196: Three Core Beliefs We Need to Speak With Authenticity

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. Episode 196: 3 core beliefs in order to speak with authenticity. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. Together with some fabulous guests, we will have a casual conversation about the art of public speaking. Because a good talk can move the world, and it'll be fun. Yeah, I would think making alien cows meaningful, that's not a small task. I love your giggle. Wow. Oh my gosh, so waiting for everybody to figure out the alphabet. Hello, MOOvers! It is Sally, and welcome back Welcome back to another episode here on This Moved Me. It's episode 196, which is crazy to me. Oh my gosh, we're getting up there. Every time I get closer to 200, I think, gosh, what should I do for that 200th episode? Because there's big stuff happening right now all around me. In fact, I am standing right now in my new studio. That is such an overstatement. I cannot believe I just said that. It's not a new studio. It is my office, and I've been doing all this video work, which is new for me, and I'm getting used to it. And the way I put it at the end of this last video I recorded was, "It wasn't terrible. I'm not dying inside." So I'm proud of myself because this is not my natural habitat. Video, but I'm, I'm working on it because it's just such a powerful way to connect with people and to teach and coach, which is my favorite thing to do, is to coach people. So this is an amazing way to work with more people and coach more people. So that is my focus. And of course, a big part of that is in preparation for my Speaking Story course that goes live if you're listening to this on Wednesday the 23rd or the 24th, I think it's the 24th. What day is Wednesday? I don't know. It goes live in less than a week. Tuesday, October 30th. Oh my gosh, super jazzed, which means that the cart is going to open in a few days. So you've been hearing me talk about this for a long time and you may be over it and I get that. I totally get that. But I have a feeling that there's more people out there thinking, hmm, that might be interesting, I want to check it out. You're not quite sure the process in which to do that. So here's what I'd love for you to do. I'd love for you to go to speakingstory.com and get on the waitlist, because when you're on the waitlist, then you will know when the cart opens. When the cart opens is when you can sign up. It's a limited enrollment. The cart is open for only a few days. Just know there's— I don't want it to be a huge class because I want to be able to answer your questions and give you feedback and, and personalize this because story is personal. It's not just formula, it's also the art of it, and the art requires a little more customization. And so there will be some of that. I'll be answering questions live. It's gonna be awesome. I'm really excited about it. So, uh, you've been hearing me talk a lot about it, but I would just love for you to at least go check it out. Go to speakingstory.com and get on the waitlist, and then you, you can decide, but you don't want to miss out on the enrollment period because like I said, it's gonna go fast. All right. Now today we're talking about something that is essential to believe kind of from your core. If you're going to get up and share your story, there are 3 beliefs that come to mind. That, uh, we really need to feel deep down before we can get up and share our stories with authenticity. So I want to share with you those 3 beliefs today. And that first belief is this: that we belong on stage. And you can use on stage metaphorically if you want. We belong out front. And this is kind of a tough one, right? Because the idea of speaker, quote unquote speaker, can loom really large in people's minds, right? Oh, that's somebody else. I'm not a speaker. Okay, I do speak, but I'm not a speaker. I don't have the book. I don't look the part. I don't know as much as somebody else. I don't have the right amount of experience, or blah blah blah. There's a lot that gets in our way of believing that we belong in this moment. And here is kind of the crazy truth of it: simply by taking the stage, you belong there. The act of walking out front means that you belong there. And you have something to say. I know you do. You are here for a reason. There is something that has compelled you to push yourself to want to get better because you care about either this idea, this business, right, this passion that you have that you want other people to know about, and you want to bring people into that. And so we have to get out front to do that. It's really what leadership is essentially about, which is why I've always said that Speaking is leading and leading is speaking. And so if right now you don't believe deep down that you belong on stage, you've got to flip that script. Now I will admit there are times where there are days, right, when it's like, I don't know, yesterday I was feeling great, today I'm just like, what am I doing here? And we, we need to trust that those ebbs and flows come and go, and we walk out there anyway. Like I said, the act of stepping out front convinces you physically, neurologically, right? That is the pathway of convincing yourself that you belong there. And so we keep showing up, and eventually we start to believe it a little bit more. So if you don't believe it fully right now, you just have to focus on taking that action, and it'll help you flip that script. Woo! And it's just amazing to me that even having spoken to hundreds of people about this very thing, people who have every reason in the world to feel like they belong on stage, there is something about the act of speaking. I think it's vulnerability. And its risk that is inherent in it. It just makes us all to some degree or another pause and question and wonder, who am I to be doing this? So when I get in that space before I take that action, I think about this beautiful quote by Marianne Williamson, which is just one of my all-time favorites. There's a little bit of God talk in here. And I think you guys, if you're listening to this, you know me well enough to know that I'm a spiritual person. God stuff gets kind of complicated for me sometimes. Mixed feelings about church and— but I am a really spiritual person and this is the kind of God that I'm all about. So, uh, you probably know this quote, but I'm going to say it out loud anyway so that we can hear it. She says, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Ooh, I love that quote. Okay, now when I say that quote, think of that quote, read that quote, It reminds me of brave speakers who are battling that little voice inside that says, "Who am I to be an inspiring, powerful, impactful speaker?" And my response is, "Who are you not to be?" You have something within you, and if we can bravely let our light shine, whatever that is for you, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same, which is why when we watch somebody being brave out front, it is so inspiring and moving. If it's easy for people, it's easy to forget and easy to let go. But that beautiful idea right there, That can transform everything. So get your butt out front. You belong on stage. Bam. I'm preaching today. All right. That was 10 minutes. Belief number 1. Ooh, it's a doozy. Okay. Belief number 2, there is room for your unique story, approach, self. There is no one way of doing the speaking thing. There isn't. There's lots of formulas, huge expectations, right? Our own and other people's, right? And they can absolutely keep us from having what I call an authentic connection with our audience, right? And all of those formulas and expectations honestly are baloney if we aren't fully ourselves in the moment. The speakers that we remember, the talks that stick with us, have way more to do with feeling like we know who you are, we get what you're all about, we feel connected to you, than it ever has to do with following a formula or it being kind of precise and perfect. And I think we all know this, but we really have to challenge our instincts in the moment. Right? So what that means is we can get rid of the old ideas. We can bust open rules that don't work for us. We can do it differently and we can bring what is unique to us to that moment. Right? And, and that is my privilege as a coach, is to help you bring your particular voice out on stage, out in front, out to lead, out to impact. And the way I think of this is not only do you belong on stage, but you belong on stage. Hmm. I love that idea. It's really exciting actually, when you think about it, but probably also a little scary because then the question is how, how do we bring our own self on stage in a way that is vulnerable and real and thoughtful and clear and connected. Well, that is the challenge and the process that we are taking on here at This Moved Me. And it is like absolutely my favorite thing to do in the world is to watch somebody kind of liberate themselves in front of an audience. It is so cool and it is inspiring. And it's really, really fun. Oh my gosh, there is room for you. Whatever ideas are keeping you from bringing your voice to the moment, I just want you to know there is room for you, and you've got to believe that. All right, belief number 3 is that our credibility isn't built on perfection, it's built on connection. I've talked a lot about this on this show, right? And it's amazing how often I'm having to remind my speakers of this, even after lots of conversations. But it is so hard in that final moment to not want to protect ourselves from looking like a fool. And the thing is, those moments like that just feel very raw and real are oftentimes the thing that bring us as an audience into your experience and who you are and how you handle that moment. If you can allow us to be with you in that moment, it can be so incredibly powerful. Right? And what that means is that not only do we have to ride the ride that we're given each and every time we get up there, whether things go terribly wrong or not, but it also means that we have to bring a little bit more of the ride, the messy ride that life is, with us in that moment, because even if it's a little rocky, right? Because life is kind of rocky. Even if you bring that in with you, it can still be impactful and powerful and memorable, right? And it means that we don't have to hide that story you're thinking about sharing that you maybe are wondering if it gives the exact right impression, right? Because I think sometimes we forget that speakers are fully human. They are not just experts. They are human beings who know some things about a thing, right? Like, they are still humans. The CEO, I don't care what little letters are behind their name, human, human first, human first, right? And the audience is also a whole bunch of human beings who had a day and are just sitting in front of you now. So it is the core of finding resonance with each other. Now, this idea of connection over perfection doesn't mean that we aren't going to work our butts off and be fully prepared, and we're not going to try and be polished to a certain degree. We're going to be professionals. We're going to keep in mind this particular audience, the context, the expectations that people have for this particular moment, right? Those are really essential to trust between an audience and a speaker, and we can't ignore those, but we don't have to let them rule us. And if we believe that we can really move people, one of the best ways to do that is to show up focused on connection. It doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, please don't. I just— a perfect talk is so uninspiring, and it required the wrong kind of effort from the speaker in that moment. It's the showing up in that moment and going small. Instead of like how Marianne Williamson suggests, which is not shrinking, but playing big, right? The kind of scary that's like good scary versus the kind of scary where we shut down in the scary. We're going for good scary, growth scary, stretching ourselves scary, brave scary, other people applauding you, even though you're having a moment with us. Like, that, that is memorable and moving, and that's what we're going for— moving people. So that's it, right? Piece of cake, we got this. No, these are 3 huge core beliefs that are a lifetime of evolution, a lifetime of baby stepping through it, a lifetime of progress as we find our voice and find ourselves more authentically as speakers and thought leaders and changemakers and leaders, right? If you can take these 3 beliefs on that you belong on stage, that there's room for your unique voice, that your credibility isn't built on how perfectly that you do this, well, then you're going to do big things. Right? And every day we might believe one thing more than the other, or we might have one of those days where we're like, nope, I'm just not buying it from myself today. And when we have those days, we show up anyway and take big deep breaths and remind ourselves that we are all human beings and that's okay. Oh my gosh, we just gotta let go a little bit. Right? Relax into it. Taking deep breaths for you and for me right now. These are all really good reminders for myself right now as I prepare for this Speaking Stories course, actually. I'm always trying to take my own advice, and this is helping me today remind myself of these big things too. So I just want to thank you for sticking with me on this journey here on this Moved Me. That storytelling course goes live October 30th. So if this spoke to you, if you had a moment where you're like, yeah, this is a good reminder, and you are working on bringing a story to life I would love for you to join me and join those of us who dive in together. It's gonna be— I think, I think it's gonna be really cool, and I'm so excited to kind of dive in and adventure together on this. So I'd love to see you over there. Get on the waitlist, speakingstory.com. Sound good? All right, that's it for me. See you guys next week. Squeak.