Rob Hersov: If I Ran South Africa for 100 Days

Okay, I'm now your hypothetical, imaginary, not real, new benevolent dictator of South Africa for 100 days only, starting tomorrow at 6 AM. Or 5 AM. 100 days is 14 weeks, and you will have in advance from me a signed, personally guaranteed document with my formal resignation on day 100. My aim is simply to fix the country, fix the economy, so that we get 3 to 5% economic growth year on year for the next decade, adding 500,000 new jobs every year, rebuilding all the infrastructure broken or stolen by the ANC, and giving all South Africans a better life and a proper future for your children. And I want no pay, no benefits, and nothing whatsoever in return. Not even a thank you. Ons fer jou, South Africa. That's simply what it's about. Okay. And as your Benny, benevolent dictator, here is my 100-day policy implementation plan for South Africa, drawing from the examples of Bukele of El Salvador, Milei of Argentina, Trump Doge Maga of the USA, and Poland, my perfect countries, the ones that I'm following. And my plan implements Judeo-Christian, pro-West, free market, capitalist, and libertarian policies, the only policies that actually work. And Cyril and your medalla incompetent ministers, you are all fired at no pay. Okay, bang. Week 1. Starting tomorrow morning, welcome to my state of emergency and security overhaul. This is week 1. I will declare a national state of emergency, suspending certain constitutional rights to enable swift action against crime and against corruption. I will deploy the military. I will authorize the South African National Defence Force (SANDF) to support the South African Police Services in high crime areas, and we all know where those are. We will institute mass arrests of gang members, and this entails large-scale operations to arrest known gang members and criminals. We got lists of them, like Bukele did with his anti-gang crackdown in El Salvador. I will establish a joint security task force creating a unified command structure for the SANDF, SAPS, and intelligence services. I will implement maximum security measures in prisons to prevent communication between incarcerated gang leaders and their outside networks. Something that should have been done a long time ago. And that was week one. And now week two. Government restructuring and anti-corruption. Let's shrink Cyril's bloated and useless cabinet. I will immediately reduce the cabinet to 20 ministries from 32, as per my consolidation plan. I will establish the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), modeled on the Trump administration's Initiative. I will task this department with cutting waste, cutting fraud, and cutting abuse in government, particularly government spending and procurement. I will launch an anti-corruption task force. This will be a special unit with prosecutorial powers to investigate and prosecute corrupt officials at all levels of government. We're basically going to deliver on the Zondo Commission. At last. I will freeze assets of corrupt officials, and I will issue an executive order to freeze the assets of individuals credibly accused of corruption. Anyone implicated by the Zondo Commission. Anyone. Boom. Alright? We will also need a public transparency portal. I'll launch a website that tracks all government spending, in real time, and it'll be accessible to the public. You'll know exactly what's going on, much like Elon Musk did with Doge. And now, week 3. This is my economic shock therapy. Are you sitting down? I will abolish the South African Reserve Bank's independence, bringing the central bank under the control of the Ministry of Finance, to align my monetary policy with my economic agenda. I need to do this for 100 days. I will implement a currency board of dollarisation, pegging the rand to the US dollar or a basket of currencies to stabilise the currency and curb inflation, following what Javier Milei did successfully. I will slash government spending by announcing a 50% cut in all non-essential government spending, and bringing in zero-based budgeting. I will eliminate subsidies, putting an end to all government subsidies for electricity, transport, and other services. Wham! And to end this busy week, remember this is just week 3, I will introduce a flat rate tax of 15% for individuals and corporations. Three busy weeks. Week 4: Deregulation and free market reforms. This is Herzog's red tape bonfire. I will repeal all regulations identified as burdensome to businesses. There are going to be lots of those. And here's my Ease of Doing Business Act. I'll pass a law that simplifies the process of starting and running a business. Look what's happened in Rwanda, how easy it is to start a business. I will abolish the minimum wage and I'll remove the national minimum wage to allow for market-determined wages. Watch employment go up. We'll also introduce labour market deregulation by repealing laws that make it difficult to hire and fire employees. It's going to be a lot easier to hire and a lot easier to fire. And for aviation, my favourite, Here's my open skies agreement. We'll sign open skies agreements with major economic partners to increase competition and lower air travel costs. Week 5. And this is my social and cultural policies week. You're going to love this one. 1. We promote Judeo-Christian values. We launch a national campaign to promote traditional family values and Judeo-Christian ethics. Bring back God. On education reform, we introduce a voucher system for education, allowing parents to choose between public and private schools. They decide where to spend the money, where to spend the vouchers. And on curriculum changes, we will mandate a new curriculum that emphasizes South African history, patriotism, and free market principles. Bring back Adam Smith. I will absolutely end affirmative action by abolishing all race-based affirmative action policies in both the public and private sectors. We're going to bring back merit. We're going to bring back talented people being put into the right positions. And on protecting freedom of speech, I'll repeal all hate speech laws. And protect the right to express controversial opinions. That's free speech. Week 6: Immigration and Border Control. Secure the borders. Build the wall. Heard that before. Deploy the military to secure all land and sea borders. We will have mass deportation of illegal immigrants. We'll initiate a program to identify and deport all illegal immigrants. Okay, we will also end birthright citizenship, announce that children born to non-citizens will no longer automatically receive South African citizenship. You want to be a legal citizen, you apply through legal methodology. And merit-based immigration system, we're going to introduce a points-based immigration system that prioritizes skilled workers and individuals who can contribute to the economy. Let's let in the people we want in. Build a wall. We will build a wall on the border with Zimbabwe. We'll start there and extend it and patrol it. Week 7: Privatization of state-owned enterprises, SOEs. Music to your ears. I will announce the privatization of all state-owned enterprises, including ESCOM, Transnet, what's left of SAA, and what's left of Denel. I'll establish a privatisation unit. This will create a dedicated unit within the Ministry of Privatisation and State Enterprise Reform to manage the sale, the organised sale, of state-owned enterprises. I'll auction off all state-owned enterprises. I'll sell them to the highest bidder, but I'll create a preference for South African ownership. Okay, I think that's important. And I will use the proceeds from these state-owned enterprises to pay down debt. What a treat it'll be, wouldn't you think, with the proceeds from the sale of these useless state-owned enterprises to pay down our national debt. But I'll focus on breaking up monopolies too. I want to ensure that the privatisation of state-owned enterprises does not create new private monopolies. Okay, we want competition. Let's go to week 8. This is called asymmetric federalism and decentralization. We will devolve power to provinces. We'll transfer significant powers and responsibilities from the national government to the provinces. We'll allow provinces to set their own tax rates. I will give provinces the power to set their own income and sales tax rates. Okay, I'll also create special economic zones, designating certain areas as special economic zones with lower taxes and fewer regulations to attract investment. Let's get money coming into the country and into the provinces that work. And on local government empowerment, I'm going to give municipalities much more control over their own affairs, including policing and service delivery, something the DA has been calling for for a long time. And encouraging interprovincial competition. We'll foster a competitive environment between provinces to encourage innovation and economic growth. Let's have KZN competing with Gauteng, competing with North West, competing with the Western Cape. And now, week 9: referendum preparations. Some decisions, I think, should be made by the public and as referendums. So not by the government, by the people. And I'll call for referendums on the death penalty, on abortion, and on the removal of illegal immigrants. I'll launch a public information campaign to educate voters on these issues. We need to conduct a national voter registration drive to ensure that all eligible citizens can and should vote. And of course, I'm going to appoint an independent electoral commission to oversee the process and to oversee the referendums. I will also invite international observers to monitor the referendums and to ensure they are free and fair. Week 10. We're getting there. In week 10, I'll be finalizing the transition back to democracy. Okay, I will announce the election date. And I will set a date for free and fair democratic elections to be held on day 101 when I'm gone. I will lift the state of emergency, ending that state of emergency and restoring all constitutional rights. Remember, this is temporary. I'm a temporary benevolent dictator. I'll disband the Joint Security Task Force, returning the military to their barracks and restoring civilian control over the police. And I will grant amnesty to all political prisoners. I will release all individuals who were detained for political reasons during my 100-day period. I had to get them out the way to get the job done, but they'll be returned. And hand over power. I'll prepare a peaceful and orderly handover of power to the newly elected government. And then week 11 to week 14, these are the last few weeks bunched together, will be implementation and oversight. I will monitor policy implementation. My doge will monitor the implementation of all policies and report directly to me. There will be weekly cabinet meetings. Remember, our cabinet's a lot smaller now. We'll hold weekly cabinet meetings to review progress and adjust the plan as needed. I will provide regular updates to the public and on the progress of the 100-day plan. We'll all hear what has happened and what will still happen. And it's always good to have a course correction. I'll be ready to make changes to the plan based on feedback from the public and also the results of the policy implementation. And then we need to prepare for the handover. My team will begin the process. Of documenting all the policy changes and preparing a comprehensive handover report for the incoming democratic government. The path will be set though. In my 100 days, the path will be set to fix this country, and this plan can be implemented by a democratically elected government, but not the likes of the useless and corrupt ANC, the gangsters of MK, or the racists of the EFF. And it won't happen quickly, as in my 100 days. But it can and must be done for the sake of our beloved country and our children's future. Oh yes, I forgot to say that on day 101, I'm flying off for a well-deserved holiday. Ons ferie hoed, South Africa. And futsack ANC.