What Real Wellness Feels Like (Not What You’ve Been Sold)

Have you ever chased the latest wellness trend only to feel left down? If the glossy images and the one-size-fits-all solutions have left you feeling frustrated or unwell, then today's episode is for you. I'm joined by Dr. Susannah Ward, a specialist in rehabilitation medicine and author of Mastering Real Wellness, to cut through the noise and help us reconnect with what true sustainable wellness actually looks like. So get ready for empowering take on healing that honors you, not the fad. Welcome, Dr. Susanna.

Oh, thank you for having me.

You're welcome. This is going to be really interesting and a really, I think, important topic around dispelling so many myths of what wellness is that people are indoctrinated by on social media. And I know that you have a personal story around it. So what was the experience that led you to write Mastering Real Wellness?

I put pen to paper in COVID, um, and but I had the ideas through my own journey of sort of growing up, um, studying medical science, medicine, and then self-studying in neuroscience, psychology, and then yoga. And then the more clinical practice I had meeting patients, the message became really clear. And it coincided with the time where wellness was everything. Like, wellness is still everything. The Global Wellness Institute quotes that the industry is like a multi-trillion dollar industry, and there's expenditure of $4 trillion per year since 2017. Wellness has become this elitist, hierarchical, you know, um, idealistic thing that's happening. And so I think it sort of bubbled within, and I was like, I can't handle this. So yeah, just wrote this book. It's just, um, hopefully what I want this talk to be and reading the book to be is empowering Validating and bloody well like a breath of fresh air. Like, let the shoulders drop. You are good enough, okay? You can be uniquely you. Actually, the work is around the relationship you hold with yourself, not what you're sold, not what the Joneses are doing. Um, so just get to know yourself, including that little inadequacy piece inside that fuels us to spend a lot of money on things that are sold to us.

Mm-hmm.

And say, actually, you know what, as a healthy adult parent to myself, I am good enough. And yes, I live with XYZ. And yes, these are chronic things. And yes, I'm human and not a robot. And, but the more I accept and understand myself and the more I empower myself with skills, tools, strategies to adaptively manage myself, the better off I'll be because I'm meeting my holistic needs in a way that works for me most of the time. Not all of the time, because again, we're not AI and robots, we're humans. But it's, it's, it's empowering, and I feel safe being myself. I can show up for myself, I've got my back, and it doesn't really matter what anyone else is doing. And you know what, you save a lot of money as well.

You know, I, I really liked it when I was reading your book. You know, you talked about embracing that sort of messy human side of us, you know? And why do you really want to bring that home to people? Why is it so important to understand that embracing that is actually real wellness, not what you find in a bottle, not the type of yoga mat that you have or the latest gym gear that you have?

Well, if you embrace your messy human side, right, so it's that imperfect part of you, the part that has feelings and urges and slips and trips and blind spots and conditioning and biases and prejudices and assumptions, all these things that affect our filtering. And we, we, you know, all see life very differently, right? If we embrace that, then we're more likely to be able to see it for what it is and actually deal with it accurately. Um, and if you're living this life holding yourself to some harsh, critical ideal that isn't you, you're basically choosing suffering. You know, you're basically rejecting who you are, which is a really awful place to be. While if you go, okay, I'm human like all the other humans working on this planet, I'm not perfect, um, you know, I'm uniquely me and I accept that and embrace it and work with it, then you're actually working with yourself. It's a much more functional, peaceful, you know, you're not fighting. It's a more sort of, uh, compassionate space to be managing yourself. So I think that, yeah, it is all about understanding your humanness and having skills to accept that. And then also working out what's unique to you. So things like knowing your values and priorities and how you want to express your humanness in this world. How do you want to show up? And when you can live a life aligned with your values, it doesn't matter what you look like or what food you choose to eat or how you spend your spare money and time. Those things are your recipe to wealth. Um, what most matters is the relationship you hold with yourself.

Do you think that the industry makes— ends up making people feel worse by trying to push perfection and false hope? And I don't think many people actually, when they're thinking of wellness, are they going into what do I value, or are they just looking at what's presented in front of them and going, I want that? Without actually understanding why do you want that?

Why do you want to buy, you know, the latest supplement? Is it because you want to buy longevity? Is it because you want to deny yourself the fact that you're human and eventually you're going to die? So, I mean, you can get really deep about these things, but yes, I think the wellness industry, um, does make us feel worse on purpose because they're driving sales. You don't buy something for no reason. So what is motivating us to invest in this industry, which I've already told you was like multi-trillion dollar? Safety. So whether or not we're trying to belong and have a tribe, because if we don't, we'll be thrown out to the saber-toothed tiger and whatnot. Or maybe, um, it's a fear of inadequacy and not being good enough as we are right now. And so we're trying to change you know, rejecting who we are, that, that way of living of suffering where we're just self-rejecting rather than going, okay, I don't have that natural set point figure, um, or yeah, hey, I'm not 20 anymore. Like, so it's, it's, it's selling us stuff that we almost subconsciously don't realize we're trying to buy, which is safety, adequacy, love, and belonging. But those things obviously don't come from something you can necessarily buy in a shop or online using your credit card. They happen through connection, connection to yourself and other beings, connection to nature. They happen with self-care, you know, showing up for yourself and meeting your needs in a way that works for you. that makes you feel good enough, right? And, and belonging is, is, is something that you foster for yourself around developing meaning and purpose in your life. So really, the— what I talk about real wellness is very different from the concept of wellness the industry feeds us. And real wellness to me is about self-mastery. So it's 3 pillars: self-awareness, Self-acceptance and adaptive flexible self-care. That can look like anything. That's your unique recipe, but that's the route of feeling well. And you can do that no matter what your age, no matter what your past medical history or list of medications, or what you look like, what you choose to eat, whether or not you do ice baths or not. But what the wellness industry is selling us is that if you don't buy this thing, then you're not going to be well. It is at the root of it making us feel inadequate and not as we are, rather than empowered and masterful.

When it comes to the 3 pillars that you just talked about, how does someone separate themselves from the almost addiction of being on social media and trying to find the next best thing, or what could possibly help me? I'm so What I find happens is people are desperate. A lot of people are desperate for an answer. They want to be well. They want to be how they were, not how they are. They want to be slimmer like they were in their 30s if they're in their 50s. They're always looking for something that they're not. So what can people do to start implementing these 3 pillars that you talk about into their life and start trying to remove themselves from the hypnotic messages on social media?

So I think everything begins with self-awareness, which is the first pillar. So stuff like practicing some sort of version of mindfulness. You don't have to sit down and not move and, you know, allow your thoughts to come and go. That can be really distressing for some people. But having some sort of practice where you can dedicate time to connect with yourself and just check in, to start to notice your inner world, to start to notice your thoughts, your beliefs, your patterns. Because what you want to do is get to know yourself. How can you manage yourself if you have no idea who you are and what you're dealing with? So you do need to develop a relationship, or at least an awareness and familiarity to your inner world. So to you, I mean, when I was little, I thought I was my thoughts. You know, no one teaches you that you have thoughts and they're not necessarily true or facts. They don't have to define you. Half the time they're nonsense crap. But you need to do that work. You know, we're adults now. We're not little kids. And so it might be journaling. It might be chatting with a friend. It might be meditation. It might be going to yoga, some sort of medium for you just to start to stop doing stuff and be busy and connect within. And then the other thing you mentioned is not falling trap. It would be around, I guess, working out what works for you. So experimenting with things. You know, you can be open to the latest wellness fad. That's fine. But inform yourself of any risks. any evidence base, which most of the time there isn't. And make sure you know what you're spending your money on, right? Because some people have a lot of money to spend on, and that's okay. Other times, it's other things that are going to be deeply rewarding for you, like going, okay, well, I really value being a loving parent, and I really prioritize time with my kids. So rather than scrolling on social media going, oh, I should buy that new infrared sauna for my bedroom, or I should buy that Lululemon pair of pants or whatever it is, you go, hey, wow, this is eating into what really matters most, and put your phone away, go hang out with your kids. And that sort of behavior change and self-management is gonna leave you at the end of the day feeling more whole and well and proud of who you are with a healthier relationship with yourself than if you just wasted the afternoon scrolling social media.

That's what slows us down. is being able to sit down and start reflecting, that introspection, start developing a bit of introspection, start recognizing patterns and behaviors that you have. That once you're really busy and you're always on, you're always distracted, it's really hard to recognize what you're doing when you're distracted all the time.

Look, I just think it's crazy to me that we don't teach this stuff, you know. There's a lot of really like rich, deeply functional tools that psychologists know and teach mentally unwell patients But they're valuable to all humans, right?

Yes.

And, you know, there are experts and scientists and life coaches that manage people with a lot of money that teach a lot of this stuff. But the everyday person that doesn't have thousands of dollars for life coaching or isn't a CEO of a hospital getting it paid for by the company, they never learn about these things. But we all have a vulnerable perception. What we perceive is very filtered by our conditioning, whatever beliefs we're fused with, our thinking, our patterns. You know, in medicine we talk about bias, blind spots, assumptions, prejudices. These things are really important for doctors to identify and just even be open to having because it impacts our cultural safety, which is so key to providing safe and appropriate medicine. So I'm really enjoying at the moment teaching doctors to be aware of their blind spots and biases. Because I think when the— what's happening with people being burnt out or being privy to like a toxic wellness industry is that they're just engaged in messaging and spending their money without realizing what's going on inside their minds to gravitate towards it and what's driving these behaviors. What are they really paying, trying to pay for? and are they getting it? So there's so much to learn about the human brain, um, that we unfortunately are not taught necessarily in everyday life. But there's a lot of people out there, mainly the people with power and money, that know this stuff. They accept it and they work with it and they make the most of their, um, abilities as a human, knowing that, you know, bias and thoughts and beliefs, these are not associated with intelligence. They're ubiquitous. We all have this. It's just the way the human brain works. It's how we function and stay alive.

And it is so true. And that's that self-reflection that we— is so important. What I found is sometimes even I've asked myself, why am I taking this? Why am I looking for the next supplement? Why am I looking for the next, uh, detox, etc.? And I found with myself is that instead of actually doing the work, or sometimes the hard work myself, I'm outsourcing and putting the hope, the answer, and the relief in that practice or that supplement or even that, that medication.

I'm the same, like I'm embarrassed to say I literally was thinking about buying a $1,500 infrared light panel. I've got a yoga room back there because that's how obsessed I am with yoga. And I was like, do I really need to spend this huge amount of money? I've been thinking about it literally for 2 years. And so I was like, okay, let's break this down. What am I really trying to buy? And it's fear. It's fear that I'm gonna get older, that I'll get more wrinkly, that, you know, that I need this panel. If I don't have it, I'm not making the most of my cells and all this ridiculous crap. When actually what I could probably do is more effectively and efficiently address my longevity and stop scrolling on social media at night, charge my phone outside my room, and get a solid like 9 hours every night. That's going to give me more bang for my buck than a $1,500 infrared heating panel.

Exactly.

Rather than doing the thing, the pink elephant in the room, you're like, I'm going to spend this money on something that Really skirts around the issue and doesn't really actually address it.

It is, it's that outsourcing. It's like putting it— the power that we have inside of us, we tend to outsource and give away to some external person, object, thing, whatever it is. Um, and even with saying supplement, but there's medication. I know, you know, I know someone who's a diabetic and he just eats whatever he wants to eat because He's on metformin and Ozempic. So you're outsourcing your desired outcome and also your—

and you know what, like, on that, it's completely understandable, isn't it?

Absolutely.

In that person's defense, the world is designed to give us a bum steer. You know, it's, it's very easy to buy food, alcohol, all these things that don't help us, you know. So how do we cope? You know, we need some sort of comfort. Well, it's really hard not to buy the crap food, you know. And if we want the support to overcome it, then do we have the money to access the resources? Like, not everyone can afford psychologists and all those expert professionals. So I really, you know, my heart yearns for people that have these sufferings, uh, because it's a tough environment in which we live.

I think what I got from your book is that if, like you say, if you don't have the money, you don't have the resources, um, or you're even in a location where you can't access a lot of this stuff, don't fear that you can't be well. Like, do what you can lifestyle-wise.

Yeah.

Like you were saying, exercise, you know, exercise, eat well. There's so many things you can do. And don't think that because you're not in a sauna, you're not on a rebounder, or you're not taking whatever, that you can't be well.

Without realizing, like these blind spots, we're turning something to— we're trying to turn to something external to achieve something that's internal. Because what real wellness is, what I'm going on about, not this global wellness industry multi-trillion dollar thing, which is just playing on fears and our innate need to survive. Real wellness is about the relationship you have with yourself. Do you understand yourself, your humanness, what's most important to you? Do you then accept yourself, and can you manage yourself in a way that works for you, not what everyone else is doing most of the time? And when you slip and trip because you're human, do you have skills and strategies to manage that and get back on track? If you have that approach to yourself, that relationship, that healthy adult parenting relationship, you'll be well no matter what you look like, no matter your disease and disability. It's about creating a foundation of personal safety, trust, right? And when you know that you can show up for yourself the way you need most of the time, then you have so much foundation there for flourishing. You know, it took me a long time to be able to, to do silly things, like crazy things, like write a book and, you know, expose myself to criticism, trolling on things like a podcast, because actually what I needed to do was really get to know myself, work out how to manage myself, and know that no matter what life throws at me, I'll be okay. So I know I can leap and the net will come. Do you know why? Because I throw the net for myself. So I think people are looking for a supplement or something they can buy. You know, we, you know, if exercise was something I could prescribe as a tablet, it'd be the most commonly prescribed tablet on the planet. But honestly, what people are needing is to like develop a loving, compassionate, honest, and human relationship with themselves and just look after themselves the best they can.

Is the wellness industry as inclusive as it claims to be, you know, especially for people living with, you know, chronic conditions Or disability? Or is it for people who are well-ish and are just looking to participate in that arena?

It's inclusive in the sense that no matter what disease, disability, age, whatever, all walks of life, whether or not you're neurodivergent or neurotypical, there's lots of types of diversity, right? Humans are all diverse. the wellness industry, we all— so it's selling to all of us.

Hmm.

So it is inclusive, but not necessarily to our best interest. It's to take our money. It very inclusively markets you things because we all need to survive. We all have a need to be loved, to belong, and to be good enough. So it— is it inclusive in that way? Yeah, that's why it's worth so much money. But It's just going about wellness in the wrong way, and it's not going to give the consumer what it is that they really need. Because if they're buying something to be good enough, to be loved, to be belonging and survive and all those things, is it really gonna do that? Well, they'll just wanna buy the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. Really, safety comes from being able to care for yourself and know that whatever life throws you, you've got your own back and you can show up for yourself in the way you need. And, and belonging and love comes from connection, and not just to others in the world, but connection to ourselves. So those things are fostered through behaviors, skills, knowledge acquisition, and basically this lifestyle of self-mastery. Elements of that might align with the wellness industry, but really it's about Going, hey, this is my amazing fleeting human life. I'm not exactly what I wish I was or what I feel would be fair, but it is what it is. And I lovingly accept myself and will look after myself the best I can.

On both sides, you know, you have the wellness industry and you also have the pharmaceutical industry. And what I find is both of them prey on us in different ways. And one of the things, like you're saying, about taking that— having that self-agency is really we have to be responsible for ourselves first. Like, take responsibility for what you're doing, you know. Don't, you know, eat a whole lot of sugar, you become a diabetic, you have to be on pharmaceuticals or even a natural supplement for it. Or, you know, just eat a junk food, high-fried diet and think that you're not going to have heart issues. It's taking— I always feel it's the first step is taking responsibility for what you're doing. And that's what you're saying, get back in touch with yourself, you know, work out what your values are. Are you really valuing that lifestyle? And then when you're not happy with the result, then you run to something to outsource it to fix you. Like, I don't really find that anything can really fix you apart from you fixing yourself. Which kind of brings me back to, you know, in your book you said wellness isn't about being symptom-free. You know, it's what does it look like to live well whilst you're still unwell?

Yeah, well, it's being able to go, okay, this is my reality today. Today I've got a migraine, or today I've got that weird pain that I don't know what it is, and I'm noticing the monkey mind come up thoughts that it's a cancer, or, you know, a lot of people have unexplained chronic medical symptoms that really are terrifying and can develop what we call health anxiety issues. So that's just like one particular example. But rather than falling down the rabbit hole of not accepting it and fighting it and suffering, you go, okay, well, this is what it is. I don't know how I can stop it. In fact, I don't think I can. So instead, I'm going to accept it and go, well, what's going to make things as good as it can be? What do I need to avoid to make things worse? And what, what can I do for myself to care for this? And if that's your approach to whatever, however it is you're showing up each and every day, then you're always going to live your best life. Because you're never not going to be who you are, but you certainly can be worse if you avoid things, deny things, and choose a life of non-acceptance, like a life of rejection, right? When you see an image in media of, you know, this picture of wellness and it's not you, and you allow your mind to decide that the way you are is not good enough. In that instant, you have rejected yourself, and that is a really sad place to be. And rather than taking that approach, if you go, oh hey, like, this is who I am and this is what I'm dealing with and I accept that, but hey, I've got a lot of power, um, because I've read Dr. Ward's book and I've got a lot of skills and knowledge and tools, but I can manage myself. in a functional way, in an optimal way, and make the most of what I've got. And that doesn't mean you can't improve or have dreams and goals as well, but it means you're working towards those growth changes in a really accepting, honest way.

In saying that, what about people who are really dealing with grief in, you know, losing the life that they had, you know, before the illness?

I'm witness to this all of the time in rehabilitation medicine. Like, one of the major parts of a patient's journey in rehab medicine is adjustment. So these are people that have had brain injury, lost a limb, an amputation, maybe that they're elderly, fall, broken a hip, you know, rehabilitating their function, but looking at not going home. You know, these are massive transition points for humans. So what about that? Well, I think just being really accepting and compassionate and kind. And the more you just gently allow that pain, because there's value and worth in the pain, right? You don't need— it's not a failure to have grief. It's not doing the wrong thing feeling bad. It's inevitable. We have emotions. We're emotional beings. It's part of our human functioning. We need emotions to send us messages of how to behave. Even act. So you notice that grief and you notice that adjustment challenge with loving kindness, and you allow it to be there for as long as it needs. You're not avoiding it, um, you're not beating yourself up about it and thinking, I shouldn't care, I should be better, right? You know, actually, like, you're, you're giving yourself that self-compassion. You're saying, this is a moment of pain and I'm gonna be really kind to myself with it. Understanding that this is a shared human experience, that being alive and human is synonymous with loss, grief, and pain. And actually, what's something I can do to nurture myself right now? And it might be work on your goals. It might go— might be, okay, I can't live at home anymore, so I'm gonna bloody well find the best facility I can live in and focus my efforts there. It's still painful. It's still unfair. It's still really hard. It's still like— it feels like something impossible to accept. So maybe you have to do it forever, you know, reaccept. And that's the other thing about acceptance. It's not a set and forget. When it comes to things that are challenging to accept, you may need to accept those things like indefinitely. You come back to it, right?

Yeah.

The fact that we're alive and we know that this time will go. Some people have religion and beautiful, um, uh, spiritual ideas that soothe and, and make that fate more palatable.

Yes.

But some people don't, you know. So how do we accept that? Well, you have to for the rest of your life reaccept it. But the more you connect with that grief and pain, you know what, the more chance you are— you have— the more chance you gift yourself to be grateful for what you do have and to be present in the moment. So there's beauty in grief. There's beauty and power in grief. And I don't think it's something to be ashamed of. to think is wrong and to beat yourself up about. In fact, you just use it to your advantage and you say, okay, you know, this is reminding me of how special I am and how much that meant to me and how lucky I am to have what is still there and how I'm going to darn well look after myself and make the most.

Honestly, this day and age, sometimes people just Think you can't talk about your emotions. You can't have an emotion that's not seen as, you know, being well, or, you know, this whole toxic positivity— don't talk about it. You know, I think so many people have now gone into shame if they do feel they have, you know, a condition, an illness, a mental health challenge. And that also fuels Running to what's an answer for me outside of themselves.

Yeah. What's an inhuman answer? Because you're never going to be able to not be a human. All humans have emotions. It's a part of survival, just like we need the breath. Yeah. And in medicine, um, I think there's a bit of a toxic culture in medicine where there's no room for emotions. And that's such a failing of the healing industry because Half the time we can't, you know, cure our patient's illness, but we can connect and we can empathize and we can feel with them and we can hold space for those big feelings, keeping them safe as they learn to do it for themselves. So emotion is part of rational decision-making. And it is a hugely powerful, masterful topic to learn about. And the more us as individuals can develop emotional literacy and skills in emotional intelligence, the more functional we'll be at managing ourselves because it's, whoa, it could be a big job. I'm looking at that right now this morning, the meltdown that happened in the kitchen with my 7-year-old. And I was like, what skill are you gonna use? And he's got this finger, he's like, I hate the finger skill. I'm like, what about the breath? He's like, Breath is stupid. You know, it's, it's a big thing. And, and even when you're an adult, you know, at the end of your life, you will still struggle with emotion regulation. But it's, it's not something to be ashamed of. It's just a part of humanness. And the more we can understand our emotions, notice them, uh, and, and learn from them and be able to work with them, not try and avoid them and control them, but just work with them, then the more masterful we are. And who wouldn't want emotions? Emotions are what the color of the life— you know, emotions is care.

Oh God, yes. And they don't always have to be happy. They don't always have to be, you know, glossy and, you know, look at my fantastic lifestyle. Everyone gets, like you say, messy. You know, it makes us what we are, as long as we know. And I know in your book you've got many Um, skills there that people can learn. And I, I do really encourage everyone to get your book because it is a fantastic read. So if our listeners or readers— what, what would you like our listeners or readers to take away? If they, if they could just take away one thing from Mastering Real Wellness after they've read it, what do you hope it is?

Get to know yourself as best you can for the rest of your life. Accept yourself. Give yourself permission to be human, to be your vulnerable, honest, authentic you, you know, and look after yourself as best you can. And that's gonna be, I think, what you're trying to buy when you buy Lululemon pants.

Lululemon pants.

I have a lot of Lululemon pants. This is ridiculous. But, um, yeah, do you know what I'm saying? So really it's about fostering that healthy adult relationship with yourself and embracing your humanness because it's all you're ever going to be.

Yes. Take a pause and a breath before you press add to cart.

The hand finger— do you know the skill that I'm talking about?

Yes, yes.

And be like, what is it? What is she going on about?

Exactly. And people will find all that If they— when they buy your book. And all those links, Dr. Susanna Ward's, uh, socials, website, and link to buy her book will be in the show notes. Look, honestly, it's a fantastic read, and it's a very comforting and reassuring read to know that you are okay, you are safe as you are. You don't have to outsource everything. You don't have to run to the next fad. Take a breath and just believe in yourself. Thank you.

Perfect. Thank you for having me.

You're welcome. Thanks for coming on.