Rick Torresen uses his mother's leukemia diagnosis to explain why people avoid difficult conversations. He argues that unspoken problems grow when ignored, and offers two steps: name the issue, then deal with it one bite at a time.
Welcome back, my friends. Thanks for being a part of this community. Today I want to talk about the elephant in the room. I remember when my mom first found out that she had cancer. She lived in Illinois and we lived in Texas. You know, I didn't get home often, but every Thanksgiving, my brothers and our entire family, we'd come together at the family farm for a long Thanksgiving weekend. For me, it was the only time I came home each year. I was the one who went the farthest away after college. Everyone else stayed close. It was a few months before Thanksgiving when my mom called and told me that she had leukemia. Man, it was a heavy blow. But my mom was strong and I was confident. Thanksgiving was just a couple months away and we were all going to get together for the first time. This was the first time we had been together since the announcement of my mom's leukemia. Can you believe that? For the first two days, no one said anything. We all knew it was there, but no one said a thing. We pretended as if that announcement was never made. I think we thought that if we didn't say anything that it would somehow go away or somehow it wouldn't be true. But we all know that's not how it works. Once I finally said something and we all started to talk about it, the elephant in the room went away. We were able to process together, clear the air, and deal with the situation in a healthy manner. What do you think about when you hear the term the elephant in the room? Now, you could define the elephant in the room as a very large issue that everyone is acutely aware of, but that nobody wants to talk about. You know, they're typically difficult situations and they're unpleasant experiences that everyone knows exists but no one wants to acknowledge. You know, we go about our business hoping that it's all just going to go away. That if we ignore it, it isn't really true. You know, the longer we go without dealing with it, the more comfortable the elephant gets, the more normal we begin to treat the situation. The problem is, is that an elephant in the room, it's not normal. It's not okay. It's not supposed to be there. What are some examples of elephants in the room? Right? Hidden offenses, personal agendas, political issues or hot potatoes, Unacknowledging of mistakes, lack of boundaries. I mean, the list goes on of what might constitute as an elephant in the room. They're the things that no one wants to touch with a ten foot pole. The elephant in the room is that thing that we know exists, but we refuse to Acknowledge. And the longer we ignore it, the large the elephant becomes. So if everyone knows there is an elephant in the room, why don't we deal with it? What keeps us from exposing the elephant? I'm going to share just a couple things with you about that. I think the first is the biggest reason is fear. I think we're afraid that if we bring it up then we might become the problem, the elephant. Or then I've got to deal with it. And what if people think I'm the elephant, I'm the problem? Then there's this attitude that says it's not my problem. And maybe it isn't my problem to start with, but we all know that that' that's crazy thinking. We all know that the longer things are left unresolved, the more they become everyone's problem. See, left alone, the elephants roam around the room creating stress, anxiety, and that always results in isolation, broken relationships, unmet objectives. Elephants left alone leave a mess they dump on everyone. I mean, seriously, you ever seen the size of an elephant? Well, you know what I mean. Left alone, the elephant would grow and push everything and everyone out of the room. Elephants in the room cause everyone to walk on eggshells. And we end up wasting valuable time and energy trying to avoid that thing that we all know exists. It's not productive and it always ends in blame shifting and finger pointing. And that kills morale. It messes with employee engagement. It eventually leads to instability and turnover. Let's take a quick pause. I want to ask you to do a self assess. Are there any elephants in your life that are keeping you from growing and moving forward? Are there any hidden things that you know exist but you're refusing to deal with? If so, I want to give you two things you can do to begin to deal with those elephants in the room. Now, the first thing is you need to name it and source it. Acknowledge that it exists and how it got there. When there's an elephant in the room, introduce him. Randy Posh said that. The second thing is own it and then eat it. Admit what is true and then eat it. Deal with it. Take one bite at a time. Dealing with elephants are never easy, but if you don't deal with them, I promise you they're going to deal with you. Now here's the thing. I know you don't have control over other people, but you do have control over yourself. And that's what's most important. Don't let the elephant in the room in your life. Keep you from your own growth, your own future, your own impact, your own destiny. Guys, address that elephant in the room. Identify it, source it, and eat it. And thank you so much for being a part of this community. I appreciate all of you guys and your comments and your engagement with what we're doing. As always, until next time, I'm Rick Torresen, and I'm believing your best is yet to come.
