Austin explains "hold people capable," a practice of raising expectations rather than lowering them when things get hard. He shares a story about a client in residential treatment who changed when challenged instead of coddled, and invites you to try it with yourself and others.
Questions this video answers
Austin
Rebeccah Silence
Tuesday, February 16 (year indicated elsewhere as 2021)
If you're tuning in live, I'd love to see in the comments where you are tuning in from. And I love a word for your experience this Valentine's Day. You know, many people had a great Valentine's Day. Many people had a horrific Valentine's Day. This Love month kind of brings up all the junk and our insecurities. And today your Monday healing message is about holding people capable and keeping the bar high. And that starts with you. So what do I mean by holding people capable? It means having faith that life's only going to get better because you are only getting better and remembering that you and others are consistently so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for and then we give other people credit for. It is easy to think that the circumstances outside of ourselves are more powerful than we are, but it is just not true. And it is easy to buy into two very toxic and horrible words. I can't. It's easy to believe that you can't. It's easy to believe other people when they say that they can't. But what if you're more powerful and they're more powerful? What if a secret sauce to relationships and a relationship hack that we're not taught called raise the bar versus lowering it when life gets difficult can change the relationship game for all of us. I had a client years ago that was living in residential treatment. Violent, a danger to herself and others. And what I did in our work together was I raised the bar. And guess what happened? She met it. I held her capable of being able to get through the phase in her life that she was in where she didn't trust herself or her emotions or anyone, not even her life. So we raised the bar. I raised the standard to which I was working with her. I raised the standard of excellence for my expectations of her. And when we raise the bar for ourselves and other people, the good news is we get an opportunity to meet it. When we lower the bar because it's too hard or we can't do it, guess what happens? Suffering escalates, is inevitable and we just feel like crap and other feel like crap. Have you ever met a person that felt better about themselves when the person in front of them didn't hold them capable or didn't believe in them? Have you ever felt better about yourself when you wouldn't hold yourself capable or believe in yourself? I want you to just try it with your kids, with the people in front of you, first and foremost with yourself this week, raising the bar, raising your standard of excellence for yourself, speaking to the greatness in you speaking to the greatness in others instead of speaking to the fear in you or the fear in others that that really does believe those two horrible words. I can't. It's okay in a moment to go, jeez, I don't know if I can do this but to commit to I can't do it. Kills off your spirit to commit to this. Other person isn't capable of handling my truth or my high bar or what they want for themselves. You're killing off their spirit every time you lower the bar. See people as capable. See people for the greatness in them regardless of fear and circumstances, including you. Seeing the greatness in you regardless of circumstances. And just notice how relationships begin to feel. Raise the bar. See what happens. That's your Monday Healing message for the week, the day after Valentine's Day. I've never met anyone who felt better about themselves or life because they got caved on instead of caving on people. See them for their greatness and let me know how it goes. I will see you tomorrow, Tuesday, February 16th in the healing is Possible hot seat where we are going to take on parenting when it comes to substance abuse, substance abuse prevention, substance abuse support. If you have a child or loved one that you know is going through substance abuse, what do you do? And then how do we get preventative? It's going to be a hot hot seat and if you want to join me in the hot seat if you want free coaching Disclaimer Coaching with me in the hot seat gets sticky. Gets hot. But we create movement and we do it in a way where everyone watching gets to heal along with you. So if you want to join me, just comment below or shoot me a message and we will get you scheduled later this year for your chance in the hot seat to make a difference for yourself and for the lives of everyone watching. Thank you for tuning in. I will see you tomorrow in the hot seat and remember to hold people capable stay starting with you. Raise the bar.
