106: Mini Moved Me - On Breaking Down the 4th Wall

Can you hear the birds?

I don't know how— I don't know if you can hear them or not, but I'm sitting on my back deck right now and it is so beautiful out. Oh, there goes my papers. And a little windy, but I could not sit inside. I just could not do that, even to record. So instead of, you know, doing my coffee shop recording, The day before a show goes out, I'm doing a patio recording. I much prefer this. This is so beautiful. Okay, so team Movers, here we are. We are at a mini Move to Me day. So you're going to hear a little bit from me, but I have to give you a little context and story around this because I just feel like the universe has been screaming at me about this one particular thing. So you guys know a few weeks ago I did this show called Listen to Your Mother. I've talked about it a little bit. I talked about auditioning and then let everybody know I got into the show, which was so exciting. And then I did it. I wrote about it a little bit on the blog, and oh my goodness, it was such an incredible experience, and I cannot wait to share more with you. But one of the things that happened in that experience and what I got to observe and watch was something that I believe and have always known and tried to create, but it was like I was watching it happen, and that is how audience can impact what we as speakers do and the dance that happens between speaker and audience. And there was the most magnificent dancing happening that night. So I want to talk more about that, and I will. But it sort of brought audience to my full attention. And I love thinking about audience and talking about audience because as my philosophy as a coach and as a speaker is that I want it to be more than just a one-way conversation. I think we all want that. But really believing in that and living it demands a lot of the speaker. It totally changes your approach in what you do. And I don't see a lot of speakers changing their approach in order to really make that sort of magic and dance happen. So, I created this mini Moved Me a few weeks ago talking about, like, how can we break down this fourth wall? And I just boiled it down to really two simple ideas that you'll hear about in a moment when we get into the episode. So I didn't get into it too in-depth, but I was like, here's two little nuggets of wisdom that I've learned about how we can really set the tone and break down that fourth wall that too often exists between the speaker and the audience. Well, then a few days later, I went to see Rob Bell speak. And I don't know if you know anything about Rob Bell or have heard of him at all, but He's this really incredible speaker, really influential human being, and people have been telling me for years that I needed to listen to him and follow him and check him out and have him on the show. And I was like, okay, okay. But then I went and saw him speak, and it was sort of mind-boggling. He's really— incredible. And all these really wonderful things came out of sitting in. It was an 8-hour experience. This was not a talk. This was an 8-hour experience. And so, I wrote last week on the blog. I wrote 4 blog posts. I did a whole series on how Rob Bell breaks down the wall between himself and his audience. And I really analyzed how he did that and what we need to do as speakers. Like, the nuggets of wisdom was incredible. And really, I meant to write one blog post, but it was like 2,000, 3,000 words long. I was like, no, that is too much for anybody. And there was so much more I could dig into if I split it up. So if you want to dig into this more, you've got to go check out the blog. And I wrote a series, so it's from last week. Nestled in the middle of it was the episode from last week with Jared Sherlock, who is amazing as well. And we talked about audience a lot on that too. So I just feel like this is the space I'm in right now. And So it's really fun to have it kind of circle back in with each other and make sure that you're seeing all these different pieces to it. So on the show, I've got two exciting things. One is I'm going to do a little behind-the-scenes piece on Listen to Your Mother and what that experience was like as a speaker, but also talk to the other women who shared their stories and how— what that was like for them. Because a lot of those people are not speakers necessarily. And yet they found themselves up speaking. And I love to get into that space and learn from that. And—

woo!

I'm so excited to tell you guys this, but after I wrote those blog posts about Rob Bell, I reached out to his team and said, "What do you think, Rob? You want to come talk with me on This Moved Me about—" How you have been able to move an audience and the way in which you do that and your creative process and about 8 million other questions. And he said, "Yes! Woo-woo!" So I am really, really thrilled that we've got it on the books. I'll tell you more as I know more and as that comes to fruition. And you know, the chicken has not hatched yet, right? So we can't count the chicken quite yet. But I just wanted to share with you because I'm so excited about it. And I feel like it's a real privilege and honor to have the opportunity to interview him and to learn more from him and to share all that with all of you. So, woo! You definitely want to go read about Rob if you're not familiar with Rob. Go check them out on the website. And also be on the lookout for that because it's big, and I'm super thrilled about it. Okay, so audience, it's obviously the universe is bringing me to this place. So I'm really excited and as always thrilled to just have this time with you. So thanks again for joining me here on This Moved Me, and here it is. This week's mini Moved Me on breaking down that wall between us and our audience.

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. Together with some fabulous guests, we will have a casual conversation about the art of public speaking. Because a good talk can move the world. And it'll be fun. Yeah, I would think making alien cows meaningful, that's not a small task.

I love your giggle. Wow.

Oh my gosh. So we're waiting for everybody to figure out the alphabet.

Hey movers, it's Sally.

It's mini Move Me time. Woo-woo! Super pumped to have you here with me and talk about how we can create more talks that move the world. For those of you out there wanting to do something great with your talk, knowing that this is a message that needs to be heard, there are so many things that we need to dig in and do as speakers to make the magic happen, to move our audience, which is of course our goal, right? Let's change the people who have walked in the door for us. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. We're actually gonna talk about how we can break down that fourth wall that exists between we as speakers and the people sitting in the audience. And that is one of the most important things for me as a speaker and as a coach is I want to break down that wall as quickly as possible with as much love and attention to the people in the audience as I can muster up. So I have a really short, easy, uh, bit of advice for you as you are trying to break down that fourth wall. Okay, just a little takeaway for you, and it starts with a story. I spent, as you probably know if you've listened to the show before, I spent many years out doing these retreats for schools, and it was an exercise in courage every day because I'd be working with 7th graders, for instance, who are a really tough audience, way, way, way tougher than a lot of other audiences in some ways. In other ways, I came to really love, love, love speaking in front of kids because once you could get past that initial barrier, it was just all love and warmth. But getting past that first barrier is really, really hard. And so part of what we did on these retreats is we, you know, welcome a bunch of kids into the room, 150 kids, like a whole 7th grade class, be music blaring, and it was my job to go out and connect with kids. It was all of our jobs as a staff. And so I— you walk up to a group of 7th graders who are looking at you like you are crazy, and you just start hanging out, talking, you're connecting, you're, you know, saying, "Tell me about your shirt, that's such a cool shirt," whatever, who knows. It was different every time. I always looked around. My favorite thing to do with 7th grade boys was to find the boys who knew how to do the worm. I'd be like, "Okay, who are the kids in here who know how to do the worm?" And be like, "Oh!" Everybody knew, of course. So then that was my sort of in, my connecting point is to find like the busy boys. I love busy boys. Luckily I have one now as a mom, but then I didn't have busy boy at home. I just had these 7th grade boys and they were my in. They were my in in connecting with an audience. So what I want to do is translate that, finding the kids who can do the worm. Translate that for you in sort of big grown-up world outside of, you know, school and 7th graders, but as you're talking to your audience, who are the people that you can go out and connect with who have the capacity to bring other people with them? And finding those people and striking up a conversation, and that helps really break down that fourth wall. When I did a workshop many, many years ago with a friend of mine who's incredibly talented and so smart and so insightful, when we first started, I just naturally got out from the sort of the table up front where we had all of our stuff and just started going and chatting with people in the audience, and she was sort of stuck up front, you know, organizing things, trying— being in charge, essentially. Afterwards, we talked about it, and she said, "I just, for some reason, that felt really hard for me to step across that line, and I don't want there to be a line. I don't want them to look at me and see me as somebody who— I want them to see me as an expert. I will build that with time, but I don't want to start off the experience with them being above them in any way or separate from them in any way. I want them to see me talking, connecting, laughing with the people in the audience. And so whether you can find, you know, the kids who do the worm, quote unquote, whatever that means for you, or you can just walk out there and say, "How's your day going so far?" or compliment people on what they're doing or Even ask questions, you know, so tell me about this, you know, tell me about where you come from, or if you're speaking out of town, like I'm going out to dinner tonight, I'd love a really good Italian place, where should I go? What do you think would be best? Like come in and think of it as time to mine the people in the audience and connect. It's not about you in that moment, it is all about them. All of your energy's got to be going to your audience, who they are, how their day's going, what's going on, and that sort of love and attention will come back to you then when it's time for you to stand up in front of them as the quote-unquote expert in whatever way. So a lot of people talk about, yeah, get out there and talk to people, but I think there has to be some intention around it. One, find the people who are your like, you know, the equivalent of your busy boys who do the worm, right? Find the people who can bring others with them, and you can sort of sense who that is, especially if this is a group of people that works day in and day out together rather than sort of a random audience. And the second thing is to bring all your questions to them. Mine their world for them, with them. Find out as much as you can about who they are, and not, not in a like a researchy way, but in a curious and loving way. Bring all that love to them and it will come back to you tenfold once you're standing up in front of people. Okay, that's it for me. Next time you are out there, break down that fourth wall as quickly as you can with as much love as you can. Check me later.

Oh my gosh, thanks so much for joining me on another mini Move to Me here on This Moved Me. And I am super pumped about two things, two more things that I want to tell you before you head off to the next episode. So don't go, don't go away yet. Wait, wait. The first thing is that I'm venturing into this world of YouTube. Oh my gosh, you guys, what am I getting into?

I don't know.

I'm a little nervous about it, I'm not gonna lie. It feels like sort of an experiment. I'm experimenting, and I can't wait to share more with you about this. My goal is to do some recording here— mm-hmm— recording here in June. My nerves are coming through my voice. And launch some stuff later in the summer. So I'm gonna not get more specific than that right now because I'm I don't want to underdeliver, but I'm super pumped about it, so be on the lookout for that. Okay, more on that soon. And really what that is is just another way for you to take in this content and hopefully to bring new listeners to the show. So that's really exciting. Woohoo, YouTube! The second piece that I want to make sure everybody hears about is As a way for me to just reach out to some new people and make some new connections, I'm offering a free hour of coaching. So here's how this is gonna work. I'm gonna draw a name because I couldn't possibly do everybody. I couldn't give everybody a free hour of coaching, and I didn't want to do like a 15 or 20 minute thing, which might make it more doable to do multiple people, but I don't feel like that's helpful enough. I really wanted to I'm gonna give you an hour. So that means I'm gonna do a drawing, and I'm gonna do the drawing on June 1st. Okay, so you have a week, a week to go sign up for some free coaching. It's on my website. Okay, so go to thismoveme.com, and right below that initial image, there's a blue line and it says sign up for a free hour of coaching. That's where you can do that. Just click that little box. I just need your name and your email, and then I will draw your name hopefully somebody's name, uh, I will draw from the proverbial hat and we will work on whatever it is they're working on right now, whether it's a keynote, a workshop you're building, a fundraising ask, a sermon, a meeting that you want to think through the messaging for, or structure, or how that, how that's going to play out. I would be happy to do that and super thrilled, and I can't wait to meet somebody out there who's listening and be of help in a more tangible way. So go check it out, thismovedme.com. Scroll down just a little bit to the blue part. It says sign up for the drawing for an hour of free coaching. I'm super pumped. I hope you are too. I'll see you over there. For real, me and you, let's do this. This moved me. What is moving you!