talking to what I call inspired entrepreneurs, women who have strong whys behind their business and people who have a lot to say and are not afraid to share it. Oh, this is a big thing. So Rebeccah Silence is not just changing lives. She's redefining family happiness for audiences around the world. As an award-winning author, coach, and media personality, her mission is clear and deeply achievable: to ensure every child grows up with healed, joyful parents, and that every couple discovers a love that's not just sustainable but blissfully transformative. Through her unparalleled expertise in healing generational trauma, Rebeccah turns the dream of harmonious, love-filled home into an accessible everyday reality. Her own story of resilience and triumph and 16 years of success stories assures that— assures you that profound, lasting happiness isn't just possible, it's within reach. So welcome, welcome, welcome today, Rebeccah. I was so glad you're here. Thank you so much.

Well, I'm honored to be here, Becky, and thank you all for caring about making a difference in the world. What I really focus on is helping leaders make a healed difference. And what I mean by that is when we are emotionally clear, when our hearts are open, when we are connected to the version of ourselves that we became against all odds, and we're leading from that place of empowerment, knowing how to encourage and empower ourselves, the impact is unimaginable when we lead from that place. And I think we need clear, consistent grounded, calm, centered leaders more now than we ever have.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I'm so excited to be here. So tell me, Becky, the most important thing you want me to share with this community. If there was a message, what would you want everyone to hear from me?

Well, I want, I want you to share a little bit about your story. Like how you got to this place and how you know, because that's important. You know, we can say things, but when we really demonstrate that we know that we know that we know, it's a whole—

I love that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

And then maybe, you know, your, the main tenets of what you teach and, you know, yeah, what you could teach and how you can help people grow in their life and in their business. And what's so cool about you is how they can grow in relationships. Because we have relationships that are partnerships, but also, you know, we might have business partnerships, or, you know, we need to work with people and count on people and interact with businesses. So in life—

absolutely. Yeah. So I am a relationship expert, and I always say that doesn't mean all my relationships are going exactly the way I want them to go. I think being a relationship expert is about staying in healthy relationship with yourself and staying the best of you when it would be way easier not to, right? We are so programmed that fight, flight, freeze is how it is in relationships, and we just bounce around. You know, right now you're the bad guy and I'm frozen. Right now I'm going to save everybody, you know, and protect this poor victim over here. There's a fourth option when it comes to relationships beyond fight, flight, freeze, and it's called healed. Okay. And what I do is I help you get there, stay there. And, you know, I really have no reason that I'm even alive. The, the origin story is one of extreme abuse when I was growing up. I grew up in domestic violence and really should have been removed from the home. And, you know, back then in the early '80s, we did raise ourselves, not just me, a lot of us. And we didn't talk about emotions and people weren't focused on healing their trauma or healing their heart or healing their past. And I just grew up as the generational healer in the family, feeling like the crazy one, feeling like something had to be wrong with me. And if my love can't make everybody better, then I'm a failure. And anybody listening that has been there, feeling over-responsible growing up, feeling like something must be wrong with me because I'm seeing so much that nobody else can see, obviously. So maybe they're right and I'm wrong. You know, I call you, if you relate to that, the one in the family that imagined how it could be and was so disappointed and heartbroken that no one else seemed to see it. You're not alone. You're just a generational healer in the family. And I think a lot of the time the generational healer in the family feels all this pressure and all this responsibility. So I also I would just like to frame out and set the stage with the generational healer isn't responsible for healing anybody other than themselves. Your job is to model the possibility that you saw growing up that maybe you didn't have words for and that you certainly didn't have the ability to create, but now you're an adult, so now you do.

Mm-hmm.

And it's just about modeling next level. Here's what's possible when it comes to love and marriage and family. Here's what's possible when it comes to leadership. Here's what's possible when it comes to parenting. Here's what's possible when it comes to creativity and lifestyle, health, all the things, right? Sex, even money. So I grew up completely a mess thinking I was insane, something's wrong with me, very, very suicidal multiple times. I ended up getting my undergrad in music therapy with a psych minor, and it was beautiful. I had an internship in Denver, Colorado at the state psych hospital. And at 20 years old, I thought, these people aren't crazy. They don't know how to manage their emotions or their environment. And I decided I was going to become an expert on human behavior. And that journey began at the psych hospital. But then I ended up getting pregnant at 23 with a birth control baby, getting married, um, ironically on Lookout Mountain here in Denver, which was a telltale sign from God I should, you know, have my eyes open. And, you know, I got to experience getting my master's degree in counseling, realizing that understanding our patterns and our trauma, it's not enough to heal it. I found myself in a domestic violence marriage myself because I understood the drama, but it wasn't enough to heal. And so often personal growth work, with the best of intentions, whether it's traditional therapy or traditional coaching, is trying to help us heal and manage and cope with our emotions and with our environment and with our lives in our mind. But what I want everyone to understand is you can feel how you want to feel even if nothing externally is changing, but you're not going to change how you feel in your head. Oh, right, you're just not, right? And understanding more isn't enough to bring that relief. That new experience internally, that's the game changer if you want a different inspired result. That's the name of my company, Inspired Results, right? It's about being inspired, connected to the best of you, even if results aren't changing. As you pursue results that inspire you. But we can't need the external to be different for us to be okay. So I ended up in a domestic violence marriage, got out with a 2-year-old, and had no idea how I was gonna make it because I knew I'd end up going bankrupt. I knew I'd foreclose on the house. I knew I'd have to start from scratch, and I did. And I had sole custody of a kid, and I didn't trust myself, and I didn't take care of myself, and I didn't know how on earth I was going to provide for us. But I decided I was just unwilling to keep her in an environment like I was kept in, and I wanted the abuse to stop with me. And staying in an abusive environment is you keeping yourself in an abuse cycle. And I think, you know, we're not here to compare trauma stories, but if you're disempowered at all and staying in an environment that disempowers you, that is self-abuse and it's not required.

Right. That's the amazing part.

It's, it really is.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

Okay. And so, so that, I mean, we have a lot, I actually at MSU Denver, we have a lot of single parents who may probably made that same decision where they were like, oh, whoa, I need to do this by myself because this is not working. So how did you go from that space into a space like you're in now? Like, what has that process been?

Yeah, so I ended up working in schools as a school counselor, ended up becoming a school counseling coordinator of a charter school district and starting the private practice. Now it's 17 years ago, um, so I've been a woman in business for 17 years. Prior to that, I've been helping people heal since 2002, and what I did was I let myself phase into the life and leadership I have now. So let yourself bite-size chunk it out, right? It's always about just getting to the next step because I think when we have this vision and it just seems like Mount Everest, that can be defeating before we even start, right? So I did have a vision of what I saw for myself and how I knew I could help people, but it took years to get there. So don't rush yourself. Let it be bite-sized chunks. And please, please, please remember hearing my voice say, let your best be enough. Let your best be enough. So at first, having a safe job with benefits, you know, felt very important because I had this kid and I had to provide for us. So I had married a guy with the last name Silence. That's where Rebeccah Silence came from. Super committed to not rocking the boat, super committed to avoiding conflict, super committed to not upsetting the apple cart, and super committed to not being too much. That was a core wound of mine. I was afraid I was too much, and I didn't want to be too much. But you know, for our core wounds, there's a core gift, every single one, you know. And little did I know how far my work was gonna go or what was gonna happen, but I knew I could be a safe place for people. And I knew even in 5 minutes with me, people were seeing what they needed to see to break through pain so that they could go and take better care of people. It took a while before I had like the process. For a long time, it just felt like magic that I couldn't explain. Someone would be with me, we'd have a conversation, they had a breakthrough. It just felt like magic for years. And so I was doing the school gig and the private practice, and I had gotten my master's in counseling, 4.0 GPA. But then I started working with coaches. And so my background is really interesting because I am a trained therapist and I'm a certified coach that's trained with some of the best in the world, and I figured out like the best of both, because I think a lot of times in therapy we're just talking about how to strategize, and it's a lot of mindset and strategy and coping that doesn't heal the root. Like, they even told us in grad school, you can't help people heal, you can just help them cope. And I had a big problem with that. But then I started training with coaches that are just telling people what to do. Here's advice. And I thought, well, that doesn't work either, because I wanted my work to be about helping you find your way and helping you build your life your way. I wanted your life to fit in with you, not you continually trying to fit in. There's no right way. I don't have your answer, you know. And I think a lot of the time therapy and coaching is powerful and it's amazing, but it's not helping us find our answers. Or heal the root of what the disconnect is between where we're finding ourselves compared to how we want to be finding ourselves. So I did a lot of training with a lot of amazing mentors, ended up getting on the radio. And this is where I just say, what's the next right step for you, right? Just follow your yes, get to the next right step. That's all you ever need. And you're here to blaze a trail that no one's done before, so don't be be scared when you can't see where to put your foot next because you're blazing the trail. It's okay, right? Because you know where the path you've been on leads, and you know where other people's paths lead, but you're not here to not blaze your own trail, right? So as I was working for this one school district, doing a 45-minute commute each way, I kept hearing the radio show in the morning, and I kept hearing, God, I should be on that show. Like I should be taking questions and just shaking things up. And for 4 months I listened to this radio show every morning and I thought about it and I wait for what I call like the now moment because I know I'm in perfect alignment. I know that feeling. And there was one day where it was just undeniable. We were driving through a blizzard. I was taking my first grader with me that, you know, was 2 when I left the marriage. Now she's in first grade at the school I'm working at. And I just heard now. So on this Friday, I called the radio station, talked to the DJ that does the morning show. He said, well, I don't have the power, you know, to bring you in. We're going to have to set up a meeting with the owners of the radio station, set it up for Monday. By the next Tuesday, I was on the air. Within 2 weeks, I had a 6-month waitlist for my private practice, and I quit the Kush School gig, and I just went for it. And revolutionized a whole community. They didn't have any coaches in the community yet. I was one of the first coaches out there, and I'm still on the radio 14 years later.

Oh my gosh. And is it specifically relationship?

So the radio show now is called Mental Wellness Wednesday. Originally it was called Confession Tuesday, and people would just ask me questions about anything. And so I joke that in the beginning of my career, I was Vanilla Ice. You know, if you had a problem, yo, I'd solve it. And now, all these years later, I focus on two things. I focus on women getting fully expressed and free and unsilent. And we have the unsilentwoman.com that you can check out all my women's work. There's a community, the Own Your Voice Society. And then I specialize in love trauma and helping couples and families be healed so that kids can have healed parents. So we have the unsilentwoman.com and rebeccahsilence.com. The radio show today is Mental Wellness Wednesday. So it's just all about you being emotionally healed and thriving. And then the jams are relationship mastery, emotional healing mastery, and women's empowerment. Those are my focus.

And so how— so what is— what would you say your— the difference is between— because you mentioned something about, you know, kind of talk therapy doesn't work, the coach giving advice doesn't work. So where is that sweet spot in between, and how do you actually help people heal?

Yeah, so thank you for asking that, and please know I'm not knocking therapy or coaching. I've had amazing therapists, I've had amazing coaching. It's just by the time people come to me, they've typically done everything they know to do. They've worked with the mentors, the therapists, the coaches, they've read the books, they've been to the seminars, and they're just still not feeling how they want to Mm-hmm. Right. So my work closes that gap because basically what I'm doing, and I live this every single day, is I know the difference between what I have control over and what I don't. And I teach my clients what they have control over and what they don't. And you have 100% control over being emotionally clear and the highest version of you in any situation. So one of the things that I teach Becky is we're all bipolar. Okay, we're all bipolar, and I'm a trained therapist. I'm trained to diagnose. What I mean by that is there's a survival self you created, and then there's a healed you that likely, if there's any suffering going on at all inside of you, you just haven't met yet or created yet. Because what nobody else is gonna tell you is you don't wake up one day and you know who you are. You wake up one day and you realize you're surviving.

Mm-hmm.

Right. And so it's a commitment that is worth it, and it is terrifying because a lot of people don't understand, really, when we break up with survival, it feels like we're dying. It really does. Like your foot falls asleep and it starts to wake up and it hurts. Well, the same is true for our lives. When your life has fallen asleep and you've just been who you're expected to be and something's missing, and then you decide, I want more, I'm unwilling not to have more. It can feel like you're dying, but you're not. As you wake up the highest you, your life wakes up the possibility for you, right? So I don't want you afraid. I want you inspired and excited to become the best of you in this one precious lifetime. And another big, big thing I teach my clients and my communities and my audiences is you don't need a breakdown to break through.

Oh, so true.

And a lot of us wait for that, right? And so that's the next big part of my story. And then I'll teach you the practice of emotional healing and where that came from. That's really the nuts and bolts of what I do. No matter what, I'm always teaching and embodying and being an example of the practice of emotional healing. But part of the story is, so I get on the radio, my business just takes off. I got married again, all at that time when I went full-time with the private practice. And my husband is also an entrepreneur at the time, and his business goes like this and mine goes like this. That was an Oprah to navigate. And then, all right, we get through that. I pay 3 mortgages, I pay the expenses for a year and a half because his business was personally guaranteed. So we almost lost our house. I mean, it was wild. And I remember the moment, and hopefully this lands for some of you, that I realized I don't have to be a victim resenting that my business now is providing for my family. I'd want to work this way anyway, so I don't need the drama story to be like, oh, now I have to pay the 3 mortgages. I wanted to be the first woman in my family that made it in business and could provide for the family. I didn't have any example of that. And so I am grateful to be in a position to serve the community, to be in a position to serve the family. It was a big moment. It was a big wake-up call. And then I ended up getting pregnant with my second daughter, and I'm coaching a plastic surgeon and his wife, and they say, you've saved our family, you've saved our marriage, we love you so much. This thing on your arm needs to come off.

Oh.

And I ended up the next morning at 7 AM going into their clinic. They took it off and it was malignant melanoma. And I ended up pregnant with cancer and a 5% chance to live. And that was the moment for me that I realized it's easy to be the best of me when everything is going my way.

All right, right.

But who am I going to be now? And a next level Rebeccah was born and I met me and God, quite frankly, in a whole new way because all I could do was fight for my life. They took the baby out as safely as early as possible, staged me, cancer was already in my lymph nodes. And this was 10 years ago. Seneca just turned 10. At the time with melanoma, there really wasn't a ton of research and they had only just regulated testing lymph nodes very, you know, recently to my diagnosis. So if I had gotten diagnosed any sooner, they wouldn't have tested my lymph nodes and it would've been in there a statistical anomaly, cuz it's very rare that the cancer is that aggressive with melanoma. And I have no family history. Like, you know, it's not our fault when life gives us circumstances that squeeze us, but it is our work. And so What I ended up doing was really going through a spiritual crisis, a spiritual awakening, but realizing, you know what, like, now is the time to be who you say you are, Rebeccah Silence. If not now, when? You know? And so I had 22 surgeries, chemo that ultimately I quit, which is part of why I think I'm alive. And I don't ever say like people should quit chemo, but, but what I know is we all have our answers in us and when we're emotionally clogged up and funky, We can't find them.

Mm-hmm.

And when we're emotionally clear, we can. So the practice of emotional healing was born, and I was so grateful to realize this isn't, you know, the incest survivor Rebeccah healing her trauma through cancer. I had healed so much already that the healed me was in charge of the mission called my life.

Mm-hmm. Oh, I love that.

And I just got to be who I say I am and co-create with divine love, divine intelligence, and God. I just kept saying, show me the next step. So whatever it is for you, the universe, whatever higher power, nature, you're not alone. And I wouldn't have known how not alone I was without cancer. And I'm not saying it's a gift. I'm not Miss Toxic Positivity. I, I'm very possibility-oriented, not possi— positivity-oriented. But what I know is I get to hope. I look to look for miracles, and I get to look for possibility and be the person that's the best of me, empowered through it all, embodying my power through it all. And the more emotionally clear and regulated I am, the more I have access to my divine intelligence and my highest intelligence, and I get to follow it, you know. And it made no sense getting on the radio with no media training, opening a private pay private practice in a community that was very depressed economically. Like, none of my life makes sense, but it works, right? And when we're connected to our truest, highest, realest version of ourselves, we know. Talk about, you know, you know, you know, you know. Because when my guidance comes from that highest me and divine, just obvious, here you go, Rebeccah Silence, on a platter, how can I not know? I know. And it's soft. The knowing has no charge because there's nothing to prove. It's just knowing, right? And intuition is still and quiet and pure. And any adrenaline is ego, and any deflated gutted experience is also ego. And so that's not really your guidance, that's just your reactivity to life showing you what you don't want to have to face, move through, or conquer because it hurt too much. And the highest you is always accessible, and the highest you has the ability to emotionally clear so you can find just one next right step for you. So the, the way I teach emotional healing, let me just give a little breakdown, all right? And you can go to rebeccahsilence.com and get my free gift, the healing must-know secrets to heal and save your family. And you can go to The Unsilent Woman and get free gifts there if you want any more. You can buy my book, Coming Back to Life. But really, it's this simple. It's not easy. I teach there's only 5 emotions. Everything else is learned. That's it. Because we're not born knowing we can be rejected. We're not born knowing we can be abandoned. We're not born knowing we can be abused, disrespected, misunderstood, villainized. Those are all learned ways to cope that were modeled. You weren't born knowing anxiety or depression or overwhelm or stress or pressure or guilt or shame. There's an emotion underneath any of that that if you clear it you get the best of you that can guide you. So I teach 5 emotions: anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement. Anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement. Everything else is access to an emotion we need a healthier relationship with so we can get to the truth underneath it.

Hmm, interesting.

That's how I teach it.

Oh wow, that's very cool.

Wow.

And then, so how do you, like, what kind of pro— you said something about processes, like magic, and then you discovered a process. This is interesting because people always were telling me, all your answers are in you, you know your answers, you know your answers.

Yes.

Say, well, if I knew them, I wouldn't be asking. I wouldn't be searching. Why am I always searching? So it's like, yeah. Processing the answer or coming— figuring out that process that gets you to a healed state. That's the thing we need, we need awareness about.

Yes. So I have created a course called the Emotional Survival Kit that takes you through this process, and we have a version for the Unsilent Woman, and then we have a version for love and couples. Content is the same. The workbooks and how we deliver it are a little bit different. So I can't recommend this course enough. But what I'll tell you right now is the process is about a commitment. Step 1 is just commitment. And part of what saved my life when I was sick was I was committed to living like I was gonna live as the best of me, very clearly understanding this is bigger than me and I have no control here, right? So I did the heart work, right? And when I'm teaching anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement, here's the disclaimer: I want joy and excitement to be your life. I want joy and excitement to be the point. I want joy and excitement to be the rule. And then we're not responsible for The emotion— it's never because of the person or what happened that the emotion hits. We have it all wrong. What happened is activating what you're already a vibrational match for that needs to clear, that needs to heal. So this is where I teach how to make triggers your bitch. That's one of the lessons in the Emotional Survival Kit and in the practice of emotional healing, because we want the triggers to give you the access so that you can feel through whatever you need to feel through to get back to joy and excitement, and you the healed adult, right? Okay.

Yeah.

So the practice of emotional healing, it's 7 transformations, but it's just all about here's how I'm feeling, here's the emotion underneath it, here's the new commitment to how I wanna feel.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Finding what's possible. Is that what you mean right there?

Right. Because what's possible in terms of the experience you're having— I was just training my Own Your Voice Society women's membership right before this, and there was a woman who's writing a big whistleblowing book, and I talk about soft landings in communication. And she's saying to me, how can I do a soft landing when it's a whistleblower book? And I said, well, if you don't do a soft landing, you're only going to talk to people who agree with you.

Oh, that's right.

So that's probably not the best use of your genius, right? But if we're not emotionally clear and healed, we're not a soft landing. And who wants to listen, right? But the, the big, big, big thing I want us to understand is there's a survival you and there's a highest healed you. And the highest healed you is willing to embrace the emotions that are uncomfortable underneath the feelings we're having about what's going on that are really comfortable. Anxiety is comforting.

Whoa.

It really is. It gives us power and control.

Oh, right. Yeah, exactly. It's like worrying. Same thing.

Same thing.

Love to worry and think it's a thing that they do that's good.

Yeah. And talk about seek and do not find and talk about having, you know, the spiritual nutritional value of Cheetos every time you worry. That you're feeding your soul.

Mm-hmm.

And it's learned. So this is the other piece of it. It's— I'm really a generational trauma specialist, but what I talk about publicly is high-functioning unhappiness, right? Because generational trauma healing sounds so scary, but many of us are high-functioning and unhappy and don't want to mess with the high-functioning part of our lives because we don't know if the happiness is even a real thing.

Mm-hmm.

And I want to threaten the crap out of the unhappiness. And my definition of happiness is just a healthy relationship with anger, fear, grief, joy, and excitement. And I'm not afraid of the anger, the fear, or the grief because I want to get to the joy and excitement. And the grief is really where the healing lies, right? Because I've got to let go to make room. And when we're grieving and excited at the same time, I think we're the healthiest, right? Because we're letting go of what is no longer serving a vibrational match I want to subscribe to, while we get excited about what we're subscribing to instead.

Hmm.

Right. Without fear, because you're not going to lose anything by pursuing alignment. I had a single mom I was coaching through a brutal divorce, and one day I heard myself say to her, if you can survive survival, you can survive alignment. And I've said it ever since because it's true. All you get from alignment is information about what was real and what was already there. So you can handle it. You can handle the truth, yours. You can handle the truth about what's really going on. It might not be your preference, but those are the moments I think where we really get to meet ourselves and show up. Those moments where we're like, really, are we kidding right now? The best of you is needed in those moments. And if you're going to be in business, we need the realest real you, because we don't need more knowledge brokers of everybody else's material, you know, getting mimicked and regurgitated. We need trailblazers. And that is something I do. I certified coaches for years with a former mentor. I help people get their model, their process. Mine's the practice of emotional healing. 7 steps that I outline more in the book and in the Emotional Survival Kit, and if you hire me as your coach. But you know, you in your zone of genius is you empowered, and you're already doing it. I didn't know the practice of emotional healing was what I was doing for decades because it was just so natural. I thought my mentors created what I do until I realized I'm judging them for not living what they're teaching me. And then I'm like, oh, they're not teaching me this. I'm getting this from what I'm learning. They're not out of integrity. I created the practice of emotional healing. I got to live it because it's who I am and what I do. But it's already in you, I promise. It's already in you. It's already in you. It's already in you. We just have to pull it out.

Wow. So give us a little bit more information about that because it makes me think, okay, yes, perfect. So what, what is that that's already in us? Like, what or how do we then tap into it?

I mean, just think about, like, here's a great assignment. Think about journaling or going on Zoom by yourself and just pressing play and talking, or a voice note. But what brings you the most alive? Start there. What brings you the most alive. And I am in my— like, I've seen this meme all over social media— my softest, most ruthless era. I love that, and it's true because I got boundaries for days. I don't take any shit, but I'm really soft and my heart stays open no matter what because I refuse— this is what brings me alive, keeping my heart open and being the love I am no matter what. Most important thing, most important thing to me, right? So an open heart for me is where it's at. Where is it at for you? And then where are you letting life stop you from being the best of you? Because life's being lifey, you know. I say this all the time: life will go your way and then it won't go your way, but none of that will be about you. It's just life being life. I don't think it happens to us. I don't think it happens for us. I think life's life and we get to decide who we're going to be.

Mhm.

So who— the next question, and this is part of my relationship mastery work that I teach people, right? Are you the best of you when you think people deserve it and when life's going your way, but not when you think they don't deserve it or when life's not going your way? What's the best of you?

Mhm.

Because in those moments, what brings you the most alive and what's the best of you? Because in those moments you don't feel like it, those are the moments we need the best of you more than ever. And it's not easy, and most people don't do it right. I mean, I'm the coach that— my track record, there's not one case I haven't cracked. I've had over 1,000 through my practice. But I'm not trying to change you. I'm helping you befriend and re-love the versions of you you've betrayed, you've abandoned, you've denied. Because as adults, we don't get abandoned. We self-abandon, and then life reflects back to us all of that self-betrayal that isn't necessary, right? So you— your best is your process, and what that looks like is different for every single one of us. For me, it's about staying the love, staying the joy, genuinely staying excited, not taking shit at all, and getting the most out of my one precious life. Because for me, I don't want my past to win. The abusers don't get to win. The pain doesn't get to win. Cancer didn't get to win. I just made it my greatest seminar.

Wow.

And I want you to win, right? Not the circumstances. And your businesses— are you monetizing how the hell to win against all odds? All your businesses, you figure that out. How am I helping people win against all odds? Because I figured out how to stay the best of me. I've helped over 150 women start businesses and their own revolutions. In my career. I lost count at like 150. That's all we do is, who are you being when you're the best of you, and how do you show people how to do that too?

Hmm. Yeah, that's amazing. Hey, you said something— this might be taking us off track or putting us back on a previous track— you'd said something about, um, processing the feelings, like allowing the feelings or allowing the emotions, and I have been kind of working on this piece, like, how do you explain— how do you explain to somebody that processing of emotion?

Yep. So chapter 2 in Coming Back to Life is so, so, so helpful for helping you get through the emotions. Um, and let me read to you just a little blurb, um, because I think this is gonna— this is gonna help a lot just to showcase a next-level paradigm and possibility for people. But what we want is to process the emotion without taking it out on ourselves or anybody else. Okay, so that's the principle here, right? I have to process the anger in a way where I'm holding it like a newborn baby. I'm willing to breathe it in, breathe it out, get closer to it without using it against me or anybody else. Because the thing is, the second I'm taking my emotions out on someone, I'm not processing the emotion in a healthy way. Yeah. So a lot of us think anger is violence because the violent person looked angry. The violence is avoidance. To the emotion.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, you're not processing it at all. So if I'm harsh, if I'm lashing out, I'm not emotionally processing at all. And there's a big difference between victim tears and grieving tears and tears of joy. There's 3 different types of tears. The victim tears are me going, how could this happen to me? I need life to change for me to be okay. It's me doubling down on my powerlessness. The grieving tears are me letting my heart open against all odds, letting go, making room for. And then, I mean, you hang out with me enough, I cry all the time, but it's almost always tears of joy, and I'm not afraid of it. And I can be joyful even in the most non-preferential bullshit moments. And you can be too. And it isn't fake because I'm still here and I signed up for the full human experience, and I'm the generational healer in the family. And you get to go home tonight and go, I'm still here and I'm the generational healer in my family, and my only job is to get as happy and as healthy and as free and as freaking joyful as I can in this lifetime. You get to have that, right? So, okay, so let me just read a little bit from Coming Back to Life. The only thing that will help when you are in any sort of emotional pain is feeling your way through your emotions. Say it out loud: it's safe to feel my emotions, they can't hurt me. And please know it was never other people's emotions that hurt you either. It was their inability to feel and release their emotions in a healthy and safe way that was the problem. Having feelings isn't helping. Feeling your emotions— because what I teach is there's a big difference between your feelings about everything that's going on externally, the situations, and the emotions underneath it all that you need to feel to heal. So I'm saying having feelings isn't helping. Feeling your emotions is the path to freedom in the life you want, I promise. Here's the secret sauce magic formula to feeling extraordinary. 1. Feelings. Know the difference between what you are feeling and what emotion you need to feel. 2. Feel. Feel the emotion all the way and in a way that doesn't harm you or anybody else. 3. Freedom. Remember that you are at choice. Powerfully choose and decide what takes care of you now, who you are going to be now, know what you are needing and wanting, and give it to yourself. Remember that you are at choice. Powerfully choose and decide what takes care of you now, what you— who you are going to be now, know what you are needing and wanting, and give it to yourself. It's brave to know and understand what you are feeling. It's even braver to actually feel your way through the emotions underneath those feelings until you come out the other side. That's vulnerability. That's what creates emotional intimacy. And intimacy means your soul is free and clear and able to be connected to your best self and to other people without your survival personality and your unhealed past getting in the way. Now let's go deeper into emotions. Think of your emotions like what a baby feels. Babies have zero story or feelings going on about the world and what's happening and what that means, right? The story we tell ourselves about what is happening and what that means about us is what hurts, not the emotion. The story we tell ourselves about what is happening and what that means about us is what hurts. Babies feel their senses. That's it. They cry when they need to, laugh when they need to, yell when they need to. They have a healthy relationship with fear and they are happy. So again, let's make this simple. The practice of emotional healing only looks like 5 emotions. That's it. Underneath the oceans of feelings that we can have about what's happening inside of us because of what's happening around us, there are only 5 emotions to look for that are the culprits of every single upset that ever was: fear, anger, grief, joy, excitement. We can feel all of this at once or a mix at once. A baby can move through these emotions in seconds. We can too. We just learn not to because it wasn't accepted or safe or received well in our families growing up. And I'll just end us on this note here. The big thing here is that there are no good or bad emotions. There are no positive or negative emotions. There are darker emotions such as fear, anger, grief, and lighter emotions such as excitement and joy. If you won't feel the dark, you don't get to feel the light. They all matter. None of these emotions can hurt you or anyone else. It's the refusal to feel them all fully that creates the madness that goes on inside.

Oh my gosh, I know that to be true, all of it. So that resonates with me exactly. That's amazing. That's really good. So good. Oh my gosh. And I'm witnessing little babies right now because I've got grandkids, and it's It's really true. You see the raw emotion.

Yeah, because there's nothing to prove and there's nothing to fear. They're just alive.

Yes, exactly. Oh my gosh. I do love the idea of stop telling your story. Stop telling the story. When you release the story or even recognize it, that it is a story you're telling yourself, That's amazing. That's a huge awareness too. That's like a big shift when you're like, oh my gosh, even that's a story.

Yeah. Well, and I mean, let, let me just take that deeper real quick and then I'm so happy to answer questions for as long as, as anybody wants to stay and ask me questions. So in relationships, nobody's gonna tell you this either. Like all corporate training is family coaching.

For sure.

Okay, okay, because this person is not your problem. They just remind you of your jerk sister, evil stepparent, abusive babysitter, the mean teacher that told you you weren't going to amount to anything, right? Like, our relationships, when they hurt, this person just activated an old wound that now you're fighting with a ghost and not them. And this is a gift to be able to go, they're not the problem. The situation isn't the problem, and the other person isn't the problem. If they're helping you access hurt, you are now in an opportunity to get free and back to the healed you, right? So I'm very self-responsible for what's going on inside of me internally and not blaming it on the person. But the thing about relationships is Relationships are for your soul's evolution. We don't look at it like that, right? And when I hear people talk about find the people that make your nervous system safe, I want to stick needles in my eyes because you actually, actually want to find the people that help you heal your nervous system because you can eliminate them and you're just going to keep repeating the same thing with different characters until you heal that wound inside, right? So just the other night, my husband and I were in the hot tub every Sunday. We talk about what's working and what's not in our marriage, and we go through the calendar for the week and we get our shit together, right? Then we do a separate night that's date and romance every single week. These two things have to happen, but we'll go in the conversations about what's not working. What's the experience I'm having that I'm able to see because of you that isn't you?

Oh yeah. That's amazing.

Right? So just the other day, Mark said something about this new launch I'm doing with the company and he's like, well, I'm just afraid you're not gonna execute on a plan. And I'm like, I need you to believe in me. What on earth? This isn't helpful. But we were able to both go, okay, in his childhood, everybody was a liar. In my childhood, nobody believed me about the abuse I was facing. So in like 2 seconds, I'm honestly, I said to him, is there ever a time I said I was gonna do something and I didn't do it? He's like, no. I'm like, isn't it great you married someone so honest and committed? And he goes, I just need you to believe in, you know, how much I believe in you and how healing for me that wasn't believed. This is what I mean by relationships are for your soul's evolution. And you can do it with any client triggering you, any teacher triggering you, even your kids. I deal with it all the time with my VIP private practice clients. Where they're turning their kids into their parents that they didn't yield with, and they didn't mean to, and they didn't even know they were. But take the trigger, do the work, have a next-level intimacy.

Wow, I love that. That is just so— that is so significant. I love the idea of the relationships we have at work are just relationships that we didn't heal in our past, or that are, you know, we're triggered by those, or just examples of those people in our lives. It's so true. And, you know, the same techniques of relationships, healthy relationships that we can learn in our intimate setting, apply to our non-intimate settings, right?

Well, and for me, every moment with another human being is an opportunity for extraordinary, exceptional vulnerability. And I go first, so I don't pick and choose like who I'm vulnerable with. I really don't. I'm just like, here's me on a platter. And I think right now the planet needs more healed, consistent leaders always showing up as their vibration, like the purest version of them consistently. I think we need that more than ever. So I think the more vulnerable you are as a leader, the more attractive you are. And the more people are going to want to be around you.

I love that. Now, so how does a person— this sounds like the funniest thing— how does a person, uh, become more of their authentic true self? Like, you know, when you were talking about the questions that you were suggesting we ask— what brings you the most alive, uh, how is the best of you— I think those questions help lead us to discovering the greatest version of ourselves. So what would you say to that about how do you— how can you help people, or how do discover who that is or who they are?

I mean, it's a great question, and the only, I think, honest answer is you have to choose and design who you want to be, right? Because again, I love that, right? We have to start with, okay, who are we not? So like, all of the years that I would submit, yeah, that wasn't me. How do I know? It felt terrible. So start with You know, who are you in survival that you're not actually vibing with? It's just a habit. It's just who you think you are. I took a personality theories class in grad school. It was my first, you know, master's level course, and we did this assessment and it said, okay, you're gonna have a dominant and then a tie for two secondary. Personalities. And with the secondary personalities, one's the mask, one's the real you. I thought, okay, so my dominant was control, and then my two secondary that were tied were perfection and fun. And I thought for sure I was perfection because I am like Type A, Type A, Type A, like I gotta be the top of the class. I gotta be the all-star. Perfection for sure. And then I go deeper and I realize, no, I'm fun. And I just remember, oh my God, like, I'm fun. I'm fun. I'm fun. I'm, I'm fun. Like, what? I'm not fun. I'm having no fun. You know, like none in my life, but I'm fun. And then now, you know, I make healing your trauma a blast. You're never gonna have more fun healing the darkest corners of your soul than you'll have talking to me. But I didn't know I was fun, and I didn't know I could bring out the fun in other people the way I do. I am playful, I'm a vibe, but I didn't know. But now I'm in grad school And it, it was like I couldn't unsee it once I saw it. I don't really care about perfection. I care about integrity. I live what I teach. I walk this walk every single day, but I'm fun, right? So you get to feel the moments more and more and more when you're willing to not be the survival you that help you know who you want to be. So I decided I had a mission to help families heal. I had a mission to have kids have healed parents. I had a mission to help women get free and fully expressed. A, I better go first. B, I better figure out what feels like shit that stops me from all that.

Oh, now I love this.

I—

one of the things you— okay, I, I've been trying to write these things down because you keep saying things and I'm like, oh yes, that, that That's important. And what you said is what I believe and talk about in my book. How are you? Who are you? You're in charge of figuring that out. Like, you define that yourself, and you define that by discovering or recognizing or having an awareness for what brings you joy in life. And nobody's going to come up with that except you. And, you know, people don't, people don't even realize that. I experience so many people just like, Well, I don't even know who I am. Some, like, God's gonna tell me, or, you know, whatever, that he is going to bring things to my life. And I'm like, or you're gonna do that. Like, you need to do that. You need to define you. You— we're here to pick. Pick.

We get to decide. So I always teach, like, have a vision for your life, because without that why is it worth it, right, to revolutionize your soul?

Oh my gosh, well, that leads me to the question: what is your vision for your life? Where are you going now? Because I know you've got something big coming up that you're releasing. What is it?

I mean, we just launched the Unsilent Woman Movement and the Own Your Voice Society, which is a membership for women, and they're already unsilent. I'm not helping people that don't have a voice find their voice. I'm working with world leaders so that their voice works for them. They're already talking all day, every day.

Mm-hmm.

But is their voice fueling their fulfillment, their joy, their peace? Not often. So, right. So I've got the Unsilent Woman movement just launched, and then another book is in the works. But my big, big vision Becky, is that we take all the coaching I do and get a show where I can just have every episode be a case study and show people that healing can be a blast and it can happen so fast. The pain starts in a moment, it ends in a moment. So I want to do a show specifically helping couples heal in real time so that every episode people can watch and heal their own relationship in real time.

Oh my gosh, you know, they used to show it, okay. Do you remember they used to do that on The Love Boat? Were you around with The Love Boat? I know about The Love Boat, but yeah, so it was kind of funny because they kind of took people through this process in this fictitious land. And, you know, you felt good about these people. Oh, they have this trouble. And now, and that like Nine Perfect Strangers where they were, you know, everybody's case study. So it's kind of interesting. Like, it would be really cool to have actual real-life examples of somebody taking somebody through that process because what it does, I mean, other fictitious things, Love Boat and Nine Perfect Strangers is, you You know, it's fiction, even though there's a lot of really good information in that and, you know, techniques that people use. But actually showing up and doing this work with real people would give people permission. Oh, you know, a woman will watch it and say, oh, I'm going to say this to my husband and see how that changes things. I mean, you'd be giving the world permission and people would have access to your information without, you know, easily and effortlessly and to them free because it would be sponsored by something and paid for in a different way, which is amazing.

Yeah, I'm really excited to have this show happen, hopefully sooner rather than later, because I just— I want to showcase the practice of emotional healing. We've got so much data and so much prioritization around mental health and physical health, but nothing on emotional health. And without emotional health, the physical still can only take you so far. Same with the mental. And it's all important. And so So, you know, I think what happens is when we're activated, when we're triggered, we regress to a stuck age and stuck emotion and to the experience we expect that is the pattern that we're living. And it can all get undone so quick. And I just want to show people how.

Oh my gosh, how? Now, what, what needs to happen for that to happen?

Well, first of all, you have to be committed to being healed with an open heart and the best of you. So you're either committed to your pain or you're committed to your healing, right? And my definition of healing is freedom, and my definition of trauma is heartbreak. So I don't care who you are, you're heartbroken. Everybody. And most people live their whole life in spite of the heartbreak instead of using the heartbreak to their advantage so they can go serve in the world at their best and as their best, right? So you just have to be willing to go, I'm meant to be free and fully expressed and experiencing joy and excitement no matter what. If I'm not, I'm at a stuck age with a stuck emotion underneath it in a pattern that's perpetuating the feelings and the experience that I'm used to. And so I just got to go, okay, let's get to the emotion underneath the feelings. Let's heal up the stuck age. And from the adult commit to the experience I want to be having even in the same set of circumstances. And what if couples use the practice of emotional healing to get more and more free, more and more of the best of them, more and more emotionally available?

What happens when you have a partner that won't participate in that process?

Okay, I'm gonna be real bold. Okay. I've never had a couple that made it that both people weren't committed to the process.

Mm-hmm.

I have had couples that I helped gracefully divorce after one has become healed and the other's still committed to their pain, but they were able to get back to a place of mutual respect and mutual love and gracefully separate.

Oh.

And then anytime that's happened, The healed one got the love story, just with somebody different. But they healed the pattern with who they were with first.

Oh, right.

So they could make themselves available for the next level of— I specialize in dream come true comeback love stories.

Wow.

I mean, ultimately, if I do anything, it's that.

Oh, that's so cool. And people want that.

Oh, they want— And so if you want it, and you're committed to it, you're gonna get it. But you have to come home to yourself first and really be the love of your life first and have your own back first. And you don't need crisis or breakdown to give you permission. And we're not taught, Becky, that like you can have independence and a relationship. We're taught it's one or the other.

Absolutely.

And we're taught compromise is love. And no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Compromise is not love. That's called self-sacrifice. And you can have independence and a relationship. You know, I'm a life coach married to a guy in the marijuana industry, and we travel and we have huge careers and huge lives separate from one another, and nothing is more important or sacred to either of us than our marriage.

That's beautiful.

But we want each other free, right?

Yes, right, right.

And we meet each other where we are, but only because we know that we're committed to our own freedom and we can meet ourselves where we are. Can we be that for each other?

Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that. I think it's a misconception that marriage equals 100% togetherness.

Oh God, that's a whole other Oprah. Because, you know, we just don't know. We don't know what's going to happen. So you having your own vision for your life, your partner having their vision for their life, and then you having a shared vision together— that's couple goals.

Oh, that's so beautiful. Yeah, that would be a really great conversation to have with a partner too. You know, this is what I see, this is what do you see? And, you know, I just learned something. I was reading this book called The Queen's Code. Have you ever read that?

No.

Oh my God, it's crazy. It's like these 5 tenets of, of how to properly be in a relationship with a guy. And it said something like, the best, you know, the best sort of way to come up with a situation— not a compromise, like not the compromise, but for the— for a woman to say, or a person to say, this in my ideal situation, this is what it would look like. So now tell me what your ideal situation is. What would it look like if you had your ideal situation? Let's look at these ideals and decide how they could fit together. And then we go with that. And I thought, oh my gosh, that's a great way. That's a great way of dealing with these circumstances of not compromising. I don't wanna give up all my situation or my ideal for you, and you don't wanna give up yours for me. So let's express what that ideal is so that we can come together, which is kind of like this idea of your life plan, my life plan, and how does this coexist?

Right. There's me, you, and there's us. And this all applies to business. Like, I call it instead of compromise, negotiate until you get to the win-win. Yeah, right. And not the win you think is going to avoid the conflict or brush the issues under the carpet, but the win-win that sets both of you free and the relationship free. And you have to do this. With team members and with clients and with coworkers and with pain-in-the-ass consultants if you don't want to be miserable, right, in your career, right? So I have contractors that love working for me because I do not micromanage them. I care about them winning. I care about them being in their zone of genius. And if something isn't working, we just have to get to the win-win. And I'm okay if something isn't working because it gets us closer wenwen.

All right, I love that. Oh my gosh, Rebeccah Silence, this has been so valuable. I appreciate you being here. Any last, any last piece of advice or nugget that you feel like we have to be left with?

Just be careful with each other's hearts.

Oh, I love that.