In this solo coaching episode of the "This Moved Me" podcast, host Sally Koering Zimney addresses public‑speaking anxiety that arises when a joke or other element falls flat. She frames onstage failure as a normal, valuable part of the learning process and argues that such moments make speakers human and relatable, deepening audience connection. Sally shares a story about a speaker whose jokes only succeeded after several "meh" attempts, illustrating that risk‑taking builds confidence and muscle memory. She then outlines a three‑step recovery strategy: (1) stay in the moment and acknowledge the mishap, (2) find the lightness by laughing at the absurdity, and (3) breathe, refocus, and move on. Throughout, she ties the advice to her broader "LEAP" series, encouraging listeners to take bold risks in 2020, share their commitment on social media, and subscribe, rate, and review the podcast. The episode ends with a teaser for the next episode on enjoying the leap.
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Hey Movers! It is week 3 of our LEAP series. We are leaping together in 2020, and let's just dive right in. I've got a quick scenario for you. You're up in front, you're speaking in front of about, let's say, 75 people, and you know, they're kind of with you mostly, but it hasn't been like the sparkiest experience. You know, they're kind of just Taking it in pretty passively, and a joke comes to mind that you think, "Oh, this will wake things up a little bit. This can be funny. I'm going to tell this joke. It's going to really win people over." Then you tell it, and they're kind of like, "Mm." Crickets. Or there's that really polite person who's kind enough to go, "Hmm." Ugh! Oh my gosh. Now what do you do? I leaped, Sally. Or is it leapt? I leaped? I leapt? And there was no net, Sally. You said there was going to be a net. This is why I should just stick with my script, Sally, and play it safe, Sally, and not try new things, Sally, and just do what people expect. They don't like that, Sally. Okay, okay. I get it because those moments, I've been there many times, can be unnerving and they can really mess with your self-confidence. But here is the truth, it happens to all of us at some point or another. And here's the thing I really want to underline for you. When that happens, it doesn't mean that there was no net. I think it's likely that you just haven't fallen far enough to have landed in your net yet. The story isn't over. The fall is not quite over yet. So here are some things that I want you to keep in mind when you quote-unquote fail onstage. Number 1, to keep in mind that now you know what doesn't work with this particular group. So yay! No, but seriously, we only learn what works and what doesn't by trying. And it only means it didn't work this time, not that it doesn't work ever. So let's just play this joke scenario out a little bit more. So I have a speaker of mine who always really, really wants to make jokes. His sweet spot is serious and philosophical and just like he can really sit in that space, but every once in a while he really wants to be really funny. And his jokes work okay in rehearsal. And then I would say most of the time they're like, eh, in performance, right? They, but they don't, they don't, they're not damaging, right? They're not chipping away at his credibility. It's not damaging to the audience. It's not offensive. It's not hard on his brand. It doesn't affect the idea. It's just not the like, "Hahaha" moment that he's hoping for. But one day, because he had tried this joke a few different ways, um, and it just hadn't quite worked, one day when he tried it, he riffed on it a little bit in the moment and it worked beautifully. It was genuinely funny. And that couldn't have happened without first having those 5 meh kind of failed attempts, even in front of an audience. So the experience is worth the risk. It's worth the failure. Always. Even when things go terribly wrong. I mean, a failed joke is kind of like, that's not the worst thing that could happen. But even something where you're like, "Please let the earth open up." and drop me into it, and can we please pretend that this never happened? The experience of having lived through that is so good for your muscle memory. It is so good for your self-trust and confidence eventually. It is so good because you learn how to move through it. Even when you don't move through it well, because you figure out what not to do. Okay? So know that you're learning. Okay? Just like, great. Thank you. All right. But the second thing I want you to keep in mind when you fail on stage is that your failing makes you human. And your humanness is relatable and essential. It is the core of connection with an audience. So when you forget something important or the lights go out or the slides stop working or the joke falls flat or whatever, these are universal experiences tapping into universal fears. So those moments, they don't hit our credibility in the stomach like we think it does, because that's of course what the fear is about. Like, what will they think of me? Or they're going to realize that I am not that I am— we're afraid that it's gonna mean that they aren't, they won't listen to us in some way. But I promise you that your credibility is not built on perfection. The talks that I remember the most were the ones that had something so raw and real in it. And sometimes that meant some really serious imperfections. But I remembered them only because, and only if, we as speakers can move through those moments in a way that brings our audience in. So instead of us wishing with all of our might that the audience wasn't actually here present with us in this moment, Here's what we need to do when something goes wrong. Okay. So you're keeping in mind that you're learning and the experience is worth it. Okay. And that you're reminding yourself and you're reminding yourself that your failing makes you human and humanness at its core is about connection. Okay. So it's not the worst thing ever, but here's what you can do. Here's a strategy for moving through your failing, your mistake, your imperfection in a way that brings your audience in. The first thing that you're going to do is you're going to stay in the moment. Don't pretend it's not happening, don't run away, don't hide in embarrassment and shame. If you get awkward, they're going to get awkward. It's going to all of a sudden feel really awkward. You've got to stay in that moment and roll with what's happening. Okay, it doesn't mean roll over it, it just means you're gonna roll with it. Okay, so you got to acknowledge it's happening and stay there. Okay, the second thing that you're gonna do is you're gonna find the lightness in this moment. Okay, so when something goes wrong on stage, your audience initial reaction is gonna be like, oh, 'Oh no.' And then they're going to either worry about you or start to go, 'Oh no, I would hate that if that happened to me.' Okay. But if you can find the lightness in the moment to laugh at yourself, laugh at like the absurdity of what's happening, it allows the audience to stop worrying about you and it invites them into an experience that they don't themselves are not wishing away. It becomes a pathway for empathy and for them to begin to cheer you on. It's awesome if you can find the lightness. That is the magic of professionals, okay? Because of course things are gonna go wrong, but if you can stay in that moment, number one, and number two, find the lightness, You are almost there because the third thing that you've gotta do is to breathe and move on. To just go, "Whew, okay." Take that deep breath, gather your wits back about you, get back in the game, refocus on your idea and your talk and your purpose. Okay, you did your best, life happened, it happens. Don't let it become a huge thing. Because it's not. If you can move on, then everyone else will too, and it will have just become a delightful thing that happened instead of a thing that took you way off course. Okay? But the key is there is an audience out there with you. They are, they are in that moment with you. So you can't pretend that they're not. And your job is to invite them in. And if you can do that, they will cheer you on as you move yourself through that failure. They will recognize, respect, and applaud this leap that you are taking, even if it fails. Woo-hoo-hoo! Which I love because I am taking some big leaps leaps in 2020, and they might fail. It might be— I might be making some big mistakes. It's totally possible. And I've spent the last 6 months kind of thinking about this. What if this is a huge mistake? But for me, what I decided was that I couldn't not take the risk. I couldn't go another year wondering, what if I played a bigger game. And I didn't want any regrets, so I'm going for it. And that is the attitude I want you to bring in because I might fail, I might fall on my face, and you might too. But the way in which we move through those moments determines whether or not people come with us. And ultimately, we want people to come with us whatever happens. That is leadership, and that is how we're gonna be able to share our message and share our ideas and move the world with our talks. Oh yeah, you got it? We got this. Are you leaping with me? Find a post on social about the leap. You can find me on whatever, all of the places, Instagram and Twitter and LinkedIn and Facebook and, oh my gosh, all the places. And I would love to hear from you. Are you leaping with me this year? Join me, hop in there, let me know. Say, "I'm ready to leap. I'm leaping with you. Let's leap. I'm going to leap." Whatever you want to say. I will see you and cheer you on, and we'll do it together. Awesome. I can't wait to see you over there. Now next week is our last episode in this series about leaping, and it's about enjoying the leap, because that's the trick, baby. We're doing it, we better enjoy it, otherwise no thanks, right? Are you with me? We'll talk more about it next week. See you then. Have a great week. Bye-bye. Hey movers, it's Sally, and I am so grateful that you listen to the show and that you are staying connected here on This Moved Me. And if you are not yet a subscriber to this podcast, you know that that would be awesome, right? Because you don't want to miss anything. It's been quiet here in 2019, but 2020, big things are coming, and I don't want I don't want you to miss it. So if you haven't yet, hit that subscribe button. And if you haven't yet left a rating or review for This Moved Me, now is the time to do it because things are growing and changing and I want more people to discover these resources. We need more speakers speaking with authenticity, clarity, courage, and connection. So let's do it. Thanks so much. See you soon. Check you later. How else can I say goodbye? This is moving me. What's moving you? Yeah.
