116: LTYM - On Becoming a Storyteller

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. Together with some fabulous guests, we will have a casual conversation about the art of public speaking, because a good talk can move the world and it'll be fun. Yeah, I would think making alien cows most meaningful.

That's not a small task.

I love your giggle.

Wow.

Oh my gosh, so we're waiting for everybody to figure out the alphabet.

Hey movers, it's Sally Koering Zimney, and I'm so excited to have you back with me here on This Moved Me. And this week I am particularly excited because we are going to take a peek behind the curtain of an event that I was a part of back in May called Listen to Your Mother. And if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know that you kind of followed me along on this journey. And I interviewed Anne Imig, who is the founder of this event series that is now nationwide. I think it was in 41 cities this past year. And here in the Twin Cities, I was a part of the show here where 11 We all happen to be women, but 11 people shared their stories about motherhood, whether they are a mother or have a mother. And it was a really beautiful experience to be a part of. And even someone such as myself, who has been in many events and is up on stage plenty and works obviously with speakers, and this is my realm, There was something really special in the air. And so I put the call out to a few people in the show and asked if they would be willing to share what the experience was like for them as well. Because some of the people in the show have never done anything like this before, never stood up in front of an audience and shared their stories. So we're gonna dig into that a little bit. I got to talk with our producer, one of the producers of the show, Vicki Rich, and I got to talk to Janita Flowers, who is one of the speakers, and Liz Shosted. All three brilliant women and come to the table with totally different experience and different point of view, but we all loved the experience. So I hope you enjoy this conversation. Here it is, a peek behind Listen to Your Mother: Twin Cities.

And how moving it was going to be. Right. And then probably the first time I kind of had the goosebumps was our first dry reading. I mean, we're all just sitting at a table. There's no— but it still was very moving. But it was so serious.

Oh my gosh. I mean, I remember sitting around that table in that initial read-through going, Holy cow, these are deep, right? Everybody's talk is so serious. And then mine at the end, I was like, oh, mine feels a little light, you know?

But that was the beauty of it all. What—

and of course what happened was there was way more levels and depth and it was way more interesting. I think when we had an audience than when we were all sitting around that table that first read-through, because it was so intense and so serious. And the audience found all these levels for us, I think.

Mm-hmm.

There's a different energy too when you have, like, 700 of your biggest fans. And literally, it's like each of us had— even though we didn't really know these people, but each of us had this posse of 700 people that were just cheering us on and encouraging our story, that it did change the entire atmosphere. Even when we did, you know, sort of the rehearsal at the library, the second one, I think that was the second read, I still didn't have an idea of what the show— I mean, I knew I enjoyed the stories and they were very moving, but I still couldn't picture like, OK, so really, what's this kind of show going to be? Like, I don't— I didn't quite get the synergy of it all, you know? But it wasn't until like we were there, even before the audience came, but we were there, and that day it just was a different feel.

Yeah, it was. I think that's just the beauty of audience and the gift that they give us is we get to experience it with them in a totally new way. I mean, I feel like every person's story I heard totally differently the night of the show than I had in the previous two readings.

I agree. I think at the table reads, it's like we're just reading words, like we're reading our story. This is my story. But at the actual, you know, the production, all of a sudden everyone became an authority. Like, it was no longer I'm reading my story, because I'm thinking when I came, I'm like, do we need to memorize it? Like, I just couldn't get it. But it was like we were just sort of reading or quote unquote sharing our story. But that day, it was— there was a certain amount of authority. And I don't know, like, I think that changed it too. It was no longer just you telling me your story, and if I read it, it would sound exactly the same. If you— like, it was really like, oh my gosh, She's an expert on her story and she's— it just had a different life.

I think it's— that's what I want to know from your perspective as the producer. Like when people auditioned and like, could you see what it was going to be in the end? Because I couldn't get over how much things changed.

You know, I think that when we're first doing auditions, we don't really have that clear of an idea of how it will all come together. But by the time that we sit down and choose the pieces, we have a pretty good idea of that quilt that we're weaving together. But, you know, how people bring it to the stage is usually just as much a revelation for us as it is for the audience and for even the readers. And so I don't want to speak necessarily for Galit, but I think that both of us feel that that is, you know, part of the magic of the night is to see how it all finally comes together and how people clearly seemed to be empowered to do their best with their story on that particular night.

Hmm.

Yeah.

I mean, I felt like sitting there, you know, we had seen these pieces a handful of times and you had been much more intimately connected with all of them.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

In the very beginning. And so I felt like I was watching people step into themselves in a way that I didn't expect.

Yeah, I would agree.

Yeah, some really amazing moments happened where I like, wow, the piece changed.

Well, and you know, philosophically speaking, I am a true believer in the fact that I believe stories can change people. I think they can change the person telling the story almost as much as they can change the people listening to the story. And I think that I've seen that time and time again through our 4 years of Listen to Your Mother, and also from my own experience of standing up and telling my stories repeatedly. I think that there's a change that happens when we are able to own our experiences and own our words, and we're changed by it.

Yeah, and so much stinking fun.

Yes.

Not everybody's story is fun necessarily, but to have the experience of going on that ride and I don't know, as a coach myself, I was like, whoa, it was just such a tangible example of how audience can impact, that it is a community. It's about connection.

Right.

If you can get to that space where you let the trappings go and it's just you and your voice and your story and you are willing to put yourself out there, then man, really cool stuff can happen.

Well, and I think, you know, for me now having ushered 4 groups through this process and seen from beginning to end and watching, you know, we watch with fresh eyes that night just as everyone else does because it is different than rehearsal and the energy is different and, but there is, Almost every time I can see a moment in each reader's time on stage when it clicks, that connection with the audience where you can see the person begin to respond and settle into themselves and into their words and really relish that audience reaction. And you can almost see it happen for everyone, and it is a beautiful thing that I really cherish as part of the process.

Woo!

Totally with you. I was really excited that you offered to do it because for you, like, Liz, do you Like, have you ever done anything like that before?

No, this was a big first for me. You know, writing is relatively new, but, you know, standing up willingly in front of people and talking in general is very difficult, has been very difficult for me. I've pushed myself in certain situations where it's been required of me. You know, I served on a board of Touchstone Mental Health, and on several occasions there I had to speak in front of a large group, but really not something I have excelled at. And had to work through a lot of nerves to get there. But then to come forth with a personal story, yeah, it was hugely out of my comfort zone. But for some reason, I knew I wanted to do it. Like, I knew it would be good. I had— and that's— I'm an optimist, I feel, and I go with how I, you know, I go with my gut on things. And I just felt like this was something that would end up being good despite, you know, despite a bunch of obstacles or negative feelings that I had to push through to get there.

So, oh my gosh, I mean, that's amazing. I mean, that's beyond optimism, that there's some determination in there and, and just a risk-taking. There's so much vulnerability. Yeah, standing up and sharing, especially your story, is very, very personal and not necessarily one that you're like going around talking about all the time.

That's true. That's true. And I had gotten used to, after my father passed away, we're working on 3 years now. When he was in the hospital, my sister and I had to start talking about mom's mental health to strangers at the hospital because she was his power of attorney, his medical power of attorney. And right. And so that we, so it seemed like every shift that came on, we had to tell them, our, you know, our mother has untreated paranoid schizophrenia. So the word started coming out and we started talking about it with people in a very practical sense. And I think from there, it became a lot easier for me to talk to my friends and people close to me one-on-one. I could tell them a little bit about my story. And I, you know, I was writing it. I started writing about that time too. So when this came around, it was just kind of the right timing, I think, with I'd shared it enough with enough people close to me. I had written a ton about my mom and dad that it was easy for me to find that thread that created a short, short little snippet of, of that story and, and think about sharing it more broadly. But honestly, that, as the date got closer, the fact that I was sharing this story publicly was the hardest part, definitely. It was no longer the public speaking or that it was my writing, you know, all of those things that I, you know, all those vulnerabilities that were there were no longer an issue. It was that I was sharing a story that I wasn't certain was my story to share. Like, I had to talk to a lot of people to, and share that that was my big concern that my mother didn't share— doesn't share this story. In fact, she doesn't acknowledge her illness in any way. And so for me to do it, was it— is it fair for me to do it, even though it's my, you know, it's my experience with her? So that was where I started to get a little hesitant. To put it lightly.

Yeah. So how did you reconcile that for yourself?

Well, you know, there's so much catharsis in the writing of the story that I felt that would probably continue for me. So that was a very selfish act in that I thought about doing this, but I also know that when I've read stories— Laura Flynn wrote Swallow the Ocean about growing up with a mother with untreated paranoid schizophrenia. And when I read that 5, 6 years ago, you know, it just blew me away. It really changed everything that somebody else went through what I went through. You know, I'm part of this club now. I don't really want to be a part of the club, but there is, you know, there's the people. And so it's really connecting it connected me to another human being. And that, you know, it's— human beings have been around for a long time. Mental illness has been around for a long time. We haven't talked about it a ton, you know, in my lifetime. But I knew that feeling of when I heard or read someone else's experience and how it resonated with my own and just made me feel different about it all.

Right.

But I honestly thought there would be 1 or 2 people in the audience who would have that kind of connection to the story. And so that was my hope. And then I also hoped that other people, you know, there'd be a different human face to paranoid schizophrenia, that, you know, everyone has their idea of what it is and the people that suffer with it, you know, who they are. They, you know, we just, we do, you know, the stories are often about violence or homelessness and So I was just— I was hoping to put another face on that too. So I think there was enough— as I talked to people, there was enough potential positives from coming forward and beyond kind of my selfish reasons for, for getting it out and having, having some more catharsis through it. Absolutely.

So I did have a friend say to me, and I think I told you this that night, who said to me that story, like, it, it really spoke to her and about her own mother, even though her own mother does not have paranoid schizophrenia in any way. But the challenges of a mother-daughter relationship that isn't what you want it to be, you know.

True.

And you know what, universality in that There is, and thanks for pointing that out. I didn't see that. I didn't see that. And there is. There's so much for us to connect with, with all the stories that were told that night. It's so much about being a mother, so much about being human.

So for you, Liz, bringing all that with you up on stage, how did it feel for you up there? There?

Well, I've admitted this to enough people that I could probably tell you if you want to.

Yeah, let's go.

Actually, I was sweating so bad, and I am kind of a sweater anyway. Me too. But my— and I'm sure I told everyone that I talked to, I was so distracted by it, but I was wet down to my hips from my armpits. I went to the bathroom several times, not for that last-minute pee, but because I had to stick toilet paper and tissue in my pits to soak up some of that moisture. Yeah, um, I was really, really nervous. Um, I had no idea. I mean, it was just this blind faith that it's all going to work out. And I'm sitting there, and you know, um, Heather's story— yours and Heather's—

just got—

I mean, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. So Heather went before me, and I laughed so much because I think we all told our stories like we never had before in rehearsal. And I was— and the audience was laughing, and I was— I mean, my, my smile hurt, I was laughing so hard. And it took away all the jitters. So I, you know, so— but I went maybe 2 after her, and I, I was relaxed. I was really relaxed. And looking at the audience, um, I felt their love and support. I mean, they were just, they were, they were there. Um, I don't know, it was just a really positive feeling. I can't say why each individual person came to that, but I think they were all there to support us and to, for all the reasons, one of them was support. And I felt it and I saw, I could look into the eyes. I found two of my friends, I found my husband. I mean, I was so present in that moment. Like I never thought I would be. And so I think— and someone told me before I got up there, like maybe it was Vicki's like rah-rah speech beforehand, but she's like, this is your moment. Like, get up there, you know, relax, take your time, you know, be in the moment. And so I think for the first time ever, I actually was in the moment, and it was, it was really rewarding to then walk off knowing that I told my story the way I wanted to tell it. And people heard and they clapped and it was really— Yeah, it was— You know, you did it too. It was really great.

Wasn't it so great? And I mean, I've done this before, but there was something really special about that room and that audience. And I do think, you know, the idea of motherhood, like, we all have one.

Yes.

Whoever you are, somewhere there is a mother. And just the beautiful array of stories that were present that night. I mean, it was wildly diverse in every sense of the word. And every story brought out just a little different peek into this key relationship that forms us in such huge ways, both as a mother and being mothered, you know? So, oh.

Yeah, that is so true. And, um, yeah, there was just— there was the sense— I had people come to me afterwards and say, I really didn't know what I was going to, like, I didn't know what this Listen to Your Mother thing was. You were, you were in it, so I came. So I think that was a big part of it. I think it was so much richer than anyone anticipated.

Nobody was up there for an attention grab, you know?

Right, right. And there wasn't a lot of other pomp and circumstance around, you know, there wasn't like— it was, yeah, it was the focus was the story, were the stories, and that was the way it should be.

Awesome.

Well, thanks for doing this.

Hey, thanks for inviting me too. And like I said in my note, anything to prolong the magic.

I know.

Anything we could be doing.