Rob Hersov proposes renaming South African ministries to expose their failures, then outlines a reform agenda: permanent energy competition, merit-based hiring, 90-day visas for skilled workers, and decentralized decision-making. Unemployment sits above 33% and power infrastructure remains vulnerable despite recent improvements.
Chapters
Let's stop pretending. If you call a spade a soil relocation facilitator, you don't actually move more soil. You just sound silly. So here's my deal. Let's rename South African ministries and institutions to tell the truth. Then let's fix them. In America, Trump stirred the pot by flirting with the old Department of War label. Symbolic, sure, but it's radical honesty, and we could use a dose of that. Names first, reforms next. Ta-da! Here is the great Herschel government rebrand. Welcome to the Department of State-Owned Surprises, formerly Public Enterprises, where every quarterly result is a cliffhanger. Eskom, now the Department of Former Load Shedding, terms and conditions apply. Yes, summer looks stable if breakdowns stay down. Applause is allowed. Confetti? Not yet. Transnet becomes the Department of Slow and Curious Logistics. Losses are shrinking, momentum is not a strategy, but I'll take progress over press releases. And SARS? The Department of Relentless Collections. Net take? Around 1.86 trillion rand. Efficient. Tenacious. Undefeatable. Like your mother-in-law's memory. Home Affairs graduates to the Department of Q Affairs, and printer jams. I'll give you a pro tip: pack snacks in a power bank. And Transport? Department of Pothole Preservation. National Treasures guarded 24/7 by? No one. And Water and Sanitation? It's now the Department of Burst Pipes and Boil Notices. Plumbers, you're welcome. And Education? It's the Department of Curriculum Tweaks and Standard Lowering. Can we try reading, writing, arithmetic? Maybe a 20% pass rate. And SAPS is the Department of Case Numbers, because opening a docket is easy, closing one, legendary. Health, it's the Department of NHI Promises. Law signed, delivery to be decided, costs foggy. We're doing hope as a service. And SCOGTA, the Department of Cooperative Blame Shifting. Many spheres, minimal ownership. And what about the presidency? The department of master plans, task teams, dialogues, and commissions. If meetings built bridges, we'd have bullet trains. But here's the unfunny part. Unemployment is a national emergency, north of 33%, and that's not a figure. It's a future being cancelled in real time. Our logistics are still a choke point. You can't export growth through a bottleneck. Power has improved thanks to Dan and Mteto. Well done. Now let's defend it from sabotage, crony contracts, and policy whiplash. And do some Bitcoin mining, please, Eskom. Health reform without a costed executable plan is a slogan, not a system. Patients cannot be paid with politics. And here's the playbook on fixing South Africa. Short, sharp, non-negotiable. On energy? Permanent competition, private build-out, burn our coal, get going on ruthless maintenance, zero tolerance for theft. On freight and ports? Concession it, measure it, enforce it. Trains move tonnes, not talking points. And on visas? What about a 90-day guarantee for scarce skills and investors? The clock starts when you click submit. And we need to stop taxing money on entry. Ditch BEE. It's costing us a fortune, South Africans. On crime, we need data-led policing, case closure targets, and specialist units with tech and prosecutors who finish the race. Regulation? We need a one-stop shop with binding timelines. No response by deadline? Approved. Deregulate, please. On civil service, competence over cadres and comrades, promotions for performance, career paths, not cadre paths. And we need to decentralise and federalise. Bye-bye Pretoria making all the decisions badly. We need free markets, Western standards, and a Judeo-Christian basis. South African grit, that's the cocktail. And add accountability served cold. This isn't left versus right. It's work versus waffle. You want dignity? You want jobs? You want safety? Then stop rewarding performative politics. Back the doers, fire the ditherers, like Cyril. Rename it, then reform it. And if someone tells you this is not how we do things here, tell them that's exactly the problem. So, share this video. Send it to someone who manages a budget, runs a department, or writes a regulation. Rename, reform, repeat. See you next time.
