266: How to Use Your Everyday Stories to Build Your Authority

Your boring life is full of stories that can help you build your authority, your influence, and your audience if, if, if you're willing to do this. Hey movers, it's Sally Z with Be Moved. Let's go create some talks that will move this world. We're going to talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, And we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved. This moved me. What is moving you? Well, hey everybody, welcome back to This Moved Me. My name is Sally Koering Zimney. If you don't know me, I'm your virtual speaker coach and I empower purpose-driven entrepreneurs and changemakers like you to leverage speaking on behalf of your business or your idea so that you can finally have the impact that you have always dreamed of. Now, today on the show, I'm going to be sharing with you one of the weekly trainings that I do in the Move Your Audience Facebook group, which is a private group that I'd love for you to come join. Many of the folks in the Move Your Audience group want to clarify their message. They want to step out front more. They want to find more consistent confidence and impact. So in January, we did this Be Visible Challenge, and it was important to me to keep it as a source of encouragement and for it to be really the nudge that we all need sometimes to get our butts out in front more to, as some of us called it in the group, hashtag show up anyway. I had some show up anyway moments, I promise you. It was cool. We did stuff like this. I made a bingo sheet. People crossed stuff off. You get bingo, you get lots of love. I mean, what's not to love there? Well, here is the deal. If we do actually want to show up more and be more visible with our audience to increase our impact and our influence, then we've got to tell stories. We have got to embrace stories as the most important tool that we have in our toolbox. We all know how powerful stories are, but at the same time, people say things to me all the time like, I don't really have any stories. My life is boring. I don't really have anything all that interesting to share. Nothing dramatic happens in my life. Nothing important happens in my life. And I'm like, you're not boring, quit acting like you are. The truth is the stories, not the big dramatic stories, I mean, those are great and people are going to want to hear those for sure, but I'm talking about the things that are happening around us all the time. Those are the moments that we can really use in the everyday to connect with our audience, to influence them, to impact them, and to bring new insight into their lives, but it really depends on us if we can approach them in the way that I talk about in this training that I shared over in the group. So I'm really excited for you to check this out because ultimately our ability to bring new perspective into the everyday, that's leadership. That's what people are looking for and needing, and that's up to us. So enjoy this peek into the training that was over in the group, and I hope that you will come join us there. Story is the name of the game. Story is the tool that can help you get more visible in a way that both serves your audience and helps them connect with you, which is the key to your audience following you. So we are gonna dive right in, my friends. Today's Mover Live— Mover Live— Mover Live— today's Movers Live is all about story. So if you are here right now, hop in the comments so that I know my little comment thingy is working and I know that you're here. I will stick around and take any questions that you have, if you have questions. So know that if you stick with me to the end. And just a reminder for us about why we are here today, why we're here in this group, why we are focusing on being visible, why we want to invest in stories as the pathway to connection with our audience. So let's just remind ourselves, all right, we are here. I can move my head. Look at how fun this is. I love Ecamm. I'm not gonna lie, I love it. I love it. So we are here because we want to leverage speaking to grow our audience, grow our influence, grow our impact. And the secret that most people don't talk about is, yes, it's speaking, but truly the most powerful tool that you have in you right now, because we all have stories, even if we don't think we do. We all have stories, and that is stories. Stories are the tool. That is the powerful thing that we want to leverage. And as we're focused on being visible, this is the thing I want you to, uh, especially focus on here. Because first of all, it's easy content. And I'm going to share with you a framework that you can use as you are getting out front and focusing on being more visible. So some people feel intimidated about stories and I get why, but it is worth pushing through whatever resistance you feel because stories persuade. Now you may not know this, but I got my master's degree in persuasion, which is a thing. It's a thing. And I had a really wonderful time studying essentially how we move people as from a leadership position. How do we move people? Well, stories again and again and again came back as this really incredibly powerful tool. It's a leadership tool. It's not just an influence tool. Stories in particular are so powerful because they break down divides. So any resistance our audience might feel towards an idea, any defensiveness they might feel, stories can kind of seep through that and invite people in. Because it helps us recognize the human experience in each other. Okay. It exists outside category, which is why it is so, so, so, so powerful. So stories create connection. They help us visualize the power of what we're talking about. It makes it meaningful and more tangible. And importantly, stories really capitalize on the brain's natural tendency to remember. So that's why Brené Brown always says that we are built for stories because they are, they're neurologically about mirror neurons, which is like the most difficult thing to say, but mirror neurons help us recognize ourselves in each other. So it's really the birthplace of empathy. And whoo, we could do— I could do a whole thing on empathy and stories. They are— it's so, so important. Now, the wonderful thing about stories is if you, if you think about talks that you've seen or speakers that you've seen who really use stories well, what you probably remember more so than that perfect point that they made is the story that they told, or a moment from within the story. And the reason why we remember the stories more is because as soon as my brain starts to visualize what you're saying, as soon as I can kind of imagine it or see it in my own head, then it becomes mine too. It's not just your story, but I'm co-creating it. So in some ways I'm listening to you and I'm like, I'm imagining what it looks like in my world when somebody leans against a fence or sits on the bumper of a car. Like, I'm imagining moments from my own life. And so they meld. And that's what makes it so, so powerful and cool. The way I like to put it is when we feel So when your audience feels with you, they are more likely to follow you. And stories are powerfully emotive. Okay, so we know they're good intellectually. We're like, yes, stories are powerful. I'm with you, Sally Koering Zimney. But I mean, I know I'm supposed to be visible right now, but— so I would love to know if you are here throw it in the comments. What holds you back from sharing more stories? Here are the things that I hear and that I myself have to overcome every once in a while too. I'm with you on this. All right, people come to me and say, well, I don't, I don't have any stories. My life is boring. I'm just like a regular old person doing regular old things. And people say to me, I never had, like, you know, I haven't been through anything dramatic, so my stories aren't interesting. And people say to me, um, you know, it feels really personal, and I'm just an expert. Hey, I just share what I know, right? Let me just have an intellectual connection with people rather than this more emotive connection? Does that resonate with anybody? Mm-hmm. Okay, let me strike all these down for you. Okay, we are not gonna let any of this stuff get in our way. The truth is there are stories happening around you all the time, every day, in 100 different ways. It is up to us to see them and to illuminate their meaning. It's up to us. Most of us are not paying attention to the powerful things happening in our lives, around us, all the time. And if we want to influence and lead, we have to start paying attention to what is moving us. And what that means, busy bees, is that we've got to slow down. We have to take time, make space, pay attention, note these things, and create from them. Okay, so you do have stories. That's baloney, that's a myth. You do. Okay, and whether or not they're dramatic and whether or not they're significant really depends on you. Because some people have been through significant things and don't see the significance in them. Some people go to the grocery store and bump into somebody and turn that into a significant aha, a moment that you then turn around and share with your audience. So I think it's really, really important for us to recognize our own responsibility in whether or not we have powerful stories to share. So a little bit of a, mm, okay team, if you feel like you don't have anything interesting to share, it could be because you are not taking the time to recognize it and to see the significance of what is happening right underneath the surface for all of us, all the time, every day. Now, this is a challenge for me too. I'm a busy mom. I got 3 kids, distance learning, it's happening right there. It's a little crazy pants. I know you feel me, like, woo, it's a lot. It's a lot. And so if I want to lead, if I want to influence, I have to develop and take time to recognize and illuminate those things that I see happening that take notice, that affect me, that move me, because that's where we can teach from. Okay. So when you're like, I want to be visible, but I don't even know what to talk about. Well, we start with stories and we start by paying attention. By seeing the stories happening all around us all the time. Now, the question about feeling like it's too personal, it's too vulnerable. All right, now of course there are limits to what we should be and what is helpful to be sharing. I don't believe that vulnerability means that we share everything, that we're like, uh, my life, and, uh, right? Because If it doesn't ultimately serve the people who you are talking to, if it doesn't have an intention, if there isn't something that from what you're sharing that your audience can learn from or pull from, or even just feel with, even if it's purely to have an empathy moment, that is, that is worth sharing sometimes, but If it otherwise— when we've— I've seen speakers like this where somebody is speaking and it feels truly like that person just needed to get that off their chest. That's not leadership. Okay. That's, that's venting. That's something else. What we are talking about and what we are trying to do is we're going to leverage our voice to leverage our visibility, our stories, If we want to do that, okay, then there, there are boundaries in terms of what we share. But I say that with a little bit of hesitation because most of the time we aren't sharing enough. We aren't sharing what's going on with us for real. One of the things underneath our, our desire to stay private is feeling like our credibility is at stake if we share what's hard, if we share mistakes, if we share, um, you know, the, the boo-boos and the foibles and the oops moments. And it's just not true. Again and again and again, the examples come in where it's so obvious that when we can be humans with each other, fully fledged, three-dimensional humans with each other. We build a connection, and once we have that connection, we step closer in, and I'm more likely to listen to you, follow you, care deeply about what it is that you're saying, and take in what you're saying, rather than having, um, maybe I admire somebody, but it's a very superficial relationship. Do you see that distinction? We are going for connection rather than purely admiration. Eh, I admire you, but, uh, I'm certainly not gonna lean in with you and go deeply with you and learn from you and become a true follower. That sounds, that sounds a little culty, but I think you know what I mean, right? Okay. All right. So we're not gonna let any of this stay in our way. Okay? We're not gonna let it keep us from being visible and showing up. So yes, you do have stories. If your stories are not significant enough, that's on you to see the meaning, to create the meaning, to make those connections for your audience. And we are gonna show up. Real people, humans, personal, right? We are not going to just show up as topic experts and say, "This is what I know," and expect people to want to go in more deeply with us. Yes? Okay. Now, once we get that out of the way, I want to share with you this really powerful framework for how to share your stories. Now, I do workshops just on this that are 4 hours long. So we're not going to do the 4-hour-long version right now. Duh, of course. But here is what I do want to share with you. This very simple framework, top-line, high-level framework for how to share a story in a simple way that we then leverage as a learning point for our audience. So it's not just here, let me entertain you with this story, but here, I wanna share a moment with you and here's why it matters and here's what I want you to take from it, okay? So it's shaped like a triangle for a very specific reason. This is based on some persuasion theory. Stories are broad spectrum, broad scope, okay? They invite people in because they exist outside category and division. People relate to a story before they understand why it matters. Okay, if we start off telling people all the things and not get to the story, then they're like, for themselves, they're going, ah, well, I kind of know that, and I don't know about this, and I don't agree with that. And right, they start thinking themselves, and we want to start with the feeling. So we start with the story. And your story should lead to what I call an aha moment, right? The aha moment is why you chose to tell that story. So when you think of a story, it's like something happened, right? That aha moment, you're going to lead us right to there. Okay? So you tell the story, you bring us to an aha moment, right? And we're getting more specific. And now You're going to make the connections for us about why this matters to your audience. You have to do the work for them. Okay? It's not because they're dumb. It's just that you are leading them to a point. So you want to point out, why does this matter for them? Because that's what they're asking themselves. They're, they're with you because stories pull us in and we're curious. But then you have to make the connection about why it matters to them in their life. That is the why section. And then finally, it brings to the what, which is the point. Okay, what's the point? Why does this matter? Who cares, right? So it's a very simple framework and you can use it in almost any message. Where you wanna start with a story. Story, aha, why, what. You could use this, I call it a messaging triangle. You can use the messaging triangle when you go live on Facebook. You could use a messaging triangle when you're writing something. You could use this messaging triangle when you're setting up your talk. You can use it, and I use it all the time. It is a workhorse. It's gonna work really hard for you. It's pretty awesome. I gotta tell you, I gotta like trademark this thing or something. I don't know. My brother's a trademark lawyer. I'll be calling you, Jakey. Anyway, I have been using this for years and it is a great way, especially if you're somebody who struggles with creating the content and feels like you get lost. I don't know what exactly to say or how to frame this up and I just get sort of lost in the story, you struggle with message clarity, this is a great simple way to give you a pathway so you know where you're going just a little bit more. Story, aha, why, and what. And why it's so effective is because it starts with emotion. It starts with feel, then we get them to think. But we want them to feel first. We really, really do. Okay, so this really depends with you, my friends, seeing with story eyes, and it depends on you to illuminate the meaning for your audience. So we're not going to let this feeling of, I don't have any stories, my life is boring, nothing significant happens in my life, That's on you. You are a leader. You have a voice. You have a point of view. Bring it through your eyes. What are you seeing that relates to that? And I love stories that are not directly about your topic, but you make the connection to your idea, to your topic, to your message. Because when we can have those parallel moments Or something that doesn't seem like it's about it at all, but really it's metaphorically about it. It's metaphorically making your point. Ooh, those are big moments. Oh my gosh. So good. All right. So you're going to illuminate the meeting. You're going to see with story eyes because you do have something to say. Every moment around you could be significant if you're looking at it the right way. Your story matters, and I am here to cheer you on. All right, thanks very much. See you soon. Bye!