190: On Making YOUR Story Matter to Others

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. Episode 190 on making your story matter to others. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. Together with some fabulous guests, we will have a casual conversation about the art of public speaking because a good talk can move the world. And it'll be fun. Yeah, I would think making alien cows meaningful, that's not a small task. I love your giggle. Wow. Oh my gosh. So waiting for everybody to figure out the alphabet. Hey everybody, and welcome back to This Moved Me. It's Sally here on the podcast. And gosh, it has been such an exciting few weeks here on This Moved Me. In August, I launched a new website, which just felt like such a huge thing because you've been hearing me talk about that for so long, like years, maybe an S on the end of that. And you know, I've had lots of issues with my website and I found a totally new solution and I'm super jazzed about it. So if you have not checked that out, I would love for you to check it out, thismovedme.com, and let me know what you think about it, or like what else am I missing? What else do you need or want? Because of course the whole point of that website is that it becomes more of a resource for you as I build this online platform. So there was all kinds of fun things that went along with it, like this giveaway that we did. So last week I announced the winner, Josh Wrench. Hi, Josh! Yay, Josh! It was kind of funny because it does it automatically, you know. It was on KingSumo, and I would just say like, merp, merp, merp. There was one spammer. I had one spam giveaway entrant who had like 3,000 entries, and I was like, what? That's not even possible. No way. And yes, KingSumo. Did confirm, yeah, that's a spammer. So I was like, wow, people are really excited about this giveaway. And then I looked, I was like, oh, that's from what? No, mm-mm, wah-wah. But there was lots of enthusiasm and excitement and lots of normal people and the like regular range of entrants. And Josh was the winner. So part of the reason I'm so excited about this is because Josh is local to Minnesota here, and we've actually shared the stage at Ignite a few years back. He talked about bacon. I remember the talk. It was yummy, inspiring. I was like, oh my gosh, 'cause he makes bacon. And Josh is a really passionate speaker, and he's super invested in getting better. So congratulations, Josh. I'm really excited to work with you, and there's all kinds of good stuff coming your way, and I get to give it to you in person when we which makes it even more awesome. So really excited about that. And next week, ooh, these next few weeks, you guys are crazy. I leave next week for Nashville for the Story conference. So if you are going, if you're gonna be in Nashville or you live around Nashville, would you reach out to me? Because I'm gonna be there for 4+ days and I'm doing a workshop and I'm also doing a talk. So I'm so excited about that, but I would love to connect with you. There's, you know, 1,000 people there, but my guess is I know a few of you. There's got to be, and I know, I know the handful of you are gonna be in my workshop. So anyway, I'm really jazzed about that. So reach out to me if you're gonna be there. And then, so I go from Nashville to San Diego, fly from Nashville to San Diego for the Presentation Summit. Oh my gosh, that is just a blast. It is so much fun. These are like my two favorite events of the year, and they are so different from each other, but I love them both. I love them both. And between these two conferences, I'm doing like 7 talks, so I am working my butt off right now. But it's great and really exciting, and it's a chance for me to step away from the everyday life. And gosh, I leave my family for like 8 days. It's a big thing. It's a big thing for my husband. It's a big thing for my kids. I mean, they're fine. They're fine without me. My husband's quite capable human, but still, it's, that's a long time. So I really want to make the most of the time out there. So if you're going to be at either of those places and I don't know it, reach out to me so we can find some time. Maybe we grab coffee or hang out. Um, so I'd love that. Okay. Now the next thing before we get into the episode is on the horizon is some big news about my Owning Your Origin Story online course. That's a lot of Os. I, I do love alliteration. That's gonna be launching in October and I think I have a launch date. Okay. I'm trying to be realistic, but I think I have a launch date, October 9th. So if you have not yet gotten on the waitlist, I really would love for you at the very least to be in the know on this because I'm gonna open the doors for just a short amount of time. I'm gonna keep the class small. It's gonna be awesome and it's gonna be kind of an adventure. So if you are curious and you've enjoyed this series about our origin stories and how to tell them and really own them in a way that connects and moves our audiences, you've gotta go sign up for this waitlist. It's Go to bit.ly/moversu-originstory. Bit.ly/moversu-originstory. It's gonna be so great, and I would love you to join me on that adventure. So today's episode is really getting us ready for that course, because if you remember a few weeks ago in the first episode of the series, we talked about what an origin story is, just kind of starting at that basic place. And last week we talked about one of the biggest myths that keeps us from really sharing who we are and what we think, which is this feeling that it's all me, me, me, me, me. So some of that, you know, is something to be cautious about. But today's episode is about taking that me, me, me, or what could sometimes feel like me, me, me, and turning it into an us, us, us. So taking that very personal, individual, specific, and finding the universal in it, which is the entire point of sharing our origin stories. Because of course it is not actually to talk about ourselves. We want our audiences to find themselves in our story, okay? Because that is underpinning connection, resonance, meaning-making. It is how we move an audience. It's how we make what we are talking about matter to other people. So James Joyce said this quote: "In the particular is contained the universal." And I totally, wholeheartedly agree. So what I want to talk about today is the connection between the specific and the universal. When we are trying to connect, sometimes we actually hesitate in getting too specific because we're afraid that it's gonna alienate people or we're too different from the audience that we're talking to and they won't connect with it. Um, and of course there are times if we are not thoughtful in how we craft our stories, this specificity can alienate people. It can be a barrier rather than a connection point. But on the whole, we know that good storytelling requires specificity. It requires detail because it helps us imagine what is happening. And if you can get your audience, the— each individual to imagine something in their head, it melds together with their own experiences, right? When they can see it and feel it, they become connected. So that is step 1 in making your story matter to others. Step 1 is they need to connect with the specifics. In fact, the more uncompromisingly specific you are, The more you end up touching bigger universal truths. That's a great quote, but it's not mine. Tom Hooper said that. I don't know who Tom Hooper is, but that is exactly right. Partly because those uncompromising specifics help the audience imagine it. And when we're imagining, we're drawing from our own lives and experiences. So it's one of those wonderful paradoxes that drive so much of our work. As speakers. The more specific you get, the more universally it connects. And if you're not so sure about this, I want you to think about the opposite. So when somebody is not specific, like when they're super generic and telling that generic story, there's nothing happening in our brains. It doesn't trigger any memories. There's no spark. It's just, we don't really take it in. It's all still very intellectual rather than kind of somewhere in a little deeper place. So it's so essential that we start with that. Step 1, we get uncompromisingly specific, okay? More specific than you think you need to be. Now, there does come a point at which it's like, you lost me in the details here, or some details don't help move your story forward, but we need enough specificity and detail that we can, it sparks our brain and we can really imagine it. But then, Step 2 is our job as a speaker, and that is to articulate the universality of it, to find what I tend to call the universal umbrella that the story lives in and that allows the individual audience member to find themselves in it. So the brain really likes to categorize, right? So we're listening to something and they were like, oh, this person lives here and that means this, and this is a talk about this specific thing, and I've had that kind of experience before. Like, that's That's what the brain likes to do. That's how we understand things. So that's really important to know because if you can find the right universal umbrella, you're finding the right category, and that allows your audience to understand it and find their own experience and connection with it. So it kind of moves up and beyond the typical divides that keep our individual stories from really resonating and connecting. But I wanna be really clear about this. It is a language thing. The language you use in the universal umbrella really, really matters because it opens up those categories. So think of it like opening up file folders that people have in their brains as they're listening. They're rummaging through their own experience. And so they're like, oh, oh, oh, this is a story about, blink, this is a story about this particular thing. And they open up that little file folder, right? And they've got their own experiences that connect with that. And we want to articulate that right universal umbrella category so they go straight to that file folder, open it up, and find their own story in it. Boom. Resonance. Now it matters to them too, because they've been there. Even if they haven't been exactly where you are, they've been in that category before. So for an example, I worked at this organization for years where I coached all of their speakers. And they were out talking all over the country, and they would be talking to teenagers and kids, and we'd be talking about these big, bold ideas, like broad universal concepts like respect, courage, kindness, right? And trying to get them to matter to what was often like a really diverse group of kids, and diverse in all kinds of different ways, diverse in who they are, but of course diverse in the experience that they had day in and day out. So it was a great exercise in taking the specific and connecting through the universal. So let me see if I can give you an example here. Every kid in that room, okay, let's talk about 7th graders for a second. We were making the assumption that every kid in that room was struggling somehow with feeling judged or like not fitting in, right? So whether that was because of their skin color or their jeans that they were wearing or like how big or little they were, right? All of that, all of that stuff that can make you feel so self-conscious when you're in 7th grade or just like as a regular human. But that's quite a range, right? So we're talking about like racial identity and we're talking about, eh, I listen to country music, what will people think of me? Right? So there's this really wide spectrum. Some obviously more weighted and heavier and some much more lighter, but, but a similar emotional experience. I'm trying not to prioritize one as more important or a bigger deal than the other because to that individual, I'm just talking, I'm not comparing the two, but for each person in that audience, you want them to understand the experience of what it was like to struggle to fit in or struggle being judged. And what we realized was that our speaker could tell their specific story about judging or about being judged, okay, what that was like when they were that age. Okay, then there's step 1, right? We tell the specific story. And then step 2 We talked about it under the, under that umbrella, that universal umbrella of being judged, that universal feeling of what will they think of me, which applies whether you're struggling like with your identity or you're struggling with people thinking your hair looks stupid, right? So their specific story would be heard universally and it was emotionally understood by more people based on their own lives and experiences. We were talking about that universal pain of wanting to fit in but feeling judged or afraid of being judged, right? That is, that is universal. We had to know what that universal umbrella was, and once we knew that, we could take our specific stories and make it matter to more of them. So a question I get often is, does this work when you're really different from your audience? And And my answer to that is yes, powerfully so. If you can find that universal umbrella that matters to everybody, if you can find that, then huge transformations can happen in those moments because they operate above barriers, right? So it operates above biases and assumptions and disconnect. And gosh, I just imagine if we could do this on a regular basis, God, I think our world might be a totally different place, honestly. To step 1, get as specific as you can to help create the interest in your story and in who you are, and then you step 2, you articulate that universal umbrella. You've got this. It is powerful. If you want to know more and dig deeper into the process and approach of finding and articulating the universal, because it's complicated. It is not an easy thing to do, and yet it's so, so important. I'd love for you to join me for my new online course, Owning Your Origin Story, over on Movers U. Check it out, MoversU, with the letter U, dot online, and you can sign up for our waitlist. At bit.ly/moversu-originstory. I love it. Love to see you there and love to help you bring your story out into the world in a way that resonates, connects, and moves people. So let's do this. All right guys, see you next week. A podcast about creating talks that move— I ran out of breath. Oh my gosh.