139: MMM - On Choosing the Right Presentation Coach For You!

Good morning, movers! It's morning where I am. I don't know if it's morning where you are right now, whether you're in the car or you're on a walk or a run or you're hanging out in the kitchen making dinner. Speaking of dinner, this is a random thought, but the other day on Facebook I just had like this kind of dinner meltdown because I absolutely hate making dinner. It's just, it brings out the worst in me. I'm terrible at it. I have to think so hard. It just does not come naturally to me. Anyway, if we're friends on Facebook, I'm sure you saw that. That was just like a minor meltdown that I wanted to share with everybody because sometimes it just seems like life is easy and it's not in so many ways. And for me, sometimes the hardest thing I do every day is get dinner on the table. Oh my gosh, why is it so hard? And it doesn't mean the rest of my life is super easy. It just means That's how hard dinner is. All right, any whoozy whatsy. Today I want to talk with you a little bit about how to choose your presentation coach because one of the things I say over and over and over again is that everybody needs a coach. Everybody should have a coach. I need a coach and you need a coach and hopefully you have somebody in your life who you can run stuff past or you have a feedback group. I know I've talked with lots of people who have a group of people people who help them consistently as they develop and refine their talks, which is awesome. But if you don't, if you are on this journey solo, that's a problem. We all need a coach to help us see ourselves and to help us learn from the bumps and to help us get better because this is an evolutionary iterative process. It is never done and it can be really lonely. On the path of speaking if you don't have a coach with you. So I want to talk a little bit about how you know this person is the right person for you. My first gig that I got as a consultant, and I'd already been coaching for a long time, but once I was going out on my own, it really, the opportunity sort of came to me. It wasn't something that I was like, "I'm gonna go do this," although it was always in the back of my head as something that I thought would be really cool. Essentially, a friend of a friend said, you know, my friend Sally does some coaching and maybe you should talk with her. And she knew a group of people at this big company that was looking for a new coach. So they didn't like their corporate guy. They had a corporate guy, but they didn't like him. So she said, can we grab coffee? So we sat down, we had coffee. I, the night before, made this really, really bad I'm gonna just put it in quotation marks, brochure that I pulled together to make it seem like, I mean, I was an experienced coach but I was not an experienced consultant, so I was trying to, you know, fake it till you make it, so I was totally faking it. I should show it to you, really is what I should do, and you can be like, "Wow, you've come so far." It was really, really bad. And we talked for maybe 30 minutes, I asked a lot of questions, we talked, about life too, just because that's, I don't know, I want to know who this person is and what she's all about. Then she had to run off to a meeting, so it was really short and sweet, and I kind of thought, I don't know if I answered her questions or I have no idea. I kind of walked away, I was like, eh, well, we'll see. A few weeks went by and I didn't hear anything, and I started to worry. I thought, well, I don't really know what I'm doing here, so I'm sure Oh well, next time. Live and learn. Next time I'll try and be more prepared, or I don't know. But then I got an email setting up times for me to come in and they wanted to work with me. I was so excited. Now, years later, after working with this group consistently and after transforming their approach as presenters and speakers and helping them land some pitches that have led to millions of dollars in sales, I asked them one day, I was like, "Why did you choose me? Like way back then, I didn't have as much experience, I'm sure, as other people you were looking at. I mean, I hadn't proved to you at all that I could handle it, that I had what it takes, that— I mean, you had this corporate guy that you didn't even have to pay for. Like, why not stick with him?" And she said, "Well, we didn't like him. He didn't get us, and we liked you. You felt like someone we could trust." and work well with. And that really surprised me because obviously I had to prove that I did know what I was doing, that what my— that my approach worked, that there was something in there for people, um, and that it was worth their investment. But it started off as a personal connection. And we still work together, which means so much to me. To be asked back consistently for several years means that, um, that I proved my worth. Okay, but, but it started with a connection. And, and I say that, and I worry that many people will write that off and instead, you know, use a more logical approach, right? They just look at their past clients, they make some assumption based on how much they charge, they get referrals from you know, the big leagues. They only use people who sort of look this very professional part. And you can do that, and you— it might be great, and you will probably get some great technical advice. But here's the deal, and assuming that this person knows a modicum of what they need to know in order to help you, the question you should really ask yourself is, do I feel like I could fall on my face in front of this person and get up with some sense of dignity. One of my biggest moments as a coach, it was when a client said to me, "I felt so safe failing with you." And that meant the world to me. The process of creating and delivering a talk is a very personal process. And if it isn't, or if you don't want it to be personal, that's okay. You will get to a certain place and sort of stay there, and that might be just fine. Most people stay there and they take that approach and it's fine. But if you want to do some really transformative work, if you really want to move your audience and put yourself in that position, then you need to find a coach who places more importance on emotional safety than on the technical skill. Because emotional safety makes the technical skills possible. So I don't hear people talking about this a lot when, when, when We look at how you find a coach that works with you. But if I can't get my speakers to take a risk with me, we are not gonna get where I know they can go. If I can't get my speakers to face what's like really keeping them from letting go of their script, then we're gonna get stuck at a certain place. If I can't get my speakers to share what they're battling in their brain, then we are gonna bump up against these walls and not break through them. So to do transformative work, we start with relationship. And I just should say this, some of my relationships have been forged virtually. This does not require like a huge amount of face-to-face time, because honestly some in-person face-to-face connections haven't really worked. So it's more about that sense that yes, this person gets me and I get them. So when you are looking for a coach, the first thing I want you to do is just like check, check the boxes. Make sure they have the necessary skills that you need. Read their stuff, you know, get a sense of their philosophy, see if that connects with you, listen to what their clients say. And know this, not every coach is great at every aspect of this world, and the same is true for me. Some coaches may be great with getting your speaking business off the ground. Others might focus on the real focus is on slide design and content creation. Some might focus on more events or work with entrepreneurs or they're really focused on advocacy or the nonprofit sector. There is a coach for everybody. So keep looking out there and make sure that it sort of checks the boxes of what you need. Once you've done that and you feel like, okay, they can help me technically, Wonderful, it's a technical fit, great. Then decide if it is an emotional fit. Decide if you can fall on your face in front of this person and that they will cheer you on in the process. Do not underestimate this power that they have in influencing you and helping you own your voice in a new way. This work is way more emotional than I ever expected it to be when I started. I started off with all kinds of technical skill. And learned that if I want my speakers to succeed, it is an emotional journey that I need to walk with them. And, and it's really important that your coach understands that too. So make sure for yourself that there is an emotional connection for you, that you would be willing to walk into a scary situation with this person, because that's basically what you're doing. And then finally, It's about, the third piece is really about accountability, because you're making an investment. So are you willing to put this relationship, this relationship between you and your coach, above some other things for a while? And will they hold you to that? Because this moves your talk, and working on your talk is something that you can always do another time, especially if you sort of feel like it's good enough, right? But, but this is about making it a priority, taking time away from other things and, and moving this up to the top. And so it's really a question of, um, will this person hold me accountable, and do I want them to do that? Um, am I ready to do that? And so it's almost a self-check for yourself. Um, but the, the, the, the thing that, that ties this all together that makes all of this possible is a personal connection with your coach. And if you have that, and if they are a technical fit, great. And if you are willing to make this a priority and to hold yourself accountable with this person, check. Then make sure that you've got that emotional connection. If you do, I think this might be your coach. And, and my hope for you is that Everybody has a coach that they can turn to, that they trust, that they are willing to fall on their face in front of, because that's part of the process. And there's joy, there's joy at the end if you can keep at it. So I hope that's helpful for you, for those of you who are thinking about how to step into this process and push yourself to be better, and a coach If you find the right coach, they can do that for you. All right, that is it for me. It's been good. Movers, it's been great. Thanks. All right. And speaking of, speaking of, right? Part of the reason I'm talking about this is I want to be your coach. That's part of it. If all these things check, as you think about working with me, check out my quick coaching It is a virtual personalized coaching that I think can be really powerful and helpful for people as just a check and a redirect and a guide and get some feedback so that you are not alone on this journey. You are not alone. I'm here for you and I would love to just help keep push you to the next level on your talk and to redirect you if you need some redirecting and to give you a sense of the power of what you do and where I think you can get better and how to do that. Okay, so if you're interested in that, go check out my quick coaching on my website, thismovedme.com/tmm-quick-coaching, or you can just Google it. That'll work too. That's probably easier. Go ahead and do that. Check it out. I take a handful of quick coaching clients every month, and I have a few few spots open right now, so if you're interested, go check that out, and once you sign up, I will send you a quick email and we will start. We will get this going. It's pretty simple. There's a lot more. You can read it on the website. I won't bore you with it now. Alright, if you're interested, let me know. I would love to work with you. Okay, talk soon. Check you later, movers. I'm Ody Fatthousen.