128: MMM - Q&A on Q&A's

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. Together with some fabulous guests, we will have a casual conversation about the art of public speaking, because a good talk can move the world, and it'll be fun. Yeah, I would think making alien cows meaningful. That's not a small task. I love your giggle. Wow. Oh my gosh, so waiting for everybody to figure out the alphabet. Oh my gosh, it's been so long. Movers! It's Sally Koering Zimney Zimney. It's a second week in a row of a mini Moved Me. What? I know, I know, it's, it's the end of the year. It is nutty. You should see the office that I'm sitting in right now. It is ridiculous. I am surrounded by cardboard boxes and dirty laundry and wrapped presents and unwrapped presents and, oh, just like explosion. My office looks It's just chaos, absolute chaos, because that is the now. That is the reality right now. Aside from all of that, you know, turns out I'm mortal. I am not Superwoman, and I need to stop pretending like maybe there's a chance I could be. I'm not. Surprise! Yay! All right, so what we're doing today is we are doing a Q&A, a question and answer. Minnie moved me, so I asked ask people for questions. What are you struggling with right now? What's going on in your world? And here are a few of the questions that I've been asked recently, and I thought they would be great to share with you. I'm going to do this in 3 parts because I think there's a lot of meat in each of these. We end up talking about some big things. So the first one today is on, on this week's Q&A is about Q&As. Haha! So I thought that would be kind of fun, and the question really is not a question so much as a statement. It says, "Sally, I hate Q&As. Help!" And I think that's really funny that we're gonna start with that on the Q&A show. And I hear this statement a lot and people asking how, like, how I'm really comfortable up doing my talk, but I am not comfortable with the Q&A. It makes me nervous. And it's really, it's the difference between improv of, and like, your scripted scene, right? Unpredictable, it can be scary. What if somebody questions what you're saying or calls you out on something? Yeah, I mean, it's a vulnerable moment for sure. So I want to break down 3 big things that I think might be helpful for you as you head out into the world and face a Q&A, because for most people, it's not their favorite part. But Q&A is, let me just make a case for the Q&A. That is a connection point, right? I'm always pushing my speakers for more interaction, more connection, and a Q&A is a great chance to have that and build that in, firstly. Secondly, gosh, don't you wanna know what your audience is thinking? This is a great chance for people to hear from them directly, like what are the parts that they want you to dig in more? So think of it as kind of research and, really wanting to know more about what they're thinking and what they want you to say more of. Like, where do they want more of you? So I think it can be really, really helpful and informative if you can walk in with the right mindset. And the most important thing you can do when you walk in is to really focus on that person and that audience, like serving them. So this is more of a conversation. A lot of— sometimes people in that moment feel like it's a test of their expertise, like, how much do you really know? And we're We're gonna try and call you out in this moment. But you've got to go in assuming good intentions and not that they're challenging you or want to in some way poke holes in what you're saying. Now sometimes you have an audience member who comes at it like that, but I think it's so rare. On the whole, your audience is curious and they want to hear more from you. So really listen for for what they're saying. And the tricky part is, is sometimes they're asking something that is underneath what they're asking. They might be asking something that they're not using words to ask. So, whoo, you've got to kind of really tune in and get your EQ antenna up, and it really requires you in that moment to focus and listen and listen really closely. And you have to put your own self aside, your own ego aside, your own like, "Oh, I wish they were asking me something else" aside. Be really present with this person who honestly is really bravely standing up to share their question or what they're curious about because that's not always an easy thing to do. And depending on the scenario, I've seen some Q&As get really personal, and so you want to invite that. That's exactly, exactly the kind of experience and connection that you want to create. So it's not about you, just keep that in mind. Focus on your audience, okay? And remember, assume those are good intentions and that sort of positivity and that really emanates from you, okay? So that's step 1, focus on the person. Secondly is that you don't have to pretend to know something that you don't know. Know what you know and and share what you know with confidence. Really speak to that and then really honor other people for what they know. So in my mind, it is totally okay to say, wow, that's, that's a great question. That's something I've thought about, um, and I'm not sure I have the answer for you at this moment. You know, maybe there's an opportunity for you to get back to them or something, but then you can pivot and say, here's what I can say about that. And then really kind of sink into your particular expertise, what you have to say, your point of view on this. You don't have to know everything, nobody expects you to know everything, and in fact the more honest you can be about what you don't know, what you don't ascribe to, who this isn't for, the more we believe you when you say who this is for and what this is about, okay. So nobody can be master of all, you own your space, and if what they're asking about is not quite in your space, acknowledge that and then really speak to the part that you can and own that with a lot of confidence and then hand the rest to somebody else. It's a way to hold other people up, like, have you, you know, you know, have you read this book? Or if you've not heard of this person, there might be something useful for you there, whatever it might be. So own your piece and don't feel like you have to know something that you don't know. Just because you're standing up there doesn't mean that you know everything, and I don't think we want that from our leaders. I want them to speak to what they do know and hold to that and be really clear on their point of view and then let the other pieces go to somebody else. So focus on the person, don't pretend to know something you don't know, that's okay, you're not expected to know everything, and number 3, is to make sure, finally here, make sure that you frame up your answer with context. I think this is the biggest mistake that I see with speakers, whether they're on a panel or they're doing a Q&A, is they jump right into the nitty-gritty of the answer because you want to, you want to be responsive and answer their question. The problem is most of our meaning-making, most of our understanding comes in the context and the framework, and you have a lot of power on how you frame up your answer. And so it's a, it's a lost opportunity for you to really set the stage and understand the why and the where that your answer comes from, which makes it, I think, much meatier and, and more powerful. So don't forget that initial piece. Like, I kind of think of framing up our answers as a reverse triangle, like you've got the wide part at the top and the, the point at the bottom, and that wide part is the context piece, okay? And then you get down to the point. So think of it that way, like think wide context first and then get to the nitty-gritty of your answer, and it will bring so much more depth and help people walk into your answer with more understanding. And you have the stage, you have the time and space, and unless you've got like 10 people lined up to answer your questions. Usually Q&As can be kind of crickets depending on who you are and the context that you're in. So there is an opportunity there for you to step into it a little more deeply. Now I am not at all suggesting that you avoid the question or that you only answer the question that you wish they would have asked you, which is a great political trick and I think sometimes useful in an aggressive scenario or negative scenario that you're, you're not prepared for. But on the whole, right, we're assuming good intentions from our audience, that they want to hear more from us. This is more of a chance for you to share your voice. So don't forget context. Let that frame it up before you dive in deeply. Okay, so I hope that's helpful. Next time in your Q&A, uh, hopefully you'll hate it a little bit less, right? Focus on the person. You don't have to pretend to know something that you don't actually know. Own your content, own your perspective. And third and finally, frame up your answer with context. And I think you'll get more out of it and your audience will too, and hopefully it will be a really connecting, valuable experience for both you and your audience. All right, thanks, that's it for me. Um, I'm gonna follow up. I've got two more Q&As that came in that I think are really, really helpful. One, um, is about how you really get your content into your body. They hear me talk about that a lot, like what does that really mean? Ooh, let's talk more about that. Okay, so that's coming up sometime soon, and also editing, the brutal nature of editing, like how we cut stuff and everything is precious to us. How do we do that? Ooh, these are good questions. So I'll dive into those in the future, probably in 2017. Woo woo woo! Because here's what's coming next. From here, after this mini Moved Me, I've got a mashup interview episode for you guys next Monday. So a week from today, right before the end of the year. I can't even remember the date right now. Mm, would that be Christmas Day? She's the 19th. I don't know, I can't do math. Anyway, a week from today, I'll share with you that mashup interview. Essentially what What I'm doing is I'm taking two interviews, both had some kind of related content to each other and both really interesting, but I'm mashing them together because I'm at the end of 2016, I still have interviews from way this past summer that I haven't used yet, so I was like, okay, I'm mashing these two together, which I think will be really cool and interesting. Who knows? Maybe you'll disagree. Let me know. So that's coming next week. Then I'm gonna do a New Year's Eve roundup. It's coming. Which was one of my all-time favorite episodes. It was short and sweet, and really I just got to interview all the people in my life about what has moved them in that year. I think it was— that was 2014. Oh my gosh, so long ago. Crazy. Last year I didn't do it, but I want to do it again this year. And I'm putting out the call right now to all of you. What has moved you this year? Man, there's a lot. It was a big year, 2016. Still processing. Really big year. So I think what I would love to do is to include some of your voices too. So what has moved you? If you want to share it with me and then ultimately share it with our audience here at This Moved Me, send me an email. And if you want, what would be awesome is for you to record yourself make a voice memo of yourself sharing with me what moved you, and if I get some good ones, I might just include you in my New Year's Eve roundup 2016. What moved you? I would love to hear. Send it to me at info@thismovedme.com, and woo! I can't wait to hear what you say. What moved you? I've got like a really long list. And not all happy stuff, that's okay. But real, like, get real with me. I'm here. I'm with you. Okay, so if you want to do that, you got to get your submissions to me by December 27th, okay? Because I'm gonna publish it on the 28th. I'm kind of pushing it there, but I want to give you a little time. So December 27th, get it to me. Talk to you soon. What moved you? Woo-hoo! Okay, and this moved me. Wow, I needed this today. I just had kind of a grumpy, grumpy day. I've had a grumpy month. Grumpy few months. But man, this has helped me like bust out of it. I miss you guys when we're not doing this. Okay, talk to you soon. Bye. Yay!