Why Children Don't Open Up

24 Oct 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:07

In this segment of her YouTube talk, Riddhi Deorah explains why children often become silent: when they learn that speaking up leads to lectures, dismissal, or shame, they stop both speaking and listening. She argues that true connection requires a two‑way channel, not a one‑sided performance. To foster open communication, she recommends a simple shift from a "correction‑first" approach to a "connection‑first" approach. Before asking a child to do anything, parents should spend five minutes in agenda‑free presence—maintaining calm, eye contact, and genuine curiosity about the child’s world. This brief, non‑directive connection re‑establishes the relational bond, leading to markedly better responsiveness, because the child isn’t refusing the parent but simply missing the connection.

Chapters

When a child knows that speaking up leads to being lectured or dismissed or shamed, they stop speaking. And when they stop speaking, they stop listening. Connection is a 2-way channel. If one person is talking, it's not a relationship, it's a performance. So what actually works? One shift. Move from correction first to connection first. Before you ask your child to do something, spend 5 minutes just being with them. No agenda, no ask, no correction, just your calm presence, eye contact, a question about their world. Connect with them, ask them what they are interested in, genuine curiosity about what they are thinking, and then ask. You will be stunned at the difference in response. Because your child was never refusing you. They were only missing you.