Mastering Strategic Communication for Organizational Impact | Dec 2024 | NYC

All of us could use a little bit of improvement with communication. And we will be going through it tonight with this esteemed group of panelists. And we will go through a disclaimer really quick. Tonight we have Rael Altano, certified communication coach, Ellie Hearn, a communication strategist, Christina Lobreco, our resident executive coach, and Tom Todd Gracely, who is a communication specialist as well.

And next I will introduce our host.

Tonight who is Rich Bellow.

Thank you, Kim. Thank you for that wonderful introduction. Thank you panelists for taking the time out to join us. Communication is really such a relevant and essential topic because it really touches every aspect of our lives. It touches our relationships, our workplaces, and even how we connect with ourselves. So whether it's navigating a tough conversation, inspiring a team, or simply feeling understood, communication is a bridge that allows us to foster connection and meaning. Let's dive into principle one, starting with mindset. So this principle lays the groundwork for everything we'll discuss because it emphasizes that effective communication is not just about the words we choose, but it's about the intention and the mindset behind them. So when we prioritize understanding, which is the mindset, we shift communication from a transactional exchange of information, which is really what communication is, exchange of information. But it's not just a transactional exchange. It becomes more of a process of connection and collaboration. So this principle is the foundation for building trust and alignment in both our personal and professional lives. And I can't wait to hear from the panel on their thoughts on this topic. So Raelle, let's start with you. What does it mean to have an understanding of mindset in communication?

Sure. Thank you Rich. And thank you all for being here and for having me. So understanding mindset is prioritizing connection and clarity over the need to respond right away or the need to interject with your own thoughts. I really like to approach this from a place of keeping curiosity and respect. When you operate from a place of curiosity and respect, that's automatically translated in your tone as well versus operating from a place of judgment or negativity, or assuming the worst. Curiosity and respect are like two golden traits to me. Another thing to consider is to, like I said, not assume the worst, to give the benefit of the doubt, to not take things too personally right away and to understand more. Ask open ended questions that start with what, when, how to foster a discussion and engagement and to help understand versus asking questions that are just yes or no answers or closed type of questions.

I would say empathy is the foundation of trust. And it's all about, you know, you don't have to have lived the same experience as someone else. If you're trying to say that, then that's going to feel in awe, authentic, which counters all of those positives you talked about, but it's really about relating to the underlying emotion. I think of it as showing people, rather than telling them that you care, which can be very powerful. Whereas when you're dishonest and nobody, hopefully nobody sets out to be dishonest, but people can almost smell that, right. It really undermines your credibility in terms of communication.

How does the power of silence elevate communication in a professional setting?

I think silence is overlooked as a big powerhouse in communication. And it's more than just the absence of sound, it's space. It's the space for opportunity, for meaning to emerge, for understanding to take place. Because if you're constantly talking or thinking about what you're going to say next, there's only not silence externally. There's not silence in your head either. And so you're not really allowing the resonance of the message to sit in. You might have heard it, but you didn't really listen to it. And so silence offers this. And it's quite extraordinary. I think even in negotiation in that part of business, the person who's comfortable with silence the longest, they hold the power of the conversation. They're offering a deal or they're looking for a better offer. The person who can withstand not speaking usually has the upper hand because the other person is going to fill that space. And, and to be honest, in most situations they're going to reveal more than they intended to reveal. So you've now leveraged a little bit of insight, you have more information and you can proceed from there.

Communication is one of the most powerful tools that we have, and at the heart of it lies the ability to truly listen. So principle to optimizing active listening takes us beyond the foundational mindset of communication to the practice of deeply engaging with what others are saying. So this principle explores how listening transforms relationships and organizations. It's not just about hearing words, it's about being present, tuning into your unspoken emotions, and responding with empathy. We're going to talk a lot about empathy here tonight. So active listening builds trust, it resolves conflict, it creates collaboration. So whether you're in a one on one conversation, leading a team, or mediating conflict, mastering active listening is like unlocking a key to deeper connection and understanding. So, Ellie, let's go back to you. What are the four tiers of Listening and how do they build upon each other to enhance communication?

In terms of these tiers of listening, we start with self oriented listening, which is often our sort of factory setting when it comes to how we listen. It's really about waiting to talk. Right. Just sort of being in your own head almost. Then we build on that with more focused listening. This is where our full attention is, is on the other person, the person who's speaking, including our body language. I think of this as eye contact engagement.

Right.

Hopefully we'll see that in the room and on the panel tonight. And then contextual listening takes this a step further. So this is the idea of thinking about the unspoken dynamics, reading between the lines, thinking about the bigger picture essentially. And then transformational listening, which is that fourth tier. It goes beyond that. It's really about inspiring, clarity, reflection, growth. This is the kind of listening that I like to think makes us appreciate the therapists, bartenders, hairdressers, barbers in our lives. It makes us feel special and understood and present.

Sorrel. How can organizations build a listening culture and what impact would this have on team dynamics?

Sure, of course. So good listening starts at the top with leadership. When you have leaders who are active listeners and really take into consideration what their team members are saying, it makes an entire difference in how that team operates, in the trust that's built, in the engagement of that team, and so on and so forth. How do they do this? By putting together feedback sessions, brainstorming sessions, one on ones that maybe don't even take place in the office or in the formality of the workplace. Perhaps it's something outside of that space to establish that trust. And again, listening to hear, not only to respond.

What role does curiosity play in listening Challenges?

Curiosity, first of all, is the fastest way to learn. We can take a page from curious. They're just sponges for knowledge, constantly asking why? And they're learning at such a fast and high rate speed. They have a mindset that says, I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle. Every person is a clue for me to understand this big thing called life. And it's really inspiring. I think we lose that skill or that desire as we get a little bit older because we have all of these memories that tell us, oh, I know what's going to happen. This has happened before. And even though those experiences really help guide us and make us have hypotheses what might happen in the future, it doesn't mean it's going to happen that way. Every moment is unique unto itself. And So I think curiosity just allows us to not make any assumptions to say, maybe I don't have the whole picture. And it also shows a value and a respect for every individual that you come across. Because when you're asking them, hey, what do you think about this? Or what do you think I might be missing? It shows them, hey, my opinion is valued and this person is really willing to see how I see. And that's just the basis for collaboration. So much innovation and creativity come from that. It's just absolutely exciting. I love to be curious, clearly.

So I do have to warn my cat sometimes about being too curious. So, Todd, what are some advanced listening techniques? We're going to move to you now. Some advanced listening techniques and how do they create deeper connections?

Yeah, I think listening is an important technique, whether it's personal life or professional, professional life. And one of those things is empathetic listening. You know, tuning into not just words, but the emotions behind them. You know, really, you know, getting to know the team member, the person. You know, I can see how frustrated you are. I can feel that, you know, how does that delay help our team and how can we work together? And I think, you know, a lot of leaders in this space have said, you know, not only are they guiding companies, but they're working with their team members, their clients and being that active voice on how they can build together. And I think reflective feedback. Christina and Raelle talked about feedback. One of the things that I always preach is feedback is a gift. Whether it's an open forum, it's a communication, it's a survey. Feedback is a gift. It's not a criticism, it's constructive. How can we learn from that? How can we build, how can we build our business and how can we support one another? And I think, you know, the overarching theme is that these techniques, they deepen trust, they deepen these connections and they ultimately help us be better leaders and build better businesses.

So we're gonna move to principle three right now. Communicating with clarity and brevity. And so there's a difference between clarity and brevity itself. You know, clarity being very clear and getting, making sure that your message is understood. And brevity is just get to the point. So it's about ensuring that our words carry weight, tension and precision. So in today's fast paced world where communication and miscommunication can really derail projects, trust really hinges on how well we can convey ideas. And being really clear, brevity becomes indispensable. So this principle emphasized that effective communication isn't just about using our words, but the right words. When you're leading a team, negotiating a deal, aligning on a strategy, your ability to simplify is crucial. Christina, why don't we move back to you. How can managing precision and simplicity create more impactful communication in a professional setting? And maybe you can provide an example.

Precision and simplicity is kind of like really great coaching. You're kind of just going through all the noise and bullshit and getting to what really matters. Underneath, I think the precision is the clarity. It's the accuracy. No room for ambiguity. People know what you're talking about. And the simplicity is just making that message really accessible and really easy to act upon. And in coaching, we love that. Like a clear, actionable step when you put them together and you have clear, actionable communication, people thrive on that. And it's really a way that you can show respect for your team members. People got a lot of emails. Nobody needs more emails. The last thing you want to do is have to send an email for clarification. Just get it right the first time and it can be something simple. Like, if you ask for an example, it's just making it too convoluted. Like, I want to review fiscal management procedures to look for inefficiencies. It's like, okay, what? But somebody just said, hey, can we review our spending last year to see if there's any room to save, any room in our budget that we can save some money? It's like, oh, okay, that lands effectively with the team. And everybody goes, great idea, let's do that. There's no room for question. And I think that's the beauty of aligning that precision and simplicity together.

I cannot tell you how often things go awry when tone is misread or people can't read it in an email or a text or something perhaps sent in haste or read in haste. But maybe I don't need to tell you because I think we've all experienced that in some way. So I would say it often relates to our own context more than the sender of the message. Maybe we. I mean, I'll make it about me rather than judging you. If I haven't had my coffee or slept well, I may not be as receptive to somebody else's message or reading the tone effectively. And that can really make or break.

Trust, especially in the PR world. These journalists, they get hundreds of email pitches all the time. What are you trying to pitch them? Get straight to it and get there. And I think the pyramid principle main idea first followed by supporting details, that's great for presentations. And then the three point structure. You learn about this ever since you were in grade school. The introduction, the core message, the conclusion, that really works well for conveying that message. And another thing that I like to tell clients and people that I work with is give me bullet points. Don't give me three paragraphs of things that I need to weed through. Give me the bullet points so I can get down to the nitty gritty. And to Ellie's point, read over it because I've sent plenty of emails from time to time and I might have been a little cranky that morning. The kids might have rubbed me the wrong way or I didn't have coffee either. So read it over, give it a glance so that those messages aren't construed.

Principle 4 talks about utilizing nonverbal communication, nonverbal sidelights, and often underestimated truth. What we say is only part of the story and really a small part of the story. Some people say it's only 7% of the story that studies show that 93% of communication is non verbal, encompassing elements like body language, facial expressions, tone, gesture. These subtle cues are really important and when they're misaligned, they can lead to misunderstanding. Kind of like in the tone example you were talking about. It can lead to misunderstanding and even mistrust. So Christina, maybe you can tell, but there's two parts of this. The self awareness piece of it and then understanding the non verbal communication of other people. But what techniques can professionals use to align their body language with their message?

Self awareness is such a big part of this because without awareness, you're not really aware or you don't even realize that you may be sitting like this with your arms crossed even though you really are excited about something. Like, wow, that's really interesting. Tell me more. Even though it looks like I'm kind of bored with you, stop talking and you don't really realize that there is a disagreement or dissonance between these if you're not paying attention. And so technique that I use is recording yourself speaking, watching the video without sound and seeing what is the story? What's my face saying? What are my hands saying? What's my posture like? What emotion is that conveying? And then turning the phone upside down and just listening and thinking, okay, what's my tone like? What words am I using? What's the language like? What's the pace of my speech? And are these two messages of my body and my voice agreeing or are they having a little argument with each other, because if they're having an argument, what's happening is you may not think it's a big deal, but you're a manager of a team and maybe you're going through some sort of conflict or crisis and you have a little bit of doubt or insecurity or uncertainty about the times or about something that's going to happen. Fear, maybe. And now you're talking to your team, trying to motivate them or encourage them to do something. These kind of little things show up. And if somebody's really emotionally intelligent, they'll pick up on, wait a second, I don't know if he's telling me the whole truth or that person's telling me the whole truth. I don't really feel like the messages are aligned. So it's really important to be paying attention. And what's great about the more awareness you have on this is the more you understand what's going on with you, the more you can recognize it in somebody else.

What role does audience awareness play when you're interpreting and adapting to non verbal cues during interactions?

A huge focus of executive presence or presentation skills is eye contact. If you've ever taken a class or maybe you'll take one with Aruta, I don't know. You recognize that that is tied to credibility and it's so important. But it's not just about your credibility in front of a room and making that good eye contact, engaging. As Christina and Rich note, it's about reading that room, reading the audience. And you can't do that if you're not looking at them. Being able to see what your audience sees, being able to hold that credibility really is so important here in New York City. I liken it to when we're traveling on the subway, if you maybe are looking at your phone or reading a magazine, you kind of feel it when somebody's looking at you and it makes you look up.

Right?

It makes you feel a little bit, a little bit strange. Not with the strangeness, but with that sort of engagement. I think when we communicate in a way that really embraces that body language approach, maybe filming yourself, practice a presentation, just as the panel has already noted, it makes sure that you are engaging with people, they're engaging with you. And you're the first to know if anyone in your audience, whether it is on camera or in the room, is starting to zone out or look at their phones or has a question or needs the bathroom or is ready for that Q and A session.

Surreal. Let's talk a little bit about Para verbal communications, tone, pitch, pace. How does this impact professional interactions? Maybe some practical ways to improve these skills.

It adds your own personality and your own flavor to what you're saying. And then, of course, there are ways to fine tune what you're saying based on what you're trying to do. So a calm tone might be more impactful for negotiation. A warm tone might be more powerful for inspiring a team or for including a new team member who's just joined your organization or your team, including them in your work and making them feel seen and heard.

So, Todd, maybe you can tell us a little bit about the benefits and some of the potential pitfalls of using gestures and facial. Facial expressions in professional communication.

Yeah, gestures and facial expressions, they enhance those verbal messages and really make them more engaging and memorable. You know, open palm gestures. You know, that fosters trust. You know, I know a lot of TV reporters, they do this so they're not moving their hands. You don't want to be wild with your hands as well, but just be engaging. Nodding, as Rich was alluding to, you know, when the speakers, whether it's, you know, via zoom or in person, and just letting them know that you're interested, you know, helps them gauge trust and emphasize key points as well. You know, to strike the right balance, you need to. You need to focus on that congruence, you know, and ensure that those gestures really align with what you're talking about. And they don't seem forced, because I think some of the panelists alluded to this as well. You know, if you're, you know, just kind of nodding off and you're not really paying attention, you know, that can do the opposite. Right. That can, you know, dismay them and take their trust away. So, you know, you really want to combine subtle nodding, attentive expressions and really create that rapport.

There's also something called matching and mirroring that we didn't talk about, which is very. Which is also very powerful. And it's where you're kind of matched. So Christina's got her hands. I guess we're kind of like she's listening.

We're really actually mirror images of actual mirror.

Yes, it's screwed up. But, like, if Christina was like this, then I'd do that. If she was nodding her head, then I'd start nodding my head. It's a way to establish rapport. Now, you can't make it obvious. If she puts her hand like this, and I go put my hand like.

This, it's matching the energy.

Yeah, it's got to match the energy, it's also matching the tone. Also, Principle 5 is about developing executive presence. Now this addresses a foundational aspect of effective leadership. It's the ability to inspire, to influence and leave with authenticity and authority. So executive presence is not about being perfect. So being relatable, composed and impactful can even be vulnerable. Showing vulnerability is a form of executive presence. So charisma, confidence, these are all things that are associated with executive presence. How can leaders cultivate this charisma to enhance their executive presence?

That's a great question, because I think that's a question that people might have. Is Christmas something you're born with or is it a learned skill? And the thing is you definitely can learn it, but I think at the end of the day, charismatic people are just willing to be seen. They are fully comfortable being themselves. Quirky, weird, bizarre, and they are unapologetically themselves. And we eat that up. We are drawn to that. It is something that makes us feel, feel safe. They're inviting us into their world, they want us to be part of it and we live for it. There's a whole industry of reality tv, whether that's real or not, of people behaving unapologetically themselves, behavior. And it's a whole industry, people love it, we want more of it. And I think it's connected to storytelling, it's connected to engaging with people's emotions and it's definitely connected to connection because when we are completely ourselves, we're giving permission to other people to be themselves and to be accepted for that.

So what strategies can leaders use to reject confidence, especially in high pressure situations?

Preparation, self awareness and healthy mindset to me are the, is the trifecta of confidence, if you will, especially when it comes to leadership and when it comes to presenting or being part of something, some sort of public speaking. Preparation is so key. Taking the time to know your material, to know what others may be asking of you, anticipating certain questions and really knowing your facts. It's major and it is unmatched in feeling confident in the moment. And this is universal for different industries, different fields. Whether you are a high executive or you are just starting out within your career or new industry. Being self aware as well, your body language, your para verbal communication, all of those things. Self aware but also not so aware where you are tripping up and you are just in your own head aware to the point where you know what your strengths are, you know what your weaknesses are and you're moving forward with that knowledge and really presenting yourself in the best way. And a Healthy mindset too. I honestly love the saying act as if. Instead of fake it till you make it, act as if you are, you already completed the presentation and you are done with it and you're in a great place. Act as if you already got that promotion and really embody that person, that moment, that role, and you'll see how it can transform you when you need it. The most.

Professional poi is critical in, in maintaining credibility under pressure. So how can leaders develop this professional poise and composure in challenging situations?

I would say preparation helps enormously. It's not always possible. Right. Sometimes the calendar invite pops up and we have 10 minutes to prepare. And in those instances, I would say think about, okay, what are the three things you want to make sure you communicate or that your stakeholders walk away thinking about? But even where you don't have that time, that luxury of 10 minutes, taking a few deep breaths, doing whatever you might do in other aspects of your life to center yourself. Some people are into yoga or meditation. Great, bring that breathing with you for you. Figure out what that is and try and recreate an aspect of what gets you into that more confident, calm headspace.

Todd, Upward influence. This requires engaging with higher level stakeholders. So what strategies can leaders use to align their particular vision with organizational goals and how they gain buy in?

Yeah, I think they can enhance upward influence by really aligning their proposals with the organization's strategic priorities. You want to be a team player? You want, I'm from the firm belief of we're all in this together, right? If you win, I win, we all win. And I think framing those ideas in terms of benefiting the company, the company mindset, we're all in this together, it demonstrates alignment and foresight and that's really, really valuable. And building those strong relationships with the stakeholders through regular check ins and feedback is really, really helpful.

So this is a good lead into this next topic of managing your emotions effectively. So this is Principle 6, focuses on cultivating emotional intelligence, resilience, empathy. They significantly influence our ability to communicate. Emotions and communication are really important. So whether you're in high pressure situations or everyday interactions, the ability to manage emotions ensures clarity, composure and alignment with your personal and professional goals. So Ellie, why do you think emotional intelligence is important for communication?

Well, I would say leaders are generally almost by definition skilled, experienced, good at what they do and that's why they're leaders. Right. But even the most adept of us and anyone, I would say a leader could be in any part of an organization. We can struggle in a high pressure situation. And I think anybody, a few of you have referenced kids, I think anyone who has kids or has been around kids can attest to the fact that humans are not born knowing how to regulate their emotions. You may hear this in the middle of a tantrum in the supermarket, whatever it may be. So by cultivating this eq, this emotional intelligence, I sort of think of this as another way to be smart, another area where we can get good, where we can get competitive, where we can do really well. Just as the book says, this emotional regulation is what allows us to manage our reactions so we can be present, so we don't kind of sabotage ourselves, if you like. And it ensures that we make thoughtful responses rather than rash reactions. So I think that distinction between reacting versus responding, which is the more thoughtful one, that maybe takes a little bit more of some of the skills that we've talked about tonight, is really important. I would also say there's many times that we've all acted in haste or raised our voices or perhaps hit send on an email that maybe we probably should have let sit in the drafts folder for a bit longer. And I think of emotional regulation as getting good at preventing that. It's kind of a safety policy.

If you like emotional resilience, how does that improve workplace dynamics?

Rael to keep it short and sweet here, it's bouncing back from certain setbacks and maintaining balance during challenges. Right. And teammates who exhibit this resilience kind of become like a glue for their larger team. So whether it's a leader or maybe it's someone more junior or you never know who it might be, but they become like the glue that holds it together and someone for others to emulate. And how do you do this? It's not easy because obviously sometimes we may experience something negative or may have a tough one on one session or a tough review with your manager, with your leader and it ruins your entire day.

Right?

But how do you let that not unfold in that way and take place? Practice gratitude, reflect inward and think, okay, this is something that I need to improve on, but it is not going to break me. Right? And I would say zoom out. Zoom out and think big picture too. A negative one on one session with your manager or a poor review may feel horrible in the moment. But if you zoom out in the big picture, how can this, how is this going to impact you in a negative way in a year or in two years? Or can you take it and make it something positive?

Todd, back to you. So what's the role of empathy when you're fostering effective team collaboration.

Yeah, it helps with trust, it helps with building those connections, feeling empathetic. You know, we deal with things on a day to day basis. You know, people, you know, our employers, our leaders, we always, we might not know what's going on in that world. So to be empathetic builds that trust, builds that bond and you know, makes you a better leader to be able to force to have those relationships with your employees, with your teammates and in life too. I think it goes beyond that. Whether, you know, it's your husband, your wife, your kids, be empathetic, be sympathetic and really put on your. How can I relate?

Hat let's move to principle seven, resolving conflicts. It's a natural part of any professional setting. How we respond to it really defines the health of our relationships, relationships, our work, personal relationships, the success of our teams, et cetera. So this Principle 7, resolving conflicts constructively, it focuses on transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth, collaboration and innovation. So Rael, maybe you can touch a little bit on how leaders can cultivate this kind of environment to encourage an open communication during conflicts.

Sure. I think a big theme of today tonight has been vulnerability. So a leader who shows vulnerability shows empathy and an openness when working with someone is a great way to, great first step to resolving that conflict. And I think humility too, if, let's say you have to deliver some sort of constructive criticism to someone, owning up to a mistake of your own or an area that you used to struggle with in the past and have improved upon can make a huge difference. It can bridge that gap a little bit more than just saying, oh yeah, this is an issue that you have and you have to work on it. There's more humility and more harmony in saying, yes, I struggled with this too. And here's how we can move forward together. Here are some steps we can take to resolve the conflict, resolve the issue and move forward.

Todd, maybe you can tell us what role negotiation plays in resolving conflicts constructively.

Yeah, I think it allows leaders and team to explore shared goals and align missions. And by focusing on that motivation rather than those fixed positions, they can foster collaboration. And I think that's really important. It's the saying, how can we meet in the middle? Right? You want more budget for an allocated project? Well, here's why we have this amount of budget. Okay, well, how can we meet in the middle to achieve that common goal? And, and I think negotiation, if done right and done with clear intentions for both parties, can be successful for everyone.

Let's move on to Principle 8. This is mastering feedback dynamics. We've all been there. We all give feedback. We receive feedback. This is where we dive into a lot of promoting growth through constructive communication. It's not just about pointing out what's wrong. It's a tool for building bridges, creating clarity, and driving individual and team success. So, as Bill Gates wisely said, we all need people who give us feedback. That's how we improve. Now, one of the issues with feedback, you can see, when people are receiving feedback, you can see neuroscience shows that their fight or flight response goes on. They literally think they're being physically attacked. They're receiving feedback. So it's important that at my firm, Blue Ridge, we would have professionals come in and talk about this. Before we would do our annual reviews, we'd talk about this, how important it is to receive feedback in an open way. Now, you may have some jerk giving you feedback. If somebody's giving you feedback, it's not true. Not all feedback is real. So it's not like you have to accept everything. You have to judge it for yourself, but keep an open mind about it. At a minimum, it's an opportunity for growth. So, Ellie, how do you ensure that feedback is specific and actionable rather than just overly vague or overly critical?

Yeah, and it's a hard line to walk, right? Like this idea of being too critical. Obviously you're going to get your message across, but at what cost? Because as Rich says, it's activating this fear response or fight or flight response in people. Or if it's too kind, then the message isn't going to land. Like sometimes, I mean, I'll say, earlier in my career, I'd be giving feedback to someone and by the end of the conversation, I'd kind of talk myself in circles and say, well, you know what? Maybe it was my fault and we need to change everything anyway. Okay, sorry to have bothered you. Right. How do you find the optimal point in that continuum when we're giving this feedback? Give the examples and then make it a conversation. Right. Use that active listening that we talked about. Ask them what, why it's happening, what they could do to improve, and because they are then in the hot seat. But in a supportive hot seat, they have to take the initiative and figure it out, which helps foster accountability, but does it in a way that honors that person's expertise, their agency, their autonomy, all these really motivating things. Part of the reason it cuts deeply, even when feedback is helpful and accurate and delivered with good intentions and delivered well, is not just the emotion involved but it often touches on our sense of identity. So when somebody gives me feedback, I'm experienced enough to welcome it and walk the walk. But on the inside it can still cut deeply because it relates to our identity. And I think if somebody sees themselves as being good at their job, which most of us do, they're then being presented with this information that even though it may be really helpful and we need to sit with it a bit, it can feel like this is an attack. So I think just being cognizant of that can help as well.

Soreal, how do individuals overcome this defensiveness when receiving feedback? It's not easy, right? Literally, they showed it literally appears like they're being attacked physically. And maybe you can tell a little bit about the growth mindset and how that fits into being able to overcome this defensiveness.

Sure, sure. It's not easy at all. And I think again, don't assume the worst. Consider the source of where the feedback, of who the feedback is coming from. Don't take it personal and don't make it personal right away. So much easier said than done. But the more you tell yourself this and the more you understand that feedback, good and bad, is just is part of life and part of all of our day to days will help make a major difference in how you receive it. This used to be actually a big area of strategic struggle for me personally. I would get defensive at the slightest criticism when I was younger and becoming a coach and just growing emotionally has helped me tone it back a little bit and say, okay, I can receive this but not make it personal, not have it be my identity. Like Ellie was saying, we're going to.

Move to the next principle, which is principle nine, enhancing written communication. So important, especially in the business world. And as, as William Zinsser wisely said, clear writing is a sign of clear thinking. So this principle delves into how we can craft messages that are not only clear but also really impactful, whether they're precise emails, compelling storytelling or some data driven analysis. So written communication, it's more than a means of conveying information. It's. It really shapes how we align our goals and build professional trust. Christina, maybe you can talk a little bit about how do you ensure that your writing is clear and concise while still capturing the necessary details.

So before I put a pen to paper or keyboard, fingers to keyboard, I think about what is it that I'm trying to say? Why do I want to say it? What is the purpose of this message? What are the takeaways that I want somebody to walk away with and all of these things help me kind of navigate what I'm working with. I think it's almost like packing a suitcase. We have this tendency to like put everything in of just in case where we might need this. And that's just not clear writing at all. That's like the opposite of clear writing. But what happens when we don't know what we want to say is that we fill and we pack our words with fluff and filler because we're trying to get to the point, but we don't really know what the point is. Mark Twain said it best is a quote that you use a lot too is like, sorry, auntie didn't have time to write you a short letter so I wrote you a long one instead. And like, isn't this so true? It takes time to refine a message. It's like carving a statue out of clay. It's layer by layer and it takes editing. And so I think having a really good plan is the start of that, of knowing what you want to say. And I'm talking this is maybe more applicable to writing a book or something that has a lasting power. You're not going to maybe put as much energy into an email, but even with emails I think you got to read it and think, is this clear? What words can be removed? Like remove unnecessary words. Get to the point and this shows a sign of respect to say the person who's reading this that every detail included, it's not taking away detail or making it too flat. It's every detail included. It's contributing to the engagement and to the information that is important and necessary.

To convince emails, reports to maximize clarity and engagement. How do you write?

So let's start with the subject line. I think having an action oriented word or goal within your subject line is major. Will capture someone else's attention right away. Include dates if you can or a deadline if you can. Again, that adds to the action part of the email and sets the tone for what your email is going to say. Say then come up with a beginning, middle and an end. A short intro, a few bullets that identify what you need and then the conclusion. What is it that you're looking for? What's the question that you have? How do you want to end that email? If you think of it in that structure, it can help you. I know it helps me with keeping things brief and succinct and also just putting myself in the recipient's shoes helps so much. I just like to think like, okay, how would I like to receive this.

Email, let's move to the next principle. Principle 10, influencing ethically and efficiently. It's really the culmination of our journey through advanced communication, focusing on how to inspire people, how to inspire action, how to foster trust, and leading with integrity. It's at the heart of everything we do, from guiding teams and sharing ideas to building relationships. When we're talking to people, we're influencing them. We're always influencing them. You're talking to your son, you're trying to influence him or him on the. On the topic, on some growth topic. If you're telling a joke, you're trying to influence somebody, that it's funny. I'm trying to influence you right now. This story is interesting. We're always influencing people. So this is a really important topic. Let's go to you, Ellie. How can it be practiced in. Again, we're talking to a crowd that usually dealing with high pressure environments. That's why. Back to this. But Ellie, tell me about. Yeah, Ellie's over here. Ellie, tell me about how it can be practiced in high pressure situations.

Yeah, I would say sometimes I'm asked just in terms of the ethics of influence, where's the line between influence and manipulation? And for me, it's really about aligning with the other person or people's values and starting with a shared goal. Right. Something that you can both get on board with. I think transparency is a great litmus test for this. Like, if you can be open about what it is you're doing and where you're coming from, then that's usually a good sign that it's not that kind of icky, overly salesy or unethical approach to influence as well.

Exactly, Christina. Storytelling. I know you're passionate about this. Tell me about storytelling. How does that. Why is storytelling so important for influence?

We're grown up with it. I mean, if you imagine yourself in kindergarten, you're sitting on that carpet and your teacher says, once upon a time, you're drawn in. You're like, yes. What happens next? You're curious about hearing that, and it's timeless. Even as adults, we're drawn into a good story. My sister called me right before this session, just calling me, going, oh, my God. You have no idea what just happened. I'm like, tell me everything. Start at the beginning. I want all of the details. Spill the tea. And it's like, even at 40 some odd years old, I'm like, yes, I want to know what happened. I want to be invited into your world. And so it's connecting People. And I think in business, it's really effective as well. Even in coaching, it's really effective because it allows me to tell a story and allow that person to make its own meaning. It's not like, here's the plan. It's like, here's why the plan matters. We see it in fairy tales. We see it in Disney movies. There's this moral of a story that you don't have to tell a child to behave well, to not stand deal, to not lie, to treat people kindly. You show them a movie like this and they understand the consequences of that behavior and they come to their own conclusions. It's more effective that way. So not only are you influencing people, you're allowing somebody to make that meaning within them. And when somebody feels like they're influencing themselves, that's the real power. It's like influence, but, like, make it seem like it's not you. And I think stories have an ability to that a little bit.

But, Riel, tell me, how do you determine when to prioritize logic or emotion when you're dealing with persuasive, influential type of communication?

Both are so powerful. But I'd say know your audience. If you are presenting to data analysts or people in tech or mathematicians or someone in finance, lead with the logic, lead with the facts first, and add the emotion later. If you're maybe working with people in hospitality or in industries or with teachers, for example, industries where stories and emotions may lead, start with that. But I do think incorporating some sort of story at any point is powerful. It's how humans relate to each other. So it can be impactful throughout. It's just a matter of which one may come first. And it's a little bit of knowing that audience.

Why don't we move on? We're gonna talk about a couple of things before we, you know, dive into the next part of the evening. I'm going to tell a little story about procrastination. And there's two types of procrastination. This topic on procrastination, there's really three types of procrastination that we talk about. One type is what I call mindful procrastination, where I procrastinate on purpose. That's one type of procrastination. But these two types of procrastination that I want to talk about are procrastinating procrastination on things with deadlines, and procrastination on things without deadlines. So procrastination on things with deadlines. What happens? Do you usually get to them. So your taxes are due on April 15th. You've got a term paper that's due. Even if you procrastinate, you'll usually get it done. Now. You'll usually face some stress when you are, you know, when you're doing this. So that's the penalty for procrastinating on things with deadlines, but usually get them done. The real killer and almost literally are things and sometimes literally procrastinating on things that don't have deadlines, that might be working out, that might be making up with a loved one, that might be writing a one that you've wanted to write a book that you never did. And then you're on your deathbed and it never gets done. So you don't want to have the pain of regret. These things without deadlines, you have the pain of regret. This is why I love coaching. I love coaching because my coach gets me really clear. We call it csa. This is what coaching's about. The C is getting really clear on your priorities. Clarity, getting really clear on your priorities. What are my goals? What are my top goals? What are my top priorities in life? And we go through different categories, different areas and categories. So it might be health. Even within health, there are different areas, sleep, exercise, nutrition. So coach helps you get really clear, what are my priorities? And even each of these categories, what are my priorities? Then what? You need a strategy, you need a plan to achieve them. They're not just going to happen. A lot of times you talk to people about plans, where do they say their plans are? It's like, oh, I got a plan. Where's their plan?

In their head?

Yeah. Oh, it's here. I was like, that's no good. That doesn't work. You have to write it down. And then the hardest part, most people don't set goals. They don't prioritize their goals. Most people, once they get to that part, they have goals and they prioritize their goals. Once you have a lot of goals, you don't prioritize them. When they have their goals, they don't have plans to achieve them. Once you have the plans to achieve them, then the hard part comes. Execution, accountability. That's what you need to get it done. You need a kick in the ass. And that's what coaches are for. That's why I love coaching. My coaches don't let me get away with not achieving my top goals. Knowledge does not apply itself. We can talk all about communication, everything but communication, goal setting, making decisions doesn't do you any good. You got to apply it. Got to apply it. So this is a good start. You have to start with the knowledge, then you need to apply it. Coaches help you to apply the knowledge. That's what they're there for.