Rick Torrison breaks down three versions of yourself: the public face, the person you want to become, and your core self. He warns against building identity on possessions, roles, or what others think, then offers two tools: write your own eulogy and create a one-sentence vision statement to guide your choices.
Hey, welcome back, everybody. It's great to see you today. I want to talk about this idea of an identity crisis. You know, I used to love networking, but the older I get, the less I enjoy playing that game, man. A lot of networking is usually about convincing the person how important they are and how much they need you. You know, one of the things I hated about networking was the standard questions we all ask when we first meet someone. You guys know what they are. What's your name, what do you do, and where are you from? You know, what we're really asking is, who are you? And what we mean is, what can you do for me? And will this be worth my time? So how do you answer that question? Do you lead first with your name? Do you lead with your title, or what you do? There's an old saying that we are actually three people. The person others think we are our projected or public self. It's often dictated by what we do or. Or the environment we find ourselves in. Then there's a person we think we are. This is the self we hope to be. Our self perception, but it may not be the perception of others. And then there's the person we really are. This is our core self, who we are in private, when no one's looking. I love Henri Nouwen. He was a Catholic priest, a theologian, contemplative, deep thinker. He talks about three lies of identity. First lie, he says, is, I am what I have, then I am what I do, and then I am what others say or think I am. I added a fourth. I am what my experiences say I am. When we believe the lies of our identity, we find ourselves in an identity crisis. Now, the truth is, we're not what we have. What we have is temporary, and it can change in an instant. And we are not what we do. If we were, what happens when what we do changes? And we're not what others say we are or think we are. If we were, we would always be changing to meet the demands of those around us. You know, we're not what our experiences try to tell us we are. Experience was never meant to define us, but rather to refine us and inform us of our future. So who are we? I believe we are who our life demonstrates we are over time. But we don't think about it that way. We confuse who we are with what we do. Who we are is so much bigger and greater than what we do. Who we are impacts what we do and how we do it. Sometimes I think who we are can only truly be Understood after we're gone. Who we are is often found in the words people share about us at our funeral. Not the words that describe what we did, but the words that describe the impact and influence our lives had on their lives. Who we are is found in how we lived our life more than what we accomplished. So let me ask you a question. Who are you? If you're not sure how to answer that, let me suggest you to do two things. First, write your eulogy. What do you hope your family, children, friends, co workers are going to say about you and your life? It's not an easy exercise, but it forces us to examine our life and how it's impacting the lives of those around us. Second, from your eulogy, I want you to write a one sentence life statement first, like a vision statement. It's about who you are and who you're becoming. My life statement is that I'm going to glorify God and I'm going to grow people. Why is a life statement so important? Because it's your North Star. It's the destination that guides you and informs everything you do. There's a verse in Proverbs that highlights the importance of having a life or vision statement. It says this. People perish for lack of vision. Without a vision statement, our North Star, we can only hope that what we do will make a difference. And if we are lucky, it will make a difference. But. But the impact our life has shouldn't be about luck. I choose to live my life with the intentionality of purpose, and I hope you will choose to do the same. So what's your life statement? Who are you? You are so much more than you think you are. But until you write it down and can see it for yourself, you'll never achieve it. My friends, I want to thank you for being a part of this community. And until next time, I'm Rick Torresen and I'm believing your best is yet to come.
