19 Aug 2016 · 6 min
Sally Koering Zimney argues feedback only works when giver and receiver have built real trust first. She recommends investing time upfront, using FaceTime to build rapport, and making feedback reciprocal. The final episode will cover helpful honesty.
Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. Together with some fabulous guests, we will have a casual conversation about the art of public speaking, because a good talk can move the world, and it'll be fun. Yeah, I would think making alien cows meaningful. That's not a small task. I love your giggle.
Wow.
Oh my gosh, so waiting for everybody to figure out the alphabet. Hey team! Movers!
Woohoo!
It's Friday. It's another mini Moved Me day. I'm on part 3 3 of this feedback series, which I am loving. Man, there's good stuff in here that is good for us with life and as speakers and communicators and changemakers. Man, feedback is at the heart of it. So last week we talked about letting go of our ego. That was for both feedback givers and people who receive feedback. And the In the first part, we talked about how essential it is if you're somebody who gives feedback to start with the A. Just give them that A to begin with, and then it's up to you to make good on that promise. But part 3 today is about relationship. And simply put, and all these lessons have been hard-earned by me, so Knowing that I've received feedback from clients who are so grateful for my ability to be candid and honest and also say that with care means so much to me because finding that balance took a long time. And it's part of the reason why I'm so excited about sharing this series because I think there's really important gems in here for all of us. So today, as we're talking about relationship, the bottom line is this: you cannot grow through feedback unless you have a relationship with each other. Bottom line, end of story, that's it. Without the relationship, um, there might be some food for thought given, and maybe that's been integrated, but it's likely discarded. Trust is what is for feedback dinner. So if you are in relationship with each other, and I'm not talking about like in relationship, you're going on dates, you're smooching in the back of the car, no, no, no. I'm talking about being enough in relationship that you start to know all those things about each other that make having these tough conversations easier. Like, hmm, okay, well, I know this speaker is especially sensitive to lost time up front, so I— if I suggest this cut, I need to know this is a sensitive thing. I just need to be aware about that. Don't hide from each other. Well, you've got to FaceTime, put in some FaceTime on this so that the ideas can come melding together. Go read Brené Brown and her talk about vulnerability. Again if you've already seen it because it's amazing. And this time when you watch it, think of it through the eyes of a speaker. This is a relationship like any other, and if you have the foundation of trust, giving the A, putting your egos aside, well, that makes lots of room for growth and potential. And here's the deal: it requires time. Time that has to happen before you start digging in about feedback and suggestions, time that has to be taken if you want the work to work. So invest in each other and work on the relationship before you work on the talk. And if you're generally the giver of feedback, look for opportunities to ask for feedback as well. That is so powerful for the one who typically receives all the feedback. Give them a chance to give it to you. Seriously, as I'm saying all this stuff, all these suggestions work for marriage too. So I'm just going to post these up for me in my life too. And in some ways, you know what's kind of funny about this, is speaker and coach or coworker or friend or cohort member, whatever it is, however we are trying to move each other forward on our work, it is kind of a marriage minus the messy house, role negotiating, exhausting children, and occasional sex. Or is that just me? Alright, that's it for me. I can't believe I just said that. Alright guys, that's it. Part 3: Feedback. It's a relationship. Invest in the relationship before you invest in the talk. Part 2: Let go of your ego. Alright, it doesn't leave When the ego is in there, it doesn't leave any room for growth or change. Part 1 is all about starting with the A. You are awesome already. My job is to help pull that out of you. Alright, next week, the final part on our feedback series is about helpful honesty. Using that filter.
Helpful. Is it helpful?
I don't know. Let's find out. Okay, uh, that's it for me. Thanks for listening. See you next week.
Doo doo doo! Doo doo doo!
