268: 5 Things You Gotta STOP Thinking Now (so you can step out front with confidence)

Quick change, different scarf, totally different day. No way she did this all in the same day. That was awkward. If you have been feeling hesitant about stepping out front, I get it. Believe me, I get it. But here are 5 things I want you to let go of so you can take your place in the spotlight. Hey movers, it's Sally Koering Zimney with Be Moved. Let's go create create some talks that will move this world. We're gonna talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, and we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved. This moved me. What is moving you? Hey everybody, welcome back to This Moved Me. My name is Sally Koering Zimney. If you don't know me, I am your virtual speaker coach, and I'm so glad that you're here because my mission and purpose in life is to empower purpose-driven entrepreneurs and leaders and change makers like you to leverage the power of speaking on behalf of your business or your idea so that you can truly have the impact that you've always dreamed about. Today is all about getting the unhelpful thoughts that might be running around in your head right now out of the way. We are gonna get them out so that you can step out front with more confidence and trust that you belong out there. You got this, you can do it. Because I know, I know that you are here, you are listening to me, or you've come across me in some way because you have something to say, right? They're— all of my speakers come to me because they've got something to say and they see themselves, they have this vision of themselves out front. They've done some speaking already, but it doesn't mean that they also don't have those moments where they're like, oh, can I really do this? I'm just not feeling up for it. And oh my gosh, it doesn't mean that everybody is doing it awesomely and perfect all the time just because they sometimes do it awesomely So whatever level of experience you come to me with and however skilled you are, there are going to be times where we are on the struggle bus, my friends. We are on the struggle bus and we're having trouble getting out front and we're having trouble pushing ourselves and we're just not feeling it. Happens to all of us. So when that happens, I want you to pull out this video, watch this episode, do what you need to do to help get through. Okay, because here's the deal, speaking is 80% mental. 80%, that's a lot. That is a lot. It's way more than I thought when I started in this business. And the more and more I coached, I was like, oh man, it doesn't matter how skilled or how truly excellent somebody is in the artistry of this. If they're all in their head and they're convinced that they don't belong in that moment or that they aren't as good as they really are. Like, it is a mental game. So yes, we focus on the skills. We gotta make sure that that is all good, and we're gonna focus on crafting our content and making sure that it's compelling and needed and resonant. But if we don't also focus on getting our mind right, It doesn't really matter. So today I'm going to share with you 5 important ideas that I just want you to eject from your brain right now, get them out of your head right now so that you can finally and fully step into that place of recognition and authority and influence. But first, if you haven't yet, I want to make sure that you grab the Signature Talk Jumpstart Kit. Whether you have a signature talk or not, this jumpstart kit is going to help you get clear on what you need to get clear on and help baby step you to the place where you are ready to create something that is powerful and needed. And you do need a signature talk if you don't have one yet. I'm just going to tell you that you do. FYI, you do. And I'll be talking more about the signature talk in the coming weeks as I get ready to open the doors once again to the Signature Talk Studio. In March, okay, because a signature talk is a powerhouse tool for you in your speaking tool belt or kit. And then you need the JumpStart kit to go in that belt too. That makes sense. Head on over to bmove.com/jumpstart to grab your kit, to join us in the Move Your Audience group, which is where all the training happens, and I will see you there. Okay, truth be told, I had other plans for my content this week. But for the last few weeks, really since kind of the kickoff of 2021, I've been hearing a lot of this kind of self-doubt that is just rumbling underneath a lot of my speakers. And they're just not feeling it right now. They're just not taking the risks that we simply have to take in this business if we want to show up, if we want to have an impact, if we really want to make the difference that we are all talking about. That's why we're here. One friend said to me, I'm feeling strangely shy, and she's not shy, but she had gotten out of the habit of going live and getting out front on a regular basis. She'd taken a few weeks off and just felt like, man, I don't know how to quite get back out there again. Another friend said to me, I'm having an imposter syndrome day. And then like a handful of people said, me too, me too, me too. I get that. She'd been doing all of this comparing that we tend to do, and that comparison can truly steal our joy and it pulls us out of our zone of genius and it keeps us from having an impact on the people who need us and are looking to us. And even for myself, I'm in the middle of doing a Be Visible Challenge right now where the whole goal is to get all of us more visible. And man, there have been days where I'm just like, "Pfft, I don't know if I have it in me today. I just don't wanna." So it happens to all of us for sure. I get it. Life is a lot right now. It is like, it's a lot. It's a lot. And this kind of work where we are pushing ourselves, where we are really working towards our edges to show up, to open ourselves up for rejection, to take risks, that's just built into what we do. It's so vulnerable. Well, it's exhausting. And a lot of us right now are kind of feeling this lack of energy. You may not have it in you right now, and I just want to say that's okay. It's okay. It will come back. I trust that it will come back. And sometimes we just need to rest. So when you hear me say, come on, movers, you gotta hashtag show up anyway, you might be like, listen, lady, I can't today. It is not in the cards. So I just want to be clear that what I mean by show up anyway is not about those days where we need to rest and we need to take a break and we gotta shut it down, because that is important and I don't do enough of that. So that is absolutely— I gotta listen to my own self on this for sure. But there are lots of times where we do need to just hashtag Show Up Anyway, right, where we are dealing with baloney thoughts in our head. They're just total baloney, and our brain is lying to us, and it's keeping us small. These thoughts think they're protecting us, but they're not. They're not helping. They're not helping. So instead, and I leave it to you, I trust you to know when you're like, nope, Sally Koering Zimney, today is not a Show Up Anyway day. It's a rest day, and Yes, I respect that. But if it's a day where you're like, hmm, I know this is baloney, these are baloney thoughts, and I need a nudge, I need a nudge to get out there, I want you to pull up this episode and listen to these thoughts. Listen to these 5 ideas that you are going to reject. Get these out of the way so that you can step out front. So number 1, we're going to start with the most insidious and long-standing one that is part and parcel to speaking, I'm sorry to say, and that is this: What will they think of me? What will they think of me? I mean, there's nothing like speaking to make you feel like a 7th grader again, am I right? I know. But I want you to let go of the idea of what they will think of me, because when you're thinking about what they might be thinking about you instead of what you can do for them, well, we just got that power dynamic all wrong, my friends. And if somebody's watching you as you step out front and says, "Mm, what a dummy. No thanks." Well, awesome, because you just ejected somebody from your life who was not meant for you. So huge congrats to you on that. That's important. The world is full of people and not all of them are for you. This was news to me a few years ago. I had to work through that. I had to let go of this idea that the whole world is for me and I am for the whole world. And the truth is, that's not accurate. Every time I say something that is more true and more core to who I am and that is brave, well, I get more people who say, "Buh-bye," and I get more people who are engaged. It's both. And that I think is a good thing. So what somebody else thinks of you is actually none of your business. And I think we can thank Mel Robbins for that quote, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm probably wrong. Number 2, it's gotta be perfect. Oh, louder for the people in the back, am I right? If you've been around here for a while, you know, This is a mantra. I say this again and again and again. Perfection is probably one of the biggest villains that we have to slay here in our work as speakers, because I can't tell you how many times I hear, "Oh, I'm not ready, Sally. It's not quite done yet." And then I say, "That's fine. Why don't you just show me what you have? It's okay. Wherever it's at is totally fine." And then they show me and I'm like, "That was awesome. That was awesome." so good, and they have no idea because their level of perfection is somewhere else. Okay, typically it is better than you think, and we are our own worst critics. And the things that we see and obsess over often are not even the things that other people notice or care about. But it is a harmful idea to have this concept of doing it right, that there's only one right way to do this, because that idea of perfection is keeping some of us from showing up at all. No, no, no. We have to shift our focus away from doing it perfectly to connection. So say it with me if you know the mantra, right? Perfection kills connection, and connection is the point. When we focus on the people that we are speaking to, on tuning in to their words and their needs and their ideas, we quiet our own fears and insecurities, and we remind ourselves it's not really about us, it's about them. And we become much less important in the most helpful of ways. Plus, then it's way more fun, and at the same time, it's way more enjoyable. So it's like a win-win-win-win-win. So good. Number 3, this is a big one. What I know is how I'm known, so I've got to share everything that I know. And it's just like this exercise in here's everything that I know, and here's more things that I know, and here's some more things that I know. Let me tell you all the things that I know. If you are a content expert, and my guess is that you are, if you have something to say it's likely built on what you know and what you've experienced, and, and that's important. We build our businesses around what we know and what we have learned, and we package it up and we sell it to people and we share it with others, right? That makes sense. But in speaking, what we know has to come second to who we are, because let's be real, there are others who know what you know. You are not— I am not the first person to talk about speaking and to be a speaker coach. You are not the first person to be talking about what you're talking about. Nothing's new or original. That's hard for me to believe sometimes because of course I feel like it's original. These ideas came out of my head. But no, nothing's new or original. It's humbling when you really figured that out. And so it's important for us as speakers to really think about what differentiates us. Once an audience member says, "She knows what she's talking about," once they know that you know what you know, so it's like their little checkbox moment, they're like, okay, checkbox, she knows what she's talking about, then they're looking for Who are you? Like, is this, is this somebody I want to step closer into? Is somebody that I would enjoy being around? Is this somebody who gets me and my life? And that's all about who you are. So who you are is how you are known. So bring your knowledge, it's important, but bring your full self too. Don't just be a neck-up speaker, my friends, especially in this virtual world. And I'm being metaphorical and literal there. It ultimately isn't about what is just bouncing between the ears. It's about the heart too, who you are. All right, on to number 4. This is really hard. So I must not be a speaker. I must not belong in this little club of speaking. Uh-uh, my friends. When I was in acting, the one area that I always felt just flat-footed in and just out of sorts was improv. I was like, please, please just give me a script, okay? I'm great with a script. I can be all kinds of characters, but I need a script, please. And they were like, no, that's not improv, Sally. It really challenged me. I mean, these were muscles, these were new edges that I hadn't used before. And I decided right then, I was like, I am not good at improv. I'm just not good at improv. And let's be real, I'm still not good at improv. But the reason I'm not good at improv is because I decided I wasn't good at improv and I stopped trying to be better at improv. I opted out. If I had shown up and was willing to be bad at it in public at first, well, I would have gotten better. But you have to be willing to be bad at it in public at first, and that takes a certain amount of courage. But that is exactly what we are talking about with this. There might be elements to your speaking that you feel like, I'm just not good at that, and you don't want to be not good at it in public. But until we can be not good at it in public, we're not going to get better. And I have to say, I'm having the same conversation with my 15-year-old who's like, "I'm bad at fill in the blank, and that's just what it is, Mom." I'm like, "Well, if you have decided that, then that's probably going to be the way it is." But we all know— fun little neuroscience info for you— we all know that our brains are not finished maps, right? They are not finished maps. They are always forming new pathways, and it's based on what we do. Whatever we do more of, our brain gets better at. In fact, that is a quote from one of my speakers who is a parenting expert and knows a lot about neuroscience. How cool are they? So cool. So if you want to get better at improv, you got to do improv. If you want to get better at going live, you got to go live. If you want to get better at sharing your story, share your story. So let's not assign meaning to the struggle. It's just the beginning of the journey. You're just creating new grooves in your brain. Get that unhelpful thought out of your head. Uh-uh, just because it's hard doesn't mean that it's gonna be hard forever. It just means you're starting, and the only way is through. So sorry to tell you that, but that is true. Last but not least, we are at number 5, which is, "I'm not really a speaker." This is not a helpful thought, my friends, because I'm not even sure what that even means. My favorite speakers aren't speakers. They don't call themselves speakers. They speak, but there's something about that title that they don't like. And I think I know what it is, because speakers can kind of feel like this elitist little club, right? Like, um, okay, I'm a speaker, so gotta wear my blazer, and here's my best-selling book, and I've got a lot of followers and a huge audience and I only speak for this amount of money. I'm a headliner. There's not a hair out of place. Just like me. Not a moment, not a word choice out of place. Listen, I say this with love, I do. And I know some speakers too, and I love and adore them as well. Not everybody is as gross as that little character I just made right there, but This idea that if we are not like that, we can't do something powerful and impactful and that we don't belong on stage, that is a harmful idea. And I want you to get it out of your head. Please remember our bar as movers, as people who are focused on moving your audience, our bar is different than doing it perfectly and clicking all of the boxes of speaker. Our focus is on connecting with our audience. And the moments and the speakers that I am thinking of right now, they were not capital S speakers, but their speaking moved me. I remember them. They showed up with courage, and I promise you, none of them did it perfectly, but I didn't care. That was beside the point. They moved me. You can be somebody's favorite speaker without being a speaker. You can be the most talked about speaker at that summit or that conference without being a speaker. I mean, you can absolutely change the way somebody sees something forever. You can bring them closer to you. You can move them without being a speaker. Whatever that means. We have to let go of this idea that we are not speakers so that we can speak. So we are letting go of "What will they think of me?" "It's got to be perfect." "What I know is how I'm known." We're letting go of "It's hard, so I must not belong." And we're letting go of "I'm not really a speaker." Baloney. Those are baloney thoughts. You're getting rid of them. Okay? Because the truth is, for us to show up anyway, to be visible, it's a habit. It's a habit that we have to build into our life. And the only way that we can do that is by doing, by taking action. And sometimes we just need a nudge. Sometimes we need encouragement and guidance. And sometimes we just need a kick in the butt and we just need to do it. If you need the kick in the butt, here it is. Sometimes we just need to push past this understandable nonsense that is in our head. There's good reasons for this nonsense, but it's nonsense. No thank you, bye-bye, go away. Because I promise you that However, and whenever you do step out front, you will feel more accomplished, closer to your goal. You're going to feel proud of yourself when you get past whatever is holding us back. And you know why? Because most people never have the courage to do it. And that is worth celebrating, my friend. Okay. Now I have taken some of these important little butt-kicking phrases for you, not these, but the ones we want to say instead, and they are connected to these show notes over on the blog. So head on over to the Be Moved blog and find this episode, print off some for yourself, hang them up in front of you so we can eject these unhelpful thoughts and instead remind yourself how needed your voice is and how important it is that you overcome whatever's holding you back. Your audience needs to hear you. Remember to head over to bemoved.com/jumpstart to grab your signature talk jumpstart kit. I look forward to seeing you over in the Move Your Audience group where we are going to bring this kit to life and baby step you towards a signature talk that you can use in your everyday to become known around an idea and can have a bigger impact on your audience. So, I'll see you over there. Bye guys! I'll see you next week! This moved me. What was moving you?